Friday, May 29, 2009 and Labels

When I reached this age, I figured that were a lot of things that I was supposed to be by now.
I was supposed to be a wife.
I was supposed to be a mother.
I was supposed to be a writer/singer/actress full time.
I was supposed to own a house.

By nearly 30, I thought these things would just magically happen to me. Those where the labels I thought would define me. But now, I see they don't. They are just labels. Since we humans feel the need to label and define things - here's what I am now.

I am unmarried.
I am independent.
I am loved by a matrix of ecclectic family and friends.
I am proud of the woman I'm still growing into.
I am learning from everything around me.
I am a ridiculous Disney fan.
I am an employee in a company that does good in the world.
I am a singer, songwriter, poet, and author.
I am very passionate.
I am a person who craves adventure.
I am a Boxer mom. (Clydas is da' bomb.)
I am a triathlete.
I am stronger than I ever thought I'd be.
I am a seasoned "bear hunter" - win or lose. *(See previous blogs if you need an explination of "bear hunting".)

And for me - all of these things that I am far surpass whoever I thought I was supposed to be. I've always wanted to live an extraordinary life...

And you know what?
I may not be what I thought I was supposed to be...
But as far as living a life that's far from ordinary - thanks to all the wonderful people I've met, learned from, and held dear -
I am.

Lesson learned? Get rid of the "shoulds" and just "be". Define who you are for yourself.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Memorial Day 2009 - Some days you eat the bear...

As Clydas and I enjoy a beautiful Memorial day holiday (and I catch up on some much needed housework), I'm visited by an old friend...

It's called restlessness. It's not that I don't like having a "home base", it's just that I have never liked feeling hemmed in (even when the prison is one of my own creation). Like most of us, I get caught up looking for the "destinations" in life, rather than enjoying the journey. I think that's probably why I get restless. Here's the run down of the latest "destinations".

I officially finished my college course in World History. I earned a B, which isn't too bad, considering the weighty subject matter and sheer mountain of reading involved. So my first attack back at college acedemics since 1998? Successful.

I am almost below a weight mark that has haunted me for the last year or so. About damn time. I am reminded of a chant I did when trying to bike over a hill during last year's triathlon, "Almost there. Almost there. Almost there..." It seems silly, but it got me over that hill (twice). I'm sure it will serve me well on this endevour as well. There are a lot of emotional issues that come along with being overweight - and losing the weight. If you've watched The Biggest Loser you've witnessed the effects of some of them. It's a true struggle to decide to stop swallowing your emotions (literally) and face them and deal with them. Some days the battle is easy and you eat the bear. Some days the battle is hard, and the bear gets the better of you. But everyday is a new day to conquer the bear. What is "the bear"? Largely, for me, it's fear. Fear of being inadequate. Fear of not meeting the needs and expectations of those around me. Fear of falling short in some way. Fear of being selfish. You name it.

We all have our "bears". As they said in The Adventurer's Club, "Some days, you eat the bear. Some days, the bear eats you. But always dress for the hunt!"

In case I haven't shared this on here before, I'll share what this little nugget of Disney-created wisdom means to me.

As I said above, I define "the bear" as whatever holds you back. It's your brick wall. It's that demon on your shoulder that tells you things like, "You can't", "You're unlovable", or "You're worthless". Some days, overcoming that feeling comes easily. That's when you're eating the bear. The days when those feelings get the better of you is when the bear eats you. "Dressing for the hunt" means being as prepared as possible every day for defeating that bear. My protection for "the hunt" comes in the form of good friends, warm fuzzies, prayers and positive thoughts from my friends and family, and learning that I'm only human and some day it's okay that the bear gets the better of me. Afterall - there's always tomorrow!

So with that in mind, I'll close with a "warm fuzzy" of mine. This one just happens to have 4 legs and a nub. Whatever new adventure awaits me, he's most definately along for the ride. :)

Friday, May 22, 2009

The Warm Fuzzies

As I'm currently a bit laid up with a case of the sniffles, I'm reminded of the "warm fuzzies" in my life.

When I'm sick, I seek out the "warm fuzzies".

When I'm sick, a warm, oversized blanket is definately a "warm fuzzy".

A bowl of soup can be a "warm fuzzy" too.

Curling up with my puppy dog is a "warm fuzzy".

Watching a favorite fantasy movie like Dragonslayer, The Princess Bride, The Last Unicorn, What Dreams May Come, or some Disney cartoon under that warm blanket while snuggling up with my pooch is a great "warm fuzzy".

A cup of hot tea, or a glass of wine at the end of a hard day is a "warm fuzzy".

Singing a favorite song at the top of my lungs, whether it's around the house or on a stage is a sure fire "warm fuzzy".

An expression of love from a significant other or dear friend is a definate "warm fuzzy", whether it's 2 dozen roses sent to the office, or a simple, unexpected kiss on the cheek.

Talking for hours with someone who understands you and accepts you for who and what you are, where confrontation or explanation is not necessary, is a definate "warm fuzzy".

A relaxing bubble bath or reading a book while laying in the warm sun - all that is a "warm fuzzy" too.

I've come to learn the importance of these "warm fuzzies" and the value of finding some sort of "warm fuzzy" in every day. Maybe it's being a child for a moment with a favorite toy, spending time with loved ones, or just browsing pictures that bring back good memories or inspire new dreams... They come in big and tiny sizes but any size is equally valuable.

I deal in death and sickness every day at work. At one point, it was easy to allow my job to wear on my soul. Seeking out the "warm fuzzies" has definately helped me stay sane!

Oh yeah - getting comments on here is a definate "warm fuzzy" as well!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Substance of the written word

Disclaimer: This blog requires audience participation. It may be a little preechy, but hey! It's my blog, right? ;)

I'm a writer. Always have been and probably always will be - in some form or another.

My long distance friends will tell you I'm the one they can count on for a care package at least once a year, usually including a handwritten letter, or a card.
My producer would tell you I'm a better songwriter than a singer.
My parents will tell you I've been writing forever. Everything from poetry to short stories.
Fly Boy, Anglika, Silent, and Elrindar can tell you I've been addicted to writing fantasy for as long as they have known me (which is over 1/2 my life).

Now adays, most of my writing is contained to school projects, my column in Celebration Magazine, this blog, professional letters to physicians, the (far too rare) occasional RP, and this blog.

Okay, so in reading that list, I guess I still write a lot, but I remember when I had over 300 poems to my credit my the time I was 16, and had already been published a couple times in different anthologies.

It's safe to say I understand and treasure the written word. But more than the type-written word, I treasure the handwritten word. I convinced my mom to hand write a few notes in my scrapbook because, "There's just something about your mother's hand writing..." Even a card that Bon Bon gave me before she left for her cross country adventure is posted on the interior door to my computer armoir.

It amazes me how much of that art is lost now-adays. Reading books has given way to waiting for the movie or the mini series. Writing love notes have given way to short, quick text messages that go out with little or no thought... Poetry has all but been forgotten and romance through the written word is considered adequate when purchased once a year for 99 cents on Valentine's day in a Hallmark card. The antiquated tradition of the handwritten word may eventually come extinct outside of the post-it notes.

Case in point? Take the time to actually write (not e-write)someone a letter this week. Put it in the mail. You never know how priceless the cost of that 42 cent stamp could be to someone you care about...

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

"I don't believe in the No-win scenerio."

It's probably the most famous creed ever uttered by Captian Kirk (right next to "Beam Me up Scotty"). And while he's a fictional character, the credo is sound.

I'm one of those people who is stubborn. In fact, I can be down-right obstinate. Even today- which wasn't a stellar day, my stubborn Polly-Anna wouldn't quit looking for the good in the day.

After talking with a couple of friends, and getting some good news and some bad news, I decided that I just needed to write. It was somewhere between watching the Biggest Loser and remembering some of the main themes in the Star Trek movie that it dawned on me.

Why is it that I so stubbornly cling to things like dreams, hopes, and goals? Why is it that once I reach something I once thought was unattainable - that I enjoy the peak, and then climb for the next one? What is this thing that makes me push onward?

It's very simple - and it's something that Captian Kirk and I have in common - "I don't believe in the No-Win scenerio."

Even if I don't reach my goals - I learn from them. And that experience is a "win".

Saturday, May 9, 2009

It's Decided. & A Fan's Confession.

Do you know where you'll be on March 7th of next year?

I do.

March 7th, 2010, I'll be in Florida. More specifically, I'll be in Disney World running Disney's Princess 1/2 Marathon .

I already feel the "I must be crazy"s kicking in, but my March of next year I should be able to finish it.

This week I plan on picking out a training plan and getting my schedule aligned to start it on May 18th. My Wellness Blog will show the progress on that one, so I'll try not to clutter this blog up too much with it.

I hope all of you dear readers are looking forward to recognizing your mother's tomorrow! I've been really blessed by winning the parent lottery with my mom. I have so many wonderful people in my life I would have missed out on had my path of adopted life gone down any other way. My family plans to show mom how much we love her by watching some studdly young guys with phasers on IMAX tomorrow. :)
Star Trek, here we come!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

"So, what do you want to do for your 30th birthday?"

THAT was the loaded question my mom asked me recently.

Granted, my birthday is about 7 1/2 months away still, but I'm guessing she wanted to gauge what my hopes are...

Warning: Give me permission to dream big, and I will!

So, Mom, here's the list (and the reasoning/inspiration behind them).

*Dinner at one of my top 3 restruants with friends and family. The top three hit list:
Pacifica Del Mar
Napa Rose (Chef's Table)

So, if you clicked on the links, you probably realize that for special occasions, I adore fine dining. Don't get me wrong -I love a good hole in the wall as well, but I also love good food. I love the 'event' of fine dining. I love taking the time to look your best. I love good wine and great company over excellent food. I won't even say it's a 'guilty pleasure'. I've never been to the Napa Rose, but I've always wanted to go - and from what I've read, the chef's table can't be beat (and seats about 12 people)!

* Dinner Dancing cruise with friends and family on San Diego Bay.

* An overnight stay or weekend at the Grand Californian.

I adore this hotel. Yes, it's overpriced (which is why I haven't been there for more than a stroll through in years), but it's gorgeous and their hot tub is terribly relaxing.

So far, I've touched on some pretty higher ticket things, and those would be WONDERFUL ways to kick in my brithday. Since it's in January, there usually isn't a lot going on. People are still recovering from Christmas and New Years.

But when my mom asked what I wanted to DO for my birthday, my first knee jerk reaction was:"I want to run the Disney World Marathon."
What?! Wait... Did that just come out of MY MOUTH?!
So I checked into it a little deeper. It's less than a year away.
I thought, "Maybe I can do the 1/2 Marathon."
Not next year. Registration is already closed for that.
The marathon is BEFORE my birthday by a good 6 days.
So it's the full marathon or no marathon before my birthday, yet keeping in 2010.

As I sat down to right this, it became painfully obvious why I want to do it.

Ready for this?

I'm scared of it.

That's right. I'm terrified.
I've never been a great runner. Heck, I've never even been a GOOD runner, but like I said in a previous post, maybe it's time I proved to myself I've been underestimating myself for too long and it's time to expand that horizon.

Anyway, I'm still considering registering. It will mean making sure I have the time off and the funds to do it, but I'd be a huge hypocrit if I really let the work-able logistics of a situation stop me from living a dream. Running in one of my favorite places in the world may just be the fuel I need to keep going! That - and a good cheering squad. Any voulenteers?

The marathon itself might be a bit unrealistic(due to short training time frame, etc), but that doesn't mean my dream of acheiving something I didn't think I could has to end! I found a couple other options that would be just as awesome.

The Everest Challenge and The Tower of Terror 13k both sound like a TON of fun, and a physical challenge that's nothing to sneeze at!I would need a team mate for The Everest Challenge, and in this economy, that may not be simple to drum up, but both races are still a LONG way off.

I've looked at The Princess 1/2 Marathon and I'm still a little torn about that. I'd have to psych myself up with some "girl power" and pound the pavement! I guess I've never considered myself much of the "princess" type, so the name of the race honestly turns me off a little bit, but let's face it ladies. Even the toughest chick has an inner princess that needs to be appealed to from time to time. Afterall, Pocahontas was a princess, afterall. And Kida was nothing to laugh at either! Who said being royalty made you weak? ;) (And if you don't know who Kida is, rent Atlantis and educate yourself on one of my favorite original Disney Characters.)

So there you have it! Of course, things like an international journey would be wonderful! If only someone would pay my rent, make sure I get my salary for the month, and house site for me for the length of time I'd like to be gone (at least 2 weeks)!

I plan on kissing my 20's off all year this year, and celebrating my 30's next year in a big way. Afterall, it's definately a milestone you only hit once!

Monday, May 4, 2009

The Triathlon Blog and starting off the morning right

Between working a full day, doing 40 minutes of yoga, doing dishes, editing my latest article for Celebrations Press (the Disney Fan magazine) and planning out my homework strategy for tomorrow, I'm pretty exhausted. I'm toying on going to see Wolverine tonight, but I may call it a night - since it's well after 9 at this point.

But I wanted to be sure all my followers are aware that I finally posted the long awaited Triathlon Blog!

If anyone is interested in signing up, go to and click on the Triathlon link to find one near you. Rumor has it, the Disneyland Resort Triathlon will be this fall. More time to prepare!

I also wanted to post one last thing before I head off for the night. Ever since I posted last week (and every day this week), I've made a serious effort to get my head on straight every morning. While driving to work, I text at least one good friend and let them know that today is going to be a good/successful kinda' day! And you know what? I can't speak for everyone but it's been working to cure a lot of stress and head off a lot of frustration. What I do in the morning tends to stick with me all day. Example? Work announced this morning that personal activities on cell phones (including texting) and computers are to be limited to breaks and lunches now. Normally, that may have sent me off into a little tyrad about how lame my bosses are being and how a few are ruining it for the rest. But not today. That was a "10%" I couldn't control. What could I control? My reaction to their new policy. So off I went vaulting quickly to the solution. I texted and sent a few emails giving folks the heads up that I'm not ignoring them, but work changed their policy and I won't be on call 24/7 anymore. Those that need me know where to find me in case of an emergency. So, rather than getting caught up in the fact that I can't be attached to my cell phone or facebook page all day long any more, I did what I could and moved on. I'm kinda proud of that. ;)

Anyone else tried this strategy? What have you found? If you haven't tried it, give it 5 days and see what happens. ;)