I haven’t updated this blog in a while, so here’s a brief run down of the latest:
I am now officially working from home. Yeah! It’s a bit isolating, but I love saving money on commuting! My budget is still tighter than I’d like, but it’s progress! I will really see a difference in about a month.
On the medical front – my Endometrial Biopsy came back completely normal. Yeah! Now I’m just awaiting surgery scheduling. I put in a call to the scheduler, so hopefully I’ll have a date set by the end of the week.
On the other fronts -
I had an interesting discussion with my parents recently. We talked about my lack of long term goals. Sure, I’ve always been a big dreamer, but things like worry and every-day-concerns have a way of building up and robbing us of those big aspirations sometimes. And lately, that’s where I’ve been living.
Getting the biopsy back normal really helped me put things in a healthier perspective. It reminded me that I don’t have to put my life on hold for this surgery. Odds are that I will live through it just fine (and may even feel better after all this is over).
But that didn’t remind me why I wasn’t setting goals.
Well, I have always been a big dreamer/goal setter. And many of those things have become a reality. But I realized that many of those things were what they were because I had someone to share it with.
For example: How many times have to done something that was really good for your spirit, because you were enabling someone else’s dream? My personal example is the Disney California Adventure Danskin Women’s Triathlon I did. I NEVER would have considered doing it myself. I did it because my friendship to Bonnie more or less demanded it of me. And it changed my life. I wouldn’t trade that experience for the world. Now I train for all sorts of events, and I see the deep spiritual value in becoming in tune with your body. I don’t doubt I never would have had that experience if a good friend hadn’t come up to me and said, “Will you do this with me?” During that race, I found a confidence I didn’t think I had. Even today when things feel tough, I’m reminded, “You’ve done TWO freakin’ TRIATHLONS! YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!” I’m better for the experience.
But after a few strong disappointments, I realized that others I cared deeply for don’t work in that same “go get ‘em” mind frame. They have been disappointed so strongly and so regularly though life that they truly believe it’s better to live without expecting anything of themselves or anyone else. Afterall, isn’t it better to be pleasantly surprised than brutally disappointed?
After this discussion with my folks, I realized that I had bought and internalized that mindset more than I thought myself. Sure, I’ve had my fair share of disappoints. I could list them out here – but that seems self defeating. If you’ve read my blog or know me personally, I’m sure you’re aware of what they have been through my life. So here’s the conclusion I came to after mulling over the words of some of the wisest people I know:
It’s OKAY to expect things of yourselves and others. Yes, you’ll get disappointed, but if you don’t risk it, you’ll never know.
Build a plan and work your plan. Make it realistic and doable. You can’t account for everything, but you can have a plan in pencil.
Get support and accountability! If you’re married, you probably already have this built into your life. I know it’s an aspect of partnership that I was better for, and look forward to sharing again with someone someday.
TRUST YOURSELF. Just like my body knew it could finish that triathlon, but my mind doubted it during each event – if God really has something I’ve banked on in my plan, than it’ll work out. If not, then the journey will have been part of my ultimate path anyway and I can learn from it. What’s the WORST case scenario? I learn something I didn’t know before. That sounds like a Win Win to me!
So my goals aren’t “get through surgery”. They are grander, yet doable things. Most of which require some changes in my lifestyle.
But change isn’t a bad thing.