Friday, July 6, 2012

Becoming a Professional Juggler - Cancer Making the Rounds...

Lately, I've been learning the age-old-art of juggling. While I've been married once before, been in a relationship with a single parent, and spend plenty of time flying solo before battening down the hatches with My Sailor (how do ya like those metaphors, eh?) I've never really been in a situation that involves so much juggling. Between trying to stay available for My Sailor's free days, making sure my own needs are met (like staying in good health physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally), and working full time plus hours, it can be really challenging not to just wig out.

 Add planning a destination wedding in under 90 days on top of all of that and the anxiety brought on by serious illness in the family, and I think I've earned a nervous breakdown.
Some days... Stitch and I are too much alike.

But the good news is, I've yet to have one.

Though I'm not so sure that's "good" news. To be entirely honest, lately I've had trouble getting out of bed during the days, and had trouble shutting my brain down to sleep through the night.

And don't get me started on my struggle to concentrate at work. (Though that's nothing new - same job for about 8 years w/ no raise or seniority benifits in sight makes it kinda tough to want to concentrate.)

I've been faithful to my weekly Zumba date and my friend and I have been e-training together (which basically consist of checking in with each other to see what we're doing to work out during any specific day). That's been helping me feel less disconnected lately - even though she's far away.

I'm learning every day how to juggle my needs and his. I NEED to get out more and do things I love. Filling my time away from My Sailor with sleep and work just isn't healthy anymore. When I was doing shows, sure, we had less time together, but our time together was really quality over quantity. Lately, quality time has consisted of me getting off work, us sitting on the couch watching a show for about an hour (or I watch and he sleeps), and then going to bed. Not that we don't have GREAT date nights, but it's sort of anticlimatic and our good friend "romance" has taken a back seat to "sleep" - which is sad. My Sailor has always been my romance, but the Navy just sucks it out of him- and, admittedly, it's hard to plan themed date nights at home and RAORs (Random Acts of Romance) when we have a roommate.  (Though reading that, it sure sounds like an excuse! Maybe I should take some notes from Hitch and "Try Harder, Stupid".)  He'll probably be going into night shifts soon. Blech. At least I can put my insomnia to good use and start working the 11pm-7am shift! Or maybe that's not exactly healthy either... hmmm...

And here we go juggling again.

Today I learned that my uncle (my Dad's brother) also has cancer. His is Prostate cancer has metastistized to his bones. Ugh... I just don't know what to say about it right now. I was never exceptionally close to my uncle, but I love him and it just...well... sucks.

It becomes clearer and clearer to me every day that Cancer is the Plague of our nation.

I could tell you there is a lot going on, but you can probably read. So I guess, all things taken into consideration, there is a good reason for my exhaustion and irritability.

Man - I need that escape to Disney more than ever now. One month from today we'll be landing in San Deigo... Stitch and Angel, Take me away!


  1. Sending you love, light, and strength! You can make it through this.

  2. You're a thoughtful me...I know how difficult life can be/is. Prayers for your uncle and best wishes on the wedding...can't wait to see pictures!