Yet another day is drawing to a close and yet again, I'm up past my bedtime. And I didn't work out today. Which probably accounts for some of my added stress - not to mention the girly hormone stuff that just tends to amplify what I'm feeling anyway.
"Love builds bridges where there are none." R. H. Delaney
I've learned long ago that trying to be someone or somewhere I'm not never works. They say there are 3 stages to deployments - and the middle stages are the hardest, specially over the holidays. It feels like he's been gone forever. And yes, weeks without word is very hard. I will give myself credit where credit is due - but there are times when I can't hear "I'll be home for Christmas" without getting choked up. Torture is going through the romantic Christmas card section in a Hallmark Store, looking for the perfect sentiment - only to flip through a thousand that read something like, "Being with you is the best gift this year," and knowing that that is impossible.
I don't regret my choice for this life. Even in the toughest moments, I don't second guess my choices for a second. Yeah, it's not easy, but I love my life. But to say there aren't times I need a moment to collect myself wouldn't be honest of me. I believe it makes me human. To pretend that it's easy (even on an independent spirit like me) would damage the authenticity of my heart, and My Sailor's investment in himself, his country, and this family.
Today was one of those days where I needed a little encouragement.
And I found it.
I found it in the comfort of knowing that Clydas will be well taken care of when I leave for home by chatting with his caretaker.
I found it in remembering that life is an adventure; that this is just one chapter in a story worth telling.
Hang in there!ReplyDelete