Monday, June 15, 2009

The Missing List and other weekend lessons

Ever have times that you expect to be miserable, but somehow they turn into unexpected good times?

This weekend started for me with cleaning out my car Friday night. I found a bunch of little thing that I hadn't really been looking for, but had warmed my heart. From the random small card give to me by someone who loves me very much, to a few marbles that got lost from the kids who used to occupy my backseat on a fairly regular basis. All of it made me smile. (And I know - those of you that know me are probably wondering, what possessed me to clean out my car, but I'm working on moving and it's MUCH easier to do when you're just generally less cluttered.)

I also got a call Friday night from a great friend who was in need of a little girl talk. You know, the kind where we talk about the men we love? So we started the "Missing List". We bounced back and forth the things we miss about them. It was definately a "warm fuzzy" experience - but a suprising one as well. Some of the things I realized I miss, were some of the things that absolutely drove me up the wall. (For example, it would take him a while to lace up his boots and sometimes I grew impatient with it, but what did I miss? The sound of his boots on the floor when he'd come over late at night.) It was an interesting hour+ talk.

I'll admit, come Saturday afternoon, I was feeling tired, worn down, and a bit full of rejection. BUT...

I found two great apartment options this weekend that accept my dog (after numerous rejection calls)! So I'm excited about those possibilities as well. Living simply has always appealed to me, so I'm really hopeful I can get a roommate quickly and get on to the financial wellness I've been working on.

I also took my car in for a LONG overdue service. Turns out I need new front brakes, but they'll last me until payday. I also have 2 punctures in my tire, but the place I bought the tires from will patch it for free. While I was waiting for the car though - I was browsing around this shop and I found a bumper sticker with a fairy on it that said "Believe." Why did it stand out to me? Despite the fact that I am attracted to fantasy things, the fairy looked like me! That DOESN'T happen! I thought "Hmm...."

I also went out to coffee with an old friend that was in town. It's been over 10 years since we've seen each other, but it was like yesterday. It's great to have those friends. After an encouraging night of girl talk on Saturday, we decided to go to church on Sunday together.

Sunday came, and aside from running some errands, I learned something about life from fixing a drain in my bathroom. (I know, weird huh?!) So I was getting rid of a clog when I realized that th cover of a disposable razor was the real cultrit of the shower clog! I tried several different ways to drag it out, but the one way that worked? Instead of pulling it, I got my finger down and dirty and under it, and pushed instead. With the support of my finger right under it, it slid right up. I couldn't help but see the theme... from my talks with my girl friends, I was reminded how we all need someone in the trenches with us when things get bad, rather than someone standing on the outside. Afterall, that's what God does for us Christians. He's right down there in the trenches with us when things really suck and offers His firm foundation to help push us up, if only'll we'll trust in it and have faith. It's a delicate balance, but support comes from being in there with us, not being outside. Lesson learned.

Anyway, the car got cleaned, Father's day cards were bought, and my friend and I joined up to go to church.

Now, I do believe everything happens for a reason, and recently, I needed a wake up call. I had stepped away from my faith a lot, but oddly enough my Christian sisters and been brought into my life more in my time of pain. Through the book I'm currently reading, "Wilderness Skills for Women", and conversations with a bunch of people, I've realized that I need to go back to church.

So I haven't been back in about six months. When things weren't working out the way I wanted them to in my life, I kinda deep down gave God the finger. I know we all do it from time to time in our lives. But going back felt great. Being there to worship was awesome, but I was expecting it to be a "quiz night" (which is a fun q&a the pastor does with the congregation after he's finished a series he's preeching on).

But it wasn't. For this service, the paster had taken off (he'd done them the rest of the services, I believe) and an associate pastor was preeching in his place...

Instead of a quiz night, what did he preech about?

Using examples from Romans and Job, he pointed out that God doesn't ask our permission for moving in our lives. He just does. Doesn't mean we can't ask Him questions, but when things don't happen in OUR time frame, we get mad.

So I left realizing that I can rationalize all my insecurities with men and the future, but in the end, all that means is that I really deep down don't trust that God's got it. He's got it all worked out and is in the trenches with me when times get tough. It's a lesson I think He's been trying to send me for MONTHS, but I hadn't really taken it to heart until last night.

This morning, though I called in sick since my shoulder is really killing me, I am finding that new perspective bringing me courage to step into the unknown, with my plans only in pencil. Afterall - tomorrow isn't promised. But it is a gift.

Oh yeah - and I stepped on the scale this morning and I'm down 3lbs from last week. ;)

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