200 Pounds Of Contagion

 (Click here for a little Motivational blog before you read on.)
No Personal Records in the gym to write about today.  Nothing too legendary going on there - but lots of fine tuning happening. And I mean a LOT.  The Snatch lifts are not my favorite things to do. In fact, I think they are ranking right up there with burpees currently. The detail involved is really challenging to get perfect. I'm learning a lot about body shape and the challenges of having a long torso and long legs and being a lifter. Luckily, I'm in good company. In those ways, Trainer Guy has a similiar build - so sometimes his tips and tricks translate well. (And if they don't, the Scottish Yoda is usually clever enough to find a different approach.)

That said, I have been noticing some big changes in the mirror and, oddly enough, in my clothes as well. T shirts that were snug on me 2 weeks ago, are suddenly baggy. AndiGirl reminded me, "Soon you'll have abs!" It's made me pay a little more attention to the changes going on in my core.

Here's the thing - I have been doing LESS conventional 'ab' exercises sit ups than ever before, but there is definitely some definition slowly making it's way through the fluff.  I have been doing handstands, hanging knee raises, and lots of overhead squats and goodies like that.  It's all a cumulative effect and paying off.

Oh - and I've been eating like a freaking horse. Staying to Paleo type stuff isn't hard, but I eat a lot. It seems like I go from zero to 'OMG-I'm-Going-to-Go-Cannibal-if-I-Don't-Eat-Right-Now!"

So, with all of this going on, I was wondering if my metabolism is really firing up or what. I decided to get on the scale.

Now, I want to be clear. I didn't stress out about it, or 'pre-plan' my weigh-in. This weekend, I enjoyed myself. I went to happy hour for Sunshine's birthday on Friday night where I had 2 glasses of wine, some delicious skewers, and most of a piece of flourless chocolate cake. While the weekend had me spending a lot of time under the bar, it wasn't as puke-worthy as my usual weekend workouts, and Trainer Guy shared chocolate...I did a short run on Sunday with Odin. Though running with a distractable Great Pyr should probably be classified as resistance exercise,  I didn't play soccer.  I went out to dinner with a friend and had a Guiness (on tap... yum!), steak, and dessert (flourless chocolate cake again -the first one was better but 2 in a weekend is a lot for me). So I was actually expecting it to say the same it has in a while, if not a little higher for all the eating out.

A year or so ago, I'd be getting ready to get down on myself. I'd be ready to feel bad about the 'damage' I did over the weekend.

I just plopped the scale into place and stepped on it out of curiosity. I looked at the wall as I stepped onto it. No matter what it said, I'm healthy and more fit than I've ever been and it's amazing. 'Weight' is not necessarily a measure of fitness or good health, right?  If you're following my blog, you've likely already wrapped your brain around the fact that 'weight' and 'fat' are two different things.

To my surprise, the scale showed 200 on the nose this time...

Huh... interesting.

The last time I was 200 pounds - I looked very different.

2011 me. 200 lbs.

My hips were MUCH wider. My feet still hurt pretty much all the time, and I was watching (and logging) every little thing I ate. I would stress out about sodium content, carb content. I was eating things like Lean Cuisines and Healthy Choice Soups.  I'm not sure what my measurements were, but they are a far cry from where I wanted to be. I wasn't necessarily unhappy with my weight at 200lbs, but I still felt like I had a long way to go. And honestly, I highly doubted it would be attainable anyway. While it was progress, it was a 'short term' goal. I wanted to do what so many other military spouses do. I wanted 'lose weight' while My Sailor was deployed to 'surprise' him with my new hot look when he came home.

 I had no plan (or, if I'm completely honest, intention) of action to that included continuing. I was working out just by running (which resulted in a stress fracture in my foot during my first Washington State 5k) and getting on an elliptical (which hurt my feet, knees, ankles, lower back, etc.) 

Again, to say I was 'unhappy' at 200lbs isn't exactly true. I was pretty proud of my curvy hourglass figure. I felt 'capable' of most of the things I wanted to do, and that was enough for me - then. Admittedly, my standards were pretty low by comparison to what I consider myself capable of now. Then -  I just wanted to look good in that dress. That's it. I could zip it, so I was pretty happy with it, even though it's clearly tight enough (in the flared portion) to see the rolls of fluff.

I thought I was resigned to having 'wide hips' forever. And yes, genetically speaking, the hips will only get so narrow. Just like my rib cage. I'm pretty much as small on the upper part of the rib cage as I am going to get, short of breaking bones and rearranging organs. (NO THANKS!) 

2011-Me I would have thrown a party about hitting 'one-derland'.  Now, I'm actually surprised to see it approaching so fast. Now, I'm focusing even more on my nutrition and workouts and lifts to ensure that the muscle is carving away the fat, rather than the muscle wasting away just to make the scale drop.

The scale drop is just a by-product of everything else. I'm fully aware that it could be higher (or lower) on any given day, for a million different reasons. The longer I keep on this journey, the more it's a habit to be good to my body, rather than to be into it.

So- what does 200lbs look like on me today?

Less hips. Less chest. More 'tough', less 'fluff'. 

And, instead of breaking my feet trying to get them to conform into the wrong shoes, I run in simple Innov8's. Instead of killing myself logging every tiny morsel that goes into my mouth, I've moved to eating clean, when I'm hungry, and I've gone grain free (aside from the occasional beer).

 Instead of being super excited by being on the verge of 'one-derland' on the scale, I'm super excited to be strong enough to front squat this... more than once...

150lbs.

The main reason why I'm excited about a drop on the scale coming is that it makes the ratios of lifting to body weight is meeting up in the middle.

Here's how the math rolls out:

My last measured 1 rep max in the back squat was 215lbs.
At the time, that was about 102% of my body weight.
Now -
That same max would mean that I can lift about 108% of my body weight.

Just the thought of being able to lift more than I weigh still seems unreal. Mind blown.  Even as I get stronger, it's hard to not marvel at what my body is capable of (and shake my head and grin at how I managed to underestimate it for so long).

As those ratios increase, I become more of a force to be reckoned with when it comes to lifting competitions. But competitions aside, getting stronger and stronger translates into other places in my life. I find myself slowly willing to take more and more risks. My priorities are changing and lining up in a different (and honestly, healthier long term) area.

The crazy thing about happiness and security is that it's contagious.

So, are you feeling it yet?

Bruises, Blunders, and Epic Fails

I was giddy to report to my Mom that I'd signed up to become a Certified Olympic Weightlifting Coach AND that my article for the Tabata Times was resounding with so many people, she was among the first to congratulate me. However, ever the pragmatist, she reminded me to stay humble.  She knows this has been a big year for me personally, with My First Crossfit Throwdown now behind me and some other massive pieces of progress (like 150lb front squats and getting smoother and stronger on Turkish Get Ups and Jerks than I've ever been).

 

 In fact, one of the great things about lifting and cross training is that it's really 'me vs me'. One of my favorite motivational sayings is, "Train like you're stronger, faster, evil twin is trying to kill you."  (In my defense, I've seen a lot of bad horror movies which helps fuel the imagination on this one.)

I talked with Trainer Guy to see if we could come up with some of my better Flat-On-My-Arse moments. None were caught on video, unfortunately, but today alone (as part of the Olympic Lifting Coaching course), I managed to hit myself in the nose, chin, boobs and belly with the bar. (Okay, so it's a little nerve wracking. Awesome, but nerve wracking.)  While I don't consider myself remarkably clumsy, I have practically dropped bars on my chest before. In fact, I think I remember poor lefty pretty good and joking with Trainer Guy that they are just made of fat anyway - they bounce back. 

So I started paging through some of my more epic bruises during the past year of training... Interestingly enough, they all from successes (and lessons successfully learned).

For example....

Jan 2014 - Just a little 'kiss' from throwing the bar into my rack solidly.

Feb. 2014 - Knocking out some Burpee Hanging Leg Raises.

October 2013 - Playing Goalie during Indoor soccer. (Needed a Tetanus shot to get this one to heal.) For the record - I stopped the goal. Totally worth it.

July 2012 - 1 Epic Fail (Knee - see below). Forearm = Successful Atlas Lift Training

Same day as above - Successful 110lb Farmer's Carries w/ Dumbbells.

Upper left arm - same day as above - successful Atlas Lift Training

July 2013 - Right arm - successful Atlas Lift Training.

August 2013 - Right Arm - Post Strongman (Click Here to See the run down of that event)

August 2013 - Left Arm - Post Strongman (Yes, I was wearing sleeves!)

Jan. 2014 - Maybe went a little hard on the knee-to-touch weighted lunges...

LOTS of lifting! No aspirations of being a hand model here!

Humility is rarely an issue for me. While that could be a testament to the way I was raised, it's also a product of the various arenas I've always competed in, whether it's musical, theatrical, written, or weight/fitness oriented.  Rejection and failure is part of the journey. Which is the whole point to this blog. It ain't all sunshine, sweat, and roses.... er.. deoderant.

   Every time I walk into a gym - whether it's a YMCA, 24-Hour Fitness, or a Crossfit Box, there is someone, stronger, faster, more talented, or with better technique than me. Staying humble? Not really a problem.

Ice Pack to the skull? Yeah - that counts as 'epic'.

As excited as I am to share my success, that doesn't mean I haven't had a few epic failures.  Now, I'm not talking about the rare bail out from a lift that wasn't in sync. Those have happened - and not on camera, though they are thankfully rare. Trainer Guy keeps a watchful eye on things and has a great feel for when to build and when to call it a day. Me? If left to my own devices, I tend to push until failure. (I'm getting much better about this, but last year that was definitely some trial and error.)

One night, after passing some time (and a beer or two) with some friends, I went home to relax. And that's when I had this amazing idea...

You see, I'd been working on getting a kick up handstand for a few weeks, and felt like I should have it. I was sitting on the couch getting bored (it happens -rarely, but it happens... and it's dangerous).

That's when I had this genius idea to try a handstand. I figured if I'd have the perfect space - if only the dog would move...

So I moved Odin's bed aside, leaving me with plenty of carpeted space. Sounds like a good idea, right?

After several failed attempts to kick up. I decided to do a wall walk and get close to the wall... and then slowly take my feet off the wall one at a time...

The first experimental foot came off the door. It seemed like a success. I was sure I could do this. I was vertical and holding steady. If only I could get my other foot off the door and stay vertical.

No, this isn't where someone opens the door.

I pushed off with the remaining toes just for a split second.

I didn't fall. That bolstered my confidence. So tried to bounce my foot off the door a little to further test the theory. I was convinced if I could just get my feet even... so I pushed a little harder off the door in a final attempt to match them up.

The shoved proved too much. My elbows buckled and sent me tumbling into the living room.

See that dark square thing at the bottom of the photo? That's the Mango Wood Coffee table. It's sturdy...very.

First, my head hit the leg on the corner with the full (then 220lbs) of me behind it. Then, while I was dizzily inspecting the carpet, my knee came down on top of the table, taking that last of the inertia with it....

Seriously - it was the stuff that viral Youtube videos are made of...

By noon the next day, I realized I was having trouble thinking clearly. The world felt very slow. So I called my doctor - who sent me to urgent care. When I got there and began attempted filling out the forms, their radiology department closed. They sent me to the ER. I made it there (with the help of some guardian angels, as My Sailor was deployed during this time, and I had to drive myself).  When I got there, I was immediately bawling (very out of character for me) and was pretty quickly diagnosed with a concussion. I was sent home... eventually....after I explained to about 6 different people that I wasn't being abused since I was bruised up from other training I was doing. In their defense, it could have been reasonable that foul play may have been afoot.

(Luckily, the knee didn't hurt too much. While it's likely a permanent injury, it doesn't hurt or inhibit mobility at all.)

Each bruise taught me a valuable lesson though! I no longer take any sort of blood thinning product while training! If I'm sore, I drink some coconut water, have a hot bath, and tough it out. (During training for the Strongman, I was taking ibuprofen nearly every day.) Everything heals faster when I'm not avoiding the pain. Oh - and for the soccer road rash? Problem fixed. I bought pants for when I play goalie.

All The Days Before - Dear Dad

Dear Dad-

"Dear Dad"

  It's been a year since the whisper of your final breath slipped into stillness.

  While I miss you, but I have to admit, I didn't remember today was the day. 

  I knew you passed away in April of last year. It seems insane that it's been a year since that morning when my world stopped turning for a few moments.

  So much has happened in that year. None of it has included a cure for Pancreatic Cancer, but maybe someday, we'll get there.

  Your memorials have been errected. 

  Your family blunders on into the world, making a (hopefully) positive impact in those we know.

Me, Dad, and My Brother

  You made me a better person for being in my life.
  For that, no amount of gratitude will ever be enough.
  For marrying Mom....
  For being open to adopting...
  For adopting my brother...
  And for continuing on to open your heart to me too...
You and Mom made a family out of orphans.
That's no small feat.
 In the wake of your life and love, we are still family, without question.

You shaped me.
From the way you teased me about all the boyfriends that you didn't like,
to the way you instantly loved My Sailor,
to all the ways you were a complete mystery to me as well - it all helped shape me.

As much as I'm like Mom, I am a lot like you.

You already knew that.

Thank you for your failures - because I learned from them.
Every time you stumbled, you got back up.
Because of that I learned not to give up, and to dig deep - even when I think I've hit the bottom.

A few months after your passing, I competed in the Strongman Competition I was training for. When I'd found out I'd tied and we were doing a run off event, I was ill prepared. I was too nervous to keep much food down during the day. I wasn't sure I'd finish that tire flip. Those in my life knew what was happening those last few yards when I thought I had nothing left.
Others probably thought I was just making noise...
But they didn't get to know you - and certainly didn't know me.

 

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

Today, my tears are for the landscape of our family without you.
It's for the future you can only share with us at that precious distance allowed by death, a breath and a heart beat away.
But it's not for missing 'the day'.

While the day of your death is important to me -
What is more important
are all the days before.

 I count myself lucky for sharing most of those days with you.
May every daughter feel this way someday.

The Thing About Stepping Back Is...

Today's WOD. This one is coming on the road for sure.

Today, my planned morning class got canceled, which was a blessing in SO many ways. I got to 'sleep in' (well, if 3am -9:45am can be considered 'sleeping in'). The rest was much needed, but I immediately made plans to make up the missed workout with The Lady in Grey.  Left to my own devices, I can usually come up with some doozies, but knowing that I had soccer, and that I'd been going pretty hard at it all week, a bit of a 'lighter' day before soccer probably wouldn't be a bad thing. So I got there early enough to work on my kick up handstands a bit (so far, a 30 second hold isn't too much of a challenge...) before we got together. So once she showed up, we warmed up with some running, kettle bell swings and kettle bell squats before heading into the WOD - that's 'Work Out Of The Day' for those of you non-Crossfit speakers.  It was nice to face this WOD with someone other than My Sailor, and it's given me some great ideas to take this on the road and see if we can beat the time.
  My bench press is coming along pretty well, to say I can comfortably bench 95lbs without much supervision. It wasn't entirely easy, but I was in no danger of dropping it on myself. My last recorded 1 rep max was 115lbs, so to be doing multiple reps of something so close to 100 lbs is just amazing. Most of my cleans are around 80lbs. A year ago, I wouldn't have dreamed of that kind of progress.

I went directly from the gym to soccer. Lucky for me, we had ONE female sub... which means I got off the field for about 8-12 minutes of a 48 minute game. But that's not the 'graduation' I'm referring to.  I've played entire games without subbing out.

I've always played in the back field. Even in outdoor soccer.  It's no secret that, even as I lean out, I'm still not a small woman. Other players tend to bounce off me. Big girls cut off angles. We're hard to go around. So I made a great defender. Quick reflexes and a fearless attitude made me a damn good goalie too. But that left me in the back field playing defense anyway you sliced it. Ball control? Eh... it's okay. But I had a big foot behind the rest of me that's big and was able to clear it without too much of an issue. I was a force to be reckoned with on defense, so often stuck back there.

The thing about playing back field is that I got to watch the game a lot. I learned. I started to call out direction. One forward thinking coach made me put my money where my mouth was and moved me to half-back - the position (in outdoor soccer) that does the most running, hands down.  Since I started playing Indoor soccer last year, that was My Sailor's position. When he went out to Find Nemo, I slowly slipped into his position. Instead of calling out instructions, I just did what I thought needed to be done. It clicked pretty well.

Last week, the team captain and I were talking about things the team was lacking on after the game. One of them was people who would stay forward. (As a team that loses A LOT, you get really good at defense.) So this game, I started to do that. Me! Yes, ME! This 200 lbs girl playing striker?!  How in the world did that happen?! From goalie to TAKING SHOTS on goal and making assists?!

Well, it was exhausting, but amazing. I hurt MUCH more than I expected to after a day like today, but it was a great game. I made mistakes, but I'm still proud of the way I played and am stepping up.

Boy... will My Sailor ever be surprised when he gets back! His goal tender wife can now adequately play EVERY position on the field! On top of all the other gains in the gym, it's going to be a whole new me in lots of ways when he gets back. Like I've said before, I won't say I've "transformed" - that's not fair. I'm still the girl with the "I Love Nerds" Disney wallet and backpack. Far from 'cool', I'm happy to be the theater loving, sci-fi nerd I've always been.  As much as there are things that are different, some things will never change...

like my dire need for a bubble bath after my double-up-workout days.

The thing about playing the back field for a while is that it gives you a view of the bigger picture. Sometimes, spending some time stepping back is the best thing we can do to devise a successful plan to move forward with confidence.

I've played the back field in my life long enough, and moving forward with my training and career path seems to be timed just right.  I'm interested to see what else the future has in store.

(Yes, the Blooper Reel/Fail blog is still in the works! Stay tuned next week!)

Action, Reactions, and A Bit of Brutal Honesty

Instruments of Awesome

While I'm working on my blooper reel for the epic failure blog (don't worry - it's coming soon), I can't wait to announce the next step in this journey.

This has been a big week in the training world for me. It started with meeting a goal I've had since September in Turkish Get Ups, hit a mid-week high of getting 100lbs over my head only to be surpassed by today's 105lb overhead lift on Saturday morning.

Today, I registered for Olympic Lifting Coach Certification. I'd been thinking about it for about a week now, and the stars aligned today, so it happened.

I had no idea how others would react to this information. Much to my surprise, nearly everyone thinks it's really cool, as well as a natural progression. It's boggled my mind! I actually expected having to justify it other people more. But I haven't had to. They are all pretty excited for me, and I couldn't be more grateful for all the support.

You see (brutal honesty time), one of my fears in making decisions that move forward is that I won't have My Sailor's support. When he's out 200,000 Leagues Under the Sea, it's very easy let ridiculous little worries get the best of me. "What if he doesn't support this?" "What if he feels that I don't need him anymore because I'm not only independent now, but I'm physically strong too?" "What if he isn't attracted to this body when he gets home? Major changes have happened since he's been gone..."

Crazy, right? I mean, this guy has known me in different shapes and sizes over a decade of my life. Why would I believe anything that whisper of insecurity has to say?!

I mean - seriously - the guy made a t-shirt with my face on to support me during the Strongman!  When I was having trouble writing, he bought me a lap top to be sure I had the tools I needed. When I mentioned that I wasn't sure if I should continue training as often as I do, this is the guy that said, "Do it. Don't stop. We'll work the rest out."  The guy waited over a decade for me...Why on earth would I believe that ANY of these changes would be met with anything but celebration?! So instead of worrying about it, I'm just going to assume he's rooting for me until I have evidence of anything different. This guy has always  had my back. Even now - while he's out there making sure I'm safe to do what I need to do in here.

Besides, I'm not racing in clients or anything like that. I'm still earning my body.

I may be on that journey for a long time, but I'm planning on signing up for my membership to the USA Weight Lifting Association next January. It's cheaper and more useful after I turn 35. Not a bad birthday present as far as I'm concerned.

The funny thing is, I never dreamed this would be the path of life I'd be on, but I also see how my background in performance art is helpful as well. I seem to do better when people are watching. It pushes me to a different level. I know the value of 'rehearsal as performance', and I'm a bit more mentally prepared than some folks for the journey. 

Interestingly enough, I realized one of my goals I set on my birthday was to get at least 1 certification towards becoming a trainer or a coach, as well as earning some 'street cred.'  Both of those things started to happen this week alone!

I'm not sure if it's hard work paying off, networking, good stinking luck, or what, but I plan to harness this momentum and keep building on it.  I've yet to find a ceiling.

The Pop and the Fizzle

Today has been a pretty good day, all things considered. But that said, let's get the bad news out of the way.

Yesterday was 30 days from when the state said it would take at least 30 days for My Sailor's background check to be completed. I followed up and got a very kind reply from our agency worker that they'd check on it for me. I didn't hear back from them yesterday, so around noon today I sent our agency worker AND the state worker an email asking again for a status update on his clearances.

Here's why this is ridiculously frustrating...
  I've probably spent more time painting my nails in the past 3 years than My Sailor spent in each of the 4 states that the Navy sent him to early in his career for training. I mean, he spent 8 weeks in Illinois - and all of it was spent in Boot Camp, yet we need a background clearance from that state proving he wasn't a danger to children during that time.  That's just one example. In each of these states he lived in highly supervised situations, monitored by the government, and all of them for less than 8 months individually. If I sit and think about it too long, I'm overcome by the idoicy of the system that allows children to languish in foster care because we need to take MONTHS to check off boxes... I mean, I get that it's important to do everything possible to make sure traumatized kids aren't further traumatized, but, in this case, it just seems utterly ridiculous. Instead, I'm opting not to sit around and think about it too much and just plow ahead in the things I can control. I'll continue to follow up, but I'm under no illusions that My Sailor will be able to open his special "Yeah! We're Licensed Foster Parents!" package during this deployment anyway...

But not all things I can't control are bad.

Trainer Guy mentioned this cool website to me a couple times before I started to check it out more intently. It's called Tabata Times.  If you're not familiar with what a Tabata is, it's (strictly speaking) a 4 minute work out involving 40 seconds of INTENSE exercise followed by 20 seconds of rest. Repeat until the 4 minutes is up. Trust me, it sounds a lot easier than it feels. That said, I'm glad to be one of the newest blog contributors there. I have 2 posts up so far. If you read this blog, they might sound a bit familiar. You can check them out by clicking on their titles below:

3 Common Myths About Personal Training
Progress Photos and Journey Books - True Story: One Girl's Ammo Against Body Dysmorphia


Recently, the whole fitness thing has just been clicking and booming. I don't know if it's because summer is sneaking up on us and everyone wants to be swimsuit ready or what, but I'm really encouraged by all the inspiration people seem to be taking from my journey. Trust me, it helps ME to know that somewhere out there ya'll are getting your fit on because something I did inspired you. Someone once said, "First they'll ask you why you do it. Then they'll ask you how you did it." That's been very true for me. Aside from My Sailor and Trainer Guy, I met a fair amount of resistance from others when they heard I was lifting weights. I can't tell you the number of times I've reassured people that, yes, it's heavy, but yes, I'm careful.  That's why I have Trainer Guy on my team. To make sure I'm pushing myself enough, and being careful enough not to injure myself.

But it really got me thinking, "What makes my journey different? If I can pass on a few tips, what would they be?" So as crazy as it sounds, here are a few things new readers to my blog may not realize.

I work out when I travel.  This INCLUDES vacations. I've selected hotels based on their fitness rooms (the Disneyland Hotel is awesome for that, by the way). I've done body weight workouts every day in my hotel room. I've requested a room on an upper floor and forced myself to take the stairs every single time (just ask My Sailor - this was NOT a popular idea come day 4 of a Disney World trip last year, where we logged about 10-12 miles/day on our feet just stomping around the parks). I bring my jump rope, my running shoes, and a workout plan with me.

I work out alone when no one wants to join me.  While I have a great support network - no one will look out for my health like I will.  My Sailor and my family love me. Trainer Guy and my fitness friends are great support mechanisms, but no one else lives in my skin. No one else lives with the results (or lack of).  No one lives with regret of skipping out on something that could have enriched me. That's on me.

This includes when I travel.  While My Sailor was on the phone catching up with a friend while we were on vacation, I popped out some sit ups, lunges, and chair push ups. When he was sleeping in one morning on vacation, I was taking a jog around the hotel grounds. My jump rope comes with me everywhere. It was an instant workout partner in Catalina Island, when taking a 'girls' trip' with my mom last year. She would go rest, and I would find the fitness room of the hotel and see what kind of magic I could make. When my family had gone to bed and we'd all spent the day caring for my ailing father, I stayed up and did Turkish Get Ups during commercials for my favorite shows on Hulu (that's 2 minute commercial breaks), or sit ups, or Deck of Cards. Or I snuck out for an early morning or afternoon run... The truth is, if it's truly a healthy, balanced lifestyle, you don't need a 'vacation' from it.

I don't believe in 'cheating'.  That said, it doesn't mean I don't eat well! I stick to Paleo style dining as much as I can. My incentive? Well, eating grain or large amounts of refined sugar generally makes me feel like someone poured sand in my joints 6-8 hours later. It's rarely worth feeling like crap - especially when I usually have some sort of activity planned for the next day.  I know I can handle having 1 beer - but I know I can have 1 hard cider and I won't hurt the next day. So given the options, I go for cider more than 1/2 the time now.  This applies to traveling as well. Like you've seen, I'm prepping for Disney World by bringing some food I know I can snack on with me. Sure, I'll probably have a bite of a Carrot Cake Cookie, but it'll just be one or two bites. I generally treat my food restrictions like an allergy - I break out in a rash of fat, and it just ain't worth it.


Patience...Everyone Started Somewhere. NONE of my gains in the gym came overnight. Hiring Trainer Guy was magical for me, but writing a check didn't make it happen. Putting in the work made it happen. Making the most of my investment made it happen.

Check Your Fear Of Failure At The Door.  You might not realize this, but I've flat out fallen on my arse in both of the Olympic Lifting classes I've done this month. For every video I post of a successful lift or two, there are at least the same amount of unsuccessful ones.  I've rarely had to bail out of a lift in training session, but it has happened. Truth is, we only learn so much from success. We learn a lot more from failure. Sure, there are times when it gets aggravating - and the aggravation gets in the way of process, but if you can prolong that moment, you'll learn a lot more. If you can manage to find something fun about it - it'll just fly by. And remember - there are few things modern medicine CAN'T fix. Conquer all the negative "what ifs" with "what if I CAN do it?"

Progress Photos and a Few Words on Body Dysmorphia

For a good 90% of my life, I felt like the 'elephant in the room'. While I have a MUCH healthier body image now, I still feel like I'm 'rounder' than I really am.

Nothing reminds me of this more than Progress Photo day.

It seems like just yesterday I was finishing up my Train-a-versary blogs.  Usually, I take photos every 2 months, but since I took some in Feb, I wasn't expecting much visible change.

And then I realized how incredibly nit picky I can be, and decided to use it for good. Instead of seeing all the areas I'm already aware of to work on - I opted to see any changes, keeping in mind that I'm reaching new milestones in my fitness all the time - despite what the scale or the photos may say.

Okay - so here are the observations:

March 2013Weight: 220lbs

Yes, I was still fighting an obsession with the scale back then - enough that I put my weight on the photo... oy vey.

February 2014

Weight: 210lbs

March 2014
Weight: 205lbs

What a difference 5 lbs make!It's been a pretty cool adventure to see that, when you're getting healthy, the whole "weight" thing just comes along for the ride. 

I still feel "rounder" than I am though, so these progress pictures are very helpful in putting it all into perspective. While I may "feel" rounded or bloated, it's obvious that I'm leaning out...

And more importantly, the things I can do now are worlds beyond what I can do then.

So instead of comparing my body to someone else's (which I still do from time to time), I tend to find more commonalities. Yes, I'm one of the 'bigger' girls at the Olympic Lifting class I go to on Saturday mornings. But that's okay. These ladies are strong and there is something I can learn from them, and from the coach. Adding more fun things to do are a huge help too. The more I connect with people on a face to face basis, the less I sit behind a magazine or a television screen and play the mind game that today's photoshopped images seems to require all of us ladies to do.

I'm going to be traveling soon, and I'm already prepping for that. When my mom said, "I don't know what to feed you when you come visit anymore," I got excited and started looking forward to doing some cooking for her while I'm visiting. I'm researching crossfit gyms in her area that might let me drop in for a lifting or other class. Sure, there are things I can do without a gym. I'm good at those. But why not drop in and say hi to the crossfit community in my hometown?

The last month or so has been awesome.

Oh - and as a side note, I just landed a gig writing for a (get this) FITNESS BLOG! While I'm not sure if it's a paying gig yet, I can't wait to do something to help get the word out that you DON'T have to spend hours on a treadmill or an uncomfortable elliptical to "lose weight". Just build muscle and eat foods that are closer to the earth and further from the factories, and it will happen. Yes, your results may vary, but, ya know, I gotta admit, my world is a better place for HIIT training....