11 until 30

Fears: Only that I will not have learned from my past enough - and repeat the same mistakes.

Of course, like all the other fears- this is up to me.

Gratitude: That I have this time to let my friends and family know what an impact they've had on me.

Inspirational Person of the Day:
BeingCarly!

I first started following her blog about 2 years ago, as she was preparing for her Disney World wedding. Over time, I got curious and started poking around to her other blogs, and got to know the woman a little better than just "the Bride".

I know this may sound silly, but reading her blogs were my final push to get back on the blogging train. You see, by reading her blogs were comforting for me. Afterall, we've all faced our own challenges, demons, heartbreaks and dreams come true. That's when it hit me. I realized that "Maybe there's something to just sharing my story that could help someone else out there?" So I finally started blogging. While I've yet to reach any record setting following, it's been a great experience that I would love to do more of (if my computer equipment weren't from the stone-age).

Anyway- thanks for writing BeingCarly! Best of luck in 2010!

13 til 30

Fear: I guess I'm out of fear right now. I've been blessed with some peace and grace this new year. Things will be what they will be. My job is just to do my best.

Gratitude: For the sanity good counsel always brings!

Inspirational Person(People) of the Day:

TheManInBlack

I first met TheManInBlack in 2006, during a local theater production of Guys and Dolls. I was in the cast, and he was in the crew. Being a crew for a community theater production is a thankless job, and at the time, he scared the daylights out of me and I wanted nothing to do with him. But I later learned that the tough demeanor is really just a defense mechanism. Afterall, you can keep most people at bay with it, and only flash a smile to those you want in your life. (At least that's my theory. He swears it's just a hard rock style. Since I'm not a fashionista- what do I know!)

Anyway, spending time with him and his family has given me an tiny peek at a different way of family life. The cultural difference between the way families work is always facinating and heartwarming to see. It's also let me see just how tough being a single parent can be - especially of three kids! All from his previous marriage, and all pretty well adjusted nearly-teenagers now (though the oldest will be 16 later this month).

I've admired the way he usually finds an equitably solution when issues arise, and isn't afraid to be a "parent", rather than a "friend". That doesn't necessarily mean a disciplinarian 24/7. It means listening with an open heart, understand, and retaining that authority necessary to guide impressionable minds into a place where they can truly consider their actions (and the consquences of them).
I also admire how he's tied with almost visible heart strings to his kids. No woman could ever hope to have a bond as strong - but then again, parents and children are a dynamic that I can only relate to from my limited, unmarried with a furkid, perspective. I have the upmost respect for single parents now - perhaps a deeper one than ever before. I understand that they are on the most difficult road possible - but also one that has room for lots of rewards as well. I've been able to bear witness to many touching moments between the gang all together, and I know they will all plunge into the future as a strong family.

(Bottom - Clydas. On cooler - Me. Left to right - TheManInBlack, JMArabians, and LiketoAct.)

14 til 30 (W/ Disclaimer)

Fear: I got nothin' today. :)

Gratitude: Today I'm grateful for lazy Saturday mornings (like todays!)

Inspirational Person of the Day:

Gerber Baby Family!

I've known the adults of this happy family since Middle School and High School.

Now, let me tell you, they were High School Sweethearts. Very few of those folks end up sticking together long enough to get married years later, but they managed to do it. Sure, they had their off and on moments (and sometimes I think they are going for the Gold if bickering was an Olympic Sport), but they've made the big commitment now.

The things that inspire me about these people though is their commitment to family and devotion to one another. They've been through a lot in their 10+ years together. They've taken their individual natural inclinations toward stubborness, and invested that in their relationship, making it rock solid. As for the bickering I mentioned, I've learned to understand and respect it a bit more. It shows that they feel free to express their feelings to one another, even if those feelings are just "warm fuzzies".

As for Gerber Baby? Well, spending time with him reminds me that the parenting gig is a lot of work. But the smile on his face when his parents come back to take over reminds me why that kind of thing is worth it.

Disclaimer: I am WAY behind on updating this. Life has been pretty hectic and I like to really spend time thinking before I write/blog, so I had to warp ahead.

24 til 30 - Corrected!

Fear: Not resolving the "what ifs" of the past in way that helps me leave room for the future.

Gratitude: That my life feels like it's going in the right direction, with all the love and support from those around me.

Inspirational Person of the day:



FlyBoy!
I can't discuss people who have had a profound effect on me over the years without mentioning this particular person.

FlyBoy and I have known each other for a very long time, but we've never actually met, face to face. I met FlyBoy under the guise of Ashta - one of the very first freeform online roleplaying characters I developed. When I was a teenager, almost every free moment that wasn't spent in Drama Club or ShowChoir in High School, was spent online, writing. (For those that don't know, online freeform roleplaying is pretty much being in a chat room. Only, instead of being yourself, you are whatever your imagination can come up with. Dwarves, mages, vampires, elves, etc. Ashta is a headstrong, solitary creature that I may blog more about at a later date. But this blog isn't about Ashta - and I could write a book alone just about her.)


As far as we can agree, I was 16 when our characters met, and he was 14. We met first as our characters (Ashta and Lazarus) and later got to know each other OOC (out of character).

(FlyBoy is in black in the back - I figure this may have been taken near the age we "met".)

So here we are, well over a decade later, and time has proven to me just how much we've both grown and changed. And now I count him among one of the closest people to me, though we've never actually been in the same state.

Growing any type of relationship long distance requires communication skills that, let's face it, most of us are sorely lacking now-a-days. One thing I admire about FlyBoy is that, well, he doesn't seem to have a problem there. He's one of few people I can debate with, and not feel attacked. Even though we disagree on some topics, he treats the subject with the upmost respect and manages to speak with gentle passion on the topics that we may not agree on. Since I'm not big on conflict, this is a STRONG tribute to his communication skills. He's also the type to call just to say hi and talk, rather than expecting Myspace, Facebook, a text do the trick. (Maybe this is unique to my relationship w/ him, as we've never NOT been long distance, but there ya go.) He also understands the "unspoken" communication - like when I need to just be a hermit for a while. Regardless of the situation, a conversation with FlyBoy usually leaves me smiling - if only for the reliefe of someone who speaks my lanuage and understands me - 1/2 way across the country. Afterall, who couldn't use a reminder that they aren't crazy every once in a while? ;)

FlyBoy shares traits some of those dearest to me have. He also gives it to me straight and honestly all the time. He has ambition for his future and knows himself well enough to know where he needs to grow, what he wants to protect, and where he wants to go.

But I'd like to focus on his steadfast spirit (aka stubborness). When he decides on something, I have no doubt he'll accomplish it. His unwaivering beliefe and support for me and my personal goals reminds me of the person I try to be for others. He goes a step beyond being a cheering squad. FlyBoy takes an active role whenever possible. When he heard I was training for a triathlon/marathon, he e-mailed me a guide that he thought could help me get off the coach and complete my goal. When reporting in on my attempts at weight-loss, he was right there, cheering me on - not just reading my blogs when it was convienent, but taking time out of his day/night to call and see how things were going. When I was struggling through the difficult relationship messes in my past, he's been there to listen, advise, or just truly sympathize (and vice versa).

(FlyBoy today, in black on the right)

He's far from a doormat, but his kindness and consideration have left an imprint on my heart - and a challenge to be no less than my best.

Revelation of the Week: While love is a gift, strive to be worthy of it - and you'll never lose it.

Success!

As I think I mentioned before, I flew off to Phoenix earlier this month to solidify/renew my Certification as a Medical Coding Professional.

For the record, I passed with flying colors.

Yeah! Success!

Even though I'm on my way out of this feild, it's great to have some bread and butter solidly under my belt again.

Thanks folks for all the P&P (prayers and postive thoughts) and support!

The long awaited Christmas Blog...

My Christmas List:
If I picked one "toy" for the year, it would be a Wii Fit. Since that price tag is pretty high, I'd rather have things I can use.
I need two more large tupperware bins to store things that can no longer be sheltered by my shed (which will eventually be torn down).
I could always use gasoline and grocery store gift cards.
Blockbuster gift cards never miss either.

That's the tangible stuff I want.

A Confession:
I haven't really decorated much. I have 2 garlands out (one of which has a light bulb out so, of course, the entire strand is out). I don't have a tree. I have a few candles out and that pretty much covers it.

It's actually kinda pathetic. And I'll admit, I was feeling sorry for myself. I am not hosting a party this year (not for lack of trying, just for lack of, well, guests able to come to them). Last year, I hosted two great ones back to back! So this is quite the shift. In fact, I haven't hosted a party all year. The truth be told, I don't have that many local friends anymore, and those that I do have consider having kids a hinderence to traveling outside of their general 3 mile radius. So that leaves an unmarried gal like me living alone feeling left a bit out in the cold.

An old Epiphany Visiting:
And then I realized...I need to take my own advice. I've said on this blog "You can't always control the scenery, but you can control the thermostat." I asked myself a few vital questions:

Is it within my power to change the mood I've been in?
Yes.
Do I enjoy feeling this way?
No.
So, am I actually going to do something about it, or just drive my friends crazy with my belly-aching?
I'm going to do something about it.

Sure, I may not have anyone to share my Christmas decorations with this year. So what? Big deal! A lot of people don't even have decorations to start with, or a house to put them in! How dare I feel sorry for myself! What am I waiting on?! Sure I've been busy, but that's really no excuse. I've had plenty of late nights and down time.

And, damn it - I'm a family of one and it's about time I took care of this family a little better and injected some holiday spirit!

Since I have Christmas Eve off from work, I need to make the most of it. I'll be sleeping in and doing some Santa Drops with Clydas in tow! While I'm doing that, I'll stop off and pick up a tree big enough for me to handle. So what if my tree skirt will be bare this year. It's been a tough year for everyone, myself included. I can plop some Christmas tins or boxes under it if it really bothers me.

Still passing on the feasting:
Under normal circumstances, I'd spend the day cooking w/ family/friends. Since this year is just me, I think I'll save myself the hours of cooking (and clean up!) and just enjoy something a little simplier. A great bottle of wine, some great cheese, crackers, veggies, dip, and sausage might just round out my Christmas Eve dinner this year. If I get more ambitious, I'll grab a single serving lamb roast and do that or something. The aim this year is "simple".

After dinner, I'll be busy making FlyBoy's Slavik Nut Rolls (a tradition in his family that he's allowing me to share with my family this year). I'm actually really excited about, and contributing to my family's Christmas morning brunch the next morning.

That gives me a lot to do before Christmas morning, but I think it's a worthwhile persuit.

I'd like to be remembered as someone who kept Christmas well - even when no one was looking.

25 til 30

Fear: I won't accomplish my health goals this year.

This is a fear that's only somewhat within my control. Afterall, I can't control a cold, or other illness that might bring me a set back, but I know that if I stay focused, I CAN and WILL accomplish my health goals.

Gratitude: People actually seem to read what I have to say occasionally, and find it helpful/inspiring. This isn't the reason why I write, but I know how comforting it is to hear of other people/athletes going through a similiar challenge that I face, so I'm grateful that things like this blog may provide someone else similiar comfort.

Inspirational Person of the day:
Perhaps the best testimony I can give for this next installment is that I wouldn't have done this:

this...

or this...

without the woman furthest to the right.

BonBon!
Don't take the cute little nickname to mean this woman isn't tough as nails. BonBon and I met when we were cast in opposite one another in an original musical comedy called American Standard. It was her first show and I was just plain focused on working on the show, not making friends. But admittedly, she's hard not to like.
We bonded like most women do, through heartache. See, it was opening weekend of that show that my troubled marriage finally dissolved. I'm sure it left the cast wondering if I'd make it opening night, but I couldn't let them down. And let me tell you, there is nothing like making people laugh to help speed along the healing process. I didn't expect to make some lifelong bonds through that show. (For those who know show biz, casts are like family during a show, and usually go their seperate ways after the final curtain call.) Then again, it was an unusual show - that called for an unusual cast to pull it off (over and over and over again).

I never would have considered doing a triathlon, if it weren't for Bonbon moving away. She was moving to Conneticut with her boyfriend, and here I was, feeling a bit lost, and working my way through life. She approached me and proposed the idea of a triathlon to me as a final "Hoorah" that we girls could do together before she left.
At first I was completely hesitant. As some of you may know, I'll give my last drop of blood and then some for a friend, but a triathlon?! Really? Afterall, triathlons aren't for women struggling with their weight, right? They are for the already skinny, trained, confident athletes. But I thought about her proposal every day, and when I listened to Lou Mongello's podcast I decided I could at least try. My goals were simple - not to come in last, and to finish.

And finish we did. She beat me by about 10 minutes. And I'm forever grateful for her quiet push into the sport that would change the way I view myself and everyday life challenges. I was reminded during that race to trust myself. I was reminded that I am the queen of underestimating myself. And I was reminded to keep an open mind.

While I did it for my friend initially, I found out on the track that I wasn't thinking of her. I wasn't thinking of anyone but myself. I was truly realizing what it ment to "live in the moment".

And for those life lessons, I'm eternally grateful to have crossed pathes with BonBon.

Anyway, BonBon has always been a very open soul, and the inspiring thing about her is her capacity to love and be open to love in her life. It only enhances an already beautiful person.

While creativity abounds in this once-actress-now-esthetician, I love how she pushes her own limits. Truly, though, she is a great example to me that caring for others doesn't mean you sacrifice taking care of yourself. That's something most women (perhaps most people) strive to balance. Whether it's a daily struggle for her or not, I may never know, but she achieves it with a quiet grace that I may never achieve.

It's always great to have reminders in our lives who carry traits we aspire to. It reminds us to never stop trying to become more than we are.
Thanks Bonbon! You're unflagging love and support are always a source or inspiration for me - and I'm glad you're on my team.