A Beautiful day for Goodbye

One more notch to add to my sub wife belt. Saying goodbye on a holiday. But at least today wasn't pouring rain, and maybe that's why it hasn't really struck me yet. I'm in that "excited to get stuff done before he gets home" phase, rather than the expected "tears and achiness" phase.  I expect that might creep up as my birthday does, but it's still weeks away, so I'll take my currently found motivation and run with it. (Literally, I'm starting my 1/2 marathon training tomorow!)
  I had lunch w/ a friend and her youngin's today, and explored a new park a little bit. It's inspired me to get another year's worth of a Discover Pass (a pass that let's you park and camp in Washington state parks, rather then pay-as-you-go parking). Between that and my brother's idea to check out some local museums and history, I'm feeling pretty inspired to keep getting out there and having more local fun. Lately, it's felt as though all the work with the house has kept me, well, around the house. Remembering the adventurous feeling I've been lacking in 2012 will really help me find some more bliss- especially since I'm going bread free this month! ;) Gotta keep my spirits up w/o the self-medicating effects of big doses of carbs (which no body needs).
 
Sweet dreams 2013. Thanks for coming so quickly.

A Week Worth Celebrating

 In case you were wondering what My Sailor does, he's an MT on one of these.

Geeks have the coolest jobs.

Of course, I'm sure it's decidedly less cool when it's finally beautiful here in Washington, and he's stuck 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Today is one of those days. My Sailor is standing a 24 hour+ shift (called a Duty Day, which he does several times/week, regardless of weekends). This morning he left around 5:30 am and I probably won't see or hear from him until around 5-6pm tomorrow night. (See what I mean by 24+ hr shift?)

 While he's out there keeping us safe, I get some of my own down time. Sure, I miss him, but it's also nice to enjoy some down time flying solo as well. See- I learned a long time ago that being alone doesn't have to be this scary thing. In a world with instant connections (facebook, texting, etc) we're rarely really ever "alone" with our thoughts. It's almost as if we've lost something in that need to express ourselves or connect instantly. Maybe it's just the philospher in me, but I've found that I do some of my greatest growth when I'm alone. After all, the difference between "being alone" and 'flying solo' is just perspective.

I choose to fly.

Laughing w/ My Sailor and My Dad

That said, I'm happy to report that the amazing weekend has surely bled over into a week that deserves celebrating.

So here's the news!
My Brother bought a house! That's right, we're BOTH homeowners now! Who would have thought we'd become adults?! Certainly not me. Then again, that's a testament to our parents. Like I've said before, my brother and I (both adopted from different bio families) certainly won the parent lottery. We wouldn't be who or what we are today w/o them.

More good news - My Dad is doing amazing. His recent tests look unheard-of amazing, which fills my hear to overflowing every time I think about it. I mean, we all know our parents won't live forever. Both of my parents are now orphans themselves as their parents have all passed away. But I'm glad we're not staring down the barrel of hospice just yet. In fact, we're doing the opposite! His tumor appears to be dying a little, so there is a chance that, a few more rounds of this aggressive Chemo,  some radiation, and he might actually be a canidate to have it removed! We're far from out of the woods yet, but it's such a huge reliefe on my heart to know that he's doing well. Especially when I can't be there to see it all first hand. Looks like Dad will not only get to walk me down the aisle in about TWO WEEKS - but he'll be able to enjoy our visit with them in California. I'm a firm believer in the power of Prayers and Postive thoughts - so please keep them coming. At the moment, I couldn't feel more blessed or be more grateful.

Click here to find out about the race!

Another victory - I did 1/2 an hour of Insanity this week! I know that doesn't sound like much, but I really prefer Zumba. I'm the first person in our house to even attempt it. I won't lie - I'm pretty sore, and I'm not one for work out videos very much anymore. I get bored really easily, but it's a good way for me to fight that "I Can't" Stinkin' Thinkin' that infests my brain when I get bored working out. It's a mental excersize I'll NEED as I face the Run For Your Lives 5K on August 4th! I can smell it's stinky Zombie breath breathing down my neck from here! We're registered to run as "Survivors" through the course, and AFTER we do that, we'll be decked out as Zombies and we'll be chasing down other "Survivors" as Zombies! 

While I'm not seeing much motion on the scale (I seem to be playing w/ the same 3 lbs of late), I am seeing changes in more valuable areas - like how I feel emotionally and physically, how I look, and my attitude is far more confident than when I made excuses for not working out.

Now - to plan an active honeymoon!

Well, we've got a good start! Our first day in CA is going to include Snorkeling in La Jolla w/ the Leopard Sharks! I really want to go Kayaking in the Sea Caves as well that day, but our honeymoon registry has proven to be a woeful failure, so I can't count on gift money to add in excursions. I'm sure we'll do lots of walking around Disneyland pre-wedding as well, but I plan to check out the hotel's work out room as well - just to be on the safe side. No one said celebrating had to lead to blimpiness!

Tonight I'm celebrating a hard day of work, followed by Zumba, by attending a girl's night! Board games, good company, and a little alcohol. Very little in my case. I have a gown 2 weeks away! I'm sure booze will taste a LOT better in that gown than now anyway! Oh wait... we're not having booze at our wedding celebration.... oh well!

Some New Goals

It's been an... eventful past couple days...so you'll have to excuse my blogging silence as I process things.

Because I think I complain far too much - first, the good stuff!

Tomorrow, My Sailor and I are going to look at a few houses. Yeah! They are short sales or foreclosures. I'm more excited than scared. The scary part will come tomorrow morning when we find out how much we're approved for.

It's a new chapter - with some old vocabulary thrown in the mix -

Like the term "Finding Nemo". My Sailor will have lots of time to look for him this time, so that means, I'll have LOTS of time on my hands to accomplish things! First up, a weekend in So Cal with Sistah' Girl this summer.

I don't have anything else planned at the moment, but I am considering a solo trip somewhere - since I have plenty of vacation to use up this year.

Aside from that, the Run For Your Life Zombie 5k in Portland/Seattle in August! Hopefully My Sailor will be there with me! We've registered to run as prospect survivors, AND to chase people as Zombies! It also includes overnight camping! Should be fun!

I'm waiting on my new shoes before I start training for ANYTHING. Don't want to screw up my feet even more and REALLY set myself back!

(I also ordered a Fitbit! Can't wait to see how that helps me keep my health on track!)

But tonight I'm happy to report that I got 41 minutes of Just Dance 3 on "Sweat" mode. It was a blast! I signed up for a 7 day challenge to help keep me focused and in shape over the next couple months.

I've also been out of the house twice. I do notice that I'm stammering more when I talk to people, even on the phone lately. Oy! The side-effects of me not getting out enough means I get a tad anxious when talking to new people, and I stumble and trip over my words to say what I mean to say.  It's an embarrassing habit I hold to LOSE  before I meet My Sailor's family and friends on 2 weeks.

The bad news was sort of laced in there. My Sailor is VERY busy at the Sub and will be for at least the rest of this year. It makes me even more grateful to look back on my past and see how far I've come.

But it does take me a little while to process all this - between 12 hour work days (worked over 50 hrs this week) and the house stuff - and reminding myself to take care of me...which reminds me... Me needs a bubble bath and some book time before bed tonight. Off I go!

"All Things Considered, I'm taking this Rather well."

Good news and bad news. They always seem to balance each other out, right?

Well, first the good news!

My Sailor's crazy hours appear to be settling down starting next week! Yeah! We'll actually get more than 2 hours awake together per day! Possibly even a day off together that DOESN'T involve sleeping away 60% of the day in the near future! Yeah! I can't wait to get back to mini road trip adventures and all that jazz.

So what's the bad news? 

Though his hours are normalizing - he'll be adding Valentine's Day and another personal holiday to the list of days holidays he's had to work through. He'll be going in around 7am on those days and not returning until the next day.

Sigh.

All things considered though - considering I've just been told in the last 48 hours that our wedding, honeymoon, Valentine's Day, and our own private holiday has been wiped off the calendar, I'm taking it all pretty well. I'm fairly certain most women would have dissolved into tears of disappointment and flop into a bought of hopelessness.

Disappointment?
Oh sure. I can't lie. I may be named after the Bionic Woman, but even she had feelings, and so do I. To some, the answer could be "Just don't throw a wedding" and "Just don't have any expectations". But I don't work that way. Weddings are important - it's important to us to show our family and friends how much their love and support means to us. I expect we'll get to it when we have the time and money. Whatever the season, it'll be fun and beautiful I'm sure. I'm ALWAYS going to dream big, make plans, and do everything I can to set those plans into motion. But I'm also not going to hold it against My Sailor if the Navy decides they need him and causes it to change those plans - or wipe them out completely.

Though the news is still pretty fresh, My Sailor shows no interest in celebrating these holidays sooner or later than the day. Honestly, that DOES kind of suck, but it's also really hard to be interested in ANYTHING at 5am when you're on little sleep, so that might change.



That's Why I Make All My Plans On Things like These -

Everything can be moved, erased, redesigned, and saved for later. (Do you love my Mickey post its? I do! Thanks Pam!)

Too bad he has Saturday off and I don't, but My Sailor just got a new video game, so I'm sure he'll keep himself busy with that and catching up on some much needed rest. In fact, I'm almost jealous. Almost...
I'd probably spend the day getting out and then coming home to some crafting or scrap booking or something a bit more tangible, but that's me.



So what am I doing for Valentine's Day? Most likely working - though I'm probably going to order myself some orchids.

After the week I've had, I deserve something pretty.

But what would really start next week off right would be being down just 1 more pound! I'm so close to being securely in Onderland that I can taste it!

Now, off to errands and the next "half" of my day (which, yes, is starting at 6pm).

Some Days, it's the Simple things

 

 

 

 

Source

As you know, this Christmas is a bit unconventional for me. I'll be spending most of it with family and friends on a quick trip back to my hometown, since My Sailor is underway.
That said, we're still planning to have our own Christmas celebration when he returns. I think that is when it'll really feel like Christmas to me.

Anyway, it's odd to think we won't be creating any traditions this year - or will we?

Well, I think this one is going to stick. You see, we live in a very small apartment already stuffed to the gills with stuff in storage. I'm working on making it festive, and keeping it up for when he comes home, but the biggest challenge was what to do about a tree. All the local tree farms will be closed by the time he's back, and I don't think I want to deal with moving furniture around to find space to put it up. And I don't care for tiny table top trees. Don't get me wrong, they are fine on their own, but a Christmas tree (to me) should be REAL and should be at least as tall as me.

So that said, I figured it out.

And I think I may just have started a tradition on accident.

I was inspired by watching a Hallmark Family Movie (of which the title eludes me currently) where a small family didn't think they had space for a tree - so they drew one on a wall. I'm not a fan of trying to match paint colors, so I put a more portable twist on it. I'm doing it on a huge roll of paper instead!

After going to several stores and not finding paper big enough (remember, I'm around 5'9" and it has to be AT LEAST as tall as me), I decided to ask at a FedEx store - and it was truly ment to be.

When I walked in, I was helped by a lady who helped me out with a problem before, so it was a familiar face I felt comfortable talking with. Once I explained my situation and my plan, she started to think of ways to get me the paper I needed. Finally, she covertly motioned for me to follow her. We went over to a HUGE printing machine, and she opened it up, letting me pull out as much as I needed, and cut it off for me. She rang me up for something small to charge for it and I was so thrilled! Now, don't try this at your local FedEx store - they don't typically sell paper like this, but I'd mentioned to her that I'd tried several places before (and asked if she had any suggestions if she couldn't help me). I was never rude or putting on a sob story or anything like that.

Now for the medium! I was thinking of markers, but that would probably kill my budget on dead pens, so I'm starting to think water color maybe?

My master plan is to pin it up to a wall, and use other thumb tacks to hang garland (and maybe even lights) on it. Then I was going to hang on to a box of thumb tacks and the ornaments, so we can hang them together when he gets back - if he's game. I wouldn't blame him for having other things on his mind just wanting to enjoy it too.

Why is this a tradition?
Well, it's something we could hang on the back of a door or some less elaborate place every year to remind us of how precious time together really is - or, if we have to spend Christmas apart again, he can take it with him as a little piece of home.

And don't even get me started on how our future kids could get involved with this! SO many options!
So tomorrow starts my Christmas care packages, and mission decorate!

Wish me luck! Photos will follow!

"EEEEeeee!!!! I did it!" or "The gift of Giving"

I'm so excited! I did it! I finally put something truly magical in My Sailor's latest mail drop. He doesn't have much time to comment on things, so I know it's good when he takes a whole paragraph to talk about it.

So, what was this magical gift that went over so well?

The sound of my voice.

See, in case you didn't know, we don't get phone calls, skyping, etc. We have something a kin to email for the more day-to-day stuff (though no pictures, attachments, or links can be sent or received - and we only get transmissions when it's safe for the sub to send/receive), and what the sailors take with them on the boat. So when it's possible to send something extra, we take full advantage of it!

Thankfully, he's wonderful at leaving sweet voice mails and I never deleted 2 of them from my phone. I'm SO glad I kept them. When I'm feeling especially lonely, it helps to hear his voice (even if it was from August or September). But he has no way to hear mine. So I searched around and got the idea to send him a mini-tape recorder. I spoke into it for about 2 minutes (I don't even really remember what I said to be honest, but I know I was getting choked up by the end of it) and that seemed to be the biggest hit.

Could you imagine what it would be like not even being able to hear your loved ones voice over the holidays?

So while we're all searching for the perfect gift this year - maybe it's not as hard as you think. ;)

Now I'm off to take advantage of some sales and get my care packages ready to hit the mail!

Updates, Updates, and a Lucky Lucky Girl

So my x-rays are negative, but that doesn't really mean much, as stress fractures often don't show up on them anyway. So I'm off to the podiatrist to figure out what's really wrong. I hate to say it, but there is a chance that I'm "getting old" and this is going to be par for the course. My flat feet have plagued me pretty much all my life, so it's possible that this is just another adventure in the life of my very flat feet. I'm resting it and hoping for the best at this point. I doubt I'll be pushing my running limits for a while.

That said, I have other updates as well!

I did not with the First Kiss Raffle, but a good friend reminded me that it doesn't really matter if My Sailor is first off the boat or not. Our first kiss will be unforgettable, if it's the First Kiss or the last one. Ya know, she's completely right.

Do I have any other updates to share?

Well, it's not so much as an update, but another "I feel lucky" moment.

One other vent I often hear float around the Navy waves is, "I can't because I want to wait for my sailor..." There is a very fine line we in the military life walk, somewhere between "I need to get out and about" and "I want to save XYZ event for 'us' to experience together when he/she comes home." It's not as easy as it sounds. We all wish we could just click "pause" when we drop our loved ones off, fast forward through the coming months, and click "play" when they get home. But life has no DVR. And we must live while our loved ones are protecting us.

I'm so grateful that I don't feel trapped. Even though there are things I am planning on saving for My Sailor's return, I'm so very lucky that he doesn't begrudge me getting out and about without him. While the thought of the princess pining away and wringing her hands while her prince is off to war is terribly romantic, it's not a very healthy one. I love that I'm free to go to movies, go out to eat, explore local festivals, and generally live my life while My Sailor isn't with me. With so many wonderful seasonal things going on, and no promise that My Sailor will be here next year, or the year after that, or the year after that (you get the idea)to enjoy them with me, I'm so lucky that he doesn't begrudge me living my life while he's away. It gives me something to share when I write to him, and it allows me to play the "scout" instead of the walled away princess, which (for those who know me, is MUCH more my speed). If he's around in subsequent years, I will have saved him from the boring, awful, waste of time events, and I'll be able to include him in the amazing, awesome, well worth the time events. Making memories alone isn't so bad. Making memories together is even better.

Day Post 5k, how am I feeling?

Well, I'm not in as much pain as I expected. ha ha yeah right! Write it for REAL now, J.
My hips are tight and feeling yesterday's run. It's not too bad, but I notice it when standing. It's actually a GREAT feeling, because my hips are EXACTLY where I want to slim down! More pavement running and gradual hills for me! Though tomorrow is my weigh in day, I snuck on the scale today and I'm back down 6lbs from when he left. 9 more to go to meet my goal - hopefully 8 after tomorrow AM.

Thankfully, my toe pain ended with some rest, and my blistered arch is FAR more managable today. I took a rest day and it was worth it. I finished up my Christmas cards to the folks on the Boxer Boards.
  

I had a good lunch with a new found "get through this deployment" buddy, also my race buddy, and tomorrow I'll be back at work.

There are SO many rumors that float around during deployments, that it's sometimes hard to know what to trust and what not to.Though I've heard a fair share of stuff, I only trust 100% what comes from my moral officer and what comes from My Sailor (or official word from the Navy). The truth is, I'm not 100% sure when he's coming home. I don't have a date and time to pick him up. I've heard a couple different things, but I'm not even sure. I just know that I'll get a phone call, I'll get in the car, and I'll go get him. As I've said before, Submarine life is the silent life. It's not widely publicized, so it's hard to get any information as far as what to expect - except for this:

Apparently there is a very real "boat stink", and it will be on EVERYTHING. So I'm going to have a tub of oxiclean on hand as soon as he gets home.

But other than that nothing is assured, except for maybe one thing:

No amount of "boat stink" will keep me from hugging him for a good long time.

Submariner's Twas the Night Before Christmas

I ended up getting THREE emails from My Sailor last night - AND one this morning! Needless to say, it's already a great start to the weekend. I showered this morning, made a healthy breakfast (turkey bacon sliced up in egg beaters, a toasted harvest wheat crumpet w/ I Can't Believe it's Not Butter, a cup of stash holiday hot tea, and a large Honey Crisp apple), AND took my supplements. I was up at a far more decent time and I'm feeling good.

So, without further ado, here is the poem that may just make it into my Christmas Cards this year! (If you're in My Sailor's family - you may want to either stop reading now - or grab tissue!)

Twas the night before Christmas, the sub was up steaming,
Some sailors stood watch, while others were dreaming.
They rolled in their tiny racks, tight and small,
In a 30-man berthing, cramped one and all.

I had come down the hatch with presents in hand,
And peeked inside to see this strange band.
I looked all about, a strange sight did I see,
No tinsel, no presents, not even a tree.
No stockings were hung, though boots close at hand,
On the bulkhead hung pictures of a far distant land.

They had medals and badges and awards of all kind,
And a sobering thought came into my mind.

For this place was different, so dark and so dreary,
I had found Submarine Sailors, at once I saw clearly.
One Sailor lay sleeping, silent and alone,
Curled up in a rack and dreaming of home.

The face was so gentle, the rack squared away,
This was the United States Sailor today.
This hero I didn't see on TV,
Defending our country deep under the sea.

I realized the people I would visit this night,
Owed their lives to these Sailors, willing to fight.
Soon round the world, the children would play,
And grownups would celebrate on Christmas Day.
They enjoyed freedom each day of the year,
Because of the Sailor, like the one lying here.

I couldn't help wonder how many lay alone,
On Christmas Eve on a sea, far from home.
The very thought brought a tear to my eye,
I fell to my knees and started to cry.

The Sailor awakened and in a calm voice,
Said "Santa, don't cry. This life is my choice."
"Defending the seas all days of the year,
So others may live and live without fear."

I thought for a moment, what a difficult road,
To live a life guided by honor and code.
It's Christmas Eve and the boat's underway!
But freedom isn't free. It's sailors who pay.

The Sailor gives freedom, "Be free and sleep tight,
No harm will come, not on my watch, not tonight."
The Sailor rolled over and drifted to sleep,
I couldn't control it and continued to weep.

I kept watch for hours, so silent, so still,
Over this Sailor, amazed at his will.
I didn't want to leave on that dark winter's night,
This guardian of honor so willing to fight.
The Sailor rolled over and with a voice strong and sure,

Commanded, "Carry on Santa, It's Christmas, and All is Secure!"

A quick Boost before bed.

Here's a mood booster our moral officer shared on Facebook today. Take some time and sit through it - no matter how you feel about marching bands, football, or politics. The designs are REALLY cool! Can you spot the Sub?

Being what you are...

Source

Yet another day is drawing to a close and yet again, I'm up past my bedtime. And I didn't work out today. Which probably accounts for some of my added stress - not to mention the girly hormone stuff that just tends to amplify what I'm feeling anyway.

"Love builds bridges where there are none." R. H. Delaney

I've learned long ago that trying to be someone or somewhere I'm not never works. They say there are 3 stages to deployments - and the middle stages are the hardest, specially over the holidays. It feels like he's been gone forever.  And yes, weeks without word is very hard.  I will give myself credit where credit is due - but there are times when I can't hear "I'll be home for Christmas" without getting choked up. Torture is going through the romantic Christmas card section in a Hallmark Store, looking for the perfect sentiment - only to flip through a thousand that read something like, "Being with you is the best gift this year," and knowing that that is impossible.

I don't regret my choice for this life. Even in the toughest moments, I don't second guess my choices for a second. Yeah, it's not easy, but I love my life. But to say there aren't times I need a moment to collect myself wouldn't be honest of me. I believe it makes me human. To pretend that it's easy (even on an independent spirit like me) would damage the authenticity of my heart, and My Sailor's investment in himself, his country, and this family.

Today was one of those days where I needed a little encouragement.

And I found it.

I found it in the comfort of knowing that Clydas will be well taken care of when I leave for home by chatting with his caretaker.

I found it in remembering that life is an adventure; that this is just one chapter in a story worth telling.

My story.

Staying Power, And Old Friends.

Just Dance 3 is proving to be an amazing work out. My shoulders and arms ache in places that weight lifting never could, and, no matter how hurt I am, I seem to forget all about it when I'm in the throws of "Airplanes" or "California Gurls". So much fun and such a great work out.  And ya know, I think I actually AM picking up dance moves! Anytime I hear one of my favorite songs to play in the car, I start dancing in my seat. :) For a motion-challenged-dancer, that's a pretty big deal!

If there is one thing the journey to wellness has taught me - it's that there is really only one "trick" to healthy living. It's a huge part of just about anything in life - Staying Power.  My eating habits, drinking habits, work out habits, meditation habits, artistic habits and all that all have to do with Staying Power.  It's a pretty big concept to consider.

Small world - one of my childhood friends and I are planning to meet up next week. We were best buds through most of grade school, went different directions in high school, and just happen to end up in the same corner of the country now, so many years later. It's kind of a track to meet with her, but I'm sure it'll be fun.

The Value of a Friendly Voice

I feel really lucky the last few days. Yesterday My Sailor's dad called just to check in on me. Today a co-worker-turned-friend called to chat and My Sailor's brother called too.

It's amazing how a quick friendly voice can make your day. Okay - so the shortest of those phone calls was 20 minutes, so it may not feel "short" for some. But it's great hearing a friendly voice when I get off work (even more so after a weekend of leaving voice mails and feeling frustratingly lonesome).

Since I'm keeping it short tonight, I figured I'd inject some humor in here. Click here to discover some of the fun and creative things a blogging Missile Tech Wife came up with to explain where her husband is.

Even if you're not Navy, it's worth a look - and a smirk.

Early to bed and early to rise?

So I have to be sitting at my desk, clocked into work in 6 hours and 30 minutes.. and I'm still awake, blogging. I know why. Too much looking at a screen today. Keeps me up. But it's amazing what you find when you google "Submarine Homecoming". I'm learning more and more about what I can expect as I stumble through this new adventure. My Ombudsman (basically the family morale officer here on land) is doing a great job of answering all my questions, and I'm trying not to sound like a crazy woman in my emails to her. I'd be lost without her.

That said, I did stumble across something I thought was share worthy. As you know, I'm one of those people that uses research and knowledge to calm my over active imagination. And it didn't help when I read about the 1968 "disappearance" of a US submarine (damn google!)... I read about how the sub was expected in on May 22, but then the families were told it was going to be delayed until May 24th... and then there was a huge storm so they assumed that was hindering the sub when the families showed up at the peir in the pouring rain to see the ship come in and meet their loved ones, and ended up going home empty handed and disappointed. Then on May 27th, the media broke the news that the sub was "missing".  By October, they found the sub, or what was left of it. Every sailor aboard died when it sank due to an "explosion of unknown nature." Now isn't that a great bedtime story? One wife even shared her story, that she was waiting for her husband to get off the sub and pick her and his newborn son up directly from the hospital. When he never came, she went home... Ouch...

So that's to that little snippet (I know, I shouldn't have read it, but that page also had a lot of helpful information on it too), I needed to continue researching until I found enough information to help me live in the "now". The fact that it was over 40 years ago, AND a different kind of Submarine was a good start. A REALLY good start.

Anyway, I found a check list of things to expect during deployment on the psych/emotional side. It's always comforting to know I'm not going crazy in the way I'm handling all this. Here's the little check list for deployment time:
 Emotional Confusion (1-6 weeks after departure).
___Some feelings: sense of abandonment, loss, emptiness, pain, disorganization, intense business  - Emptiness, sure. Loss, yup. Disorganization, a bit. Intense business, sure. But a sense of abandonment? Nope. I've dodged a bullet on this one. I realized long ago that how much time I spend alone is up to me  and no one else. I know I'll branch out more in a little while, after I'm done licking my wounds and once I have more of a schedule down for myself. This is only week 1. I will say it's been an odd week though. A mixture between a blur and a complete drag.
___Activities: being more busy than usual
Nope. Actually about the same here. I get more physical at night lately though. I think it's working out some restlessness. Thank God for Dance Dance Revolution ( and the fact that I suck at it makes me work harder) and Just Dance 2. Thinking about splurging for Just Dance 3 next month...
___Reactions: crying, loss of sleep, loss of appetite
Complete honesty here... Loss of sleep - check. My bedtime is AWEFUL without him here. 9pm one night, 1am the next. He's the time keeper when it comes to sleeping and waking up. Loss of Appetite - semi-check. I'm not having trouble staying between 1200 and 1500 calories -especially since I haven't been drinking alcohol with dinner. Crying  - check. Not a lot, but it happens. Every once in a while something will hit me just right and I'll need a moment, but it doesn't last more than 30 seconds before I have my head screwed back on straight. I'm focusing on his homecoming, getting my weight down in the mean time as well as finishing some scrap booking and writing I've been meaning to get to, as well as visits by friends and to family. It'll all work out.
- Adjustment (most of deployment) 

___Some Feelings: hope, confidence, calm, less anger, loneliness
Hope? Yup. Confidence? Getting there. Less anger? I wasn't angry at him for leaving. I'm just a slow to anger person and choose not to get angry over things we have zero control over. Lonliness? Sure. But isn't that par for the course? If I didn't miss him, something would be terribly wrong here.
___Activities: establishing routine, establishing communications, self growth, independence
Establishing a routine - I'm working on it. Establishing communications - I've been using email to keep both of our families in the loop. Self growth - see goals, weight loss, writing, scrap booking, wedding planning... Independence - Got this one in the bag. My relationship prior to this one failed partly due to my natural inclination towards independence.
- Expectation of Reunion (6-8 weeks prior to homecoming).

___Some feelings: apprehension, excitement, high expectations, worry
Apprehension - nope, not that yet. Excitement - got a little flicker of it, High Expectations - Yeah, of myself to hit my goals! Not of him. I know he's doing fine. Worry - when this starts to creep in, I remember that he'll be happy to see me no matter WHAT I look like or have accomplished since he's been underway.
___Activities: planning homecoming, cleaning, dieting
Already thinking about all of that - and been cleaning more and watching what I eat better.


I know enough about psychology to know that none of this is cut and dry, but it's nice to know I'm not going crazy. When I carried by own case of firewood out of Walmart today, I knew I had a good guy. Why? Because I can't remember the last time I carried by own case of firewood. ;)

And now I have to be sitting at my desk working in 6 hours and 15 minutes. I better call it a night.

A great way to start the week!

Overall, today was a GOOD day. But it didn't start out that way.

See, I'd went to bed early on Sunday in order to be awake early enough to go to the gym before work. But my alarm didn't go off (my smart phone isn't smart enough to turn on when the alarm is set...) so I overslept. I got my work done today, but never made it to the gym - but more on that later.

By mid-day, I'd received an e-mail from My Sailor! He's alive and well. It was great to "hear" from him, but it's still odd to go back to only electronic media. That is, after all, how we met. I guess it felt like we somehow graduated from that. But now we're back to it. Well - beats nothing! I might not get another until he's on his way home, so I'm not "expecting" a reply. See, I'd rather be pleasantly surprised than brutally disappointed.

Also, I took Clydas on a big walk today. We attempted his daily mile. I was ready to slow down or pull back, but he's been doing SO GREAT lately. The incision seems to have FINALLY healed (no more oozing or scabbing). The fur is growing back so it looks just slightly less freakish, and best of all, he's opting to WALK on it. In fact, he opts to run and jump on it too! He's back to his old self and then some! He's actually more energetic and playful than before, which is heartening. I hope to have many more years with the pup.

I've been doing well sticking to MyFitnessPal plan. In fact, tonight, instead of working out, I made it a DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) night! I'm still not good at it, even after over an hour on about 3 songs. But every little movement helps! I burned more calories (and arguably had more fun as well) than I would have sitting on my butt. I'm hoping to lose around 14 more pounds before visiting my family in Thanksgiving. I KNOW I can do it. Just have to make a few minor adjustments (like no more wine w/ dinner, just water throughout the day, MORE VEGGIES AND FRUITS which I've been bad about, etc).

Source

I also took a couple steps toward saving some money. See, My Sailor and I had 2 different Netflix accounts and 2 different Hulu accounts. Talk about a waste of money! I talked about canceling one of them at first, but My Sailor was reluctant. He had a lot of questions that I got answers to, and it became apparent that we were paying for something we didn't need to be paying for. Yes, we have 2 ps3's and 2 monitors (in different rooms - one in the living room and one in the office that I only use to have background noise while working), but one account works on both, so we're good. So I canceled my Netflix and my Hulu account so we only pay for 1 of each now. Yes!

So after that productive day, I'm curled up to one of my favorite movies that I don't own - but just happens to be on TV.



Hope everyone had a great start to the week as well!

Thriving in the Muck

Clydas is recovering much the same as yesterday. So there isn't much to report on the pup front.

But as My Sailor's inevitable deployment creeps up on me, I'm learning about a whole range of emotions that are all muddled together. I'm sorting and wading through it all one step at a time. It's the only way I know how to do things. That - and lots and lots of research.  I'm a research hound...

Anyway, I found a few great articles that I thought I'd share here. The tips are for living under a stressful situation such as a considerably long distance relationship, but I also think they are good tips for any relationship in general. (Click on the link above to see the complete article.)

1)  Don't be too hard on yourself. "The transition from nightly dinner dates to dinner on the couch for one can be a shock to the system...."
It's no lie that everyone is their own worst enemy. I am no exception to this rule. It's been a true gift to learn how to accept my feelings, live with them for a little while, and trust that I won't drown in their intensity. Everything happens for a purpose, even sadness.
By the same token, I'm a firm believer that every woman should live ON HER OWN for at least one year of her life. I'm so grateful for my time flying solo. It gave me the confidence to know that, no matter who or what comes and goes from my life, I'll be okay. I can care for myself - and with a good support system, overcome anything.

2) Focus on Creative Communication. "The cornerstone to any successful long distance relationship is communication."
This could be rephrased to say, "The cornerstone to any successful relationship is communication." And creative ways of communication are enjoyed by both parties. Whether it's  phone call, a photo, a text, or a love letter, expressions of love over any distance is valuable. I've heard of some military men who set up flowers to be delivered on special occasions prior to leaving, so that something arrives on Christmas - or they leave letters or cards behind for the family to open. While I HIGHLY DOUBT My Sailor has gone to such lengths, it just goes to show that it is possible - and sometimes, even fun!


So these were just a few tips and tricks the author had. None of it is brain surgery, but I'm so grateful that there ARE articles out there that give me an idea of what I might expect during the upcoming changes. Much of the advice is the same:
Expect to be depressed and despondant for a while. (duh) Expect days to drag for a while, but making plans to stay as busy as possible really helps. (We all know I'm ridiculously good at that!)
Make plans with friends and family. Good support is great. (I'm seeing my family over Christmas and maybe some friends or family over Thanksgiving. Clydas and I are overdue for another weekend road trip, and I plan on making myself useful at the local community theater as much as I possibly can. Did I mention Wedding planning is in there too? As well as possibly training for a marathon?)
While it's not easy - it's not the "Me and My Sailor" part that's hard. I think we're pretty well prepared for this adventure. (As prepared as we can be anyway.) ...I already can't wait until he comes home.

When everything goes right...

Sometimes, even when the sky is cloudy, there seems to be a beam of sun light shining right on you.

Today, I realized that everything really has fallen into place. Even when things seem like they SHOULD be at their worst, they aren't.


My Sailor got off work surprisingly early yesterday, just in time to help me lift Clydas from the vet's office to the car and into the apartment. We were able to work out the finances of it. True, Clydas was up and down all night. In fact, he whined so much last night that I doubted his pain meds (strong stuff, morphine and Tramadol) were working. Remember, this animal NEVER complains EVER. So for him to be consistently whining is a HUGE thing. Yes, he kept me up all night, but really, can ya blame him? He just had 1/2 his foot amputated.

Even though this has been tough, it's been heartening as well. Clydas is growing stronger every day and I'm reminded what it's like caring for a child. In so many ways, Clydas is just that right now (only a diaper would be more easier than near constant potty walks outside, but they are probably good for his rehab).
It's day 2 and he's figured out how to move around on 3 legs pretty well. He's not ready to put weight on his foot, but I certainly don't blame him for that. He still falls over and a short walk is exhausting for him, but he's a real champ and is proving that my faith in his quick recovery is not misplaced. Though I can tell he's bruised and uncomfortable, he's already adapting so well. We just slow down and go at his pace. Another reason why he's the perfect dog for me - patience is one of my strong suits (most of the time).

We'll still need A LOT of support for the next couple weeks. Monday he goes in for a wound check, and I know it'll all become more "real" to me when I actually see the new shape of his foot. He should be getting a smaller bandage at that point. In about 9-13 days, he'll be getting his stitches out.

In the middle of this whole mess is My Sailor's deployment sneaking up on us faster and faster every day. I'm faced with a mixture of emotions, but I'm also reminded that all I have to do is what is right in front of me this moment.

And right now, that's eat lunch.