Wedding Week Recap - Travel Day to Sea World

Where to start about our travel day? It really started the day before, as we finished packing and last minute crafts for the wedding. On about one hour of sleep, we were up and waiting for the our shuttle to the airport.

And that's where the hiccups began. But what is a big trip like this without a couple of hiccups?

When the shuttle arrived, we were informed that we'd booked the wrong day. We were actually on the list for the day before, and were a "no show". This shuttle was full, so we had to wait for the next one.

An hour of napping in the car at 2am later, and we made it aboard the next shuttle. They were kind enough to let us ride without having to pay again. We arrived at the airport just in time to check our bags and make our flight. We had decided to buy a few of the bigger things while in California - like Sean's suit for the wedding, the frame for our signature frame/guestbook, and a few other odds and ends. My mom was keeping my dress safe and sound in CA.

I have to say Virgin is my new favorite airline. At first, I was reluctant. After all, what does a producing company know about flying? While I'm sure their artists are very familiar with some high flying that doesn't involve airplanes, I doubted their ability to run an awesome airline. But in this case, the price was right, so I booked. I used Expedia to book, but went through Ebates, so I got Expedia reward points, and a few bucks back from Ebates on top of the already discounted price. Not bad. I figured I could suffer through a few hours on even a bad plane for the right price.

In this case, there was nothing "bad" about the plane!  Their seats were comfortable and came complete w/ a great free mix of music and movies to help pass the time. And they treat military REALLY well - like 10 bags free checked well!
However, they did manage to misplace one of our bags. It just happened to be our 1 bag that had our wedding goodies safely tucked away too (including fans for the bridesmaids, my bridal fan, my rehearsal outfit, the girls' wraps, our love letter box, and the flower girl's Mickey). After filing a report, Virgin went looking for it. While we were picked up by my dad and whisked off to lunch at Point Loma Seafood.  It was a great quick stop before we headed into my hometown for the night.

I jumped into a Zumba class before joining my parents for dinner at the house, just the 4 of us. It was really nice to relax and get to know each other. There was some mix up in getting our bag back to us. We knew they found it. At first, they called saying they'd drop it off between 6pm and 8pm. Perfect for us to head to bed early. Then it was by 10pm... after that, people stopped answering the phone as I left messages every hour asking for a status update. Around 2am, we gave up waiting and went to bed. The next day, they called back, apologized and said they'd drop off the bag between 9am and 11am. It arrived (safe and sound) at 10:45am. Whew! At least we got it - and everything was in one peice, but I'll be writing them a letter to let them know that this part of our experience was FAR less than pleasurable.

After that, we used our military free day and headed into Sea World!

When the Stress isn't worth it.

I'm starting this blog off with a photo of a fantastic memory because tonight, I found a smile that I struggled to find a bit today.

I'll admit it. Few things scare the crap out of me like BIG PURCHASES. Lately, we've been discussing a LOT of them, so I've been feeling kinda overwhelmed. From buying/building/renovating a house, to the wedding, I've been trying to keep my cool, while secretly there is a whirlwind of "OMG, How are we going to pay for this??!" buzzing through my brain. Today, though, it feels like a weight has been lifted as we got some news from Disney.

Basically it boils down to this: If we want our ceremony in the Animal kingdom, we'll have to kick in about $4k more and cut the guest list down to 35 people.

While disappointing, this is a very clear reality check for me. It boiled down to a simple question: Which would I rather have? A chance to celebrate with my family and friends and have it paid off before we do it? Or a chance to celebrate with a handful of people in a unique venue and pay it off for a few years afterwards?

Even for a Disney Freak like me, this wasn't a choice. I'd rather be able to invite more people. When I proposed it to My Sailor, he agreed. No Animal Kingdom for us. So while we're a bit disappointed (again), it's actually freeing in a lot of ways!  The decision on the dresses for the ladies has been made, and we still have the quote (which includes 65 people in a wedding AND Reception AND Illuminations Dessert Party for a little more than Disney would have charged us for the Wedding alone) from Shades of Green, so it's looking like we'll be heading back to our original plans for a morning Shades of Green wedding w/ a Brunch reception.

Also, by going with Shades of Green, I can take my bridesmaids up on their offers to help out with flowers, center pieces, and things before hand! It'll save money, time, but most of all help us all get closer to each other as we all pitch in for this event.

And ya know what? That sounds awesome. I do believe I'm starting to get a healthier perspective on this whole thing.

I used to feel bad about taking family and friends up on their offers to help. After all, they are all having to travel for our big day. But I don't anymore. I realize that helping gives us a chance to bond and gives everyone a chance to be a tangible part of a remarkable occasion. We're still getting our invitations done by a local artist, and we're probably going to have the cake topper made for us as well. Talk about a customized event!

I also realized something I lose sight of. Wedding planning should be FUN! If it stops being fun, take a step back and double check that your priorities are in the right place - rather than focused completely on one day. Yes, it's an important day, but it really is just one day.

Sure, we want to show everyone a good time, but the truth is, WE ARE IN DISNEY WORLD WITH OUR CLOSEST LOVED ONES! OF COURSE WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A GOOD TIME! I'm going to Disney World with my family, My Sailor's family, and our closest friends. And taking a smart start to our future seems so much better than a debt filled one.


Moral of the Story: Sometimes stress is an indicator that a change of plan is called for.

  I actually can't wait for our Shades of Green day. After all - we're already getting the best part of this deal.

A Less than Domestic word about Breeding

I'm having a very intriguing experience. Living with roommates is always fun, but lately my roomie's girlfriend has been over pretty much every day, and it's exposed me to a very different dynamic.

My roomie is a guy who works as a DJ under the table, and does a home based health product business. He makes enough to pay the rent, and we get along pretty well, so this isn't a gripe fest. He's a pretty good roomie.

But over the past couple months his girlfriend has been over every day. She sticks around even when he isn't here. For example, it's pretty routine for him to go to the gym every day. If he is at the gym working out, she's scrubbing his bathroom from top to bottom, vaccuming his room, doing his laundry, etc. All of it without being asked. She'll relax and watch TV for a while.  I see her go through the routine of getting all dolled up for him when he comes home, and having food on the table, hot and ready, when he walks in the door. The first few occasions, I thought it was sweet. But over time, it seemed odd to me. I believe that is through no fault of hers - just a huge difference in our upbringing.

See - he works less than 30hrs/week. He does DJ 2-3 nights/week and that's pretty much it. He spends his time going to the gym and working out, or surfing the net for more music.

She aspires to be a Domestic Goddess, keeping the house clean, raising the kids - ya know, the American Dream type (and God knows we DO NEED women with these qualities in the world as much as the go-get-'em professional types).

And then there is me - I've helped boyfriends keep their places up from time to time in my life, but never on a regular, daily basis. I have the mentality of, "This is your space. You're an adult. I'll help when you're overwhelmed or when I feel the urge, but it's not something to expect of me." Then again, I've been working full time since my teens- often more than 1 job at a time. Housekeeping for me is a weekly thing. I do the vaccuming, dusting and laundry about once a week. I cook on the regular and clean the kitchen here nightly, if not daily. I've expected the men I've been with to keep their own space as they like it, the majority of the time. We all get overwhelmed sometimes and need some help, but on a daily basis? Forget it.

I might assume that I'm less helpful than her, less selfless, more self-absorded, etc. But I look at my parents relationship as my model. Since they've been married almost 40 years, and are happier now than I've seen them in a long time, I have to assume they are doing SOMETHING right.

Mom was a Domestic Goddess for 13 years, but had skills as an RN and went back to work when our family hit a financial hicup.
Her mom moved in with us when I was 5, and spent her time working as a daycare provider, or voulenteering in some capacity. When she couldn't do that, then she kept the house up as her way of contributing to the family's success.
Dad traveled for business, but when he was home, his attention was on the family.
When my brother and I wanted something, we always had to earn it. We wrote essays on the Pros and Cons of the thing we wanted. We did chores. We saved up.

So working hard at something with monetary rewards became something vital to both of us. I can't remember a time I haven't been able to support myself. There as about 6 months of my marriage where I supported my little family of 2. Even though I'm working on changing fields, I'm grateful for the skill that I have (CPC -Certified Medical Coder) and I know I can always fall back on it if my more creative persuits don't work. I can't imagine NOT being able to support myself and trusting someone else completely with meeting my monentary needs. It's frightening and seriously doesn't even dawn on me to ask that of someone. Some blame my independent streak on being adopted. Others have just chalked it up to "that's how she is." Whatever the reason, I suppose we all see "partnership" as something different.

Some see it as: "He brings home the bacon and she fries it up!"
Others see it as: "His, Hers, and Ours".
Some see it as both people working hard at jobs, and at home when it needs to be kept up.

I guess I see it as something ever evolving - but sorry guys. NO WAY am I cleaning YOUR bedroom and bathroom DAILY. Personally, I feel that's enabling someone to continue to be a slob, but if I don't live in it, I don't care. It just ain't gonna happen. Even when it's OUR bathroom/bedroom, it's probably NEVER going to be a daily thing...

But you know what 'they' say... "Never say never." Who are 'they' anyway?
I suppose that's the topic for another blog.

The Vacation and the Cave-In

Needless to say, Sistah' Girl and I had a trip to remember at Disneyworld earlier this month. It was amazing! Filled with lots of great moments, laughter filled (and even a few tearful ones - in good ways). More about that on the Disney blog, but we couldn't be more grateful for the time away from the high stress medical world we both work in. And we couldn't have done it w/o all the help from our families. THANK YOU MOMS and DADS!

I came home to a mountain of work at the office and at home, but with a renewed spirit.

Unforunately, the high from the vacation didn't bouy me as long as I had hoped it would, but I'd like to think that short respite still helps me maintain a focus on my goals. Yes, it's very clear that I do need to change career fields. Instead of being normally irritated with work, I found myself deeply unhappy when I returned. Dont' get me wrong, I'm terribly grateful to have paycheck. In fact, next week I'll be studying to renew my certification and traveling to Arizona to take a necessary test (thank God for Dad's graciousness with his of frequent flier miles and their support in getting my certification fixed!). But I'm reminded that I need to continually work to get my financial situation a bit more flexible - and that still means moving in with a roommate and throwing myself into the whirlwind that is the writing and theatrical world. It's actually exciting, but I know there is a long road ahead of me to get there. And I won't lie. That is scary. I like things to go according to plan (though they often don't). But I was reminded of the saying, "What's the worst that can happen? Will I be eaten by wolves? No? Okay then. Nothing THAT bad can happen."

I know I have the support of those that truly love me to get me through. Let me tell you, that support is indispensable, even to an uber independent woman like me. No one reaches a goal alone!

That said - my land lord has impeccable timing...

This Saturday, she's coming out to take a look at a list of repairs I got an estimate on last month. And now, I'll be able to add another thing to the list.
Below is a picture of my storage shed. I know it's a bit dark, but you should still be able to make out my...um... unplanned sky light that happened from the last rain. In fact, I'm pretty sure if you walked on the roof, your foot would go right through.

In that shed was camping equipment, childhood stuffed toys from my childhood, and Christmas decorations. I got off work early to spend some daylight getting the junk out before the rain hit again last night, and thankfully, most of the important stuff was salvagable.

I did find a box of things from my previous marriage. Not a big box. Not even a full box. But just a box of pictures. And ya know what? Two thoughts struck me.
#1) "Isn't a bride supposed to be most beautiful on her wedding day? I look like an awkward kid. I'm so much more confident and happy with my apperance on-an-everyday basis now than I was then." Wow! I guess I've come a long way!"
#2) "Who would have thought that 6 years and 'forever' would fit into a box?"
I have mostly positive memories of being married, and I'm grateful for that. We had some great times, but I'm glad one of us realized that we weren't the love of each other's lives and freed us up to go and seek that happiness.

Sometimes it's great to be reminded that we're not defective. We're just all people - imperfect and beautiful in our own ways, each of us healing from something and capable of great love in the mean time. I realized a long time ago that getting divorced was part of my journey, and that difficult experience helped make me the confident woman that I am today. And, at the risk of sounding pompous, I like me.

Anyway, everything was a good reminder that all we truly have, despite our best laid plans, is the moment we're in. That every "forever" will eventually come down to the name on a headstone or a cardboard box. As Scrooge learned, it's how we treat our fellow man that makes all the difference in this life.

My challenge this year?
Find a way to Pay it Foreward.

Congradulations to a Glass

This weekend, another pal from high school got married.

I have to admit, she has one of the most creatively themed weddings I've ever seen.
It was a travel theme - which fits the voice-over artist very well.
The two ladies below I knew in high school, and, as of this year, neither of them have the same last name anymore. In a few months, they'll be celebrating their first very married Christmas.

It's always bittersweet to see people move away. Not that the former Miss Glass (the bride) and I were exceptionally close, but it's a reminder of the constant changes we go through in life. While some would argue marriage is "just a peice of paper", I believe otherwise. It's a big change. It won't "fix" a troubled relationship. It's security comes from the amount of trust and commitment between the couple - to the point where they wish to honor one another by saying, in front of witnesses (family and close friends), "I choose this person to share my one and only life with."

Marriage, in my eyes, is one of the last remnants of honor two people can give each other in our society. In a marriage, it's a constant act of forgiveness, commitment, devotion, and the decision to grow together when the world would rather tear you apart.

In brief - Marriage rocks.

How can a divorcee like me feel this way about marriage?

Yes, I'm divorced, and it's given me a different insight now that I didn't have before. But I refuse to believe because the vows of my youth were broken, that marriage is a "bad", "negative", or difficult thing.

I know what it's like to have plenty, and I know what it's like to be struggling.

And I know that everything is easier when you aren't in it alone.

Would I get married again?

I hope to! Granted, I may never be a tradition domestic goddess. I know my version of "settling down" more mimics the wedding theme above than any dreams of 2.5 kids and a white picket fence. I believe life is an adventure - and your family are those you choose to accompany you on yours, and them on theirs.

So to these newlyweds, I won't say "good luck", because "luck" has nothing to do with it.

I will say - "May your mountains be tall - and the view be worth the climb.""

First loves, old friends, and that spot...

Last weekend, two of my childhood friends got married.

Well, to say "friends" is to put them both in the same category, and that's not exactly accurate.

One was quite honestly my first love. It helped set the tone for what would be (and wouldn't be) acceptable in future relationships. It also forced me to grow in so many ways, that I can't say I regret a moment of the sometimes wonderful, sometimes heartbreaking, but always growing relationship.

It taught me the value of a love letter.

It taught me what is, and isn't acceptable from a true partner.

It reinforced my innate tendency to dream big.

It helped grow my interest in sports.

It taught me that if a relationship is secret, it probably isn't one you should be in.

It taught me to open my mind to divergent points of view and styles.

And...

Honestly, it helped me grow that invaluable steel backbone I have today.

Our pathes seemed to cross from time to time over the years that passed since that fateful freshman high school year where our on-again-off-again young romance finally fizzled out. I think it probably took us 10 years to have something to say to each other, other than "hi." (Did I mention that steel backbone can also be awefully stubborn?)

Anyway, with the past well behind us now, we've become facebook friends - and hopefully better friends as time goes on.

The other old friend that got married was one of my dearest friends for a number of years in growing up. Both being somewhat social outcasts, we were accepting of one another and had a unique understanding that I couldn't have needed more at that point in my life. Though we lost touch through much of high school when she moved away, and then when she went off to college, I couldn't be more proud of the woman she's grown in to. (Yes, the rumor is true...That kid you once made fun of really does grow up - and usually into a dazzling beauty!)

Anyway, I saw a photo of their wedding, and it was beautiful. Yes, we all knew each other growing up, and it's astonishing where those mixed up roads have brought us, years later. I would never have imagined they would have gotten together...and I would never have imagined myself having been married, and divorced, before either of them.

Now, as my friends go off, starting families of their own, I am reminded that - while I'm sometimes envious of their path in life - we all walk our own unique journeys. No one can walk them for us. Sometimes the weather is clear and the path is straight. Other times, it's foggy and difficult to find our way - but it is our own unique adventure and nonetheless valuable in it's own right. For me, that spot on my left hand is barren. For me, for now, the "family" under my roof is me and a 4 legged-perpetual toddler that's about to turn 5 this month .(Where does the time go?!) So, yeah, there's a little bit of an empty spot, but maybe right now, that's okay.

No two people have the same calling in life. Some are called to be pastors, others aren't. Some are called to be soliders while some are called to be entertainers. Some are called to be husbands, wives, mothers, and fathers, while some aren't. (Or, aren't yet.) Each journey is different and while it may not always be easy, I feel it's our job to seek out some measure of joy where ever our journey may lead us.

Afterall- marriage (like life) isn't the "destination". It's just a start of a different journey.