My Namesake aka Things are a little scary!

I was named after the Bionic Woman and today is one of those days when I can almost feel her influence.

Today I:

• Woke up at 9am to walk the dog. My Sailor was still sleeping after a 4am shift brought him home late.
• Cooked breakfast. I didn't say made breakfast because, to me, that just involves pouring milk on cereal or water on instant oatmeal. (I attribute so much of my weight loss success to actually making the time to cook breakfast, rather than starting off the day feeling rushed.) Turkey bacon in scrambled egg whites with diced mini peppers, 1/2 a bagel w/ local honey, hot chocolate (swiss miss w/ my own twist- added unsweetened vanilla almond milk and sugar free cinnamon vanilla syrup), and fresh strawberries. Accompanied it all with a small glass of not-from-concentrate OJ. Sound good? That's pretty much an average daily breakfast around the house. (Occasionally I'll resort to making breakfast (instant plain steel cut oats with brown sugar and cinnamon added at the last moment, and a cup of Chobani greek Yogurt, and a peice of fruit), but that's not as common. It's MUCH higher in calorie and not as healthful - more sugar and less fiber.)
• Worked a 12 hour day. (Which is a VERY long time to be staring at books and screens.)
• Walked the dog 4 times.
• Did the MOUNTAIN of laundry that was piling up.
• Did the Dishes.
• Took out the recycling
• Stuck to healthy foods throughout the day.
• Worked out on my lunch/dinner break.
• Wrote this blog
• Brainstormed Valentine's plans

Here it is, 1 am, and I'm considering going to the produce store (which is about an hour and 1/2 adventure) since we're out of fruit and running REALLY low on veggies. But on the off chance I'd pass out in the car, I should probably just stay home, and fold the laundry and put it away so it doesn't sit in the baskets forever.

I'm REALLY good at being busy!

Now on to other things -
  I'm actually really surprised how well I'm taking the 3rd (yes, 3rd) rescheduling of our wedding date. Most women would probably flip out - even one in my position. But I'm not. It'll give us some extra time to save up some more money, and I'll be able to take my time on some projects I was going to do for the wedding anyway. We'll also be able to focus on that new house thing WHICH, for the record, SCARES ME TO DEATH!

See, my experience with purchasing real estate isn't good. In the early 2000's my then-husband and I purchased a condo. I was SO excited to have "our own place", though I do remember being more afraid to buy the place than I was to get married! In hindsight, I should have listened to that fear, but live and learn. Anyway, we bought over-paid for the apartment/condo conversion. It ran us about $260k. My folks gave us money to help w/ closing costs and the real estate agents and the lenders convinced us that we could afford $2200/month. Gulp. Our plan at the time was to turn a profit within 5 years. Well, that would have been impossible. Even if the marriage had lasted another 5 years (it lasted 1 1/2 I think after that purchase), we would NEVER have turned a profit. Turned out they screwed up the electrical and, in the long run, the neighborhood never really turned around the way it had appeared to start. In the end, we agreed to try to short sell it. Didn't work out, so both my ex and I got slammed w/ a foreclosure on our credit records. Now that was some years ago (and the same condos now sell for $85k... yeah, ouch...), and it should be off my credit report any day now, but still...

I realize that I may really struggle with trust. I mean, I do trust that all things work together for good in the end. But there are still things that make me quiver in my boots and the thought of not being able to keep a roof over my head on my own is one of them. See, I've worked every since I was a teenager. I can't remember ever being out of a job. In fact, most of my adult life I've worked more than one job at a time. That doesn't mean I'm rolling in dough, but it does mean that I don't have to  financially lean on anyone 99.8% of the time (my folks have helped me out here and there over the years). Since I never really learned to trust anyone else (in my adult life) to provide for me, I am freaked out about knowing that someday, when My Sailor and I have a family, I'll be leaning on him in a financial sense more and more. I don't think I'll ever stop working. It's just not in me. My "work" may change from my current day job to writing (still working on that novel), but I'll never stop working for an actual paycheck.

I'm actually surprised by the stomach-turning fear I have of big purchases and especially of buying property. I'm aware that experience has taught me that I might not be able to keep it - but experience has also taught me that I'm going to be okay no matter what happens in my life. I know My Sailor and I aren't going to split up when we buy property. The two (buying property and divorce) aren't linked one bit in my mind - and that's reassuring.

But I find myself becoming more and more grateful for this oppurtunity to face down my fear - and, with some faith, trust, good planning, and pixie dust - prove them unnecessary. Even the Bionic Woman was afraid sometimes, but all of her parts got her through - so I'm sure her namesake will come out on top of this one too.

Goal met! Now... about that prize...

I've been doing really well with my overtime lately and watching my spending.

Okay, so my 2nd job only lasted a weekend (due to powers beyond my control) and I'm kind of okay with that at the moment. Sure, I'll still keeping my eyes open for something seasonal, but with over 12 hours of overtime in the first 2 weeks of the month, I'm already ahead of my goal. How awesome is that?!

So that said, I am tempted to reward myself with "a little something".

Ya see, for the past several years I've been carring a big red drawstring Disney movie club back pack around the Disney parks. In my circle, it's affectionately refered to as "the obnoxiously red backpack"

Me at DCA in June of 2010

As you can see, it's seen better days. No butts about it. (ha ha ha)

So I'm looking for a new back to become my ultimate theme-park-magazine-research-trip-vacation-park-hopping-buddy!

Originally, I was looking for the sling back design. Something like this:

 but with more pockets for better balance.
Pockets that are easily accesible are a must for the camera and passes and other in-park necessities.
(Water resistance is a definate plus, but I can treat any fabric for that.)
HOWEVER... I recently stumbled across this gem too:

Source
It's NOT the design I was originally looking for, but I could also see myself using this for SO many other things, I can almost justify buying it... in fact, I may just before the night is out.

And then it hit me...
I realized it.
It took me 30 years to do the things most girls/women are conditioned to do early in life -
SHOP FOR HANDBAGS!

Am I a slow learner or what?  ;)

Tools and Decisions

As you know, if you've been following my blog lately, I've REALLY been working to get out of debt. In fact, last night I looked around at places to move once my debts are all paid off possibly next year. (Now that I'm working from home, I have the freedom to move about the country if I so choose, w/o having to worry about my income changing.)

In looking at my life right now, I'm happy to say I have all the tools to succeed at that. All I have to do is apply myself. My company has approved 60 hr weeks for the foreseeable future, and my second job is also kicking in this week. So I'm currently working 10 hrs/day, 6 days/week, with about 8-10 extra hours slid in there for job #2.

So, here's what all that translates to:

Yes, I'm tired.
No, I can't go to your (fill-in-the-event) unless it's on a sunday.
Yes, I'd love to do lunch or dinner but other than that, I can't really go out unless it's on a Sunday.

But here's the great thing - I hope to owe NO ONE by this time in 2011. Yes, well before the begining of fall, even my car will be paid off (barring any crazy emergencies).

I see clearly how I have been given every tool I need to succeed. It's all about making the plan and working the plan.

I'll admit, the scheduling is tough to deal with. It's only been a week and I'm already having trouble concentrating, but I'm getting through. How? By thinking of all the inspirational people I have in my life - several of which I get to talk to every day. They really help me stay focused AND remind me to take care of myself.

I have learned something great though. Whenever things seem overwhelming, I remember that I don't have to do EVERYTHING all at once. All I have to do is take the next step. And then take the step after that. And the step after that. Things will fall into place.

I'm really starting to get excited about the upcoming phases of my life. (With my debt out of the way, changing fields, moving, and starting a family may be some of the great things I have to look foward to in the upcoming years.)

One foot in front of the other!

Where did this week go?!

It's amazing what happens when you're working 2 jobs, and one of them gives you a ton of overtime. Time really does just FLY!

So here's the latest:
My current day job has authorized all the overtime I can handle until next Tuesday. Then it'll probably drop down to only 2 hrs of OT/week.
I just recieved training for my 2nd job and that's kicking into gear starting next week. Then there is another training phase involved, but I'm sure it'll go smoothly.

What does all this mean?I have little to no social life. I love that I'm getting my debts paid off, and I'm very grateful to have more work than I know what to do with. But I find that when I'm done at the end of the day, my brain is fried. I don't want to leave home. Evenings are usually when I have downtime alone. My roomie is working as a DJ, so he works a lot of late nights. Right about when I'm making dinner, he's leaving, so I have some down time. Problem is, lately I've been getting really bored really quickly. I'd rather be doing something productive than sitting on my butt and watching TV or a movie or something. Last night I crawled in bed around 8pm just because I figured sleeping would be more productive than watching a dvd.

However...This means I'm finally moving forward. I feel like I've been blessed w/ the tools to get out of the rut. All I gotta do is use 'em! So that's what I'm doing now. Using those tools does mean managing time well, and making some sacrifices when it comes to social life - but it also will put the test my commitment to taking care of myself and all the aspects of my health. Currently, I have Sundays blocked off as my day off. Thankfully, I'll also get Monday off since it's a holiday.

A few thoughts about stress...So working like a dog w/ no real vacation scheduled has made me think about stress. How can I help from feeling overwhelmed? Well, I figured it out. I was walking to the store to run some errands on Wednesday and I remembered an old Amy Grant song that helped me out:
"All I ever have to be is what You made me.
Any more or less would be a step out of Your plan.
As you daily recreate me, help me always keep in mind
That I only have to do what I can find."
This was reinforced while I was running on the treadmill. Ya see, when I think of the entire distance or time or number of hills I'm running, I get discouraged. It seems insurmountable. But when I just think about the next step, it suddenly becomes more doable. And before you know it, I've completed whatever the monumental task is.

Keeping inspirational people in my life is even more important right now. Friends and family who ACTIVELY support me have become invaluable to me this past year. I find that I have less and less time, attention, and desire for fly-by-night relationships (friendships or otherwise).

A race is won by putting one foot in front of the other. But it can't be won without a great support team.

When is hard work working too hard?

Quote of the Blog: “Hard work spotlights the character of people:  some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.”  ~Sam Ewing

 

I’ll admit, I’m a bit of a Superwoman (as GamerGuy calls me). I’m always busy during something and more then once I’ve bitten off more than I can chew. Take this week as a great example.

I was somehow planning on finishing some housework on Monday night and working on my article so I could fine tune it on Tuesday and get it into Celebrations Magazine (the Disney Fan magazine I write for-  I’m the Disneyland expert/contributor) by the deadline. Then I was going to work on memorizing my lines and songs for the musical I’m in (Rasputin, a very very dark musical comedy playing April 30-May 2^nd at the Lyceum theater in San Diego) so I’d be ready for the run through rehearsal on Tuesday night.

And somewhere in between I was going to finish about 300 pages in the book I’m reading for book club (which was last night). Oh yeah, and I am working full time plus some twice a week at my bread-and-butter day job. (No wonder I haven’t had time to blog, right? Thanks for understanding!)

Well, none of that ended up panning out the way I had anticipated. Oy…

Monday I did finish the housework and the rough of the article. But my fact confirmation turned into a nightmare on Tuesday, so that ment working late to finish the article. Which ment missing rehearsal. And, of course, only about 5 of the pages from the book were read before sleep overtook me.

Wednesday came along and I found out that a friend in a long time relationship had to call it quits. She’d had some bad luck lately, so we needed to reconnect. Instead of going to book club (of the book I’m only 50 pages into), I spent the evening talking our troubles out. It may have lead to some clarity on my own views on relationships. It proved to be a refreshing experience, but I know I let the folks at book club down a bit by not being able to make it.

So here it is, Thursday. Another rehearsal tonight. This one I’m going to make it to come hell or high water.

Friday night, I’d love to be up in LA seeing Waking Sleeping Beauty, but alas, due to financial and time constraints, that’s just not going to happen right now. (Sigh)

Oh well! Things all work out as they are supposed to in the end. Yes, I think I bit off more than I could chew earlier this week – and it’s evidenced itself in having to back out of commitments (like rehearsal), being late on others (like the magazine article), being unprepared for others (book club), and yet I was able to be there for a friend, and (eventually) complete the projects I signed up for. I still plan on finishing the book club book and all that jazz.

Moral of the story? Give all you have in all you do, and everything will turn out in the end.

In the mean time, I thought I’d leave you all with a little trailer from a film Clydas and I worked on several years back with TheManInBlack. He’s a gore make-up guru, so every time you see a bruise, a cut, a splatter, or a wound that’s us! Well… him. Clydas and I were just the help! (No, Clydas didn’t make it into the movie.) I believe, sadly, the film may have run out of money and was never finished, but these hard working guys and gals (who often just work for food) deserve to have their work seen none-the-less!

Synopsis: Young Joshua holds a family secret passed down for generations. A secret so important, that it could change the fate of the very world that he lives on. He is pursued by a dark and mysterious organization bent on using the secret for their own personal gain. Something that Joshua must keep from happening at all costs but does Joshua have what it takes to fulfill his destiny and keep the secret safe for the future generations to come?

Down right mad...

Alright - this blog isn't philosophical. It's just a rant. So, my dear readers, consider yourselves warned!

My company is great. I get to come to work in whatever I want pretty much. Gym clothes, jeans, you name it. It's located in a beautiful place in southern california, just a few miles away from one of my favorite beaches. It's a large office space with big windows all over, so we can see the sunshine outside, rather than the many other "dungeon" style offices I've worked at before.

All of that said, we are growing... FAST... in my humble opinion, TOO FAST. Employees are working 6 day weeks and over time almost every day. We have more work than we have employees and we've expanded to the point that no one else can fit in the building (yet they are reluctant to let us work from home). So what's the solution?

Just have the people you have work for you, WORK HARDER and LONGER!

Yes, the overtime is GREAT! Don't get me wrong. It's kinda funny to think of paying off my Disneyworld vacation LONG before I even book my airfare, but it's really burning me out.

What really chapped my hide was this: One of my bosses announces to us that we have an indefinate length of overtime. She can't say it's Mandatory, but it's pretty obvious you'll be treated like a 2nd class citizen if you choose not to let the company eat your schedule alive. However, during this schpeel, she turned toward a gal who had been back from Maternity leave for about a month and said, "Of course, I don't expect any overtime from you. You have a new born at home, so don't worry about it. This doesn't apply to you, but for everybody else, we want every hour you can give us."

This obviously implies "Those who don't have families," (insert-single-people-like-me) "are expected to let us become your entire life. But if you've had kids, you're in the clear." THAT is what kills me!

So I'm steaming and thinking about how IMPOSSIBLE it is to get all the work they've thrown at us done... not to mention being reminded once again that I am not a parent (furkid not withstanding) and that I'm not getting any younger. Gr! It's all terribly frustrating, but the thing that hurt my heart the most? That was something completely different.

I looked around the room and realized that each of these people had someone to go home to. Be it a child, family, spouse, etc... but me? Well, there's a four legged boxer boy waiting on me, but that's about it. He's soothing in his own way, but not in the same way as someone with skin on instead of fur.

So, in being vulnerable here on the blog-o-sphere - I have to admit, there is one thing in this world that would make it all worth it for me. One thing that would help me very happily get through all this overtime and relieve a TON of stress. It's some help. A partner. A soft place to land when I come home from an exceedingly long and hard day... Someone to help with the housework and the regular day to day life stuff... Someone to laugh with...

But for now, "It is what it is."

It will get better. It's only a matter of time.
For those of you who have this to come home to - really appreicate it today, for all of us single folks out there who don't get to -at least, not yet.

(In the mean time... I may just end up in Disneyland once a week to decompress!)