Wednesday, December 16, 2009

30 left til' 30...

On January 16th, 2010, I'll turn 30 years old, so as of today, there are officially 30 days left until I hit 30.

I will admit, I'm going through a bit of a panic. I'm not really losing my head completely, but there is usual, "OMG, I'm almost 1/3rd of the way through my life and I'm not where I'd like to be yet! Is it ever gonna happen?" It's a bit of a challenging time, but I'm sure I'll come out just fine on the other end.

So I was thinking of how to work this into a blogging challenge.

And I think I figured it out.

Each day, I'll try to blog about someone inspirational in my life, as well as a fear I have (if I even have 30 of them) and something I'm grateful for (I know I'll have more than 30 of those)!

I think there is a definate difference between a woman turning 30 and a man turning 30. Sure, both genders have things we want to accomplish in our lives, but men can have childeren will into their later years. Women have a bit more of a time clock on such things and let me tell you -it's not just a quiet "tick tick tick", like I once thought. I once thought it was completely psychological, but now I know better. It's a very real screeching interal alarm clock.

Fear: In my case, the alarm clock probably has to do with being surrounded by men and women with families, and a number of my co-workers are happily baby-baking at the office. I'm not one to linger in self-pity for long, but sometimes I wonder "what if". Since I'm an aging PCOS patient, my chances of the natural way are pretty much nill as I round into the 30's, but...

Gratitude:I'm eternally grateful of having adoption been put on my heart some time ago. Truly realizing what makes up a "family" has nothing to do with bloodlines is something I'm deeply grateful for. When I think if my family I think immediately of the people who chose to take me in and love me and who continue to help me every day. There is no way I could repay them for all the years of help, nurturing, love, and guidance. And the thought of being able to someday give that back to someone is staggeringly beautiful. It's something I've craved for years now. While I plan on enjoying my time as a single gal, I look foward to settling in with a partner who is as invested in that vision of a family as I am.

Inspirational person of the day:


If you asked me to describe him in one word, it would be hands down "quirky".

I met him in 2006. He was my dance partner in a local community theater production of Guys and Dolls. He put up wonderfully with my two left feet (which have since gained some sense of how to dance but it's been a slow process) and was very kind to me. He said I was one of his first platonic friends in the area, and I do consider him like family.

Let me go into his quirkiness a bit. He's a vegatarian, and, at last check, drove a beat up old Mercedes. And I mean beat up. If it rained, his seats were wet. He converted it to run partially on frying oil. He patched that car up more times than I can count just in the 2 years I've known him, but he's never been against a little elbow grease. He's the guy that brings the vegatarian dish to the party and still manages to be the life of it at times.

He's been inspirational to me in that he dares to be different and really get out there and live life. He has a hunger for life and does everything he can to feed that hunger. He's not afraid to adopt into his life causes he believes in, but does it in such a manner that it seems completely natural.

He pushed my limits and encouraged me to get out of the house and off my butt. Together we did a little mountain biking, hiked trails. He has a great way about him of finding new, fun things to do, and I found it a reliefe (as I'm usually the "social director" when it comes to my friends). He's very community oriented and never boring. He's always willing to try something new and rarely complains.

He seems to have a great grasp on what's really important in life. Something about his gentle manner has always been a quiet cattle prod for me. He's a great combination of an adventurer's spirit with a heart of gold. He's one of those friends who, while he's never said it, I know I can call for whatever and if he can, he'll be there. Hell, once he helped me with a bunch of yard work for the reward of pizza and beer! It's a comfort to know he's on my side.

Even though he's moved away, I still smile when I think of our friendship and miss him like a brother.


  1. Once upon a time I played a fantasy Role Playing Game on the SEGA Genesis called "Shining Force". Like many RPGs Shining force was full of all kinds of magical creatures and mystical warriors. Though every RPG is different there are certain characters absolutely essential to the genre. Some examples are: mages, dwarves, centaurs, knights, beasts, healers, winged warriors, man/machine hybrids, etc. I bring this up because when I try to describe who I know "J" Darling to be the image that burns most brightly in my mind is that of the mystical magical warrior/healer from a classic RPG.

    When I met J I was a young guy, new to the area, with few friends and lots of drama going on in my life. I was immediately drawn in by J's warm nature and healing presence. As I got to know J over the next few months I was constantly comforted by her kindness and generosity. I developed a deep respect for her, the kind of respect I reserve for only the purest hearted individuals I meet. Over the next few years J and I drifted in and out of each other's lives, but we never lost touch and we never lost the connection we developed that first summer. If I have one regret in my relationship with J, it's that I didn't see enough of her while we lived close by. How grateful am I that I realized this regret before I moved away and that J and I were able to enjoy some really great time together in the months preceding my departure. Can I say perhaps my BEST Disney trip EVER!! Forget 29 going on 30 - your heart is 29 going on 13 (at least at Disneyland!)!

    Thank you, J for your kind words. Even from 500 miles away you manage to touch my heart and embrace me with your healing presence. You, J, are an inspiration to me. From your tri-athletic pursuits to your prolific blogging; from your quest for deeper knowledge to the love and compassion that oozes from your pores, you inspire me to love myself and to reach for my dreams.

    I may not have said the words, but you have read my cues correctly - anytime you're in need, if I can help I'll be there and I'll count it as joy. Take care J, and keep on keep'n on.

    Yours truly,

  2. "Two roads diverge in a yellow wood, and sorry I could not travel both and be one traveler long I stood..." For some reason I was reminded of that.

    Hope you have a great holiday season, if our paths don't manage to cross in these maniac next few days.