Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Talking with the Mirror

Dear mirror -
See that girl on the right with the colorful scarf? That's me. Now, she doesn't look 'fat', does she?

Well, she thinks she's pretty chunky.

Isn't it amazing how distorted my body image can become from a a number on a scale?

When I look at this picture, she looks pretty cute to me, but I'm a month away from this joyous moment. Hindsight is 20/20, so they say.

Through my most recent step (hiring a personal trainer for 3 work outs/week for the next 4 weeks), I've quickly rediscovered the athlete in me that I was so disappointed in when I bonked a 5k in December of 2011, and life got busy. Sure, I've done a 5k since then, and I'm proud of finishing, but I didn't feel like an endurance athlete. I felt like a girl that just stumbled through a 5k obstacle course filled with mud traps. I 'finished'. But it makes me wonder - why did I ever let go and give up training?!

Well, now I seem to be hungry for more.

I don't want to be "skinny", Mirror. No, don't tell me that my face is too round, or I'll lose my breasts if I lose weight or some other such silliness. Yes, I do have a target number on a scale I'd like to see when I get on it, but I don't need to hit that number to feel like the athletic, strong woman that I am.

That woman is already taking over, Mirror.

This morning, from the moment I clocked in for work I found myself watching the clock, waiting for it signal my lunch break.


Because on lunch, I'm going to the gym again for some Zumba and a walk. Sure, I'm still deliciously sore from my last work out. I just can't wait to stretch those muscles.

There is nothing like a hard work out. Afterwards, I feel like a swimsuit model, even if I know my body has a LONG way to go before the strength outweighs the flab.

But every mountain is climbed one step at a time, right?

I feel like I did back in 2010 when I was running everyday - but better. Stronger in every way. Deployments test and build my emotional strength. Making new friends and keeping old keeps me on my communicative toes. Working keeps my logic center sharp, despite the fact that I know this isn't the career for me long term. Testing my body can only make it stronger.

No matter how long deployments last, or how long adoption takes, or how much money I earn, in the end, the person I have to be happy with is staring me in the mirror every day.

So thanks, Mirror - for always keepin' it real.

The way to gain a good reputation is to endeavor to be what you desire to appear. – Socrates


  1. I think it's awesome that you are working toward what you want. I see so many people get discouraged by the number on the scale. The muscle will build up, believe me. When I started this journey a year and a half ago at my heaviest weight and most depressed I never would have thought I could be the girl I am now. The most important thing is that you do it for you and based on this post you grasp that fully. I will encourage you in any way I can! :)

  2. Inspirational! -Emily