Wednesday, December 7, 2011

"Trade you Toes" or "Feeling Lucky"

Tomorrow I'm going into the doctor to get my feet checked out. Remember that toe I was complaining about at on the 5k post? It still hurts. It's 4 days past the race and it shouldn't still hurt. My money is on a stress fracture, though the way my other foot is starting to act, that may be stress fracture #2 as well. We'll see what the MD says. I have all the signs of a stress fracture, so we'll have to see if they surprise me. As long as I can still drive with them, I'll get by. If I can't drive, then I'm kinda screwed... but I'll work something out, I'm sure. Crutches would be BAD.

But I gotta admit, lately, I've been feeling pretty lucky.

If there is one thing Navy gals do when we're around each other, we "vent". Which is good and healthy and all that jazz. And one thing I keep hearing about over and over again are concerns about infidelity (despite the fact that it's doubtful our sailors will see a port). I guess it made me realize how good I have things with My Sailor.

See, nearly every relationship I've had has ended due to infidelity on his part. When divorce changed my little world, you'd think I would be become SUPER snoopy. But nope. The opposite happened. I realized this simple truth:

If it's ment to be - it will be. If I feel I have to worry about things like infidelity, something else is wrong.

Either it's a communication issue (lack of communication can easily lead to mistrust and misunderstandings, lies by omission, etc), or a self confidence issue.When I was MOST jealous, it was because I felt that I wasn't "enough" for him. That someday (fill-in-the-boyfriend-here) would roll over and realize that I wasn't what he wanted, so anything more tempting would "beat me". Isn't it sad to feel THAT competitive, and already convince yourself that you're going to "lose"? Needless to say, it was NOT a good place to live.

But hearing these concerns reminds me of what it's like to live in that place - and how blessed I am to not be there. I learned that if I feel like I have to snoop, there is a serious communication issue going on that needs to be addressed. Snooping won't fix it. Discussing it might.

I don't want a man who can't tell another woman "no" to an unwelcome advance. I expect the same of him as I do from me. That's, to me, what love is all about.

And I guess that's why I feel so lucky. Having known each other as long as we have, we didn't "settle" for each other. We got to work through those kinds of insecurities a long time ago, and realize that wild horses couldn't drag us apart, and those that weren't ment to stay in our lives, have gone -the reason why doesn't even matter anymore.
We grew to a place where we were ment to be. I'm sure he doesn't worry about me around other men, and I don't worry about him around other women - no matter the setting. I trust that he values our relationship as much as I do. So I don't think twice about that kind of stuff. Possibly even for the first time ever in a relationship. While I trusted before, I was never quite convinced it was a perfect match. Until now.

And it's a nice place to be...

Now if only I had better toes...


  1. get your feet checked out. from personal experience, a walker is much better than crutches! so get one of those if you have to (more stability, less awkward to get used to)

    even with stress fractures, id trade you feet. :)

    you are right about the infidelity thing... i laugh now when brian tells me he was hit on at work or wherever lol it makes me smile

  2. Yeah - I HATE crutches (though they would totally tone my arms to bad-ass level).

    Will write about the appointment later today - hopefully the x-ray results will be ready by then.

  3. Stress fractures do not show up on x-rays...If a doctor tells you that you have stress fractures without an MRI, think about a sports doctor or at least a second opinion. A stress fracture will show up on an x-ray after it has completely healed as there will be a difference in the bone density where it healed. I went through this whole thing with my leg a couple of years ago. Be prepared for some time off running if you do have stress fracture(s)...I certainly hope you don't have to deal with that, it's no fun at all.

    Sounds like you are in such a comfortable place with your relationship - that has to just feel good!