Wednesday, March 4, 2020

And the beat goes on

Tonight, we got home a little later than usual. I didn't have a dinner prepped, so tonight was quick and simple.Cauliflower pizza and salad.  It was done cooking by 7:20.

The Impossible Girl was too tired to eat it, so she finished some avocado in exchange for watching a youtube of a new attraction opening in Walt Disney World. Then we headed to bed.

And she wanted to play with me. She wanted me to play Kristoff, and she wanted me to play legos. But after 5 minutes of Kristoff, I went to get her bed ready and noticed she had an accident the night before, so I had to change her sheets and clean it up.  There was no extra play time.

She wanted to play with me. She wanted to connect. She was very tired and wanted to spend time with me to prolong closing her eyes until tomorrow. 

That brought me to a glaring realization. That I am doing exactly the right thing right now.

As much as I'd love to be neck deep in some Olympic Weightlifting programming, or have some large even and goal on the horizon - I purposely didn't set one on the calendar right now. 

Last week, when she got sick...
I'm amazed how little time we have together, even though she isn't in full day school. The average is about 3-5 hours a day. 1 in the morning (getting ready for school), our afternoon break, and then maybe 1.5-2 between dinner and bed. That's it. 
Our current schedule includes me working while she goes to school. I go straight from work to pick her up in the afternoon and we get 1-2 hours of down time after school (I try to accomplish a chore in this time frame). She goes into Child Watch for another 3 hours and I go back to work. I try to be done around 6-6:30pm so we can do the dinner, bath, and bed routine. With a little luck, she's in bed by 830pm, and I gear up to study and then fall asleep myself.
  But I recognize the neediness. 
 We've both been sick. For her, that means her lungs and neurological stuff flares up on top of a cold.  And no matter my stuffy now, she needs time and attention. She needs me present. She needs me to say YES to those play invitations more often than, "Sure honey, right after I do fill-in-the-need-here". 
Two days later during down time. My Kingdom for a nap!
Right now - this phase in life isn't about events and spending two hours in the gym for myself. It's about making time for myself while making sure she has the love she needs at home. Because right now - I'm it. 

I am incredibly grateful for the growth mind set that I've discovered through the process of changing careers. I do my workouts now when I can, and I do what I like and what feels right in the moment. Because right now, it's about moving well, sanity, health, and making sure I'm recovered enough to rise to the challenge of a new day. It's made it easier to figure out how to adapt. So instead of hours in preparation for a meet, I opt to sneak in my workouts everyday, doing something that feels good and boosts my health and spirit (my #JoyfulMovement experiment) and spend my energy focusing on being very present in the moment. Whether that moment is work, or family, or my studies. 

Because I deserve it - and so does she. 

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