Friday, October 23, 2009

When the shoe doesn't fit... don't force it

"Acceptance is not submission, it's acknowledgment of the facts of a situation. Then deciding what to do about those facts." - Unknown

I got to thinking today why my best friends are my best friends. And it all boiled down to one thing.


We've accepted one another for who we are without much questioning. It doesn't mean we don't challenge each other to grow. It doesn't mean we think every decision the other person makes is perfect. But it does mean that we accept each other who/what they are in the moment - and leave the "changes" that need to happen up to God.

I don't think there is a person out there who hasn't wished something about someone else was different. In fact, I'd wager most of us have tried to shoe horn someone into our ideas of what they should be. I know I've been guilty of that in my life. Maybe we think it'll make them better or happier. No doubt it's well intentioned. People rarely put that much effort into someone/thing they don't care about.

But when the shoe of our ideals doesn't fit someone else, there is really only one solution.

Get a bigger shoe.

I'm the type to listen when my friends point out something they feel is a flaw or that they wish was different about me. I weigh it out and see if it's something I want to work on, or not. Some things (like not being so hard on myself) is something that's been brought to my attention. I constantly work on that.

Other things - I don't work on. I don't see it as a flaw.


Two years ago, a couple of people very close to me had a conversation about me. One later told me, "We both wish you were more girly."

Honestly, that stung. But it's also not the first time I'd heard it. Each time, it felt like a slap. A good hard one.

While it is never intended to sting, it does.

It's a reminder how difficult it is for people to accept things that seem different.

In case you're a new reader, you may want to check out this entry: Rough and Tumble Chicks guide for Dummies.

I consider myself a woman of the durable variety. I don't complain about working up an honest sweat in the sun. I'd rather be there than in a gym. I rarely feel disappointment at breaking a nail. I can't tell you about the latest episode of 90210 because I was too busy playing with my dog or reading the latest fanatasy novel to watch it. I love a good pair of jeans, hiking boots, and a sweater, but I also love my little black dresses (and always look for excuses to wear them). I would rather spend my money going on trips and adventures than buying expensive make-up, though I love the occasional spa treatment and bubble bath. I love a good glass of wine just as much as a good mirco-brew. My ideas of camping involve a tent, not a hotel without roomservice. I can travel without a make-up case, but that doesn't mean I don't wear it when I want to. I can direct you to a fine dining resturant just as easily as I can direct you to a hole-in-the-wall pizza or mexican joint. My idea of "settling down" is something akin to climbing a mountain with my child on my back and my husband right beside me. 2.5 kids and a white picket fence has it's appeal, but it's never been a life goal for me.

I feel that being a little bit rough around the edges gives me the freedom to enjoy life on more levels than I could if I was worried about getting a dirty or maintaining the current style.

I'm not a girly girl. But it's been my experience that a level head is more valuable than the color or style of the hair coming out of it. So think Rough and Tumble women have our own charm.
Afterall, I enjoy being a dream chaser - and doing whatever is necessary to follow those dreams.

Everytime I think of that particular "shoe" others have tried to fit me into, it reminds me that, when I find I start to do the same thing - I need get a bigger shoe.


  1. I love you just the way you are, big shoes and all. :) Don't ever let someone CHANGE you, but continue to GROW. You are the one and only J Darling, and there is no better substitute.