Saturday, March 24, 2012

Sometimes things get a little heavy...

So I've been pretty quiet since we got back from our trip. While we had a great time, the day after we returned, we found the house we want to buy and embarked on the maze that is the house buying process.

While I'm excited about it, I'm also nervous about making such a large purchase. Anyone with any sense will tell you NOW is the time to by property. Interest rates are low, prices are low, and rent prices are going up, up, up (at least in WA). Our place is TINY and I'm so done with apartments...At least this one!

 I'll admit, I thought this process would be easier! I kinda assumed My Sailor would be helping out, or it would magically take care of itself. But the Navy doesn't care that we're buying a house. He's so tired when he gets home (and I can't blame him for that), he just wants to check out and relax. And if there is house-buying Pixie Dust, Tinker Bell is hoarding it.

So I'm pretty much in charge of 98% of the process. Reworking my work schedule so that I can drive 2+ hrs to sign papers or be present for 3-4 hours for inspections has been stressful. The good part about this is that it's getting us debt free pretty quickly! We're more motivated than ever to get debt free. My Sailor will be completely debt free by the 15th of April! We'll have to celebrate - but he'll have to pay, because I'm still a year + away from that goal.

The downside is, I haven't stopped working a single day since we got back from our trip on March 11th. Today is the 24th. That's 14 days straight without a day off work. "Why?" Because, while I've made HUGE strides in some old credit cards (everything current), I have yet to be able to pay everything off. See, I'm the chief breadwinner, so a bulk of the bills also come out of my paychecks. The upside? My company is offering overtime forever. Well, at least until the end of the month.

And since there is the very real possibility that we'll be house poor in 2 months (and, as I mentioned above, I'M not yet debt free - 2 old credit cards I've been chipping away at and making progress, plus the rental cars from our recent trip, a dental bill, and Clydas' surgery pay off finishing up), and I'm the chief breadwinner, I need all the overtime I can get. 

But at the same time, I'd by lying if I said I wasn't battling some stress-induced depression here.  Man, does my head get heavy with all the hats it's wearing! Breadwinner, breakfast chef (I like that job since it's the only meal My Sailor and I can semi-reliably eat together on a nearly-regular basis), grocery shopper, bill juggler, maid, legal affairs coordinator, and Boxer mom (I like this job most of the time too)... I don't have enough head to fit all of them.

All I can do is keep going at it, one hat at a time. I've said it before and it's equally true - this life has redefined "hard" for me in so many ways. But in an equal number of ways,  I wouldn't trade it for the world. I just need to figure out how to make this writing thing work out. Work takes so much out of me, that I haven't been able to write much at all lately. It's emotionally and energy draining, and with taking on the expense of a house, there are no plans for me to cut back on working at all (though my office will have a killer view if this house thing does manage to materialize).

And did I mention a good chunk of this may be hormonal? Unlike some women, I don't worry about being pregnant when I miss a couple pills (like I accidentally did earlier this week). I just start my time of the month a few weeks earlier. Joy... Always comforting to know I'm a natural walking contraception. (I should find a way to bottle this stuff. I could make some serious money off of my DNA! ;) )

Just realizing recently that I've been struggling with situational depression, I decided to look back on when I felt really happy and hopeful and note what was different.

Well, when I first moved up here, I was really happy. The only major differences have been added bills (house buying expenses - even if we back out now, we've already invested a lot of money in it, insurance and payments on the new-to-us and much-needed car) and the fact that I haven't been working out like I used to, and I was actively looking for face-to-face social outlets.

Instead of working out, I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to get things done, but no accomplishing much when all is said and done - and taking zero time to do something healthy for me just because it feels good. I haven't actively been following theater, singing, or writing because I can't do those and make myself available for whenever My Sailor is around (the Navy doesn't give them weekends off ya' know), juggle working OT, regular household stuff (it's just like he's deployed, only there is more laundry, dishes, and trash), and house buying stuff. (Or looking for a back-up plan rental in case this falls through - never count your chickens before they are hatched!)

While I haven't been able to find a time on the calendar when I can do a show (or much of anything else for that matter), I can AT LEAST take better care of ME during this challenging time. My original intention was to make an unbreakable appointment with the YMCA (a membership I haven't used in months, but am paying for...) a few times a week, I ended up taking the other road - Adding my mile long walk/run back into my day. I usually take the dog and, instead of focusing on time, I focus on checking out. Those 10-15 minutes are my own glorious "check out" time.  I focus on looking up, instead of down, enjoying being OUTSIDE (something possible now that spring is here) and breathing some fresh air, and overall just doing what a podcaster I know of aims for - Run Happy.

So far, it's really helped. That work out time is my sanity.

And now... it's back to work.

April 1st I might just have to find some way to celebrate...

Maybe it'll be by not working?

1 comment:

  1. Lots of activity - no wonder you're stressed. It is difficult to juggle all those things and stay positive. Just get back to making some you time and using it for you - it does help with the stress.