The Quick and Dirty Honest Update

The reason behind our Spokane Adventure - Lindsey Stirling!
She's an amazing contemporary violinist. Click Here to See one of my favorite songs.

As our last holiday as a twosome approaches, I figured it's about time for a photo heavy, short and sweet update. We've taken advantage of some of the time and snuck off for a quick overnight trip to Spokane. Neither of us have ever been to Eastern Washington, so it was a nice little get-away. We had gotten tickets months before for the Lindsey Stirling concert. It was completely worth it, even though we got seated next to someone who clearly belonged at a metal concert, rather than Pop violin music. Either way, it was totally worth it. I can't wait until more of the world sees this amazing talent.

The next day, we explored Riverfront Park, which was GORGEOUS.

And, in case you're wondering, yes, I am looking more and more pregnant, but it didn't stop me from getting in a good 5 miles or so around the city.  I couldn't have helped but think that my dad would have loved a trip like this - good food (we'd stopped at an Irish pub for dinner), great music, and a trip to a historic (beautiful) park and library. It would have been completely up his alley, and the thought of that made me smile. It eased some of the bittersweet feelings that sometimes creep up on me when I get to thinking too much about him missing out being a grandfather. But those thoughts are quickly remedied by remembering that he's not missing out. This is the adventure all of us were supposed to have - and it's perfect just the way it is.

 

A couple weeks later, we had some good fortune and ended up doing a quick trip to California, thanks to some frequent flier miles, a friend with a cabin, and some Disney Gift Cards I'd saved up for a rainy day.
 

Obligatory Pre-parade smooch

I wasn't sure what to expect from this trip, other than knowing that I wanted to see some of the 60th up close and personal - and My Sailor hadn't been to Disney in FAR too long. The funny thing was, it was actually kind of nice and relaxing. Sure, there were a few rides I didn't go on (lap belts and baby bumps don't mix), but we had a good time just soaking in the atmosphere. I was concerned about our shoestring budget, but ya know what? When I look back on this trip, I barely remember the cut backs we made. I remember going on the Haunted Mansion a few times - seeing the Hatbox Ghost up close and personal. I remember My Sailor getting his first set of Mouse ears, and watching the Paint the Night Parade a little overwhelmed by the thought that the next time I see a Disney Parade in person, it'll be with The Bean (on the outside, rather than the inside).  I'll remember the new World of Color and the way it was a fitting tribute to Walt.

As for everyday life, I'm still working out - and yes, it's all plenty safe.

The biggest challenges I've found with workout have come from overheating (hard not to do in the dead of summer - and the hottest, dryest summer Washington has seen in a long time) and low blood sugar. (Yes, my gestational diabetes test came back as clean as a whistle.) I've learned to sip at something sweet while I workout, and I keep a piece of fruit or two close at hand throughout the day. I take a few more rest days, but I'm still moving well, and that bodes well for me, The Bean, and recovery.




I went to a friend's baby shower - the first baby shower I didn't avoid. Some friends will be helping us out with throwing us a shower soon as well - which will ease some of the worry.

New parents always worry - so I expected that. Granted, it's nearly all financially based. See, Washington state doesn't have any temporary disability program for new mothers, and I work for myself, which means I can take as much leave as I want - if I'm willing to rebuild the business and/or take the financial hit. Since summer has been a bit of a slow season (which is awesome in some respects - ensuring I can physically get enough rest), it means I need to be back in the gyms training folks as soon as I can walk again. We're looking into places that offer daycare before 6 weeks of age. It'll be tricky, but ya know what? We're not the first people to figure it out. We won't be the last.

It's amazing the amount of judgement that comes with parenthood. And I'm sure we'll make our fair share of mistakes, but ya know, that's our journey - Mine, My Sailor's, and The Bean. In the end, every family does what works for them.

I'm hoping to be able to put together a 5 day trip to one of the Disney parks over the holidays, but we'll see how it all rolls out. For now, we're taking it one days a time.

And it's still good.

Dear Dad, 'Because of You'

Dear Dad,

I know when you passed away, the idea of being a grandfather was likely wasn't even a twinkle in your mind. A friend of mine mentioned recently that she thought it was a great tragedy for a child to grow up without a grandparent close at hand, but honestly, I never really saw it that way. To me, The Bean will know you - even if he/she never gets to meet you. Too much of me is made up of what I learned from you for you to ever truly be absent from his/her life.

My Sailor and I, Index, WA, June 2014

Because of you, I married this awesome goof ball. You approved immediately - and you were right. He drives me nuts sometimes, but I wouldn't have it any other way. There is a quiet strength about My Sailor and I - that 'giving up is not an option' mentality that I recognize. I recognize it because I got to see it you and Mom.
Because of you, I am incredibly patient. I think that's a skill that has done me well over the years, and likely something I picked up from you. I've learned there is a difference between being patient, and being a doormat. I've learned to remember that words have power.

Because of your love of travel, I will always be restless, with a slightly overdeveloped healthy sense of adventure. Even when we were paycheck to paycheck, you made sure we got out and saw the world, even if it a local adventure. Because of that -  traveling, from luxury resorts and fine dining...

Turtle Bay Resort, Oahu, HI, July 2014

to daring adventures...

Shark Adventure Clip 1
Clip 1
Posted by Jay Humenay on Wednesday, July 23, 2014

to exploring the wilderness...

Lake Crescent hiking, June 2014

and theme parks...

Downtown Disney, California, 2013

will always be part of my family's life. Sure, it might mean we carry a little but of debt into eternity, but that is little cost for an expanded world view.

Because of you, I have silly, always affectionately intended, names for things and people occasionally. I think you might have beaten me to nicknaming The Bean, but because of you I have the patience not to rush and put a name to someone I've yet to really meet.

Because of you, I went to the school of hard knocks and opened my own business, understanding that it's better to be happy and give back to the world than live in pretty golden handcuffs. So, because of you, I get to empower people to change their lives every single day. Though you never got to see me as a strength competitor and coach, I have no doubt you'd approve, and applaud the whole way along.

Because of you, The Bean will end up knowing about such inside family jokes as 'Bob and Billy' and 'Sam the Snake'. Those little things I grew up with that I (eventually) rolled my eyes at are now part of the family legacy.  A child doesn't need to meet their grandparents to know them.

Because of you, April 1st is no longer 'April Fools Day' - but instead, it's the day I said my last 3 words to you in this life. I was lucky enough that they were "I love you, goodnight." Some people never get that much.

A lot of things in life shape us into the people we are today. My impending parenthood helps me reflect on that and truly absorb that. 

Because of You, it's a little easier to be me.

Brother, Dad, Mom, Me, and My Sailor, 2012

Tipping the Scales, and Finding Some Balance

(Video complete with narration... ooo... cool... a vlog...2 weeks ago above. Last week's 100lb snatch at the bottom of the blog...)
Today I went in for one of the millions of tests many 'high risk' mothers go in for. It's a simple blood draw, but still the insisted on weighing me in. Now, I don't put too much stock in the scale as a measure of health and fitness, but I'll admit to still having that mild moment of deep-seeded panic when I go to step on the scale.  I've gotten to the point now though, as the scale slowly climbs ever higher, that I try not to pay attention at all. In truth, I don't take my shoes off or try to weigh less than I do.  Doctor's offices tend to weigh me in at the WORST times of day anyway.
  But I'll admit to a quiet bought of "WTF?! OMG I'm getting FAT!"  when I got on the scale today at the doctor's office and saw a triple digit number I struggled with for a couple years appear on the scale - and it didn't start with a 1.

Now, keep in mind that this was likely the WORST time of day to weigh in. I hadn't gotten adequate sleep and I'd just eaten a real breakfast less than an hour before. So it's likely the weight displayed was about 5lbs off, but the truth of the matter reminds.

I'm getting bigger.

And I'm going to continue to get bigger - odds are.  Okay, so I've put on about 15lbs and I'm about 1/2 way through my pregnancy. Not so bad, all things considered. It's been a really good test in positive self-talk, as well as a great way to be conscious about my own body image. Even as a Coach and Trainer, we all have our hang ups. It's how much we let those hang ups dictate/impact our lives that we have a choice about. A conscious choice.

So I could have gone around all day, feeling much  more out of proportion than I am, or I could just ignore it for now, and head on with my day - which included going to the gym to get my workout in.

I opted to go to the gym. (Okay, so I had a couple of badass lifting clients to see, but I was interested to get my own workout in once I was done with them.)

The workout went well. I was able to jerk within 10 lbs of my lifetime max still, and I actually got a power snatch I'd been missing for the past month-ish. All in all, I was very happy with what I'm able to do.

And - all of a sudden- the 'weight' didn't matter. Because I can do the things I love to do, and I get to be involved in the success and wellness of others. When I did start to feel huge later on in the day, I reminded myself that it's likely to all melt off when the Bean gets here. I just have to keep doing what I'm doing and we'll all be just fine. I know my crew remind me of it all the time - and they wouldn't lie to me. I choose to believe them rather than stress out (for long) about 'what if's.

Many women would say 'enjoy pregnancy' or 'embrace the experience'. I think I do that about as much as I can. I find the humor in a lot of things - including the strange noises I make getting up and down lately - but it's hard to 'embrace' the physiological consequences of pregnancy (like getting excited that I didn't wake up with a nose bleed for a whole 2 weeks, or that I went a whole 2 days without heartburn, or that my hips randomly decide they are done responding 1/2 way through warm up and then get back on the band wagon 15 minutes later...). Yes, I get that it's all a means to an end. The Bean and I are both healthy, and that's the important part - no matter that digit staring back at me on the scale.

Sure, I've retired my jeans, not 'for good', but just for now (the waistline makes sitting uncomfortable and an uncomfortable pregnant lady is a grouchy pregnant lady...and NOBODY wants that). But they'll stick around in my closet. Someday soon enough I'll be grateful that I kept them - just like I'm grateful I kept some clothes from my 200-some lb days.

Oh, wait... those 200-some lb days are back! 

Weird.

Antisocial Trainer

I love my job.

I love the people I get to work with.

I love watching them all make strides every single day.
Seeing potential where they've already decided they are limited is one of my favorite things. Watching the discovery of all they are capable of? Awesome.

It always encourages me to push myself as well - even though right now I'm having to reframe my success. Trainer Guy reminded me that I made a 20lb gain on my backsquats from last year's personal record (215lbs last year, 230 this year) while that doesn't seem like a lot of weight. But he reminded me that, if I gained 15-20lbs on my squat every year for the next 10 years (not realistic), just think about where I'd be... And he has a point. So even though I've "only" gained 20lbs on my clean and jerk, that's still an achievement that, in the big picture, is pretty huge.

So being pregnant (and generally lifting within 10 lbs of my last PRs), I've had to reframe my fitness journey a bit and look at it as a day by day sort of thing. I can still lift comfortably, but there are days/times when The Bean lets me know that it's rest day. And I listen. Thursday was a great example of that. I certainly had the energy to do more, but The Bean had other plans. Instead of acting on jumping on some training homework, I mobilized, coached, and did a few light stability movements (ya know, working on Turkish Get Ups and Handstands/handstand walking). Being inverted seems to agree with The Bean and helped relieve some moderate cramping (totally normal at this stage in the game).

So when it came to 1 rep max day today, I probably could have used 1 more day of rest, but The Bean was cooperating, so I rolled with it.




And, yes, I didn't set any new personal bests, but my snatch was up 5lbs from last week, and my clean was as well. (Experimenting with a different Jerk style caused me to miss the jerk, but I later made it as a jerk from the rack after some rest and reestablishing the form that worked thus far - see video above, 135lb clean.)

Realizing that I'm almost 19 weeks pregnant and still able to do what I love is kind of a big deal. And I'm still improving, staying sharp, keeping my strength. I'm more process focused than ever - less "goal weight" focused. And each time a client sees some sort of improvement - whether it's a big improvement that came easy, or a tiny improvement that was hard won, I'm reminded of the power of focusing on the process. It's simple. Do the work - reap the rewards.

I've been asked by those who knew me back when I worked from home, if I'll go back to that once The Bean makes an appearance outside of my body.  I never gave it a second thought, to be honest. A step backwards doesn't seem like a viable solution to the problem. In fact, I kinda look forward to the first Meet that The Bean goes too.

For now, I love my time with my clients, and a little down time with my friends, but I can't deny having a newfound love for my couch time - very little of which is spent conscious these days.  Call me antisocial, but when it comes to my weekends, I generally opt to spend a good 1/2 of it giving Clydas a run for his money in the snoring department....

 

So if I turn down your invitation to hang out - it's nothing personal.
I'm not being antisocial.
I'm just busy making a person.
And that shit is exhausting...

Better Coaching, Burned Burgers, Comfy Couches, And an Adventure

Tonight is pretty simple. I'm propping my feet up (a new habit of mine whenever I get a chance) and lamenting my terrible burger making skills...From the skillet to the microwave and still not done right. Adding this to the list of things I need My Sailor home for. (Sigh) Ah well, at last I have "Finding Neverland" (a remarkable movie... which has since been turned into a musical... which is kind of odd since it's about the writing for Peter Pan, the play, to begin with...) on Netflix to keep me company. Movies about writers always make me think big thoughts.

I hear that kids change your life - and I'm not writing with any attempt to dispute that. Of course, in my opinion, just about everything changes your life in one way or another. From the weather to the passing of time, everything changes life. So big changes of course influence our perspective more than others. And there have been a lot of good, big changes at our house (growing belly aside). From the hard-won success of Earn Awesome Training, to my personal competition goals, to My Sailor looking into Shore Duty and College, 2015 is a HUGE year for us. But one thing pregnancy (as a medical condition) has undeniably done, is changed my perspective on competition. Instead of the once-borderline-destructive-self-imposed ideas I had about competition, I've learned to embrace the 'fun' of it all. I hear lots of unhealthy views on the Crossfit Open... and here I sit, eagerly awaiting the sale of regionals tickets so I can go watch the elite athletes do their thing. As for the Open itself? Maybe that will be my 'come back' next year. For now, I am saddened to hear how it's being treated. The Crossfit community is usually amazing, but the Open brings out the best in athletic performance, and the worst in attitude in some folks. Honestly, my lesson in this really started sinking in last summer during Strongman... but it's really carried over and became part of my life once The Bean has made me learn to stop and smell the roses, and spend a good deal more time with my feet up.

400lb tire flip over the finish line, August 2014

Having amazing clients helps drive it home to. Everyone really pushes and reaches. Whether they are learning a new skill, fine tuning a known one, reaching for PRs, destroying some body fat, or preventing injuries, they are constantly remind me that it's the big picture that matters. When I get impatient that the weight isn't going up quite the way I'd hoped, it seems that same day, I get a new client who is wondering how this whole Strength Training thing I do works... and I get to break out these...

Progress photos March 2013, May 2013, and April 2014

And I'm reminded of the big picture. I'm reminded of where I started - and how much fun I've had along the way. Even though I still push myself (with a well measured shove), I wish I'd had figured out this perspective a little bit earlier in life. No doubt it would have served me well in the theater world as well. But that's the past. I'm grateful for the lessons learned. Time is an excellent teacher - and continues to make me a better coach with every new experience, bit of research, client/athlete I come into contact with. I considered a lot  of the possibilities when I learned I was pregnant. None of them included making me a better Coach... but oddly enough, I think it has.

Disneyland, Jan 2013, Waiting on our Adoption...

And even though My Sailor has missed a few competitions here and there, he's still my biggest fan. Though getting married again after having been divorced was probably the scariest thing I'd ever done, it isn't a decision I've regretting for a minute.  We're not perfect. We have our gripes about each other here and there, but when it all comes down to it, he's seen the good, the bad, and the ugly for the last 15+ years. Granted, a good chunk of that was from a distance, but all along, he's really seen me for who (and what) I am - and that's a rare quality in a person.  He makes it easier to be me. Even from 20,000 Leagues under the Sea - I get a message like. "I am so proud of you for keeping up with everything and not using your pregnancy as a crutch.  This is why you are such an amazing woman and partly why I married you.  Because you don't let life hold you back."

From my comfy perch on the couch, with my feet on the table, and 2 dogs snoring to a degree that would make any old man proud, I'm still living the great adventure. It may not be an adventure I planned on going on, but often times -  those are the best ones.

In The Middle of the Contraversy - and 'Clean'ing Up

Ever since my last blog went over the loud speaker, people have been keeping their concerns to themselves for the most part regarding my weight lifting, or come out rooting for me - both of which are much appreciated. (As for my MD, she is looking forward to seeing footage from my last competition.)  There are still a few people who say they 'can't wait' for my joints to give out, stretch, etc. Still others who are (quietly and not so quietly)  horrified to find women like this:

My mind is absolutely blown to be a part of the "pregnant people that workout contraversy. I honestly don't understand why it's a contraversy to being with. In no other time in life can I think about when women are under more scrutiny. I mean, this shit makes high school seem like a cake walk, when it comes to the amount of pure, uninvited judgement that's openly shared. If you look in the comments on youtube of the video above, you'll see the ridiculous amount of comments referring to the athlete as being "irresponsible".  Honestly, she's taking care of herself, and she's proving it. You know how hard it is for the average Joe to make it into the gym? Imagine having those days and the perfect excuse!  It's even harder on days when your only reason for not going in is "I just don't want to." Sure, we need more rest and fuel than your average Joe (er... Jill), but we're not broken. In fact, pregnancy is something like a parasitic relationship. The Bean will MAKE SURE he/she is getting what he/she needs before my body gets what it needs.

My Monday work out. Red being the Rx weight. Black being the completed weights.

Working out releases endrophins, increases flexibility, and weight training specifically helps hyperflexible people (like me) learn how to control that flexibility, putting me at lower risk for injury. I know, crazy right?

Anyway, since I've been pretty vocal about all this now, I've gotten pictures, emails and messages of people that are like 8 months pregnant and don't look as pregnant as people would expect - asking me to weigh in if I think this athlete is "healthy".

Want the truth?

I assume she's taking care of herself - just like I generally assume the same is true for ever other pregnant woman I've ever encountered.

One of the best things about my job is that I get to see a lot  of potential cross my path. Drawing a quick assumption about anyone really isn't in my day to day life, so I tend to 'assume' (ha ha) that other people do the same thing.  I mean, here's a great example...

Courtesy of Modern Fit Mom

We're our own worst critics. If kids can see one of their parents this way, why can't we cut other people the benefit of doubt too, eh?

"Bikini Babe Gets a Bean" or "Coming Clean. Soap Box On Blast."

Largely, whenever something has happened in my life and left it's mark on my life, it's ended up here.
The good, the bad, the ugly, the mundane... It's all ended up on the digital pages of this blog. From auditioning for America's Got Talent, to marrying My Sailor, to coping with various deployments and deaths in the family, from the adoption chaos, to transitioning from a job I where I made rich people richer to one where I help make people stronger - it's all been here.

At least - that's been the case for the last several years. So it's well past time that I came clean about the recent changes going on here.

My Sailor's Recent Reading Material

2 days before Christmas, My Sailor and I found out we're likely to be parents. And, no, not to a 4-9 year old from the Waiting Kids list. Instead, much to our shock and surprise, the first addition to our family is coming the far more typical, biological route.  Yup, that's right. I'm pregnant. That said, even now, about 17 weeks into this craziness, it's a little bit hard to tell.

Left: November, 2014 (pre-Bean) Right: March 5th, 2015 (about 17 weeks pregnant)

I didn't blog about it for quite a while. As any of my long term readers know, this situation was a near impossibility. It took a long time for the shock to wear off. Basically, in our position, it's anybody's game in how this would go.  So, while those that needed to know were informed, I have retained a general air of distance from the whole situation - well, not that it's actually 'easy' when you're the one who is pregnant, but enough adoptions had fallen through (and the fact that I never dreamed I'd be in this situation) that it's pretty common for someone in my position to withhold getting too attached or daydreaming too much about a family. I'd already retired those dreams and was still licking my wounds from the last waiting list falling through. But - so far so good. As far as pregnancies go, I hear I have it relatively easy. That said, I'm honestly going to say that even an 'easy' pregnancy is 'rough'!

So, not that ya'll are 'in the know', let me do a quick flash back for ya'll.

That means I did this...

And this...

My favored reading material

All while knowing I had a little passenger incognito.

Now that it's becoming more apparent at work (I'm noticably thicker around the middle, and often a good bit more tired in the mornings... and I eat... ALL THE TIME...) everyone is full of advice... and a good chunk of folks have made their opinions about my weight lifting well known. I've been quietly accused of endangering The Bean (which shall hence forth be the nickname of this kiddo). From "You had FISH yesterday?! Aren't you not supposed to eat fish?! It has Mercury!" to *my personal favorite* "You shouldn't be lifting anything over 25lbs!"

Well, I asked my OBGYN about the "anything over 25lbs" issue... and you know what her response was? She burst out laughing.

While every piece of advice comes from a well-intentioned friend, the pieces I've most appreciated have come from an ER doctor, who saw me when I accidently overworked myself (and made up for 3 months of no morning sickness in a single 7 hr stretch). You see, she is a physique competitor (aka bikini model, to oversimplify it) in her spare time, and a weight lifter at my gym. Funny that she happened to be working when hauled my nausated hide into the ER for some fluids and some help. (I'm new to all of this - and each day is different, so I'm learning how to mitigate my energy output vs rest and nutrition. Generally, I'm pretty good at it, but we don't know our limits until we reach them. I'm not exception there.) Turns out she had her kids in her mid-late thirties, and weight lifted up until the day she delivered for every single one of them. See, the medical professionals in my life have been nothing but encouraging.  It's the other people who seem to be worried by my seemingly 'irresponsible' behavior.

In lots of situations in life, we get to choose how to see things - especially situations well beyond our control. This is one of those for me. I can dwell on the fact that I had just finally started to get abs, that are disappearing by the day (which I moarned for all of 5 seconds), or I can realize what a badass  story this will be to share with The Bean later in his/her life. For me, there is a difference between being sick, and being pregnant.

Sometimes in life, you don't get to pick when you're broken and need to recover. That's getting sick. That's getting injured. That's getting a serious uncontrollable set back. While, yes, this wasn't in my playbook, this isn't one of those times.

I'm pregnant. Not broken.

My coach was one of the first to know of my condition, as it impacted our training. My focus has changed from volume to technique - and it hasn't suffered because of it. If something isn't working on a given day, I change the plan. If something is working great, I run with it as far as I can.

If, for some reason, something goes terribly awry and The Bean is never more to this world than he/she is right now, rest assured I won't be blaming a heavy squat for it. I've been in the medical field myself long enough to know that sometimes, some things just aren't meant to be. (And after spending over a decade reading reports for and coding for OBGYN physicians, I can honestly say I've never once read a report that stated "pre-term labor caused by weight lifting", so it must be incredibly rare.)

Now, that's not to say I'm turning a deaf ear to all advice, but rest assured that I am in no way endangering The Bean. I generally believe that no pregnant woman would KNOWINGLY put her kids at risk. Despite the unexpected nature of 'expecting', I fall into that category as well. The Bean gets a happy, healthy, strong mom, who appreciates her supporters more than ever.

And that can't be a bad thing.