|Late June 2015, 6 months pregnant|
Nearly each person I meet considerately asks when I'm due (in about 3 weeks, for those curious) and how I'm feeling. My answer is usually something to the effect of, "Tired, excited, anxious, ready to be done being pregnant." And if they ask about my "birth plan", it's pretty simple. "Whatever gets everyone out of the hospital healthy." Sometimes I can imagine going all caveman and managing it all with minimal assistance, and other times I consider what it would feel like to be wheeled into an operating room for surgical help - and everything in between. I'm open to options. But the pre-admission paperwork is done and the hospital is ready for me and The Bean, so it looks like I won't need a cave after all.
One of the topics that almost always comes up is that I don't 'look that pregnant'. I'm not exactly sure what that means, since I remember my waistline looking more like this - well muscled and showing just the vaguest signs of firm definition underneath.
I don't 'need' my old body back.
In fact, I don't even think I 'want' it.
Here's what my 2 cents -
We start off this world pretty prestine, for the most part. We may have birth marks or freckles, or spots, but those are the things that make us unique and distinguishable from everyone else in the world. Me? I scar - badly - from everything. My scars continue to outgrow the wounds that made them, regardless of treatments available on the market. I mean, seriously - I scratched the back of my hand 6 months ago a little too hard with my own fingernail - and the scar is already bigger than the scratch was.
So, while I haven't gained any new stretch marks from carrying our daughter, I am sure this will leave its own mark on my skin. See, I've already been 255lbs in my lifetime, and I'm still well under that, so the stretch marks I gained from that experience have pretty much scarred over. I expected them to regain their color, but they haven't. See that 1/4 of an inch of extra skin at the bottom of my belly? I'm sure that will still be there - if not a little larger, when all this is over. Of course, if I end up getting surgical help, I'll no doubt have more scars to show for it.
And I'll still wear a bikini when I want to. I figured out that, for me, getting my body 'back' isn't important. Now, that's not to say I'm not looking forward to getting into the best shape I can be in as a Mom - but I have no desire to 'reclaim' anything. Maybe that's because I don't see it as 'losing' anything... Becoming a parent, I didn't 'lose' anything. I gained a family member. I know how to dial in my diet and I naturally keep active. The effects of that will be whatever body I end up with. I've met my goal of keeping my body fat added to a minimum, and I've been lucky enough to remain active (though I'm noticeably slowing down these days - spending more time in the pool and less time running and rowing). And I'm lucky enough to have married well - My Sailor finds something attractive even in my currently rounded state. (I just find it amusing that the clothes I wore YESTERDAY suddenly don't cover the belly THIS MORNING!)
I do appreciate the reassurances that my body will bounce back quickly, but all in all - I'm not too concerned about it. It will be what it is. Just as its always been.
Where the brain goes, the body follows.
We're just adding a few more lines to the map.