Friday, March 18, 2016

I Ate Cookies Today. So Sue Me.

That's right, dear readers, it's time to catch you up.

Here we are, finally hitting spring 2016 - after an unusually long, cold, windy, rainy season in Washington. I'm happy to report that the business building is on the slow, steady advance and I have some awesome, new clients I'm pretty excited about. Folks are getting out of training what they  put in, and its exciting in the gym.

I'm getting back to lifting more and more. It still feels frustratingly slow, but I hope to be competing this summer or fall, or both, once again. The mom pouch belly and hips are hanging around, but I'm sure they'll eventually melt off as I keep chipping away at life here.

We've gotten smarter with our bills and are looking forward to all the fun home matinence and work that comes with better weather.

But, yes, you read the title right. While things are generally on the upswing, today I lost sight of that for just a little bit and finished some gluten free (yet not healthy) cookies and bottled Tazo (aka sugar filled) tea on my way home from work. Luckily, it was an hour long commute, so it's not like I was stuffing my face, but it did give me a second to realize it was a very old bad habit coming back to haunt me. I had a bad habit of eating in the car, usually sweet stuff, when heading into a stressful situation. It came as a mild shock to realize that this meant I saw home as 'stressful'.

And, well, it can be. Right now, it's looking like My Sailor will be signing back up for the next re-enlistment. Now, don't get me wrong; I completely support whatever his choice is. It will mean deployments again, for a few years. Which means, on an emotional level, he and Beanie Girl will miss out on 1/2 a year together just about every year from 2-5 years old, and then again from 8-12 years old. That's a bit sad. Add to it that our 'tag team parenting' manuver obviously won't work anymore for work and, well, it's going to be an interesting time. I'm sure we'll figure out something. I'm really lucky to work at a Y and to have some resourceful folks ready to lend a hand if I need one.

But tonight, instead of looking at the big picture, all I could see was the, "he's mad at me because I worked out and didn't rush home" and he has a reason to, since, pike I said, in a few years he may be gone for 1/2 the year, so it's up to us to make quality time where we can.

But the less-than-delicious cookies and too-sweet tea reminded me that, no matter how prepared I am for it, it's still stressful. As long as I recognize it (and don't turn to cookies routinely), we'll be just fine. And, yes, as important as it is for me to take care of every one and everything else, I have to put myself near the top of that list. Even if that means some days asking My Sailor, a friend, or YMCAs Child Watch to watch Beanie Girl for just a few more minutes...

'Cause if Mama ain't happy, no one's happy.

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