Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Missing Peices on Thanksgiving


Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I'll be celebrating it with My Sailor! It's also something of a special anniversary for us, and it's (finally) safe to say that this year, we'll get it right. (Because someone else is doing the cooking. ;) )
He's not sure if he'll have Friday off, but I'll take Thursday and run with it!

My Brother and Dad

As the holiday approaches, I'm excited and a saddened too. I find myself listening to classical music and talk radio more than usual.

Why?

Because Dad used to listen to them while he worked from home.

Lately, I've been drinking my coffee black (the only healthy way to drink it anyway).

Why?

Dad, Me, Mom
 Sometimes I get paranoid that I won't be able to remember the sound of his voice.

Then My Sailor reminds me that I just need to relax about it.

Because the truth is, I'll never forget.

My Dad was far from perfect. It's easy to make someone who's past away seem only angelic in hindsight. But no matter his flaws, he was My Dad. And no matter our flaws, he loved his family. I keenly remember the feeling of love in the house as the fear ran rampant during Dad's final weeks. The love seemed to outweigh the pain and the fear. It was nearly a palpable haze that filtered through each room of the house.
Dad and His Brother
 These first holidays without him are odd. There is a certain strangeness to knowing that I don't need to call him to talk to him.


Because Dad used to.

I have so many wonderful memories of holidays spent with my family, even if Thanksgiving was probably my least favorite. 'Feasting' has never really been my thing. Last year, my family had an early Thanksgiving together (where most of the above photos are from). This year, we're scattered throughout the country. My brother is working in California (group homes don't shut down just because it's a holiday - someone has to be there for the kids and that someone is usually my brother). My mom is headed to the house of friends in Arizona. My Sailor and I are staying local to our Washington region, especially since we didn't know if he'd have the day off until last night, and we still don't know if he'll have the day after off.

When we make a trip back to California in December, I know I'll be visiting Dad's grave marker and his memorial stone at the San Deigo Public Library. (Dad was really excited about the library, but never got to see it completed. He was a big reader. He has a memorial stone there now.)

I'm truly did win the Parent Lottery. Both of my parents have been amazing examples of what it's like to claim someone as family, not because they look like you or sound like you,
but just because they are who they are.
And that makes you a family.
It's made this whole journey into adoption a lot less scary.
It makes it a little easier for me to tap into that faith that our kids are out there.
It makes it easier to believe that we (My Sailor, our future kiddoes, and me) are a family; we just don't know it yet.

So, in honoring the experience of missing Dad, and the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, I'll close this blog with a link to something I wrote back in April, because it just seems fitting.

Dear Dad, Thank You

Take some time to hug your family and friends a little closer this Thanksgiving.

2 comments:

  1. So endearing reading some memories of your Dad. I wish you the blessed heart full of wonderful memories to always be with you today and every day. ((hugs))

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