A little dose of inspiration.

I started this morning off with an impromptu Starbucks brain storming session with my temporary roomie. Though I didn't expect to run into him, we had a great talk and came up with the brain child of auditioning for America's Got Talent. It was probably the best way to start off my early morning. A walk with the dog down to Starbucks. A Venti Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte, and some great brain storming.

Yesterday,  BonBon talked about starting an Adventure Book (ala Up) and getting out of some stinkin' thinkin'. I've been pulling out of it for a while, but that thought has been marinating in my mind for a while. As I look around my office/bedroom, I remember how great it felt to make my ShadowBoxes for my races and my latest show.

In fact, when I'm most depressed, I can say that my life is lacking one thing.

Inspiration.

As much as I complain about my life lacking romance, I don't think it's really "romance" that has something to do with it. It's really inspiration. I often equate the two because I feel MOST inspired when lost in some romantic notion, but really the power of creation and inspiration to change my thinking isn't linked to any one person or any one thing.

So here's to plugging some more inspiration into my life! Most of it will have to take the place of things I can do at home for a while. I'm still healing and my budget is still tight, but that shouldn't restrict my creative abilities. ;) Time to make room for a little more inspiration. ;)

Not knocking love - for a change.

I'm a die hard, stone cold, hopelessly incurable romantic.

But even the most optomistic romantic has their hiccups and lately - it's been one big hiccup. Just when I see a glimmer of hope on the relationship horizon, it's been snuffed out just as quickly. As my roommate so eloquently put it last night, "She attracts these really nice-well connected guys that just don't have their lives together." He's not the first person to say it - and honestly, I can't really argue too much with that one. I have a history of choosing the most complicated situations. However, I've come to believe that everyone is complicated - just different complications. There are just complications we live with - and complications we can't. Deciding between the two is part of the fun and painful process called "dating".

Just when I've decided to throw the towel in and do something crazy (like enroll in a convent) - an example of simple, uncomplicated, pure love comes along that reminds me that some things are worth fighting (and waiting) for.

So I wanted to share this blog with you. ThatDisneyGirl wrote a great post about her husband for his birthday.  It reminded me of all the times in my life I've been inspired to write a list of reasons why my current Mr.Wonderful is so awesome.

See guys -
Women, as you know, talk about EVERYTHING!
The good AND the bad.
That means if you send your woman flowers or do something small and sweet and thoughtful and awesome, she'll tell her friends! (Conversly, if you do something bone-headed, thoughtless, and inconsiderate, she'll tell her friends.)
So why not make sure you fill that bank with positive things whenever possible? Taking out the trash is a positive. Making her smile on a bad day is a positive. Knowing how best to enable her dreams is a positive. Doing something thoughtful is a positive.
The positive always will outweigh the boneheaded, if you keep that bank full enough. ;)

So enjoy this re-blogged post, check out ThatDisneyGirl's link above, and remind those you love why you love them.

Back! Sort of...

It's amazing what they can do with super glue these days.

My belly is currently a great example of that. I've only found 1 stitch. The rest of the 5+ incisions were all closed with Dermabond (aka human super glue).

First off, my nurses were WONDERFUL. I made sure I thanked them and I let the ones who needed to poke me know that this was my first surgery, and they treated me with a little extra TLC.

Another thing I am grateful for is that they took me in early. No sitting around and waiting with building anxiety. I kept myself busy Monday morning by touching up some articles for Celebrations Press (I write their Disneyland column) and tying up some loose ends at work so I could take some time off. Once they took me into pre-op, I didn't spend much time laying around waiting. Things started happening quickly, but everyone made sure I understood what was going on, what they were giving me, etc. (Admittedly, having a bit of a medical background, I understood what was going to happen, but having it happen to ME was a whole different story.)

Best case Scenerio:
Right laparoscopic cystectomy - They would get in there with a scope and just remove the large cyst and the mass.

Most Likely Scenerio:
Right Laparoscopic Oopherectomy - They would go in with a scope and remove the right ovary all together.

Least desirable scenerio:
Exploratory Laparotomy - They would open up fully and go in and look at all other organs involved in the disease process.

What actually happened:

Most Likely Scenerio Plus.

They took out the right ovary all together, and did some exploring with the scope through the belly and through the "hoo-ha".

Outcome:
Aside from the removal of the diseased organ (which had become an endometrial mass/cyst producing organ rather than an egg producing organ), everything looked great. Left ovary looked healthy, as did all surrounding structures. Yeah! I don't get the final pathology for a couple weeks, but the MD seemed very confident that he got it all - which makes me more relieved than I can say.

Complications:I had some trouble breathing during the surgery, so they needed to stick a tube down my throat. This has complicated things by giving me an ear infection that I am only now getting treatment for. But it's just made me a little more dizzy than I expected to be at this point.
I'm still having some bleeding. Due to the nature of these procedures, it's hard to tell what is "monthly" bleeding and what is post-surgical bleeding, but the upside is that none of it is heavy enough to really be too much of an issue.

So yes, I'm alive. And it's looking like CANCER FREE!

There was a bit more news, but I won't know too much about that for about 6 months -1 year regarding how all this MAY effect my PCOS. We'll see!

And so it starts.

I've been through the pre op counseling.

I've had my blood drawn AGAIN.

I've peed in a cup AGAIN (though I find it laughable that they even bother testing for pregnancy - last I checked, immaculate conception hasn't happened for I-Don't-Know-How-Many years).

I've signed the paperwork.

I even have a nifty little orange plastic bracelet on my arm coded to the blood bag I might need for a transfusion.

I watched them put the "Allergy Alert" sticker on my chart.

They've slotted me for about 3 hours on Monday afternoon at the hospital. Assuming all goes as planned, I can go home that night.

Clydas is taken care of by my a friend of mine who is down on his luck and is staying with me for a while. (SO grateful for that peace of mind.)

Now all that's left to do is a clear liquid diet tomorrow, something they call "bowel prep" (which means drinking some nasty solution until your colon runs clear - ew!), and check-in.

Oh yeah, and sleep is somewhere in there.

So down to the hourly count down.

I've yet to really sit down and cry about all this. I'll admit to having my tearful moments where I've wanted to give in to the fear of the "What-if-it's-Cancer" and all that. But I know that none of that will change anything. I'm hopeful and optomistic, but I'm also a realist that understands that sometimes life just doesn't make sense.
So I won't be blogging for a while, probably until next week. Many apologies!

The Answer to "So, How are you feeling?"

Quote of the blog: “When there’s an elephant in the room introduce him.”



– Randy Pausch
Today I've been asked about 4 times how I'm feeling. I really don't mind answering, but I wish I had more exotic or dramatic answer for you. It's such a broad question.

How am I feeling?

I usually start with the obvious answer: "Doing okay." or "I'm doing fine today." I realize that "fine" and "okay" have been redefined for me this past year. My "okay"  and "fine"  means, I'm awake, I still fit into my jeans so I'm not any more bloated than normal, and I'm not in any pain. Just tired and bloated.  "Fine"  emotionally means I'm not crying in a corner or feeling so out of control irritable that I can't handle it. (I've learned over the past 4 years that I can handle a lot more than I ever imagined on the emotional front.) "Okay" financially means I can afford a cup of tea at Barnes and Noble, but I won't be springing for dinner with friends anytime soon.

To expand upon that -
 My finances are coming under control. It's taken some hard work, but I keep reminding myself to just work my plan because it is working!  But financially I'll have to get back on my feet ASAP. My boss today expects about a week of recovery time. I can't afford to be out of work that long, and disability won't cover that short of a time frame, so I HAVE to be back at work full time as soon as I possibly can. That's my biggest financial concern right now.
 My emotions are a bit complicated right now. I do my best to live in the moment, not really set my heart on anything too far out of reach right now, and I try my best to ignore or make friends with the elephant in the room. I have the love and support of family and friends. I'm more worried about how I'm going to take care of my dog post-surgery (we live upstairs and he needs to be walked) than much of anything else.
  My physical state is the most complicated. I go in to have that problematic ovary removed on July 12th. I am tired all the time, and I'm sure stress has a lot to do with that. It takes a lot of effort to ignore the elephant in the room. The elephant is the possibility of ovarian cancer. I won't feel completely relaxed about that until I see a benign pathology report in my hot little hands. The bloating is from some sort of disease process going on down there. I drink a LOT of water and work out daily to try to keep it all as under control as possible, but there is only so much fluid flushing that helps. Weight loss is something I've always struggled with. I've had PCOS since I was a teen and that can make weight loss frustratingly difficult. But I'm plugging away. I make friends with the elephant when I decide to think about the possibilities (good and bad) and make plans for all possible outcomes. Having a plan makes me feel better.
  Overall, I'm hopeful (down right determined) to control what I can and let the rest go.

So that's the latest.

Now... where did I put my running shoes?

One more shopping trip

Hard to believe it's been almost a week since I've updated this!

Though I still have some goods left from my last shopping trip - I decided I wanted more than salad and scrambled eggs, so I went out shopping for the week - AND kept it under $30. AND bought different stuff. Impressed yet?  ;)

So, here's this week's haul. This time, I stopped at 2 different stores:

Not bad, eh?
I didn't bring a list with me this time. I knew what I was looking for. Another pack of crumpets, fruit, and another lean source of protien other than eggs. Something to liven things up wouldn't hurt too since I'm out of salsa and other spicy finds. 

Trader Joes (Total: $4.98)
1 packet blueberry crumpets
1 16oz bag of Turkey meatballs

Henry's (Total: $21.54)

1.91  lbs of Gala Apples
1 bunch celery
12 oz salsa
12 oz Colby cheddar cheese block

(I saved over $1 by not paying for the slices which cost an extra dollar for only 8 slices of cheese!) 1 lb Roma Tomatoes
(I still have 2 tomatoes left from last week's run, but I use 'em up quickly, and always by them a little on the firm side, so they last and are more flavorful.)1 package cloversprouts
1 Red bell pepper
(Eating colorful foods makes you feel more satisfied - that's why you can eat a TON of golden fried food. It's all one color!)
2 green bell peppers
(2 of these because they were on sale and are very versitile)1 Hass Avocado
1 package whole wheat pita bread
(My splurge since they were out of my favorite greek yogurt - the sale stuff went fast!)16oz extra firm tofu
(Under $2 and will last at least 2 good stirfry meals. I still have some Bok Choy to use up from last week.)1 Yellow onion
(I was out of my dehydrated onion I season things with, so why not go fresh for under $1?)3 Luna Bars
(Yum! $1 each)$.05 bag credit (since I brought my own shopping bag.

Grand total of groceries this week:$26.52

Yes, I could have cut out a few items and kept it under $20-$25, but I'm okay if it's just around $25. ;)

The grocery list

I've been asked "What's on your grocery list?" several times lately when people hear that I eat at least 6 times a day, eat healthy, and spend around $20/week on groceries. Oh yeah - and I purchase very very very few prepared foods. Due to my recent medical condition, I stay away from highly processed or hormone laden food. (Betcha didn't know that soy has an artificial estrogen in it that can really screw with women, and increase things like inflammation!) Even when I was married, it was rare that we spent more than $60/week on groceries. In fact, looking back now, I see a lot of areas where we could have saved more, had we taken the time to make more.

So here's my shoppers creed:
Spend money on QUALITY fuels for my body, not just QUANTITIES of food. Since I buy nearly everything fresh, I rarely "stock up".
I use up what I have first. That means if there are still veggies enough to make a salad, I'm not going to buy more.
Become sale savy and brand-name-blind. Ask yourself, "Do you really NEED chicken every week? Or can you do the pork chops that are on sale? What about eggs?"
NEVER EVER EVER shop hungry. Treat yourself to a latte or something while shopping to take your mind off your stomach. It's an investment your wallet and your waistline will thank you for.
Be open to trying new things.
Aim to stay balanced - buy fiber, protien, and greens.
Keep in mind what you are paying for. Often, it's convience. For example, you will get more for your money buying actual APPLES rather than packages of APPLE SLICES.  You're paying extra for LESS apple, and the convience of a bag to throw away instead of a core.
Shop around.
Bring your own bags. Most places in California will credit you $.05 each time you use your own back. Those nickles add up.
So, today was grocery day. Here's how it usually works:

Step 1:
Take stock of what you've got.

Step 2:
Decide on what you NEED. Not what you want. Not what you might need. Decide on what you NEED. What is a staple you can't go 2 days without? Buy that.

Step 3:
Know your local stores.Today I went to Trader Joe's, Henry's, and Target. Notice NO major chains are on this list. This is often the case. Sometimes they have good deals, but I find that often times smaller markets have better, less expensive fresh foods. I use places like Target for dry goods that Target usually buys in such a bulk that I save money going with them.Here was my list:
Luna bars (?)  - These make a great pre work out meal, BUT they can be more than I want to spend, so this was an "if they are available for a decent price and I feel I'd like them" item. NOT a staple. Often, I skip this item.
Fruit - This means I'm looking for a snack. Rule of thumb - must be under $1/lb. I find what IS on sale (sometimes it's several things) and go with that. Many times I've discovered new types of apples that I adore!
Cereal - This I am particular on. I've found that a tasty, crunchy, fiber filled cereal must also have protien to last me through the morning. I also have had problems with binging on sweet cereals or extra light cereals in the past. Yes, Rice Krispies may be cheaper, but they aren't filling, so I eat more of them adding not only useless fuel to my body, but end up spending more on my groceries since it takes several boxes to even come close to this particular cereal.
Crumpets - Love love love these little puppies. They are filling, tastey, low-cal treats - and usually under $3 a pack.
Eggs - This is on the list as a place holder for "inexpensive protien source". Eggs usually take the cake here, as long as they are under $2/dozen.
Frozen Veggies - I was considering these for a possible stir-fry w/ the tofu I have already in the fridge from last week's grocery run.

Here's what I got:

9.23 lb seedless Watermelon ($1.00/5lbs = $1.85) Henry's
1 package Crumpets ($2.49) Henry's
1 dozen large eggs ($1.19) Henry's
2.13 lb Boy Choy ($1.68) Henry's (I opted for this instead of frozen veggies. It gave me something different and versatile w/o making me adding 1 more stop to my grocery run. It was definately cheaper than the frozen veggies too.)
4 different flavors of non-fat greek yogurt (4/$5) Henry's
5 different flavors of Luna bars ($5.94) Trader Joe's (A box of 6 bars costs this price at Target, however they are all the same flavor. This was a treat purchase, so I opted to pay the extra few pennies to add some variety)
16 oz package of store brand frozen turkey meatballs ($2.69) Trader Joe's
16 oz jar of Peter Pan Crunchy Peanut butter ($1.89) Target (Low in sugar and cost, high in protien)
1 box Kashi Heart to Heart Cereal ($2.89) Target
DISCOUNTS: $.10 for use of my own bags.GRAND TOTAL OF THIS WEEK'S GROCERY RUN: $25.52Many of these things will last me well over a week. The peanut butter is to replace the one I am almost out of. Pair this with any veggie or apple and you've got a healthy snack.

So ladies and gents - that's how it goes!