|Difference between April and June? 3 pounds. That's it. #dethronethescale|
Since this one is full of progress photos, let's stick with translation.
When I started, I weighed 218lbs and I was looking to "lose weight".
After a month or two, I had GAINED 10lbs.... but I was encouraged to stick with the process. Luckily, I'd taken progress photos when I started, so I could see the changes from an angle I don't normally see myself. (Honestly, when is the last time you took a good hard look at your back?!)
It took about a year for the scale to show changes below my starting number. Even now, the scale is the LAST one on board with my body's changes. I've gone down to nearly 192, and I'm currently 197 as of this morning. I'm not worried about the 'gain' one bit. But that's because I realized, though I haven't lost the magical 30 pounds I was looking to lose when I started training, I have achieved what I was looking for in so many ways.
See - for me, what I was really saying when I said, "I want to lose weight" was "I need to be free." Free from what?
Free from having a great time on vacation, only to get home and crop all the photos like crazy because my hips were wider than my shoulders...
Free from writing down every single bite that I threw into my mouth, restricted to Lean Cuisines and 64 ounces of water a day...
Free from that tiny seed of self loathing when I looked in the mirror and felt unattractive.
Free from being the slowest, worst soccer player on the indoor soccer team I'd joined with My Sailor.
Free from having to go to a select store or two because no one else sold clothing in my size that had any resemblance of 'style'.
Free from dreading a flight on an airplane because my hips would ooze out under the arm rests...
Free from a desk job that I'd been wrestling with for years but had been unable to find something I loved and could get paid for.
There is no doubt I'm working harder than ever to earn every bit of that desired freedom... but here's the thing... it's paid off entirely. I care far less about the scale. Granted, I still generally need to have an idea of my weight for lifting and competing purposes, but I no longer look at a menu and jump onto an app on my phone to find the "point" or "calorie" value of the meal. I eat what fuels my body appropriately. I actually look forward to airplane flights. Sure, I still have long legs, so those tiny seats will never have enough leg room, but I fit in a seat now. The prospect of a trip gets me started thinking up an Airport WOD to blast out during my lay over. The looks I get from people in the airport are PRICELESS, and it keeps my on track while I travel. I don't really worry about clothes shopping much. I don't avoid mirrors. I don't crop the heck out of photos I'm in anymore. I'm far from the worst player on the soccer team anymore. In fact, I'm an asset now.
And as for the desk job?
It's a night job that's helping me solidify the reality of making the rest of this very real.
There are no accidents. Sometimes the journey we start out to take is just the momentum we need to get moving - and then the road takes us exactly where we're meant to be. I can't imagine living without the lessons I've learned along the way, and I'm excited to see what's right around the corner.
Awesome as always, Jay!!! You are such an inspiration!!!ReplyDelete
Freedom - so funny that you said that here. That's how I'm feeling. Like life is real again. I am not quite halfway through whole 30 and I already feel like I'm committed to staying paleo and enjoying food and my life.ReplyDelete