Doctors doctors and more doctors

 

I work with doctors. They have a lot of my respect for their extended education and their often-selfless choice of occupation. However – in the end they are just people, and as capable as a mistake as an filing clerk.

All that said, I’m a pretty well informed patient. I do my own research and I work in the medical field, so I have at least a basic knowledge of how these things work. This either drives physicians nuts (like those that believe MD is actually greek for God), or it makes me a valuable player on “Team Heal-Me”. I’ve run into both types of MDs in this process of working through my own illnesses. I’ve found an MD that I trust and can now unload some of the gorier details for ya’ll.

Basically, my right ovary is about 5cm in diameter. From the imaging, we can tell that 4.6 cm of that is covered with something nasty. There is both a simple cyst and a mass there. So that leaves about .4cm of possibly functioning organ. Those aren’t good odds. So here’s the plan: While he’s going to try and remove just the growths, there is a very good chance he’ll just take the whole thing. At this point, it may be a safe, operating assumption that the whole thing has just become one nasty mess with little to no functioning ovary left to speak of. So we’ll be scheduling a laprascopic procedure for that within the next 2-3 weeks. Expected recovery time is about 1 week. That doesn’t mean I’ll be back up to full speed in 1 week, but I should be walking comfortably after that (which means, ½ marathon training, here I come!). Though the left one is also covered with cysts, we’re leaving that alone. Some of those maybe normal (for me anyway), and there’s no reason to throw myself into menopause right now.

Also, due to some bleeding issues I’ve been having, and some consistant pain/tenderness, I’m scheduled for an endometrial bx prior to that (June 2^nd). This is a simple outpatient procedure that doesn’t have any more of a recovery period than a really uncomfortable pap smear.


So, a reminder to all you folks out there in the blogsphere: ASK QUESTIONS, and DON’T BE AFRAID TO GET A 2^ND OPINION! If it weren’t for that, I’d still be in the “watch and wait” mode. We have some wonderful tools at understanding our health care decisions at our finger tips. USE THEM! Be educated and don’t be afraid to SPEAK UP if something doesn’t feel right. Be persistant. YOU KNOW YOUR BODY BETTER THAN ANYONE.

So, all that said, I’ll get off my soap box now and share some good news:

By the time all this really goes down, I should be transitioned to work from home FULL TIME! This will be a dream come true for me, and my company won’t miss out on my services all the time. Yes, it means I’ve had to slow my roll in the demanding world of theater, but I’ve met some wonderful people and have a great support mechanism out there.

Working from home will be a great boon in other ways as well. It may offer a solid income, flexibility in hours to persue my other dreams, and unbind me from my current location, should I decide to pick up and move when this lease expires.

Yes, every once in a while I get down and my inner child throws a minor “Why Me?!” pity party. But ya know what? It could always be a LOT worse, so I’m grateful that (right now) it isn’t. I also understand that there is a timing to everything in life. I have to understand that I am going into this when I’m supposed to, the way I’m supposed to. I have to believe there is some larger plan to all of this, even if that plan is to just share my story so someone else going through this won’t feel alone and ashamed. (Yes, I said “ashamed”. Though I understand I’ve done nothing to bring this upon myself, I have an intimate understanding of all the reasons why women feel ashamed when their body doesn’t cooperate in one of the unique things that a woman’s body is ‘supposed’ to be able to do. Afterall, 15 year old crack whores get pregnant without trying. There are also a lot of symptoms that go along with hormone related problems that can be very “dewomanizing” as well- and the American General Public does not judge these things lightly.)


So that’s the latest.

Please sign up to follow my more updated blog www.roastedbearmeat.blogspot.com too! (This one has contests and is far more entertaining than my moaning and groaning here.)

Where Imagination Meets Organization

Quote of the Blog: “First comes thought; then organization of that thought, into ideas and plans; then transformation of those plans into reality. The beginning, as you will observe, is in your imagination.”
Napoleon Hill

 

 

Maybe it’s spring.

Maybe it’s the move.

Or maybe – just maybe – I’m getting out of my own way – FINALLY.

But for the first time in I can’t remember when, I’ve begun living a more organized lifestyle on the regular.
Don’t get me wrong-  it’s still not “white glove” clean, but it’s not filled with dust bunnies either. I still have laundry to do and am still occasionally late for things, but I really feel like I’m getting my life together finally.

Moving has definitely played a strong role in this. Since I’ve downsized, I’ve found that things feel cluttered more easily, so I take care of the clutter more immediately than I did before. I’m learning that I not only enjoy that stress-free atmosphere when I’m at home – I need it! With my job (which requires me to deal with both disgruntled physicians and the government, on both Federal and State levels nationwide) I need that space to just be down time. It gives me the time and space to complete my “to do” list at home. I feel as though I am far less tolerant of my own excuses for not doing what I should.

 

Now, when I start working from home, it’ll be vital to keep things organized AND have “work space” and “home space”. My work space will be in my bedroom which is fairly small as it is. However, I have the capability to close up my computer cabinet and put it physically “out of sight”.

Also, working from home will be great for my health. I’ll be able to take a break and hit the pool or the on-property gym, or take Clydas for a quick jog around the block. I can do my laundry and my coding at the same time, and then have my evenings free for theater, Disney, or whatever tickles my fancy.

I have NO doctor’s appointments, lab pokes, or other tests this week, which feels great! I feel as though I can truly put those concerns on the back burner of my mind for the moment. Afterall, they are what they are and stressing out only makes such conditions worse.

I’m also finding that I’m on my feet more and on the couch less. This feels awesome. It’s a combo of both keeping up with the house chores and adding in P90X work outs to my every day. I’m off Medifast pretty much completely at this point (due to the diet being soy protein based and I’m limiting my soy given the current medical hiccups). I still plan on using a whey protein supplement for post work outs and a protein bar for a meal replacement. I now use Vanilla flavored, unsweetened Almond milk (when I do use milk). At 40 calories/cup, you can’t beat it! It’s also got a great hint of nuttiness.

That goes just fine by me – afterall, I’m a bit nutty myself! I’m reminded constantly that the only limits we truly have are those we put on ourselves.

A long overdue update

To take you, dear readers, on the roller coaster of emotions that I’ve been on lately would be unfair. But to be any less honest seems equally unfair, so here it is:

Medical stuff:
No answers yet, which is sufficiently irritating. Unfortunately, things like this can’t be rushed. Monday I went to the specialist that my amazing doctor recommended…. And it was a complete waste of time. After spending over 30 minutes waiting, I spent my remainder 10-15 minutes with the doctor convincing him to help me. Which resulted in him ordering more imaging and believing surgery to be unnecessary at this point. Um… okay… than why would my other (who’s known me for years, understands my conditions, and who has earned my trust) MD recommend me to you FOR SURGERY?
So I’m heading to yet another specialist in 2 weeks for a tie breaker opinion.  All of this reminds me that they are only “practicing medicine”. They haven’t gotten it nailed down quite yet. I won’t lie. The waiting isn’t easy. But there is nothing I can do but keep myself distracted and just live my life.

Hobbies and stuff:
Rasputin hadn’t even been closed for a full 7 days by the time I got to Tempe and competed in the 2010 SheRox triathlon. The heat and dehydration got the best of me through most of the race, but I’m so glad I did it. I got to share in Sistah’Girl’s first triathlon ever. And it lit a flame. She may be known as TriGirl someday, but for now, I like Sistah’Girl. It still fits. (BTW – she beat me by a minute! Way to go Sistah’ Girl!)
Sistah’Girl and I started a new blog. Check us out. We update a LOT more often than I update this one. I’ve been really tired lately and have really had to figure out where to focus my energy.

Work Stuff:
This month I’ll be transitioning to work from home! Yeah! I can’t wait.

Roommate stuff:
Still just a few nibbles on this front, but I’m still hopeful!

More later, but that’s it for now!

Of MRIs and other things

This is my blog so this is as fair a place to rant as any. I’ve had 6 needles poked into me over the last 12 days. 3 of them were successful. And they have all bloomed into beautiful shades of purplish-redish-yellowish bruise-tasticness.

Yesterday, I had my first MRI. That was a strange experience. Nothing like being in a noisy tube for 20 minutes being told to “breath quietly” so as not to move my abdomen too much. So much for that deep yoga breathing. While I’m not claustrophobic, it’s slightly panic enducing to see the tube be about 4 inches from your nose. Thankfully, only ½ my head was in, so I got to peek at the edge of the tube, if I looked up a bit.

While laying there and trying to concentrate on relaxing and keeping still, my mind was completely in the moment. I looked at the few scratches on the GE MRI appliance, and wondered if they had happened during shipping. I wondered about the little green marks on it. I wondered about how warm the sides of the tube felt against my upper arms (which where touching it). I wondered if that innvoulentary leg spasm I just had would ruin the image. I tried to think of ways to reengineer these things to be less noisy – like adding inexpensive padding on the inside. When the room got quiet, I started to wonder about the little tweeting noises in my headphones. Did they pipe in quiet natural forest sounds to help people relax? I wondered what the contrast would feel like when the MD injected me with it. I’d heard it felt “warm”. I’ve also seen my mom get aggressive IV hydration before and be shivering because it was cold.  I wondered if it would be a simple injection or an IV. I wondered if he’d get a vein on the first try, or if he’d just use my hand. I wondered if I’d have a reaction to it. I wondered about the people who design these technological marvels…

But that was all covered in about 30 minutes.

For the next 10, I was someplace else, listening to the squeaks, whirs, clicks and thuds of the imaging machine surrounding me. My brain tried to make words out of the odd noises. For a while, it sounded like it was saying, “Ow! Ow! Ow!” in sympathy pains, with each click, whir, and thud. Then it was saying something with a P that I couldn’t quite make out… In the end, the machine had nothing intelligible to say.

I wondered if I’d be able to actually LOOK at the images that were being taken. I wanted to see what they looked like.

I thought about all the times Randy Pausch must have gone through these kinds of things – and was suddenly grateful for life in general.

I should get all my test results in less than 24 hours from the time I post this. That waiting time will be filled with work, rehearsal, and best of all, sleep. So we’ll see what happens.

And the beat goes on - A lesson in anatomy

Good news -
My lab results and ultrasound results are in!

More good news -
The labs looked good. No major problems or hormone imbalances at the moment. Yeah!

Now the not-so-good-news -

My ultrasound showed multiple cysts on multiple ovaries. This isn't a surprise. Afterall, it's what PCOS is all about.

But it also showed fluid surrounding the left one, which is usually the result of a cyst rupturing. Great... but at least it explains some of the symptoms I've been having.

But wait - there is more not-so-good news.

Among the bunches of cysts on the right ovary were 2 large "complex masses". This means they appeared solid and irregularly edged. So "What does that mean?"

Well, most cysts are like internal blisters. They are filled with fluid and when they burst, it hurts, but it's not the end of the world. In fact, my hormones are probably normal right now because of that ruptured cyst on the left side. See, my theory is that the crazy period I had last month was due to the cyst being inflamed (much like a blister) until it burst. Once it did, the inflamation was gone and the hormones dipped back down.

So "What's next?"
Lab tests for CA 125 levels and an MRI.

That's right folks - we're testing for cancer.

While there is no established link between PCOS and Ovarian Cancer, it would seem a logical leap (from where I sit anyway). But we'll see.

"How do you feel about all this?"
I have great friends and family that are helping me through. While nothing can take the place of that inimate bond of a husband or dedicated life partner at home to help me through, this "is what it is" and I'll get through it - no matter what the DX.

Thankfully, I'm still not really in pain. (As I "should" be, according to just about every medical text.) So I still plan to finish the show and the triathlon, unless something urgent should need to be done within the next 3 weeks.

So there you have it. The results are in and... well, we've pretty much ruled out Endometriosis and Fibriods. Yeah?

The results still aren't in, but ...

That whole "nail in the coffin" of having bio kids seems to be about to be hammered in just a little further as I get older.

Good thing adopting has always been strong on my radar. I've never really had a strong desire to have anything look like me, but it would (admittedly) have been cool to tell my husband that he's going to be a father and to go through the craziness that is pregnancy. But as both of those (having a husband and being pregnant) look like distant future things at this point in time, I'm just coping with what I know.

Why am I discussing this on a blog?

Because these are the silent things women go through and DON'T talk about, which often leave us feeling like less of a woman because we aren't "normal". There is nothing more frustrating than hearing about a teenager "oops" and get pregnant, and couples that try and try for years and suffer through the heart break of not being able to concieve. I never want any of my female readers to have that "I'm less than a woman" or "I'm on the outside looking in" about these physical things that are simply beyond our relm to control.

So right now I'm holding my breath, subjecting my self to some labs and ultrasounds, and - well - I'm reasonably ticked off at The Big Man Upstairs because I'm not getting my way about things in life.

And if there is one being that can handle one bent out of shape woman -it's God.

Quote of the blog: "Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life. Don't let them scare you unduly, for they keep bordem at bay and spark creativity."

Tonight my brother and I took a break from life and used his gift card at the K-1 Speedway Race Track.

When we strapped into the cars, I was in the first position. He was right behind me.

By the time we finished that race, I was second to last. He was last.

We followed that race up with another one.

He started, 2 cars ahead of me.

Life is all about uncertainty. Sometimes the things we think are most certain are actually as fluid as water. I've hit some substantial financial stumbling blocks that have caused a huge amount of uncertainty, but oddly enough, I have a peace about the whole thing. I feel like everything is just going to work out somehow.

I'm not sure what the future has in store, but it will. And I'll be okay.