So, there was no game night last night. My Sailor didn't get off work until about 9pm. By then, he was exhausted. After work, I did nearly all the housework (need to finish cleaning the bathroom) and folded laundry while I waited for him to get off. Yeah, I was disappointed, but he only had an hour and a half of waking time left by the time we got home. So game night will probably happen next week. This week sounds like a bunch of long hours and nights away from home.
Boo hiss.
However, it gave me a good chance to chat with my mom for a while. She caught me up on how things are going back in my home town. And the more we started to talk, the more I noticed the similarities in our lives. And ya know what? I'm kinda proud to be becoming like my mom.
For example, in my youth I felt so inadequate that I was always afraid that anyone I cared for would realize I'm not what they want and leave. And I mean "anyone". Friends, family, lovers, etc. I was on a constant track to try to impress them all and make them happy so that they'd keep me around. I discovered that a lot of this had to do with my own insecurities, and a run-away issue of abandonment (a common issue among adoptees).
One thing that came along with this was a BAD case of jealousy. The green eyed monster was quite a challenge for me when I was younger.
Now, I've taken some risks that panned out, and I have a lot more confidence behind me. And it's a MUCH more comfortable place to be - let me tell you! If there is something I don't like about myself, I don't worry that someone else will see my flaws. I just do what I can to take care of the issue for myself.
Anyway, since My Sailor's schedule is so crazy (and cell phones aren't allowed), I'm glad for the confidence and security I feel here. Other than the usual military family worries (such as, "I hope he's healthy," etc) I don't worry about us. I'm confident we'll make the best of our time together, and that we'll be okay - whenever he gets home. I understand more now how my mom must feel when my dad travels for work. It is what it is and you make the most of what life has given you.
I can't wait to help them celebrate 40 years together in 2 weeks when they come to visit!
Boo hiss.
However, it gave me a good chance to chat with my mom for a while. She caught me up on how things are going back in my home town. And the more we started to talk, the more I noticed the similarities in our lives. And ya know what? I'm kinda proud to be becoming like my mom.
For example, in my youth I felt so inadequate that I was always afraid that anyone I cared for would realize I'm not what they want and leave. And I mean "anyone". Friends, family, lovers, etc. I was on a constant track to try to impress them all and make them happy so that they'd keep me around. I discovered that a lot of this had to do with my own insecurities, and a run-away issue of abandonment (a common issue among adoptees).
One thing that came along with this was a BAD case of jealousy. The green eyed monster was quite a challenge for me when I was younger.
Now, I've taken some risks that panned out, and I have a lot more confidence behind me. And it's a MUCH more comfortable place to be - let me tell you! If there is something I don't like about myself, I don't worry that someone else will see my flaws. I just do what I can to take care of the issue for myself.
Anyway, since My Sailor's schedule is so crazy (and cell phones aren't allowed), I'm glad for the confidence and security I feel here. Other than the usual military family worries (such as, "I hope he's healthy," etc) I don't worry about us. I'm confident we'll make the best of our time together, and that we'll be okay - whenever he gets home. I understand more now how my mom must feel when my dad travels for work. It is what it is and you make the most of what life has given you.
I can't wait to help them celebrate 40 years together in 2 weeks when they come to visit!
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Hey, I think becoming like our moms is a great thing. After all, it shows a little bit of maturity, right? Knowing that I am like my mom used to bother me a lot, but now I really enjoy it. I pray my kid is only half as stupid as I was growing up (for both our sakes lol)
ReplyDeleteSorry about game night, but you'll get to play soon enough.
ReplyDeleteFunny how our perceptions change over time and with maturity. Sounds like you're doing just fine.