Today, while typing in a date on a work productivity report, it sank in that it's 2011.
At first, I thought there were far too many ones in that number for it be correct. I even double checked it against my calendar. But here it is, 2011. Wow.
When I think of where I was 10 years ago, 20 years ago, and yes, even 30 years ago (though I don't distinctly remember being 1 year old), I am astounded on how life changes us.
In 1981, my parents were probably getting use to me and figuring out how their family of 4 is going to work. They were probably looking into the buying the house I spent most of my childhood in.
In 1991, I was 11 years old and just dreaming about the freedom of high school. Creatively stiffled in a fairly strict k-8 school, I struggled with how to balance being a social outcast and yet deeply wanting to fit in, with my own personal values. It was the begining of the darkest time of my life. Though I was already overweight, I played every sport I could get my hands on to the best of my abilities. I found peace in things likes horseback riding, climbing trees, and writing stories and poetry. By the time I turned 16, I'd have been published a couple times, and had over 300 poems to my credit.
In 2001, I was celebrating my birthday with my family and then-fiancee. My world was being transformed into that of a married woman with no other real goals other than to be married. Oh, I had dreams, but no real plan on how to attain them. I'd written and recorded a few songs and been rejected from a few community theater productions. Life wasn't at an all-time low, but I was too blinded by wedding this and wedding that to see anything beyond that. The marriage wouldn't even last 5 years, but the ending of it would prove to be one of the biggest turning points in my life. I learned that someone you love should be part of your happiness, but not the only thing in life that makes you happy. I learned that there is a difference between active and passive support. I learned if someone can't keep their word about the little things, trusting them with big things is foolish. And most of all, I learned to trust my instincts. Saddly, I also learned to second guess myself, something that it's taken a long time to make peace with.
And now I'm here in 2011, about to celebrate my 31st birthday. Now, I'm an ambitious, strong, independent young woman who is surrounded by people who know me and love me for who I am, not what I can offer them. Old friends that have knonw I am a published author with a regular column in Celebrations Press Magazine. I'm following my passions. They are taking me places I never expected - like a probable move out of state come late March. As scary as stepping into new frontiers can be, I find that any adventure is worth the risk.
Life has taken me places I never expected, and back again. And ya know what? It's not a bad place to be.
This will probably be the last blog entry before I leave for my birthday trip to the East Coast tomorrow.
While I never expected that life would take me to where I am, I couldn't be more appreciative for the ride.
|"She will remember your name when men are fairy tales and books are written by rabbits."