J's Journey Book

Tax Return and The Rule of 3rds

2012-02-23T12:01:00.000-08:00

I'm doing the happy/relieved dance today! The Tax Return came in! My Sailor and I decided to use the rule of Thirds to decided where the money goes this year. 1/3rd will go to bills. 1/3rd will go to savings. 1/3rd will go to us. Man, does it feel good to see that extra money sitting there!

This is the first year since 2001 that I've gotten money back on my taxes. As a single adult with a good job - the government LOVES to stick it to ya. Sure, we're paying for important things, but I'm happy if I break even. I'm THRILLED if I get something back! Now to decide which bill gets to disappear! I'll be checking out interest rates and making sure it goes to the highest one.

We're also going to be cutting back a bit when we move. We'll be canceling cable - which makes me VERY happy. Currently, we pay over $100/month for internet at TV. My Sailor wanted his sport channels when we moved and didn't really have an idea on how little he'd be home. Now that he does, it's time to cut that back. He's rarely home enough to catch a full game, and I prefer to head to the sports bar for a change of scenery and a beer. Most sports networks are available online, so we're going to let the cable TV go. We have a computer and a PS3 hooked up to that TV. We can watch things on Hulu.com or online for free or next to free. This has the potential to result in a savings for $750 PER YEAR! Pretty significant if you ask me!

I'm not used to being financially stable. I'm used to freaking out over money. It's kind of funny how it's working out. Sure, I'm still the chief breadwinner (what do you expect? I've been at my job since 2005), and I handle most of the money, but we make decisions together regarding how to save or spend it. I think it's proving to be a nice balance for me. I'm making headway in paying down my debt, my car is paid off, and we're looking at BUYING A HOUSE! Yeah, I know. I've mentioned it before. We're waiting on our pre-approval.

It looks like it's going to happen in this order:
House
Wedding
Baby

So that brings up the last one on that list - Baby. We're talking about starting the adoption process at the same time we pull the goalie, since chases are more than likely that my body won't cooperate. Filing for adoption will take the stress off for "must have something that looks like us", so in some ways, it might actually INCREASE our odds of getting pregnant.

I wrestle a little bit with the kid thing because it means I seriously need to beef up my writing resume, so I can work part time at my day job, and bring some money freelance writing. My current gigs pay in bragging rights mostly. I'm VERY proud to be following my passion and be part of the Celebrations Press team. It's my FAVORITE gig and I'm hoping to expand it. If I had the funds, I'd LOVE to do a Disney Parks International column for them as well. So far, I haven't been able to afford to take research trips to Tokyo, Paris, or Hong Kong, but the desire is there!

But I know I'll have to get books rolling if I want to get out of the Medical Coding world. Medical coding just pays really well and is steady. Being a starving artist is overrated.

So we'll see how things pan out, but one thing is certain -
Little Sailor's first trip to Disney is going to ROCK!

Revelations at Jiffy Lube

2012-02-21T08:55:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, we had to stop off at a local grocery store, and my car was in DIRE need of an oil change, so I decided to take advantage of the location and hop into my local Jiffy Lube while I left My Sailor to shop for produce (something I'm usually anal about).

While he was shopping, I sat there waiting. It took them almost 30 minutes to check me in. As I was waiting I thought "Oh, I should let My Sailor know that it's taking a while." (My initial plan was to meet him inside the store since it's only a few shops away.) Turns out I didn't have my cell phone on me.

That's right, I waited in Jiffy Lube's lobby w/ no cell phone to keep me entertained. I didn't reach for a magazine either.

In fact, I enjoyed NOT being entertained for a while and just sitting quietly with my thoughts.

It dawned on me how rare it is that I do this anymore. Usually I have some sort of screen blinking at me, filling almost every moment I'm not with someone with work or entertainment.

But sitting alone with my thoughts felt great.

Oddly enough, in those quiet moments, I found a sweet form of balance. I felt engaged in the world around me, even though there was nothing there for me to do. There was no plan to formulate, no work to be done, and nothing to call my attention away from the fact that I was just waiting.

It reminded me strongly of my youth in the 1980's - long before anyone even dreamed of the words "smart phone". There was no way to instantly connect with thousands of people via social media.

Now, don't get me wrong. I enjoy my digital friends immensely, and I know I haven't even met most of my readers (ye brave, ye few). In fact, my life would be VERY different if the internet hadn't sunk its claws into me. So I don't decry technology all the time.

But I was reminded of how important it is to unplug frequently.

I find that it's catching on too. When I have free time at home, I've been opting to read a book. Not on a Kindle or Nook, but an actual book with actual pages that doesn't need to be charged ever. I do see where these gadgets have their place. (It's great that My Sailor can take months worth of reading material on his submarine!) But I believe that simplicity has it's place too.

I'm reminded of that again as I read my friend's blogs about their marathons and running achievements. Running is a simple thing. It's one of the first things any toddler learns how to do (just ask any parents!). Running with my dog or to play a sport reminds me of the sheer joy in movement. It's a simple thing. Strap on shoes, head outside, and move.

So while the guys were working hard to get my car up to snuff, I got a "tune up" too. We don't have to constantly be "mult-tasking" to be productive. Sometimes the product is just being alive.

It make me miss meditation workshops w/ my awesome California Therapist.

The Didn'ts and the Dids

2012-02-20T13:08:00.000-08:00

Well, the approval didn't happen. They need to chat with the underwriters who are out of the office until Tuesday, and Real Estate agents don't want to waste their time on "lookie-loos", which we are considered until we get our pre-approval letter. Poop.

So house hunting didn't happen yesterday, but what did happen is we learned that 3 of the 4 houses we wanted to look at already had offers on them. Boo hiss! Oh well. The right house will come along at the right time. No need to rush these things (though we are both really antsy to get out of this apartment come May).

What did happen was a trip into Seattle!

We drove in yesterday afternoon and spent about 4 hours hiking around the streets of Seattle near Pike's Market. We stopped for lunch at a little Indian place called the Kastoori Grill. They were advertising a $10 lunch buffet. Everything we tried was good and really fresh! I got to stay within my healthy eating range, and taste a bunch of different things. Success!

In fact, we were so full from lunch, we opted to stay away from the otherwise-tempting chocolatiers and Irish pubs that line nearby Post Alley.

We picked up some new teas at a local tea shop, and some local sage honey. In the Market, we tried fresh goat cheese from a local maker - who actually RAISES the goats he makes the cheese from! So you know it's limited quantity, and all natural. His stand included a photo album of his farm as well. We were going to go back for fresh fish and fruit, but by the time we'd walked up and down the waterfront by the market, we were pooped and opted to just head home via the Fauntleroy ferry. (For those of you Disney buffs - yes, we took a ferry from a station bearing Donald Duck's middle name!)

All in all a good day. On our way home, we stopped at Hiro Sushi, a local sushi place. It's the 2nd time we've been there. The first time, we got take out in the summer of last year. It was just "okay", so we decided to dine in this time and give this place another shot. Well, to sum up my review (which you can find here in-depth on yelp) we both came home with stomach aches. Thankfully, we managed to keep everything down, but needless to say it was a LONG night after that.

So for all the "dids" and the "didn't's", it turned out to be a pretty good day.

Some New Goals

2012-02-18T22:49:00.001-08:00

It's been an... eventful past couple days...so you'll have to excuse my blogging silence as I process things.

Because I think I complain far too much - first, the good stuff!

Tomorrow, My Sailor and I are going to look at a few houses. Yeah! They are short sales or foreclosures. I'm more excited than scared. The scary part will come tomorrow morning when we find out how much we're approved for.

It's a new chapter - with some old vocabulary thrown in the mix -

Like the term "Finding Nemo". My Sailor will have lots of time to look for him this time, so that means, I'll have LOTS of time on my hands to accomplish things! First up, a weekend in So Cal with Sistah' Girl this summer.

I don't have anything else planned at the moment, but I am considering a solo trip somewhere - since I have plenty of vacation to use up this year.

Aside from that, the Run For Your Life Zombie 5k in Portland/Seattle in August! Hopefully My Sailor will be there with me! We've registered to run as prospect survivors, AND to chase people as Zombies! It also includes overnight camping! Should be fun!

I'm waiting on my new shoes before I start training for ANYTHING. Don't want to screw up my feet even more and REALLY set myself back!

(I also ordered a Fitbit! Can't wait to see how that helps me keep my health on track!)

But tonight I'm happy to report that I got 41 minutes of Just Dance 3 on "Sweat" mode. It was a blast! I signed up for a 7 day challenge to help keep me focused and in shape over the next couple months.

I've also been out of the house twice. I do notice that I'm stammering more when I talk to people, even on the phone lately. Oy! The side-effects of me not getting out enough means I get a tad anxious when talking to new people, and I stumble and trip over my words to say what I mean to say. It's an embarrassing habit I hold to LOSE before I meet My Sailor's family and friends on 2 weeks.

The bad news was sort of laced in there. My Sailor is VERY busy at the Sub and will be for at least the rest of this year. It makes me even more grateful to look back on my past and see how far I've come.

But it does take me a little while to process all this - between 12 hour work days (worked over 50 hrs this week) and the house stuff - and reminding myself to take care of me...which reminds me... Me needs a bubble bath and some book time before bed tonight. Off I go!

Breaking The Cardinal Rule...

2012-02-17T07:29:00.000-08:00

This week, I've been breaking a few of my own personal rules.

1) Leave the house twice a day.
When you work from home, it's tough to feel like part of the human race sometimes! Especially when you're pulling 12 hour days on a regular basis. I can't say that I'm depressed or anything along those lines. But I know that I'm short-changing myself, and that never feels good. Relying on Facebook doesn't make up for face-to-face time with the human race. I know when I don't take the time to meet new people and open myself up to learning from them, I get stuck in my ways and tend to sound like a "know it all" (or at least I think so). I also tend to put myself in a "big sister" or "mom" type role, rather than the "equals" role that I prefer. So it's time to make a few minor adjustments as far as my socialization goes. Maybe it's time to join a class or start a show, now that the schedule has calmed down (yeah!).

On the upside, this does mean that I've saved a good chunk of change for our upcoming trip. After all, you save a lot of money when you're not paying for gas or coffee shop
runs! That DOES feel good.

2) Breaking the Health rules. I've been doing this about as much as I've been getting out of the house this week. Sure, I've taken the dog for his daily mile, but I'm going to pass on that today. I can tell the weather is taking its toll on Clydas' joints, so I'm going to give him a pass on that today. We're still seeing how he reacts to his first winter, especially with his still-recent amputation. Last night, it was pretty clear that his rear knees were bothering him, so I'll let him rest up today. But that said, I also haven't been adhereing to my logging in MyFitnessPal - and I've been giving into desserts more often than not. I know when My Sailor is home, we both feel like celebrating, and lately ice cream has been the culprit. So it's time to cut the sweets (not "out", just "down") and boost the work out. Just Dance 3 anyone?

Some people don't do well with "rules", but I actually find that I usually thrive when I set them for myself.

It's not always easy to do what's best for ourselves. There are lots of distractions - work, relationships, etc. But if there is anything I've been reminded of lately - when we better ourselves, we better everything around us as well.

I'm sure I'll do just fine - and I'm generally happy with my life. It's just making a few minor adjustments that will help enrich things even more.

And that is a very good place to be.

Walk A Mile in My (Broken Down Cheap old Running) Shoes

2012-02-15T15:27:00.000-08:00

As most of you already know (if you read my blog regularly) - you know that I am on a quest when it comes to my athletics. I played LOTS of sports as a kid, but that didn't stop me from being overweight. But I want to continue 'getting better and better' (thanks Kyle for the tagline!). And today I put in an investment towards that.

One of the greatest lessons I learned in life (so far) is that any investment you make in bettering yourself, betters those around you as well. It can inspire people on their own journey, encourage those going the same direction you are, and build stronger relationships with other people who are interested in 'getting better and better' as well.

When I first bought my running shoes (Asics GT-2160), they ran me about $100. Yikes! That's more than I think I've ever spent on athletic shoes, but My Sailor helped to convince me that my lousy feet need a little TLC when it comes to running. I tend to beat them into a pulp since they'd been, well, lousy since I can remember.

Take a look and you'll see what I mean:

Let's take a look at the bottom of the shoes, shall we? If you look carefully, you'll see that only worn areas are the outside of shoe (from ball to heel) and just below the ball of the foot. That's where you can see the purple peeking out from the yellow-ish greenish sole. So obviously those areas take a lot of abuse. Now lets look at my feet on the left. Md's say I was probably born with high arches, but as I put on weight as a kid, and played sports (soccer), my arches fell. Now, we have technology that fixes this in children under 10. A tiny ball like thing is implanted into the weakening bones, which helps the body correct itself. Pretty cool, huh? Too bad it wasn't around in the 1980's (when I was 10 and under). Obviously, my heels take a lot of abuse - see all the callouses there? They don't hurt, and I never really worry about how my feet "look" so I rarely bother with them. On the lower right hand corner, you'll see my "good foot". This is one that has a tiny bit of arch left. Arches give your feet spring and helps them bounce back from daily stuff. Now, the 2nd photo from the right shows me standing. You'll notice my ankle of my "good foot" is pretty much lined up w/ my leg, despite the lack of arch in either foot. (Believe it or not, this is actually PROGRESS from where I was 10 years ago.) On the other side though, you'll notice that my ankle rolls in pretty severely. I am NOT leaning in this picture, but it looks like I am, huh? Crazy stuff! Anyway, over the course of my teen years, my ankles collapsed. (Which is why it's progress to have 1 nearly line up on it's own finally - but losing 50lbs will do that!) The left ankle joint, when not properly supported, actually pretty much touches the ground when I walk.

And you know when you're feet are off so are your knees, hips, back, etc. I'm so grateful not to struggle with any sort of chronic pain in those areas!

As for my feet - when I'm bare foot, my toes go numb on a regular basis. That's how I knew I couldn't keep these shoes one day longer. My lousy feet killed em.

In their defense, they were great shoes! Worth every penny! I wore them A LOT, and they lasted nearly a year. Since running shoes aren't known for their durability, and should be replaced every 6 months anyway, it's past time.

But that doesn't mean I am looking forward to the 2 hour commute to the mall and back to find a great Lady Footlocker and spend over $100 on new shoes, RIGHT before a vacation!

So here's where I get savy -
Yesterday, I got a reward card in the mail for $20 my next purchase at Famous Footwear. While I never have good luck at their physical stores, I have great luck with their online specials. Today, the exact same brand/model of shoe (different color) is on sale! Instead of $99, it's $69.99! How's that for a deal? I add on my coupon and I got it down to $56.01 after taxes. "But what about shipping and handling?" Since I'm a rewards member (which was free to sign up for), shipping is free. So I saved on gas by not even having to go to a store. Oh, and I have one more savy shopping goodie - I went through ebates.com to get them. So I also get 9% put back into my paypal account, which is a little over $5.

So I actually bought $99 shoes for $50.96.

And now, I just have to get a new swimsuit top and I have a feeling I'll be all ready for our vacation and well within budget.

Quote of the Blog - "It feels good to outsmart the feet." - Me.

Some Photos for Thought

2012-02-14T08:43:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day folks!

Since My Sailor and I aren't really celebrating V day this year, I've been thinking of ways to do something special this year.

Inspired by an anniversary photos shoot featured on The Disney Wedding Blog I thought that maybe, just maybe we deserve a professional photo session! While I'm getting pretty darn good at tweaking photos, it would be nice if most of them weren't taken at arms length, or by a friend. A pro could have some really great ideas.

Now the question becomes - should I steal him away for a photos session in Seattle w/ an urban big city feel? Or wait until our trip to Disneyworld in a few weeks? Things that make ya go "hmmm...".

When a Movie Moves You

2012-02-12T00:08:00.000-08:00

Source

Every once in a great while, I'm exposed to a film that reaches out and grabs at something deeper than just my heart strings. It pulls at the fiber of my being. It makes me wonder if some where, deep down - beyond the Disney fan and the Medical Coder - at the heart of a dreamer is a devout gypsy.

I've never been able the type of person to thrive within stone walls. I lack the patience for conventional education, but I soak up the lessons of experiences of life (my life and others) like a sponge. I find peace in nature, and wordless meaning in the faith, friendship, and in the company of others. But those that know me best usually realize that I'm reserved (yes, even in this blog) when it all comes down to it. Only friends who have known me for decades really get "the whole story", though I do make every effort to be honest in this blog, as in all recordings of this journey that is my life.

The Way isn't a hard movie to watch. It probably wasn't a hard movie to make either. Shot on location, it follows several backpackers on their journey along The Way of St. James. Focusing on Martin Sheen's character - a doctor from California who came to Europe when he learned his 20'something year old son (a field anthropologist in the making) tragically passes away - the movie follows his emotional and physical journey on The Way, where he meets up with several others from around the world, all traveling for different reasons. Living off the road, small towns they come across on the way, and the kindness of strangers, they make their own pilgrimage across the countries.

Now, I love a hot shower and a comfy bed as much as the next person - maybe even more, but the gypsy in me can't help but acknowledge the true power of being in nature, alone, soaking up all the world has to offer for a few months. It's a beautiful idea and I truly respect those who do that.

So when I pass away - that, dear readers (ye brave, ye few) is how I want to be remembered. Don't go to a grave stone. Don't put me in a box in the ground. Let my passing be a catalyst for growth. Pack up my ashes and spread them along some long ancient foot road...

Just make sure to take me to Disneyland first.

"All Things Considered, I'm taking this Rather well."

2012-02-10T17:43:00.000-08:00

Good news and bad news. They always seem to balance each other out, right?

Well, first the good news!

My Sailor's crazy hours appear to be settling down starting next week! Yeah! We'll actually get more than 2 hours awake together per day! Possibly even a day off together that DOESN'T involve sleeping away 60% of the day in the near future! Yeah! I can't wait to get back to mini road trip adventures and all that jazz.

So what's the bad news?

Though his hours are normalizing - he'll be adding Valentine's Day and another personal holiday to the list of days holidays he's had to work through. He'll be going in around 7am on those days and not returning until the next day.

Sigh.

All things considered though - considering I've just been told in the last 48 hours that our wedding, honeymoon, Valentine's Day, and our own private holiday has been wiped off the calendar, I'm taking it all pretty well. I'm fairly certain most women would have dissolved into tears of disappointment and flop into a bought of hopelessness.

Disappointment?
Oh sure. I can't lie. I may be named after the Bionic Woman, but even she had feelings, and so do I. To some, the answer could be "Just don't throw a wedding" and "Just don't have any expectations". But I don't work that way. Weddings are important - it's important to us to show our family and friends how much their love and support means to us. I expect we'll get to it when we have the time and money. Whatever the season, it'll be fun and beautiful I'm sure. I'm ALWAYS going to dream big, make plans, and do everything I can to set those plans into motion. But I'm also not going to hold it against My Sailor if the Navy decides they need him and causes it to change those plans - or wipe them out completely.

Though the news is still pretty fresh, My Sailor shows no interest in celebrating these holidays sooner or later than the day. Honestly, that DOES kind of suck, but it's also really hard to be interested in ANYTHING at 5am when you're on little sleep, so that might change.

That's Why I Make All My Plans On Things like These -

Everything can be moved, erased, redesigned, and saved for later. (Do you love my Mickey post its? I do! Thanks Pam!)

Too bad he has Saturday off and I don't, but My Sailor just got a new video game, so I'm sure he'll keep himself busy with that and catching up on some much needed rest. In fact, I'm almost jealous. Almost...
I'd probably spend the day getting out and then coming home to some crafting or scrap booking or something a bit more tangible, but that's me.

So what am I doing for Valentine's Day? Most likely working - though I'm probably going to order myself some orchids.

After the week I've had, I deserve something pretty.

But what would really start next week off right would be being down just 1 more pound! I'm so close to being securely in Onderland that I can taste it!

Now, off to errands and the next "half" of my day (which, yes, is starting at 6pm).

My Namesake aka Things are a little scary!

2012-02-10T01:25:00.000-08:00

I was named after the Bionic Woman and today is one of those days when I can almost feel her influence.

Today I:

Woke up at 9am to walk the dog. My Sailor was still sleeping after a 4am shift brought him home late.
Cooked breakfast. I didn't say made breakfast because, to me, that just involves pouring milk on cereal or water on instant oatmeal. (I attribute so much of my weight loss success to actually making the time to cook breakfast, rather than starting off the day feeling rushed.) Turkey bacon in scrambled egg whites with diced mini peppers, 1/2 a bagel w/ local honey, hot chocolate (swiss miss w/ my own twist- added unsweetened vanilla almond milk and sugar free cinnamon vanilla syrup), and fresh strawberries. Accompanied it all with a small glass of not-from-concentrate OJ. Sound good? That's pretty much an average daily breakfast around the house. (Occasionally I'll resort to making breakfast (instant plain steel cut oats with brown sugar and cinnamon added at the last moment, and a cup of Chobani greek Yogurt, and a peice of fruit), but that's not as common. It's MUCH higher in calorie and not as healthful - more sugar and less fiber.)
Worked a 12 hour day. (Which is a VERY long time to be staring at books and screens.)
Walked the dog 4 times.
Did the MOUNTAIN of laundry that was piling up.
Did the Dishes.
Took out the recycling
Stuck to healthy foods throughout the day.
Worked out on my lunch/dinner break.
Wrote this blog
Brainstormed Valentine's plans

Here it is, 1 am, and I'm considering going to the produce store (which is about an hour and 1/2 adventure) since we're out of fruit and running REALLY low on veggies. But on the off chance I'd pass out in the car, I should probably just stay home, and fold the laundry and put it away so it doesn't sit in the baskets forever.

I'm REALLY good at being busy!

Now on to other things -
I'm actually really surprised how well I'm taking the 3rd (yes, 3rd) rescheduling of our wedding date. Most women would probably flip out - even one in my position. But I'm not. It'll give us some extra time to save up some more money, and I'll be able to take my time on some projects I was going to do for the wedding anyway. We'll also be able to focus on that new house thing WHICH, for the record, SCARES ME TO DEATH!

See, my experience with purchasing real estate isn't good. In the early 2000's my then-husband and I purchased a condo. I was SO excited to have "our own place", though I do remember being more afraid to buy the place than I was to get married! In hindsight, I should have listened to that fear, but live and learn. Anyway, we ~~bought~~ over-paid for the apartment/condo conversion. It ran us about $260k. My folks gave us money to help w/ closing costs and the real estate agents and the lenders convinced us that we could afford $2200/month. Gulp. Our plan at the time was to turn a profit within 5 years. Well, that would have been impossible. Even if the marriage had lasted another 5 years (it lasted 1 1/2 I think after that purchase), we would NEVER have turned a profit. Turned out they screwed up the electrical and, in the long run, the neighborhood never really turned around the way it had appeared to start. In the end, we agreed to try to short sell it. Didn't work out, so both my ex and I got slammed w/ a foreclosure on our credit records. Now that was some years ago (and the same condos now sell for $85k... yeah, ouch...), and it should be off my credit report any day now, but still...

I realize that I may really struggle with trust. I mean, I do trust that all things work together for good in the end. But there are still things that make me quiver in my boots and the thought of not being able to keep a roof over my head on my own is one of them. See, I've worked every since I was a teenager. I can't remember ever being out of a job. In fact, most of my adult life I've worked more than one job at a time. That doesn't mean I'm rolling in dough, but it does mean that I don't have to financially lean on anyone 99.8% of the time (my folks have helped me out here and there over the years). Since I never really learned to trust anyone else (in my adult life) to provide for me, I am freaked out about knowing that someday, when My Sailor and I have a family, I'll be leaning on him in a financial sense more and more. I don't think I'll ever stop working. It's just not in me. My "work" may change from my current day job to writing (still working on that novel), but I'll never stop working for an actual paycheck.

I'm actually surprised by the stomach-turning fear I have of big purchases and especially of buying property. I'm aware that experience has taught me that I might not be able to keep it - but experience has also taught me that I'm going to be okay no matter what happens in my life. I know My Sailor and I aren't going to split up when we buy property. The two (buying property and divorce) aren't linked one bit in my mind - and that's reassuring.

But I find myself becoming more and more grateful for this oppurtunity to face down my fear - and, with some faith, trust, good planning, and pixie dust - prove them unnecessary. Even the Bionic Woman was afraid sometimes, but all of her parts got her through - so I'm sure her namesake will come out on top of this one too.

And another Date Bites the Dust!

2012-02-08T08:50:00.000-08:00

Hi there readers!
Many of you may already know this through other media, but I'm trying to get the word out. Last night we learned that the October 18th, 2012 wedding date is going to have to be postponed. Yes, again. Just like last year, My Sailor will be off Finding Nemo during October of this year, making it impossible to hold the ceremony.
"So, when's the new date?"
We don't know. And we won't until probably Jan of 2013. We can't afford to move it up (and he can't get any more leave approved this year anyway), so it'll most likely be next spring.
How do I feel about all this?
To say I'm disappointed is as true as it can be. And frustrated, as this is the 3rd date change, each of them pushing it into another calendar year.
I'm painting it with a good brush because now we can focus more on our next move. Literally. We're aiming to move into a 3 bedroom (or a 2 bedroom with a den) in June. Now, we'll be able to focus on house hunting, deciding if we should rent or buy (mortgages are cheaper than renting anything over 2 bedrooms) and such.
So there's the latest and greatest. I'll be posting to the Wellness Blog tonight all about Financial Wellness! Stay tuned! You might find some tips and tricks (like ebates and swag bucks) that you didn't know about! :)

Of Guest Lists, Plays, and Other Good Things....

2012-02-04T23:31:00.000-08:00

The guest list. Sigh...

The invention of Facebook has certainly changed the way we address wedding invitations. Since EVERYONE knows about it, EVERYONE expects an invitation. Truth be told, we're keeping things fairly small (around 50 people). Which means he gets to invite 25 and I get to invite 25. In that 25 are immediate family, wedding party members (of course), and the officiant. So we plan on doing this in 2 waves. Family and wedding party gets the first wave of invitations, and friends will get the 2nd wave. And invitations will be going out this spring and summer to give people plenty of time to RSVP for the fall wedding. While I wish we could throw a HUGE party and invite EVERYONE we love, we are keeping our budget in mind first. I want to make sure we're not in debt for years for ONE DAY. A great day, mind you, but it is ONE DAY. I can't make peace with taking out a loan for 1 day, though that seems to be the norm to finance weddings these days. We're keeping it UNDER $5k. The average wedding costs $25k today. So while our story is anything BUT average, our wedding will be financially well below the "average". And I'm sure it'll turn out just right. The people who are ment to be there will be there. Those that are ment to support us from afar will be there in spirit as well.

On to less stressful topics!

Last night, I got the chance to see a local production of a hysterical British farce, "Black Comedy". No, the word "black" is NOT a reference to race. It's a reference to the dark. Most of the hour and 20 minute show takes place in the dark. By now, you're probably asking how that works. Well, the first 5 minutes or so of the play take place on a black stage. You hear the characters talking and walking around. See, for our characters, when the stage is black, that is actually when it's "light" in the room. When the fuse (which only an electrician can change) blows, the entire stage lights up. However the characters are in the "dark". Literally. The actors play it as if the room is completely dark, adding to the hilarity. I highly recommend this wonderful show if it's ever playing near you. British farces have a special place in my heart, since that's how I started in theater. I've done several, but I'm sorry I missed out on the chance to audition for this one. However, at Bremerton Community Theater, the cast is right on, the direction is great, and everything (aside from a few slipping accents here and there) was professional grade. You'll bloody enjoy the break from your dreary day-to-day. Click here to help them fill seats with your laughter!

As for the other things -
I cleaned the house, worked over 1/2 a day shift, and am about to enjoy Dream House on Vudu. The sun was out today (yeah!), I got cars reserved for our trip in 3 1/2 weeks, AND My Sailor has tomorrow off.

All good things.

Good night!

Valentine's Day Cometh!

2012-02-02T17:07:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day is almost here! For some, Super Bowl Sunday is next "big" holiday, but I'm just not that much of a football (or an "eat-yourself-into-oblivion") gal. Most likely, it won't be a big celebration here, but here's what I would LOVE to see on my nightstand!

Cute isn't she? It's "Angel" from the Lilo and Stitch series. Sadly she's unavailable (sold out through Disney) and I highly doubt My Sailor has time ~~or the inclination due to the poor guy's constant exhaustion~~ to go searching around in the internet for it at the moment. That's okay though. It's just a 'thing'. Things get lost, stolen, broken, stained, worn out, etc. We're saving our pennies anyway for the upcoming trip. Maybe we'll do a special dinner out just the two of us during our vacation. As for his Valentine's Day gift, it starts up tomorrow. I have a few Valentine's Day cards that I plan to hide around starting this week, so he can stumbled across them during his 3 days of duty in a row.
We're keeping low pretty low key and it's nice not to have to stress over a greeting card holiday that commemorates a massacre anyway. But any excuse/reminder to show ones we love that we care is, IMHO, a good thing.

I can't wait to get away on this little trip! I probably should be nervous about meeting his family, but I'm not really. They've all been wonderfully supportive, so I count myself pretty lucky. Besides, I'm craving a new adventure and a change of scenery.

Yesterday I got a great surprise from one of my favorite Disney Podcasts!
I popped into "The Box" for WDWRadio's show and decided to hang out after the show. The Box people are great, and it looks as though Lou (the host of WDWRadio and the owner of the magazine I write for, Celebrations Press and I might get to meet up in Florida for a lunch AND do a Disneyland Tour this summer together! I'm pretty psyched about it. As if I need another excuse to go back to Disneyland (which I don't - I have plenty, trust me!) but I really respect all Lou does and the attitude and ideas with which he's maintained his Disney fan community. The crowd he's attracted and drawn together remind me of the greatest reasons of why we (Disney fans) love what we love. The attitude of "Keep Moving Forward" and "You can reach for your dreams" has really influenced me heavily over the past half a decade. Lou's work ethic, positive attitude, and passion is contagious (though I do enjoy a good Pete rant from the Dis Unplugged every once in awhile as well). I couldn't feel prouder or more honored to contribute to such a great community, or to represent the magazine whenever I can.

12 hrs of work means...

2012-01-30T22:22:00.000-08:00

Not much time to keep up on all my blogs! But since there are (at least) 40 of you dear readers out there - Check out the wellness blog when you can! Click here!

...Paved with Good Intentions aka Single Riders Line

2012-01-30T00:50:00.000-08:00

Quote of the Blog: "L'enfer est plein de bonnes volontés et désirs" - Samuel Bernard of Clairvaux

Going on 16 straight days of work and/or duty, it's safe to say we've forgotten what a "date night" is, and the brunt of the housework has fallen to me.

While I am NOT a domestic goddess, it kinda sucks to work full time and take care of everything around here too, so that's my tiny vent.

That said, it felt great to fulfill some of the "good intentions" I had upon moving in here. You know, those little household things that nag at ya', and you want them done - yet, they seem to slip your mind time and time again?

I've had a few of those. I have 2 tables that need refinishing. Until this evening, the dining room table needed bolts tightened. In fact, it's needed those bolts tightened since I moved in (April of 2010, for those keeping score at home).

Earlier today, I was at a loss with what to do with the day. My Sailor had an surprise duty shift. So I took myself out on a date, party of one style. Heading to a local micro brewery (Silver City), I took up a seat at the bar and enjoyed a micro brew and a salad for a great deal. (Using a certificate their "loyalty" program sent me for my birthday, I spent a total of $10 with tip.) I then took myself out to a movie - Man On A Ledge - which was pretty good.

Coming home rejuvenated, I started on a cleaning spree. I'm currently folding an embarasing 2 weeks worth of laundry! (We kept hoping he'd have a day off to help out, but no luck as of yet.) The kitchen is spot less, as is the entryway, and I did all the vacuming (though Clydas and his bone was quick to remind me that is a futile chore).

I even grabbed a wrench and a flashlight, got under the dining room table, and FINALLY tightened those bolts.

I'm surprised at how accomplished I feel for doing things that seem so easy.

Now to get the rest of this folded before he gets home!

Oh, The Plans of Mice and Men

2012-01-28T19:33:00.000-08:00

Checking out a new hiking trail with Clydas.

Today, My Sailor is finishing up his 15th straight day of work. Tomorrow, he was supposed to be off work, so all week I've been looking forward to FINALLY getting out to Seattle to use those coupons we printed up for my Birthday (Jan 16th). They expire on the 30th, and Sunday is the 29th. (I did try to give them away, but no takers - yet anyway.)
But last night we found out he's working today (home around midnightish), and, due to ~~yet another~~ a change in the duty schedule, he'll be doing a duty shift (until around 3am on Monday). So there goes our Seattle day.
There are still some chores to do around here tonight, but if I get them done, I've decided that I could certainly use the break to head to the city myself - but since we're trying to save money - "2 for 1" coupons aren't really a "deal" when you're flying solo.
Ah the plans of mice and men. Actually, it's been great for me. While I don't agree with a live with zero expectations, I do agree with life full of hope, activity, and something to look forward to. It's challenging to do when schedules don't seem to line up, but I'm not the type to let it get me down for long! I'm so grateful that I learned to fly solo. It's really helped with the adjustment up here!

Take tonight as a perfect example. I got a text around 4:45 saying that "Should be done soon" from My Sailor. It's RARE that he can send texts at all, let alone gets off HOURS early!

When 7pm rolled around and he wasn't back yet, I just started dinner. (Define "soon", right?) Portobello Mushroom caps stuffed with crab and feta cheese! Delicious and oh so healthy as well! There is some in the fridge he can have when he gets home, but I'll probably be asleep by then.

See, I refuse not to have expectations. I think it's healthy to have them. But it's equally as healthy, perhaps, to have realistic expectations that involve the ability to change plans, when needed.

That ain't no whistlin' Dixie!

2012-01-24T23:28:00.000-08:00

Living in Washington has truly been a great adventure so far. From snow, to hail, to "frozen mix" (an indescribable mix of tiny hail, sleet, snow, ice and rain), to rain, to sunshine and back again, it's been a fun 9 1/2 months so far. Never a dull moment! Tonight, there is a "Wind Advisory". There have been a few of these before, and they haven't really been a big deal. I've been through desert winds before so I figured, with all the trees to break it up, this would be nothing.

Not true!

Tonight, the wind is rattling through the trees as if the world was barren. Nothing seems to slow or diffuse it. It's far from a tornado, but 50 mph winds are certainly worth writing home about (or blogging about).

To make the evening a bit more fun, I'm flying solo at watching The Dead Files - probably the most unabashedly staged "ghost hunting" show on television. The spooky blowing winds seem like more of a special effect than a true act of nature at this point. (Though the dog pressed against my hip would beg to differ I'm sure. Clydas storms don't really get along all too well, but he's learning to cope with them well, as long as he has someone to snuggle up against.)

Speaking of "that ain't just whistlin' dixie", I was catching up some podcasts today and heard that Lou Mongello is committing to the Disneyworld 5k every year for the forseeable future! His recap of the marathon gave me the itch to do it. Which put me in a strange place. My spirit is excited about the prospect of a marathon (well, 1/2 marathon - gotta start somewhere!). But my feet and my body aren't too sure about it. First step is to call the podiatrist. 2nd step is to figure out what is going with my endometriosis or scar tissue. It's acting up again (though not as severely as before). It gets worse when I do heavy work outs, so I've been scaling things back, but I know training will push me.

Fear of pain is keeping me from training right now. Fear of pain, good shoes, and arch issues.

So I'm faced with a choice - which dog will I feed? Fear? or Dedication? Dedication doesn't know failure. It doesn't care how long it takes to meet a goal - only that it's met.

I think Dedication wins this round. Fear is still there a little, but ya know, first step is first! Time to call a podatrist!(LONG overdue!)

"Are you Feelin' Lucky, Punk?"

2012-01-22T17:05:00.001-08:00

This morning I woke up to the apartment almost completely cleaned. Dishes? Done. Counters? Cleaned. Hard floors? Swiffered. Futon cover? Back on the Futon. Bathroom? Clean (expect for the shower). My Sailor got home at 4am and couldn't sleep -so he cleaned! I win. I feel very lucky.

So today I pitched in and put the finishing touches on the cleaning job with a little grocery shopping to stock up on some goodies. I started dinner for the week (lentil soup, the beans have to sit overnight - makes about 10-12 servings so I plan to freeze most of it in serving size containers)... and then something got the better of me.

Call if lack of sleep. Call it the weather change (snow to rain). Call it just plain "a bug", but I ended up puking my guts out worshiping the (clean) ceramic god for the better part of 10 minutes... and my stomach still isn't sure if it's done.

It was funny though - as I was kneeling there - I had a whole new appreciation for a clean toilet...

Even though my stomach was playing the part of Dirty Harry today.

Sadly, that scraps my plans for a visit to the YMCA tonight.

BUT on the UPSIDE, My Sailor and I FINALLY decided on a HONEYMOON! So while I rest up tonight, I'll spend some time getting our honeymoon registry all hammered out. Next week's task, Guest List! It's pretty exciting that everything is coming together as well as it is. The finances have worked out so we can take our trips we need/want to take this year, and, while things take effort, it's not as overwhelming as it once felt.

Snow Day!

2012-01-19T11:55:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, My Sailor had a 'snow day'! He got to stay home from work, so we went out in the evening to play in the snow a bit!
While Clydas isn't in LOVE with snow, he's 'warming' up to it. (I know- bad joke, but I couldn't resist.)

So today, I'll share this clip of Clydas and My Sailor playing "catch". Enjoy!
Disclaimer - I am 100% for leash laws, and it's VERY rare that I let my dog play outside off leash in a public area. We felt safe with it this time because Clydas was between 2 of us, in a very small yard area.

My 32nd Year

2012-01-18T01:41:00.000-08:00

It's a little hard to believe I turned 32 this year, but I like to think I rang in my 32nd year in style - even if we had a few hiccups.

My Sailor had a duty day the night before (which involves working from about 2pm until about 3am - Yes, that's not a type. 3am) so even though we intended to get up early and make the most of the day, we didn't check into Shari's for birthday breakfast until around noon. Oh well! It was delicious.

My original plan was to head to Seattle, but after such a late start, we opted to stay closer to home and hang out at the Tukwilla Mall. Now, hanging out at a mall may not seem like the birthday wish of anyone over the age 15, however, it's about an hour to the nearest large mall, and this one is HUGE! Great for walking and browsing, and I had an order that came into the bridal store there, so I got to complete a fun errand too.

First off, sleep deprivation is not a pretty thing. We were both a bit crabby and my crabbiness had started the night before. But when all was said and done, we ended up making a great day out of "Plan B".

We picked up the fabric goodies first, and I chatted with Sistah' Girl (LONG overdue) -

Then headed to the mall. After a few hours of browsing around, we got some goodies at the game shop (My Sailor got some Magic cards and I got 2 new expansion sets to my Zombies!!! Game. Click here for our game night review of it. Obviously , it was a hit!). And we stopped at a funny hat shop too -

And then we checked out a Thai place I've always wanted to try! See, in California, I used to walk to a local, delicious Thai eatery fairly often. Usually a couple times/month. So I developed a taste for the unique blend of spices found in that food. It's a different type of "heat" over Japanese, Mexican, and Italian foods.

Anyway, we decided to try hot pot for the first time (at least the first time I remember ever doing it).

It was fun and delicious - and not too high on the calorie count either! We used Tom Yum soup for it (my favorite) and tried just about everything they offered us.

It was a great experiment in dining that I can't wait to repeat someday soon (though I don't think I'll ever eat a mussel again... still don't like 'em, but at least I tried)!

We capped off the night with drinks and dessert at the Cheesecake Factory! It's my first visit there, and it was a hit as well - the perfect way to cap off the evening. (And I know Sistah' Girl would be proud.)

Overwhelmed much? Happens to the best of us!

2012-01-15T22:32:00.000-08:00

Night shifts suck. I don't mind working them myself. When it's just me, it's a great time for me to focus and move forward in my productivity without all the usual distractions that occur during the day. I do my best writing (song writing or otherwise) at odd hours of the night. But eventually, I end up feeling like I do nothing but sleep and work. Now, My Sailor working such crazy hours, I feel like we miss out on all of the day. I'm finding that it's hard for me to start off on the right foot when he's sleeping until 2 hours before work, getting up just in time to get dressed and go.

I'm not complaining about him, per say. I completely understand that he's completely, legitimately exhausted. And he does do the best he can with time off. For example, he had last night off and really tried to make it great quality time. We went to go see Beauty and The Beast in 3D (just as amazing as it's 2D predecessor), and we went out to a great dinner at a new place (Brix 25) in Gig Harbor. It was delightful. But afterwards, he was awake until 5am! I gave up and passed out around 2:30am. (Which is SUPER late for me and probably accounts for part of what I'm feeling - it always screws me up the next day.) But when it's all said and done, I sort of miss the guy who used to give me a break from being the one that gets up with the dog on weekends (he gets up around 8:30am-9am to go outside - and since we live in an apartment, someone has to take him out on the leash). Since the dog's wake up call is only a few hours after My Sailor goes to bed, it's on me all the time - which isn't any different than any other time I'm flying solo, really). It isn't really fair of me to hope he'll get up and take the dog out. After all, Clydas is my dog - my responsibility chiefly. At the same time, it's not healthy for me to try to stay up until he gets home (which is after midnight or after 3:30am, depending on the day).

So today I realized I need an attitude adjustment if we're going to get through this stage without me being Miss Annie Annoyable all the time.

So I'm taking a bit of my own advice.

"Control what you can. Let the Rest go." And "Health first. If you're not healthy, you can't help anyone else."

What can I take control of today that can change the way I feel?

The most obvious thing that came to mind is my living space. So I did a bunch of housework, ran all the errands, and took down the Christmas stuff. It was a great start to feeling productive. If you've read this blog for any length of time, you know that I'm far from a domestic goddess. I'm just not one of those women who naturally finds great joy in housework. I like things clean, but clutter just tends to happen no matter how "on top of things" I try to stay. Well, when I love my living space, I find I'm MUCH more motivated. But when I don't, it's oh-so-easy to just let everything slide because it feels very temporary and I can't WAIT to leave. Truly, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't mention how I can't WAIT to move, so it's safe to say I have a mean case of "I Can't Wait To Move"-itis in here. See, this apartment was always intended to be a "short term" move - like 6-8 months. In April, I'll be hitting 1 year here. There is a light at the end of the tunnel - the lease is up in May.

Tomorrow is my birthday, so I want to spend my personal New Years as I have in the past - looking forward to the next great year coming.

Tonight has been a myriad of stuff. I'll just say this:
I'm leaving My Sailor a note that says "Don't ask about the stoneware cooking sheet, the futon cover, the chunk of paint missing from the living room wall, or the Baking Soda if you value your life." Luckily, I think he does...

The Pet Took Over This Post!!

2012-01-15T20:19:00.001-08:00

Click here to see a post about Clydas on the couple's blog!

Lots of New and Strategizing

2012-01-11T22:18:00.000-08:00

So the good news is - My Sailor is home safe and sound! We had 4 glorious days together. We saw 2 movies: Mission Impossible : Ghost Protocal - which is SO much more entertaining when you're watching with someone who understands nuclear weapons to the point where he starts to laugh at the inaccuracies, and Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows. We both really loved both movies.

We also bought a new car!
Well, new to us - which is all that really matters. It's a 1999 Audi that we love. Since My Sailor is having to work crazy hours, 2 cars are a must now and thankfully, we're in a position where we can afford a second car, without overextending ourselves. Which is a relief! It's also nice to know we have a back up if something goes massively wrong with the other car and we can't repair it right away.

So we had a few days together, but we decided not to both turning around My Sailor's sleep schedule. His work schedule is noon until 11pm on some days, and until 3am on every day. That includes weekends - though he'll be getting every other weekend off. So that doesn't make for a lot of together time. In fact, if I had a "day job" that required me to be at an office, we wouldn't really see each other much at all for the next couple months.

So how do you make "quality time" when all you have to work with is a lunch break? Well, you do little things for each other.

Today was a great example. While I was working, My Sailor did the dishes and general cleaning in the kitchen. A small thing that only took him a few minutes but took one thing off my mind, so when I got off work, I could just relax.

And a clean kitchen made it so much easier to bake up something special to return the favor -

Cinnamon Sugar Cookies - Hearts and Stars

I made very few of them (1 small batch) so I had a few for dessert tonight, and the rest I'll leave for him around his work week. I figured I can hide one inny the Audi (I couldn't resist) before work, and maybe leave one or two on a plate for when he comes home. The left overs will be shipped out in some care packages for some gal pals. They aren't that bad for you either (4 of them run about 190 calories).

When the going gets tough - the tough get creative!

I can't wait for our "spring break" vacation! Looks like this March we may be going to Michigan and making a quick trip to Disneyworld and SeaWorld!

Decisions make all the difference

2012-01-05T08:26:00.000-08:00

It's been wonderful to have My Sailor back! Just these first few days have helped remind me what an amazing relationship we've grown into. The commitment is still the same one that he left with. We're in this life together, whether that means he's out "Finding Nemo", or I'm dealing with whatever this thing is. That decision alone has shaped so much of our lives, even when we didn't realize it.

When I was dx'd with PCOS in 1999, I went through the usual stages of depression and all that which comes with being diagnosed with a chronic illness. Once I snapped out of it, I realized that it was up to me to decide how much of my life this was going to define. How much was I going to relent and give in to symptoms? I think I've done a pretty good job of understanding that it's part of my life, while pushing back enough to not allow it to rule my life. This week has been another good example. That 'phantom pain' I mentioned before? Well, it's starting to have more in common with Endometriosis symptoms than anything else right now. To put it bluntly, it feels like someone is stabbing me with a knife where "righty" used to be. It's better when I don't move around much, or when I can distract myself by walking. Yes, it COULD be some weird muscular adhesion as well, but either way, there isn't really anything to be done but take some ibuprophen, put on my big girl panties, and carry on with a smile! So I haven't let it slow me down too much. Why? Because I decided long ago that I would listen to my body, but I wouldn't let aches, pains, and chronic conditions control how I feel about myself or what I do with my day (whenever humanly possible).

Because of that decision, I've really been able to enjoy time with My Sailor since he's been home (even though he's already back to work).

When I moved to Washington, I made another decision. Before I even left California, I decided that I wouldn't let the weather keep me "trapped" inside. So far, it hasn't. Sure, it's been super stormy sometimes, but I still get out a little bit everyday.

I guess this whole blog is a reminder to myself that, when we truly make decisions and firm commitments, the sky is the limit.

When the tide comes in...

2012-01-04T10:30:00.000-08:00

My Sailor chatting it up with his family.

Well, wouldn't ya know it? Look at what the tide brought in last night?

That's My Sailor chatting it up with this family on the way home from pick up! I'm still in shock a little bit, but we are both really enjoying each other's company. It's funny the little things you miss. Holding each other's hand... voices... kisses... the way each could shares a glance with that intimate form of unspoken communication...

We're a bit nostalgic, so we ate dinner at the same place where he had his last meal on dry land, and spent the evening in a usual low key manner, snuggling on the couch to the rest of the a Michigan football game, and catching up on a few episodes of a favorite shows (Castle, Terra Nova, and South Park), enjoying the comfort of just having one another there.

Today, he's back at work, checking out of one boat and into another, and I'm doing laundry. As expected, there won't be any long breaks until March at this point, but we're hoping he'll be able to get a few days off so we can us a gift certificate my parents gave us to a gorgeous resort -

See that building on the upper left hand side of the phote? That's the Salish Lodge!

One of their amenities includes a fireside couple's massage. SIGN ME UP! We're pretty excited to cash in our gift certificate! And it certainly helps that January turns out to be the month of their "Welcome Home" promotions for military! That means our gift certificate will go a little further, since we'll be getting 30% off! They are booked up every weekend for the next few months, so I'm looking forward to a week day get-a-away someday soon.

Something wonderful to meditate on today...

2012-01-03T00:03:00.000-08:00

I am borrowing this list from a Myfitnesspal.com friend who is borrowing it from an unnamed Facebook friend so I can't site the source, but it made me smile, as it's the last thing I'll read before bed. Instead of scanning this list, take a moment to really meditate on them. I hope you'll find some of the peace and joy I did!

1. Believe in miracles.Yes, it is a choice.2. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance!
3. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.No one walks around with the inclination that they are perfect, but we all seem to think other people are.4. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
5. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile!But everything in Moderation.
6. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
7. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
8. Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.
9. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.
10. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
11. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
12. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
13. Forgive everyone everything.
14. Sometimes you have to forgive yourself.
15. Well done is better than well said.
16. Fair comes once a year!
17. It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you're not.
18. Absolutely everyone is weird inside.The more you share with a stranger, the more alike you'll see we all are!
19. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.Dogs dry tears well.
20. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.Or smarter.21. The most important sex organ is the brain.
22. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
23. You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.
24. You succeed when you've gotten up one more time than you've fallen.
25. I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be OK.
26. Power is nothing unless you can turn it into influence.
27. Be gentle with the earth.
28. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
29. It's OK to play with your food.
30. Life doesn't weigh you down - it's the way you carry it.
31. A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
32. Life is a JOURNEY, not a destination.
33. Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not.
34. If you say you can't - you're right and if you say you can - you're still right.
35. Do unto others as you would have done to you and expect nothing in return.
36. Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes. Welcome the new adventures, and know what pieces of the past to learn from and let go of.
37. LIVE OUT LOUD!
38. All that truly matter in the end is that you loved. And in that, everybody wins.

Of Email Checking and Other Blogs!

2012-01-02T10:50:00.000-08:00

Greetings dear readers!

This last morning of my little "weekend" came far too early - even though I didn't roll out of bed until 9ish. I think Clydas has the right idea. Eat breakfast, take a nap.

I just wanted to take a moment to say - THE WELLNESS BLOG IS BACK! I'm still hammering out some issues with the look, but it's up, running, and readable. It'll be focusing on Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual wellness (since they are all tied together) without focusing on any on religion. Enjoy !

In other news, I find myself almost obsessively checking my email lately. I was really great about it when My Sailor first left - getting out of the house leaving the Acer behind seemed easy. But lately, it hasn't been. I guess that means I need to get out of the house more! Probably the truth. So that will be my goal for the day. Get out of the house a bit for something other than running errands.

Off to the showers I go!

A peice on Phantom Pain

2012-01-01T13:24:00.000-08:00

As most of my regular readers know (ye brave, ye few), I had "righty" (my right ovary) removed in the summer of 2010. In so many ways, it was a refreshing experience. On a personal level, I got to see how people handle their own fears. I got to see how I handle mine in a situation that could have turned deadly. And I got to see who was really in the trenches with me, and who couldn't be.

5 days post-op in Disneyland with Gerber Baby Family. Like my wheels?

I'm about a year and a half out from that and I'm finally understanding some of the strange experiences I have now because of the surgery.

It actually started yesterday, and I didn't want to believe it. Thinking I was just exhausted from working such long hours and generally stressed, I thought I'd "sleep it off". Well, today, there is no mistaking it. After a little research, I'm convinced.

There is such a thing as phantom pain. I mean, I assumed it was true for limbs, but missing organs? Apparently the scar tissue can tighten and swell because your body is still designed to vascularize each ovary, depending on what internal schedule your body is on. Apparently it's been "lefty"s turn for a while and now it's "righty's" turn. Only "righty" checked out of hotel body a few years ago, and now the body is going, "What the (fill-in-explative-of-choice-here)?!". It's not as bad as I felt when I still had the tiny ball of disease growing in there, but it doesn't exactly make me want to get up and move around today.

But I've never let a little thing like pain keep me indoors, and today is no different! It's my first day off after four 10-12 hour days! I plan to enjoy it. I slept in for a good chunk of the day, and now I'm headed to take a shower, get dressed and head to a movie! And yes, I plan on starting the new year off right. I'll be walking to the movie theater and back. It's the first day of the new year!

New Years eve dinner - chicken and barley soup, spinach salad, and steamed veggies

I ended the new year on a healthy note, and I plan on starting off this one the same way and keeping it going. I weigh less at the end of this year, than I did at the end of last year! I plan on hitting my birthday in a few weeks in 1-derland, and I plan to stay there.

So there that's how I'm starting off 2012 - learning something new, making good choices, and, as Lou Mongello (and Walt Disney) said - "Keep Moving Forward."

12 hour days...

2011-12-29T23:49:00.000-08:00

California was fun, and it was great to be warmed by the spirit of family and friends. Even though most of my plans to see friends and family didn't pan out the way I'd hoped, it still was a great trip. I set up a few occasions to meet up with groups, but with the holidays, schedules just couldn't collide (including mine), but I got to spend time with a few people and my awesome family.

Finding the 40th anniversary Disneyland time capsule!

And I'm glad to report the weight I've lost since Thanksgiving has continued to help a fit with my wedding dress! I am excited with my progress so far, which is even more incentive to keep at it. Weigh in day is next week. I've been able to eat right and work out even with my long days, so I'm sticking to it!

I got a few surprise words from My Sailor recently! I wasn't expecting to hear (well, read, since there are no phones on a submarine) from him until next year, so it was a nice surprise that made the extra work more tolerable.

Speaking of extra work...

Since I've been back, I've been working 12 hour days, and will be until the end of the year. Weekends included. (Hence the lack of blogging.) I've really decided to buckle down and seek balance during this heavy work period. I'm taking care of myself, working out on lunch breaks, and eating right. Today I made a big pot of Chicken Thyme barley soup. It turned out pretty darn good, and I have servings all lined up in the freezer for the rest of the week. Between that, some salad greens, fresh fruit, and my usual morning goodies (egg beaters, turkey bacon, and oatmeal), I'm all set to stay in and get as much done as possible. Clydas has been a couch potato lately, but it's because I don't have much time for play. I'm working on it though!

So, what did Santa bring me? You'll just have to wait until "2nd Christmas" (my celebration with My Sailor next month) to find out!

As for the upcoming New Year's eve - I do have a bottle of bubbly in the fridge. I'll not only be toasting the New Year (unless I save it for My Sailor's return), but I'll be toasting the end of 12 hour shifts! Sunday and Monday I have OFF!

Christmas in California

2011-12-25T07:22:00.000-08:00

It's 75 degrees this Christmas day. Bright and sunny as usual, and warm of heart with my family around me. I'm glad to be here on Christmas day.

My favorite day of the year is Christmas Eve. It was great to spend it with my parents, but once they went to bed I had a "date" with My Sailor! See, I had uploaded A Muppet's Christmas Carol (his favorite Muppet movie) on to his Ipod before he left. It's also on mine, so we decided that Christmas Eve, no matter where we are, we'd take some time out and watch it. I haven't seen it in years, and I forgot what an a fun, warm film it is! For a little while, I felt one step closer to My Sailor.

I'll share photos and get into more detail about my trip (and Disneyland) on a later post. It's been a jam packed schedule.

Just Dance 3 Saved My Life

2011-12-21T17:36:00.000-08:00

Okay, so that's kind of a lie. Alright, it's an outright bold faced lie, but it got you to read this blog, didn't it?

Seriously speaking though - for the past 4 weeks or so I've been doing a Just Dance 3 competition with a fellow MyFitnessPal'er. I just move the coffee table out of the way, and get my groove on. Each week, we dance it up to 3 songs, and whoever gets the highest score (2/3 songs) wins $5 from the loser, paid via paypal. Nice set up right? The rules are - YOU have to do it, meaning the high score HAS to show YOUR profile name. Honor system here. To submit the score, we send photos of the song selection screen, which shows the name on the profile, the score, and the song title every Thursday (though the cut off for dancing is Wednesday night).

Having the strong competitive spirit that I do, I've busted my hump every week. And, yes, it's only $5, and sometimes we pass the same $5 back and forth. But $5 adds up, and so do the health benefits! And, I'm having fun, AND (ready for this one?) I WEIGH LESS NOW THAN I HAVE IN THE PAST 3 YEARS! When My Sailor left, it was before Halloween, and I was weighing in about 213ish... So I decided I wanted to lose 15lbs before he got back in Jan. That really doesn't allow for slacking off. As of this morning, I was down to 201. Almost to my goal and there is no word on when he's coming home yet. Anyone wanna bet I can make it to 20lbs before he comes home? ;)

Between making small changes to my diet, and working out at least 3 days a week (the min for a good score on that game), the results are really starting to show and pay off. I can see it in inches AND on the scale! It feels painfully slow, but in hindsight, it's a good, steady loss.

Next week we are skipping score submission, so basically we have 2 weeks to do the same 3 songs and practice before submitting our highest scores. I'm really hoping I can borrow a Wii and do a few dances at my parent's house on Christmas day (since that's really the only day I'll have time).

It's also had some other benefits too. It's a GREAT stress break from all this work, and nothing takes your mind off of your worries quite like moving and good music (even if you're a pretty aweful dancer like me). Strangely enough, I am actually learning some moves off of this too! I mean, I physically can NO sit still to songs like "Price Tag" or "Airplanes". I'm sure I look completely silly, but I'm having so much fun. I didn't think workout out could be this much fun - or this addictive! When I need to get some stress or energy out, it's my go-to.

Need to get someone with a Wii a gift for Christmas? Well, I don't review video games often on here, but this one is worth every single dime. It hasn't been taken out of my Wii in MONTHS. It won't make you bullet proof, but it will make you feel like it.

A Little more Christmas - and a zombie

2011-12-21T00:33:00.000-08:00

It's just after midnight and for the last 20 minutes, I've been enjoying a little down time. Sigh. Lovely. Sitting in my candle lit living room, getting ready to compose the email to My Sailor for the day.

So I thought I'd share a bit of my artistry with you. Clydas seems to approve.

Clydas checking out the tree and our box of Christmas cards. Keeping them safe and handy for My Sailor to check out when he gets home.

Now, Picasso and I have a lot in common apparently. My artwork seems more...conceptual... lol Look, I'm an artist in many forms, but drawing and painting have never really been 2 of those talents. So honestly, and 8 year old probably could have painted my tree, but I put my best into it, and I actually kinda like that it's FAR from perfect. Life is far from perfect, so it suites me in it's artistic statement (though that wasn't my intention).

I did a bunch of tidying up and photo taking tonight. Though I'm utterly exhausted from all this work work work, I can't help but feel empowered by my recent good news.

Good stuff: My holiday bonus arrived! Which has loosened up my budget for my Disneyland trip this Friday. Yeah!
More Good stuff: Though I have my gripes about the company I work for, they have been great when it comes to being family friendly. When I told ~~my boss~~ one of my bosses that I'd like to take some time off next month, but odds are I'll have 24 hrs notice, or less, when My Sailor comes home, he was great about it. He actually sounded happy to hear I'll be taking some of my 50+ hrs of PTO.

Dining room table

Even MORE Good stuff: I feel like, short of getting the carpets cleaned, 90% of the apartment is ready for My Sailor's homecoming. KEEPING it that will be the greatest challenge, since it doesn't take much to clutter up a small space. After I'm done folding clothes in the bedroom tomorrow, the apartment will be in awesome shape for the new year. Though I don't know when My Sailor is coming back exactly, it's encouraging to have so much good stuff going on within these walls lately. Now all I have to do is keep it up. Sounds easy, but I'm no domestic goddess, so it's easier said than done! It's probably a lot like my challenges with weight loss, though I've learned a few tricks to making better decisions on that front. I'm also learning balance - and maybe that's a lesson that needs to keep seeping into my life.

So, have you spotted the zombie yet?

No?
I'll give you a BIG hint...

Good night...er...morning!

I won the lottery...

2011-12-19T02:58:00.000-08:00

Here it is, nearly 2:30am and I just finished work. Maybe I'm a bit punchy, but I kinda feel like I won the lottery. Not the money lottery (though that WOULD be nice!) but the life lottery.

First, I got on the scale and found out I'm down 2lbs from when I was on the scale this time last week. Another nudge towards my goal!

Then, I needed to get an RX refilled and they did it within an hour! Usually they end up having to call out for it, so I won there.

I knew I had 10 hours of work ahead of me, but I wasn't ready to go home, so I swung by the local movie theater. I promised myself a flick, IF there was something playing at that time. Arthur Christmas had started 5 minutes before I pulled in, which means I only missed the previews anyway. Awesome. And the movie was FANTASTIC! I laughed, I cried, I can't wait to see it again. I'm owning this new Christmas Classic. Way to go Sony Animation!

But that's just the little stuff - winning the life lottery is so much more... (Do NOT cue Charlie Sheen here please. No Charlie Sheen allowed on this blog - EVER.)

I've mentioned before on my blog about how I won the parent lottery (if you're a new reader, check out some of the "adoption" or "family" tags for more info)- and my parents are still amazing me. Since I'm adopted, there is some argument for "nature vs nurture", but I have to say that I feel I owe all my good traits to my awesome parents. I value my family more each day. Even my big brother is pretty amazing - a puzzlement, but amazing none-the-less.

I won the "guy" lottery too. (Sure, unlike the parent lottery, I had to play and lose a few times before hitting the jackpot, but isn't that how the lotto works?) My Sailor had been my "safety net" for nearly 1/2 my life before he became, well, My Sailor. He's taught me some very valuable things over our time together. But the one that stands out most tonight is the mentality of "It'll be alright." As long as I can remember, those were his magic words to make me feel better. Sure, I'd heard them before, but for some reason, coming from him, I always believed it. Maybe it's his stead fast belief (that I now share as a recovering-fatalist) that all things work out for good, and, even if it's not what you expected, it's alright. Or it will be - eventually.

As I wind down tonight, I'm re-reading his emails he's sent me from this deployment and I'm reminded what a good writer he is and how his writing, for me, has the same quality as his spoken words. It's sincere, well said, and simple. So even though we've discovered there are only so many ways to type "I miss you" and "I love you" and "I can't wait to see you again", the value doesn't diminish over time. I still believe every word. I guess I finally understand what trust really means. It goes beyond the simple fact that I don't worry about cheating in our relationship (yes, there are women on his sub). I wish I had better words to describe it. I feel I'm close to describing it adequately, but still falling far short on the deep under current of empowerment that runs through it.

And I have a holiday bonus coming! That IS like hitting the lotto right there!

Need thoughts? I think not.

2011-12-17T23:26:00.000-08:00

So I was working on this "deep thought" blog about the evolution of relationships. After all, a recent relocation is part of my journey (moved from Southern California to Western Washington ), and relationships have changed dramatically during that time. I wasn't worried about keeping in touch with folks, or meeting new people. I'm good at going out and meeting people now (a skill I continue to hone, which says a lot for this natural hermit), and already know I'm pretty great about keeping in touch with long distance folks. But I never expected to go home and find that people who were like family to me now no longer have a moment to spare for a hug and a hi. It's healthy for relationships to ebb and flow and evolve (or fade away) over time. And it's natural that family should come first. It's just disappointing that I probably won't be home again until 2013 after this trip, or later, and I'll miss those hugs and hi's. Facebook just isn't the same as face time. I guess I didn't anticipate how tough it would be seeing people I've come to care for over the holidays. I 'assumed' (and we all know what THAT word means) that when I was in town, it would be simple to hook up with folks.

And I'm not singling out my California family of friends. Even up here it's been challenging. People from My Sailor's regular boat are working crazy schedules, so naturally, their families need time together (alone) during the holidays to bond. They don't think to call up the girl (who they have barely met) and say, "Hey, want to grab some lunch?" Honestly, if I were in there position, I wouldn't really think about it either. Time with family is number one. Just like I'm sure I'll "disappear" for a while when My Sailor gets home.

But that's actually NOT the blog I wanted to write. So before this starts to sound like an invitation to a pity party, I wanted to blog about my GOOD day, that's about to end shortly. Not the good part, but that's when I go to bed.

I got a bunch of overdue cleaning done, the kitchen is spotless (wahoo!) except for the floors, which will happen tomorrow. I feel like I'm FINALLY ready to start actually drawing up the tree soon. I want to make time to do it before I leave on Thursday.

I also decided to take my lazy, lonely arse up to PrettyBre's apartment-warming party! She's house-sat for me once now, and will be doing it again while I'm in California for Christmas. I got to meet her boyfriend, Bre's E, and a few new folks that were very cool. (Remember what I said about being better about making new friends? Fudge and wine always helps.)

I also found out that holiday bonuses are on the way from work! Whew! I never expect or plan for a bonus, but every little bit helps, especially since...

WE SET A WEDDING DATE! FINALLY! I have a deposit down on the photographer, the DJ, and (as soon as they reply to my email) the venue! So time and date are in place now! At least... until the Navy tells us otherwise.

I can't wait for my Disneyland time and a BREAK from work. Yes, I know I do it to myself. I work so much to keep myself busy, so that the time flies - but I could sure use a vacation from the stress of working, waiting, and goal reaching.

So Christmas in California? Bring it on.

But that's not the blog I wanted to

I'm 31 years old... and I Believe.

2011-12-16T21:25:00.000-08:00

WARNING: THIS BLOG IS NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM! ENJOY AT RISK OF GETTING OFFENDED AND THERE IS NOTHING THAT WILL CHANGE MY MIND.

Good. Now that we understand each other and that's out of the way, let's proceed, shall we?

My Christian friends are probably cringing right now. No, I haven't forgotten The Reason for the Season. But it's time I came out of the closet.

I'm 31 years old, and I believe ... in Santa. (Double click on the box below.)

Available for rent through Youtube and for free through Hulu.com. (No, no one pays me to advertise. What you get here is what I've stumbled across and what's moved me.)

If you see one holiday movie this year, make time to see Becoming Santa.One man's journey into becoming Santa Claus really hit home for me today. He discovered a feeling I've tried to put words to for years now. Thank you Jack and your team for making this film!

Yes, I believe in Jesus Christ, but yes, I also believe in Santa.

And yes, I don't believe the 2 have to contradict one another.

Do I believe a fat, bearded home invader in a red and white suite will show up on my rooftop and leave coal or presents in my stockings that are hung by the fire with oh-so-much care? I should explain...

I believe in all Santa stands for. And I believe anything that opens the doors to the kindness, the goodness, and the generosity in people's hearts, is a good thing. So in that, in short, I believe in Santa. My face still lights up when I see him in the Disneyland Christmas parade and he waves to me. (Yes, just at me! Not at you, even if you're standing right next to me.)

A few people interviewed in the documentary put to words what I've always felt, but never been able to find a way to vocalize:

"To stop believing in Santa Clause at an 'appropriate age' is a completely foreign concept to me. I kinda feel sorry for people who stop believing at any certain time."- Unknown

"Is the faith that there is a gentleman in the North Pole who actually comes on his sleigh that actually lands on your roof and comes down a chimney and puts all these toys there? Is that what we're believing in? Or are we believing in the goodness and the kindness of humanity? The fact that we've created a story for a child but as adults we actually perform what it is that this being is doing." - John Merian, President of Tuxedos by Merian.

"I don't think there is anything better about humans, anything more redemptive about humans, than when we give." - David Pilgrim, PhD, Fonder Jim Crow Museum

"Whether it's doing it for charity, or just to bring joy to your child or a loved one, there is something wonderful about being a secret giver and doing it mysteriously." - Santa Tim Connaghan, The Kringle Group, LLC.

"We need a person or a force out there to promote the ideas of goodness, and kindness and generosity, and happiness, and joy." - Santa Earl Nicholas

"I think Santa is maybe a bit of a common denominator for us all...For me, Santa Claus helps deliver all of those feelings that should be present in all religions. I think that he creates this...this magical experience for people without having any of those road blocks that we put up. I don't think we mean to put up those road blocks, but we do." - Unknown

"There are Christian Santas, there are Jewish Santas, there are Muslim Santas, there's a Budhist Santa, there are Wiccan Santas, and there are probably Santas that have never seen the inside of a place of worship in their life. What do they share in common? They share the belief that love, hope, and joy is the best of us." - a Military Santa

No matter what you believe, Santa Claus was, at one time, a real person. His story of generosity has grown into a tradition. Even if Christ's Birthday and Santa's arrival weren't celebrated on the same day, I'd still believe. (In fact, how awesome would be it to celebrate them on different days?! After all, St. Nicholas died on December 6th, but Germany and Austria celebrate Santa's Arrival on December 5th.) Because, at the risk of repeating myself, if it can open people's hearts to accentuate the goodness, kindness, and generosity - Sign. Me. Up.

This year, my one gift from Santa would be to please find My Sailor on his submarine and give him the feeling of a warm hug from me.

Yes, there's there's a little Santa in all of us.

White Christmas and New Years Eve

2011-12-16T00:20:00.000-08:00

Tonight I took myself out to see White Christmas at CStock theater in Silverdale. Despite a few set mishaps, the night turned out to be delightful. I have never seen the movie, but the show brought back memories I wasn't expecting.

See, the show opens during WWII. The audience is treated as American Soliders in the Army who are overseas for Christmas. The audience/soilders are being treated to a Christmas Eve show by the Captain and a Private. Honestly, I don't think I breathed through the begining of the show. While it was intended to be awkwardly comical, my particular situation this holiday season made it instantly personal. While My Sailor is not on the front lines of WWII, nor is he in the Army, the general idea was enough to make my eyes water. The case would be hard pressed to bring this to the "comical Christmas show" I had heard this was going to be.

But after that scene was over, and the next scene took place several years later, I was assured that I could indeed laugh and would make it through the show dry-eyed, just as long as no one sang "I'll be Home for Christmas". (To see one of my fellow Into The Woods cast mates sing that song during this show would have been too much for me tonight.)

The show was really great, despite a few hiccups. It's always fun to see people I know play different roles. Even though I know none of them well, I was more than happy to greet them with hugs and honest "well done"! when it was all over. There were a few noticable set hiccups. While that's not unheard of (especially in community theater), it was surprising to me that the live band didn't really role with the punches and fill the dark spaces with music. The conductor's profile denoted a world of experience, so it surprised me a bit that he didn't roll with it - at least as well as I expected. That was always one of the advantages of having a live band to begin with.

The acting was top notch. Truly. Mr. Wise is one of my new favorite actors and I was so glad I got to work with him during Into the Woods. His somewhat manic manner taught me a lot about self confidence, and the power of NOT over thinking things and just going with your gut. It's obvious he has fun on stage and his belief in what he's doing is so powerful that you, as an audience member, have to believe in it too. He reminds me of Danny Kaye (one of my favorite old time actors) and is a deeply believable actor.

Well done one and all.

One thing I love about Washington Community theater - they don't seem to be afraid to cast people of a variety of shapes and sizes. In California, if you're not a size 4, don't expect to EVER land a leading role, even in Community theater productions. It's TRUELY rare to see a curvy cast. But thus far, Washington seems to be breaking the mold, unafraid to get curvy girls, tall guys, and various age ranges involved. It's heartening to see that some places are moving beyond the Hollywood anomalies that so much of the country considers the "norm".

So with a live Christmas show behind me, and my trip to California in front of me, it leaves me to think of just one more thing.

What the heck am I going to do with New Years?!

Honestly, it's never been a HUGE holiday for me. I've gone to parties when invited, and thrown some quiet dinners myself, but I know I'll be working this year. Outside of that, maybe Clydas and I will wait until midnight - maybe not. I'll probably just treat myself to lunch and movie on New Years day and move on into 2012. The Navy is throwing a few family events, but I don't quite feel like I fit there, and I haven't been invited anywhere else. Having spent Thanksgiving and Christmas in California, it'll be nice to have a quiet time at home for a change.

And off to bed I go! Back to work in 6 more hours!

Spontaneous Authordom?

2011-12-15T00:42:00.000-08:00

Perhaps it's the solitude of late, but for some reason, writing just FLOWS out of me lately. All kinds of writing. Emails, poetry, blogging, Disney articles (yes, Tim, the next one is on its way!), Facebook messages... you name it! They just keep on flowing out. My work at my day job (which has nothing at all to do with writing) productivity has gone up the last 2 days (after a dismal week of awefulness we won't even bother discussing here). Could it be I'm happier lately?

Maybe just a smidge. I'm looking forward to a Disneyland trip next week (yeah!)and seeing some old friends that I missed on my last visit home.

I'm really glad it's happening though - the writing I mean. I'm in a much better space mentally for this kind of stuff now. It means my imagination is well fed and looking for a way to overflow. And for an artist, that's kind of exciting.

The best part is, I'm not doing any of this for money. There is no foreseeable paycheck involved. I'm doing it for me. The only true place where are can come from. It's just expressing itself all over the place, and I've decided to direct it, rather than try to cap it. So I'm working on my articles well ahead of time, rather than smashing my head against a deadline. The storyline and characters for my book continue to flesh themselves out in my head and on paper - and actually make me wonder if this COULD be publish worthy, once I figure out where it's going.

I guess there is a term for this kind of artistic diarrhea...

Inspiration.

A Little Bit of Christmas and the Resident Hollow

2011-12-13T23:47:00.000-08:00

So I've done a bit of Christmas decorating. I haven't started on 'the tree' yet, but it's on the list soon! I know exactly where I'm going to hang it now, and that alone makes me happy.
Even the bedroom got in on the act - including a little vinyl lettering addition to the wall - I highly recommend these things by the way. They add a bit more warmth when hanging a picture doesn't really work.

As soon as the dining room table is finished, I'll post a photo of that too. I've actually eaten at the dining room table the last 2 nights in a row for dinner, rather than in front of the TV at the coffee table. And yes, I actually COOKED too! Yesterday was baked salmon with a fresh salad and tonight was the rest of that salmon (chilled), and steamed zucchini, brown mushrooms, acorn and local squash. All followed with some delightful Spanish white that I've come to enjoy.
Today I also weight in. And I'm down another pound! That's 9 pounds down! 6 to go to meet my goal of 15 lost while My Sailor has been away. If I don't hit it exactly, I'll end up very, very close.

Maybe getting injured was actually just the health boast I needed in some ways? My foot is getting better, but only because I'm really paying attention to my body's cues. And replacing 1 meal with a whey protein shake instead of a Lean cuisine or something like that has REALLY helped to keep the healthy decisions going in the right direction.

So what's the Resident Hollow?
The first chapter of my fantasy novel! Of course, even as I write fantasy, I find myself drawing more and more from my own life experience. I was once told to "write what you know". That single simple piece of advice has stuck with me in all aspects: poetry, blogging, songwriting, etc.

The Resident Hollow, in the fantasy aspect, refers to Ashta's homeland. Ashta, a unique being known as a Balance Keeper, or Keeper for short, is one of the last of her race. Relentless hunted down to satisfy those that would experiment and discover in the name of immortality, she hides away in a stone cathedral, many centuries old. Nearly completely devoured by the forest, the stone bricks of the once hallowed grounds lay scattered between the ground and the branches of the evergreens that defy its structure. Listen for a moment and the sounds of a thriving forest will not touch this place. Rustling leaves and the whistling breeze through the trees simmer with the barely audible whispers of spirits - quiet enough to entice one to listen more closely, and indecipherable enough to drive one insane...

Sound like a new vacation spot?

Anyway, the feel and sense of the Hollow is part of an eternal loneliness that travels with our main character, Ashta Shadowcare. And it's a sense this author has been acutely aware of most of my life. There is a silence, I believe, in the souls of everyone, but artists are more in tune to it than most. While some may associate that kind of silence with depression, it isn't always so. Yes, there is a loneliness artists are (IMHO) more aware of than most, but it's a silence and a loneliness that begs to be filled. Not with money, or fame, or often even people (many artists are reclusive by choice). It's something that I was reminded of when My Sailor left. Not that I haven't been alone before - there are many times I've felt alone in a crowded room, especially during my youth. I've found many ways to embrace it and find strength and independence in it (which I believe Ashta embodies as well, but you'll have to wait and read the book to find out).

Knowing that all fiction is based in some area of the author's life, it makes ya wonder, when you read a book, just what the writer is thinking/feeling.... doesn't it?

(And if the 2nd half of this blog make NO sense, don't worry. Just read the book... if I ever finish it and manage to get it published. lol)

Hamster Zombies

2011-12-11T22:28:00.000-08:00

Today I took a little drive to Tacoma and discovered a new favorite store, Tacoma Boys.
The produce was fresh (and mostly local), the meat looked amazing (I came home with some Salmon I'm looking forward to trying tomorrow!), and the service was friendly at this small farm-stand/butcher/wine cellar (seriously - over 300 wines! I was in heaven, though I didn't bring anything new home, just a bottle of Spanish white I've had before and enjoyed).
Anyway, I was getting in the car for the long drive home and I heard a commercial on the radio where a man and a woman were talking about bank fees. The plot was simple. The man had a "recurring nightmare" about $5 disappearing from his bank account over and over again. A woman reminds him that they just switched banks to a free checking account. He relaxes and says that he can go back to his "other recurring nightmare" - Hamster Zombies.
I laughed out loud. Hamster Zombies... would that be like the black plague all over again? Yeah, I know, scary thought in reality, but I wouldn't mind seeing a movie on hamster zombies. I have the perfect title:
G Force, First Blood.

Some Days, it's the Simple things

2011-12-11T01:55:00.000-08:00


Source

As you know, this Christmas is a bit unconventional for me. I'll be spending most of it with family and friends on a quick trip back to my hometown, since My Sailor is underway.
That said, we're still planning to have our own Christmas celebration when he returns. I think that is when it'll really feel like Christmas to me.

Anyway, it's odd to think we won't be creating any traditions this year - or will we?

Well, I think this one is going to stick. You see, we live in a very small apartment already stuffed to the gills with stuff in storage. I'm working on making it festive, and keeping it up for when he comes home, but the biggest challenge was what to do about a tree. All the local tree farms will be closed by the time he's back, and I don't think I want to deal with moving furniture around to find space to put it up. And I don't care for tiny table top trees. Don't get me wrong, they are fine on their own, but a Christmas tree (to me) should be REAL and should be at least as tall as me.

So that said, I figured it out.

And I think I may just have started a tradition on accident.

I was inspired by watching a Hallmark Family Movie (of which the title eludes me currently) where a small family didn't think they had space for a tree - so they drew one on a wall. I'm not a fan of trying to match paint colors, so I put a more portable twist on it. I'm doing it on a huge roll of paper instead!

After going to several stores and not finding paper big enough (remember, I'm around 5'9" and it has to be AT LEAST as tall as me), I decided to ask at a FedEx store - and it was truly ment to be.

When I walked in, I was helped by a lady who helped me out with a problem before, so it was a familiar face I felt comfortable talking with. Once I explained my situation and my plan, she started to think of ways to get me the paper I needed. Finally, she covertly motioned for me to follow her. We went over to a HUGE printing machine, and she opened it up, letting me pull out as much as I needed, and cut it off for me. She rang me up for something small to charge for it and I was so thrilled! Now, don't try this at your local FedEx store - they don't typically sell paper like this, but I'd mentioned to her that I'd tried several places before (and asked if she had any suggestions if she couldn't help me). I was never rude or putting on a sob story or anything like that.

Now for the medium! I was thinking of markers, but that would probably kill my budget on dead pens, so I'm starting to think water color maybe?

My master plan is to pin it up to a wall, and use other thumb tacks to hang garland (and maybe even lights) on it. Then I was going to hang on to a box of thumb tacks and the ornaments, so we can hang them together when he gets back - if he's game. I wouldn't blame him for ~~having other things on his mind~~ just wanting to enjoy it too.

Why is this a tradition?
Well, it's something we could hang on the back of a door or some less elaborate place every year to remind us of how precious time together really is - or, if we have to spend Christmas apart again, he can take it with him as a little piece of home.

And don't even get me started on how our future kids could get involved with this! SO many options!
So tomorrow starts my Christmas care packages, and mission decorate!

Wish me luck! Photos will follow!

"EEEEeeee!!!! I did it!" or "The gift of Giving"

2011-12-10T11:10:00.000-08:00

I'm so excited! I did it! I finally put something truly magical in My Sailor's latest mail drop. He doesn't have much time to comment on things, so I know it's good when he takes a whole paragraph to talk about it.

So, what was this magical gift that went over so well?

The sound of my voice.

See, in case you didn't know, we don't get phone calls, skyping, etc. We have something a kin to email for the more day-to-day stuff (though no pictures, attachments, or links can be sent or received - and we only get transmissions when it's safe for the sub to send/receive), and what the sailors take with them on the boat. So when it's possible to send something extra, we take full advantage of it!

Thankfully, he's wonderful at leaving sweet voice mails and I never deleted 2 of them from my phone. I'm SO glad I kept them. When I'm feeling especially lonely, it helps to hear his voice (even if it was from August or September). But he has no way to hear mine. So I searched around and got the idea to send him a mini-tape recorder. I spoke into it for about 2 minutes (I don't even really remember what I said to be honest, but I know I was getting choked up by the end of it) and that seemed to be the biggest hit.

Could you imagine what it would be like not even being able to hear your loved ones voice over the holidays?

So while we're all searching for the perfect gift this year - maybe it's not as hard as you think. ;)

Now I'm off to take advantage of some sales and get my care packages ready to hit the mail!

Updates, Updates, and a Lucky Lucky Girl

2011-12-08T23:38:00.000-08:00

So my x-rays are negative, but that doesn't really mean much, as stress fractures often don't show up on them anyway. So I'm off to the podiatrist to figure out what's really wrong. I hate to say it, but there is a chance that I'm "getting old" and this is going to be par for the course. My flat feet have plagued me pretty much all my life, so it's possible that this is just another adventure in the life of my very flat feet. I'm resting it and hoping for the best at this point. I doubt I'll be pushing my running limits for a while.

That said, I have other updates as well!

I did not with the First Kiss Raffle, but a good friend reminded me that it doesn't really matter if My Sailor is first off the boat or not. Our first kiss will be unforgettable, if it's the First Kiss or the last one. Ya know, she's completely right.

Do I have any other updates to share?

Well, it's not so much as an update, but another "I feel lucky" moment.

One other vent I often hear float around the Navy waves is, "I can't because I want to wait for my sailor..." There is a very fine line we in the military life walk, somewhere between "I need to get out and about" and "I want to save XYZ event for 'us' to experience together when he/she comes home." It's not as easy as it sounds. We all wish we could just click "pause" when we drop our loved ones off, fast forward through the coming months, and click "play" when they get home. But life has no DVR. And we must live while our loved ones are protecting us.

I'm so grateful that I don't feel trapped. Even though there are things I am planning on saving for My Sailor's return, I'm so very lucky that he doesn't begrudge me getting out and about without him. While the thought of the princess pining away and wringing her hands while her prince is off to war is terribly romantic, it's not a very healthy one. I love that I'm free to go to movies, go out to eat, explore local festivals, and generally live my life while My Sailor isn't with me. With so many wonderful seasonal things going on, and no promise that My Sailor will be here next year, or the year after that, or the year after that (you get the idea)to enjoy them with me, I'm so lucky that he doesn't begrudge me living my life while he's away. It gives me something to share when I write to him, and it allows me to play the "scout" instead of the walled away princess, which (for those who know me, is MUCH more my speed). If he's around in subsequent years, I will have saved him from the boring, awful, waste of time events, and I'll be able to include him in the amazing, awesome, well worth the time events. Making memories alone isn't so bad. Making memories together is even better.

"Trade you Toes" or "Feeling Lucky"

2011-12-07T22:25:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow I'm going into the doctor to get my feet checked out. Remember that toe I was complaining about at on the 5k post? It still hurts. It's 4 days past the race and it shouldn't still hurt. My money is on a stress fracture, though the way my other foot is starting to act, that may be stress fracture #2 as well. We'll see what the MD says. I have all the signs of a stress fracture, so we'll have to see if they surprise me. As long as I can still drive with them, I'll get by. If I can't drive, then I'm kinda screwed... but I'll work something out, I'm sure. Crutches would be BAD.

But I gotta admit, lately, I've been feeling pretty lucky.

If there is one thing Navy gals do when we're around each other, we "vent". Which is good and healthy and all that jazz. And one thing I keep hearing about over and over again are concerns about infidelity (despite the fact that it's doubtful our sailors will see a port). I guess it made me realize how good I have things with My Sailor.

See, nearly every relationship I've had has ended due to infidelity on his part. When divorce changed my little world, you'd think I would be become SUPER snoopy. But nope. The opposite happened. I realized this simple truth:

If it's ment to be - it will be. If I feel I have to worry about things like infidelity, something else is wrong.

Either it's a communication issue (lack of communication can easily lead to mistrust and misunderstandings, lies by omission, etc), or a self confidence issue.When I was MOST jealous, it was because I felt that I wasn't "enough" for him. That someday (fill-in-the-boyfriend-here) would roll over and realize that I wasn't what he wanted, so anything more tempting would "beat me". Isn't it sad to feel THAT competitive, and already convince yourself that you're going to "lose"? Needless to say, it was NOT a good place to live.

But hearing these concerns reminds me of what it's like to live in that place - and how blessed I am to not be there. I learned that if I feel like I have to snoop, there is a serious communication issue going on that needs to be addressed. Snooping won't fix it. Discussing it might.

I don't want a man who can't tell another woman "no" to an unwelcome advance. I expect the same of him as I do from me. That's, to me, what love is all about.

And I guess that's why I feel so lucky. Having known each other as long as we have, we didn't "settle" for each other. We got to work through those kinds of insecurities a long time ago, and realize that wild horses couldn't drag us apart, and those that weren't ment to stay in our lives, have gone -the reason why doesn't even matter anymore.
We grew to a place where we were ment to be. I'm sure he doesn't worry about me around other men, and I don't worry about him around other women - no matter the setting. I trust that he values our relationship as much as I do. So I don't think twice about that kind of stuff. Possibly even for the first time ever in a relationship. While I trusted before, I was never quite convinced it was a perfect match. Until now.

And it's a nice place to be...

Now if only I had better toes...

Day Post 5k, how am I feeling?

2011-12-05T00:40:00.000-08:00

~~Well, I'm not in as much pain as I expected. ha ha yeah right! Write it for REAL now, J.~~
My hips are tight and feeling yesterday's run. It's not too bad, but I notice it when standing. It's actually a GREAT feeling, because my hips are EXACTLY where I want to slim down! More pavement running and gradual hills for me! Though tomorrow is my weigh in day, I snuck on the scale today and I'm back down 6lbs from when he left. 9 more to go to meet my goal - hopefully 8 after tomorrow AM.

Thankfully, my toe pain ended with some rest, and my blistered arch is FAR more managable today. I took a rest day and it was worth it. I finished up my Christmas cards to the folks on the Boxer Boards.

I had a good lunch with a new found "get through this deployment" buddy, also my race buddy, and tomorrow I'll be back at work.

There are SO many rumors that float around during deployments, that it's sometimes hard to know what to trust and what not to.Though I've heard a fair share of stuff, I only trust 100% what comes from my moral officer and what comes from My Sailor (or official word from the Navy). The truth is, I'm not 100% sure when he's coming home. I don't have a date and time to pick him up. I've heard a couple different things, but I'm not even sure. I just know that I'll get a phone call, I'll get in the car, and I'll go get him. As I've said before, Submarine life is the silent life. It's not widely publicized, so it's hard to get any information as far as what to expect - except for this:

Apparently there is a very real "boat stink", and it will be on EVERYTHING. So I'm going to have a tub of oxiclean on hand as soon as he gets home.

But other than that nothing is assured, except for maybe one thing:

No amount of "boat stink" will keep me from hugging him for a good long time.

My WA 5K experience!

2011-12-03T23:31:00.000-08:00

So I MADE IT! Of course, I knew I'd finish. I struggled a bit during this 5K, but I made it in just over 36 minutes. For some reason, I always run TOO FAST and furious out of the gate. I guess because at that point it's fun darting in and out of the crowd, trying to get a better position in the crowd. I didn't get to cross the starting line until 22 seconds into the race, and I'm sure it would have been longer than that if I didn't use my excitement.

How did it go? Eh, my shoes came untied about 1/2 a mile in. That cost me time. It was 40 degrees (w/o accounting for the wind chill of being on the waterfront), which is COLD on your lungs. I ended up waiting around about 2.5 hours until the race (I thought it was earilier). I had a lot of pain in the right middle toe (nothing too new for me, but because I burned rubber out of the gate, it was severely aggrivated by the time I hit 1/2 way), AND a wrinkle in my sock caused my left foot to get a nasty blister on the arch.

Also there was no cheering squad to help us along, or talkative, encouraging strangers on the course... and this races idea of a water stop was COLD water (on an already COLD day) and sugar cookies?! Go figure. I skipped it.

Oh, and there was no photographers on the course... so I have no pictures of me. The local newspaper was there, though. And they snapped this one of me pre-race - It's like Where's Waldo though! I'll give you a hint. See the little kid with a green 1 on his shirt in the middle? See the lady in grey behind the kid? I'm behind her - see my fuzzy blue Stitch eared Santa Hat? That's me. Sneaky, aren't I? Anyway, here is the link to the article. But here I am on my way to the race!

Did I mention I didn't get a lot of sleep the night before? Too excited to sleep. I must be OUT OF MY MIND! Too excited to RUN?!

My uniform for this race was a pair of work out pants I'd worn before, a thin waffle knit pick long sleeve shirt, and my "I Heart A Sailor" t-shirt. On my shirt, I had my number on the front, and a sign I made that said "Runnin' Til Homecoming."

Here was my Magical Moment - About 1/2 way through everything seemed to be going wrong and the "stinkin' thinkin'" all racers are familiar with was getting the better of me. I must have looked it, because a couple of girls encouraged me while passing me. They were complete strangers and called me "Runnin' Til Homecoming"... and at that moment I remembered all My Sailor had been through (and all he was going through - not seeing the sun for months, tight quarters, lack of personal freedoms so we can call our December holiday whatever we want to in safety, all he WENT through in boot camp...) and I picked up my pace considerably. I thanked them and said, "You're right. No matter how much I hurt, he probably hurts worse." Thanks to that one simple boost, I was able to tap into that deep place and get really moving again.

I finished a few minutes ahead of my saviors, but, like my very first triathlon - and that stranger that had seen me through that 5k - I never caught their names - but I owe my decent finishing time to them.

Submariner's Twas the Night Before Christmas

2011-12-02T10:49:00.000-08:00

I ended up getting THREE emails from My Sailor last night - AND one this morning! Needless to say, it's already a great start to the weekend. I showered this morning, made a healthy breakfast (turkey bacon sliced up in egg beaters, a toasted harvest wheat crumpet w/ I Can't Believe it's Not Butter, a cup of stash holiday hot tea, and a large Honey Crisp apple), AND took my supplements. I was up at a far more decent time and I'm feeling good.

So, without further ado, here is the poem that may just make it into my Christmas Cards this year! (If you're in My Sailor's family - you may want to either stop reading now - or grab tissue!)

Twas the night before Christmas, the sub was up steaming,
Some sailors stood watch, while others were dreaming.
They rolled in their tiny racks, tight and small,
In a 30-man berthing, cramped one and all.

I had come down the hatch with presents in hand,
And peeked inside to see this strange band.
I looked all about, a strange sight did I see,
No tinsel, no presents, not even a tree.
No stockings were hung, though boots close at hand,
On the bulkhead hung pictures of a far distant land.

They had medals and badges and awards of all kind,
And a sobering thought came into my mind.

For this place was different, so dark and so dreary,
I had found Submarine Sailors, at once I saw clearly.
One Sailor lay sleeping, silent and alone,
Curled up in a rack and dreaming of home.

The face was so gentle, the rack squared away,
This was the United States Sailor today.
This hero I didn't see on TV,
Defending our country deep under the sea.

I realized the people I would visit this night,
Owed their lives to these Sailors, willing to fight.
Soon round the world, the children would play,
And grownups would celebrate on Christmas Day.
They enjoyed freedom each day of the year,
Because of the Sailor, like the one lying here.

I couldn't help wonder how many lay alone,
On Christmas Eve on a sea, far from home.
The very thought brought a tear to my eye,
I fell to my knees and started to cry.

The Sailor awakened and in a calm voice,
Said "Santa, don't cry. This life is my choice."
"Defending the seas all days of the year,
So others may live and live without fear."

I thought for a moment, what a difficult road,
To live a life guided by honor and code.
It's Christmas Eve and the boat's underway!
But freedom isn't free. It's sailors who pay.

The Sailor gives freedom, "Be free and sleep tight,
No harm will come, not on my watch, not tonight."
The Sailor rolled over and drifted to sleep,
I couldn't control it and continued to weep.

I kept watch for hours, so silent, so still,
Over this Sailor, amazed at his will.
I didn't want to leave on that dark winter's night,
This guardian of honor so willing to fight.
The Sailor rolled over and with a voice strong and sure,

Commanded, "Carry on Santa, It's Christmas, and All is Secure!"

And we're Over it.

2011-12-01T22:02:00.000-08:00

It's almost bed time and I'm feeling better already. Why? Well, I took my supplements today, and one healthy decision leads to another with me - so I started drinking my water. Which head to actually having some energy when work was over, so I did the dishes, folded the laundry (and put away 1/2 of it, but I put the other 1/2 on the bed, so it's in my way and I HAVE to put it away). And my encouragement to call it a night at my feel-good bed time? My upstairs neighbor and her kids are running around above my living room - to the point where it's shaking a wrought iron mirror screwed onto my dining room wall.
But the bedroom is usually much quieter upstairs. THANK GOD! Time for a cup of tea and some reading before I crash out.

Getting Over It

2011-12-01T14:43:00.000-08:00

So today I realized that I need to get over this grump-slump I've been in.

I mean, it's uncharacteristic of me to be annoyed by other girls who have their Sailor's home for the holidays. In fact, I'm not even going to BE here for the holidays. Between work and events I have planned, I know this month will fly by. Yes, I don't hear from My Sailor as often as I'd like - but I'm not the first woman to go through this, nor will I be the last. I remind myself that emotions that sometimes seem petty are a normal part of the process.

And I'm doing a great job at not taking it out on others - but I am NOT doing a good job of not taking it out on me. I haven't been great about taking care of myself, and it's time I came clean about it.

The apartment is a mess. Dishes have been in the sink for a couple days. The recycling needs to be taken out. The laundry needs to be done, FOLDED and PUT AWAY (it's been in baskets for nearly a month - clean most of it, but still).

But it's my body that is getting the worst of it. I've been taking Nyquil all week. First it was to stave off a cold, but yesterday it was to shut my brain down so I could sleep hard. I've been going to bed later, sleeping harder, and waking up later, still sore. I'm happiest when I'm in bed around 10-10:30pm and up around 6:00am. Then I have time to get everything done at work and still have a good chunk of day left. When I get up at 9 or 10am (the dog has been letting me sleep in too - bad dog), I'm scrambling to "make up" the day and get it all done before midnight. Not a good place to be.

I haven't been drinking enough water, or taking my supplements.

True, they are little slips, but it's better I get a handle on this now.
So Sunday I'll be cleaning the apartment and giving myself a fresh start to a new week.

And no good deed in my house goes unrewarded - Soo... I think I deserve some Muppet love. ;)

Tonight ...er... this morning...

2011-12-01T01:01:00.000-08:00

I don't really have much to say. Today was really productive. I worked 12 hours, ran a mile, did 40 minutes of Just Dance 3, bought produce at the local fruit stand, found a bread outlet about 30 minutes away by the dog food store. Bought dog food, stocked up on bread. Talked with one of My Sailor's sisters. Ate in between all that and now I'm heading off to bed.

In a bit of a vent - Imagine emailing your loved one every day - never knowing when you'll get a reply. It's easy to feel neglected, etc, and it's perfectly natural - even though the lack of response has NOTHING to do with me. Or him for that matter. So I'm not really angry about it - but all these one way conversations have forced me to get creative. Last night I sent him a few song lyrics. I'm sure I'll type up a short story at some point. I'm running out of ways to be funny. Soon I'll be Googling jokes just to keep things lively. I always try to send him a smile, but it does get hard to have one-way conversations. It's like blogging but more intimate.

I got this from an email - those aren't our hands and I claim no rights.

And today - I miss him.

I'm also excited about the 5k coming up. Not scared - just excited. It's a good place to be. I hope that plenty of photos get snapped of my unique santa hat! Hard to take pictures of yourself to share with others afterwards! But I'm hoping my Navy pals don't let me down and SOMEONE shows up with a camera - other than me.

Thanks for all the love and support I've received from this blog and some new online friends. Some days I think it just might be all that keeps me sane. It's easy to go through the motions, but I'm SO impatient for his homecoming, my heart isn't in very much of it.

Maybe I just need a good LONG weekend. :)

Sleepless night

2011-11-30T02:27:00.000-08:00

I just haven't been able to close my eyes tonight. I COULD get to work, but I have PLENTY of work ahead of me in a few hours. I guess I'm wired from a visit into the city earlier today.

I got a call from Sistah' Girl and it was AWESOME to vent for a bit and chat with someone who both "gets me" and challenges my thinking. It's something I value about the people I hold dear.

I also got to share a meal with my bio-dad, which is always a good time. His work brought him into my neck of the woods, so we made time for it. It's been about a year since we last visited and A LOT has changed in a year! I'm looking forward to sharing Disney World with my lil sis next year. We had such a great time at Disneyland last year for her birthday - she's the perfect age for this stuff.

Speaking of Disney - I've been a bit nostalgic lately, so I thought I'd share this nugget of J trivia with ya'll.

The first Disney movie My Sailor and I saw together in theaters was Tangled, last year.

This particular part had us both a little misty-eyed - and I don't think I'm giving anything away if you haven't seen the film. She's a princess in a Disney movie - OBVIOUSLY she's going to fall in love. But that isn't the premise of the story. I just thought this scene film was too well done NOT to deserve a nod from me. So please enjoy this moment of beauty and nostalgia on me dear readers (ye brave, ye few).

AThanksgiving breakdown

2011-11-28T21:21:00.000-08:00

So I guess I've been a bit grumpy lately. I don't really "feel" grumpy. I'm smiling often at folks and all that jazz, but I guess I've sounded short and matter-of-fact a bit more than usual. I guess I have a lot to say, but I'm not sure where to start.

I enjoyed my visit home, but it's true what they say - you can never go home again. Despite many vocal protests about me moving, the people who protested the most couldn't make time to meet up with me. True, it's a family focused holiday, but I sort of expected those who missed me so much could make time for coffee...

Anyway, that said, I got to spend more time than I had expected with my family. Dad even got us tickets to an AMAZING performance of Jesus Christ Superstar. I've seen the show before. In fact, I know every part, every lyric, of that entire show by heart. But seeing it done by such an amazing cast made it feel like a whole new show. That was fun. Lots of chatting, some shopping, and lots of eating out later, it felt almost disorienting to arrive "home" at the Seattle airport. But Clydas did great and was happy to see me, and the house didn't burn down or anything, so I know I'll feel a bit less restless next time I go out of town.

I guess it just doesn't feel like home until My Sailor gets home. But despite that, it felt GREAT to sleep in my own bed again.

How did my fitness plan go while traveling? Pretty well! I stayed active, even getting in a treadmill work out, and I ordered smart when we ate out, leaning towards salads and grilled foods. I just proved that I could do it over Thanksgiving, so I'm confident that Christmas will see me continuing toward my health goals. 8 more pounds to lose by the time My Sailor gets back to reach my first goal.

2 cents and Black Friday

2011-11-25T19:14:00.000-08:00

"Through this endeavor, Shaich has proven that humanity is good – that when you trust in people, they won’t disappoint. " - Source

Today, I saw an expose on Panera Cares. You'll have to click on the link to find out the details.

Basically, it's a "pay-what-you-can" cafe.

During the same news cast, there were reports of shootings out front of several Walmarts, stampeding, beatings, and pepper spraying all connected to Black Friday.

Now, I'm all about getting a good deal. But even stronger than my urge to stay debt free during Christmas time, is my understanding that, for many, "the holidays" are just another day to be cold, hungry, and homeless. With Black Friday being a HUGE success this year, I'm saddened to think of the number of people who will wait in line at 3pm on Thanksgiving for a television, will refuse to put change or $1 in the Salvation Army tin.

Ever wonder how many people could be fed if EVERY BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPER put $.01 into a charity to feed people? I don't think anyone would be homeless.

So this year, my family has decided to give back. Sure, we'll have something to unwrap, but we're far more focused on what we can give back, rather than what we can shop for. This year, my folks decided to adopt a military family. I couldn't be more proud of my parents. In fact, if anyone reading this wants to get me a gift, get me this: Donate to a local charity. I don't just mean money. I mean time, food, toys, whatever you can.

Santa - I heard your challenge loud and clear this year.

DO SOMETHING.
So, leave your comments and tell me what you will do.
(Looking for some ideas? Click here.)

Visiting the Parents, the Dress and Proving a Point

2011-11-24T12:15:00.000-08:00

I made it safe and sound to Southern California with an uneventful flight. Don't worry - I'll be posting pictures from a recent friend's visit to Washington, but today is about different stuff.
Today is about visiting the family and enjoying time back in my home town.

This morning, we stopped by Starbucks for a bit of breakfast and then came home. Then Mom broke out "The Dress". It was GREAT to see it and not see pictures. The colors turned out more beautiful than I could have imagined! I'm SO happy with it! I didn't try it on yet though. I want to make sure I have the right undergarments on under it first. The dress still needs some of the custom work done and I'm so happy to see things coming together. It feels "real" finally.

Now on to the point I'm proving.

Thanksgiving is a decidedly European American holiday. (Trust me, the Native American people do not celebrate it as the more Anglo Saxton population does.) And I'm reminded about how unhealthy our nation has become. Feasting is often associated with good events, but we also find it as a common trait among fallen civilizations. My family gave up on "feasting" a long time ago. Instead, we enjoy the holiday favorites, in moderation, usually followed by a walk.

So this year, I'm out to prove my new mantra as "true". THERE ARE NO VACATIONS FROM A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE.

Expect more on that one that soon on the Wellness blog, but I'll just say this much - it's noon and I've already run 2 miles on the treadmill. Eat that turkey!

Just in Case you Didn't know...

2011-11-23T10:26:00.001-08:00

I sing and songwrite a little...
Click here to hear some of my tunes.

A quick Boost before bed.

2011-11-21T22:38:00.000-08:00

Here's a mood booster our moral officer shared on Facebook today. Take some time and sit through it - no matter how you feel about marching bands, football, or politics. The designs are REALLY cool! Can you spot the Sub?

Snow on the horizon?

2011-11-16T00:25:00.000-08:00

As the forecasters would have it, it appears that SNOW may be heading my way this weekend!

It'll be my first experience living in snow and I'm kind of excited about it. (I'm sure My Sailor would take this opportunity to tease me about being cold to no end - and honestly, I might just miss the ribbing, but I'm sure we'll have PLENTY of time for that when he gets back.) There has been frost on the grass 2 mornings in a row now. I'm fixing the freezing situation around the house as quickly as I can. No, I haven't gotten to those curtains yet, BUT I did get a heater that uses a lot less electricity. I also picked up 2 new blankets, and I'm building up my winter wardrobe every chance I get. Next on the list is a winter coat. I'm still shopping around, but so far I have options. I just need to get into a store and try them on. My fall coat I LOVE and I can layer under it, but it's wool - which means not water proof which means not snow friendly. I do have a pair of snow-friendly boots on the way thanks to a sale at Famous Footwear.

I guess there is a lot on my mind that I'm a little too exhausted to write about at the end of 10 hr work days, so my blog may be a bit sparse - AND I'm more interested in keeping/getting my Wellness Journey blog moving lately. I guess it's because, outside of 10 hrs of work/day, preparing for company, and emailing My Sailor, not a whole lot is going on over here.

Expect pictures if the snow does arrive! I wonder how Clydas will take it...

Being what you are...

2011-11-14T00:01:00.000-08:00

Source

Yet another day is drawing to a close and yet again, I'm up past my bedtime. And I didn't work out today. Which probably accounts for some of my added stress - not to mention the girly hormone stuff that just tends to amplify what I'm feeling anyway.

"Love builds bridges where there are none." R. H. Delaney

I've learned long ago that trying to be someone or somewhere I'm not never works. They say there are 3 stages to deployments - and the middle stages are the hardest, specially over the holidays. It feels like he's been gone forever. And yes, weeks without word is very hard. I will give myself credit where credit is due - but there are times when I can't hear "I'll be home for Christmas" without getting choked up. Torture is going through the romantic Christmas card section in a Hallmark Store, looking for the perfect sentiment - only to flip through a thousand that read something like, "Being with you is the best gift this year," and knowing that that is impossible.

I don't regret my choice for this life. Even in the toughest moments, I don't second guess my choices for a second. Yeah, it's not easy, but I love my life. But to say there aren't times I need a moment to collect myself wouldn't be honest of me. I believe it makes me human. To pretend that it's easy (even on an independent spirit like me) would damage the authenticity of my heart, and My Sailor's investment in himself, his country, and this family.

Today was one of those days where I needed a little encouragement.

And I found it.

I found it in the comfort of knowing that Clydas will be well taken care of when I leave for home by chatting with his caretaker.

I found it in remembering that life is an adventure; that this is just one chapter in a story worth telling.

My story.

Coffee Talk

2011-11-12T23:05:00.000-08:00

It's official! I had my first gal pal coffee talk since moving up here. Felt SO GOOD. She was a vet tech at the clinic where Clydas underwent his toe amputation last month. Turns out her husband is in the Navy as well, and a submariner at that. We went to coffee this morning and chatted it up for about 3 hours. It felt really nice and I'm glad to have a new friend - that I have more in common with than just the fact that our guys are in the military. (Trust me, you CAN'T talk for 3 hours about THAT.)

Well, I wish I had something more interesting to share tonight, but I don't. I'm settling in for Fred Clause and to kick this headache.

See you in the funny papers!

Staying Power, And Old Friends.

2011-11-11T22:01:00.000-08:00

Just Dance 3 is proving to be an amazing work out. My shoulders and arms ache in places that weight lifting never could, and, no matter how hurt I am, I seem to forget all about it when I'm in the throws of "Airplanes" or "California Gurls". So much fun and such a great work out. And ya know, I think I actually AM picking up dance moves! Anytime I hear one of my favorite songs to play in the car, I start dancing in my seat. :) For a motion-challenged-dancer, that's a pretty big deal!

If there is one thing the journey to wellness has taught me - it's that there is really only one "trick" to healthy living. It's a huge part of just about anything in life - Staying Power. My eating habits, drinking habits, work out habits, meditation habits, artistic habits and all that all have to do with Staying Power. It's a pretty big concept to consider.

Small world - one of my childhood friends and I are planning to meet up next week. We were best buds through most of grade school, went different directions in high school, and just happen to end up in the same corner of the country now, so many years later. It's kind of a track to meet with her, but I'm sure it'll be fun.

An Off Day

2011-11-10T21:00:00.000-08:00

I don't really have a good way to describe this day.

It feels like an eternity and I can't wait for it to end.

I woke up aching all over. Part of it work out soreness and part of it maybe feeling sick, and even maybe some early ToM stuff.

So I dragged myself to my office chair and worked.

I knew I was too sore to go through with more Just Dance 3 tonight.

I went to the YMCA and did a gentle Hatha Yoga class on lunch. It was JUST what I needed and felt great. For a while, I wasn't sore, but all the aches came back as I went back to work.

Figuring that I could use a moral booster, I decided to re-read the last card My Sailor gave me before he left for work.

Bad idea. Missing him got the better of me and I cried it out for a few minutes before getting back to work.

Then Clydas was being extra whiney (maybe sensing my energy a bit). I finally finished up and sat on the floor with him, hugging him and crying it out a bit more while Clydas sat there. (Did I mention how amazing my dog is?) It's all normal, I'm sure, and part of the process. All things considered, I'm doing really great 99% of the time.

But darn that 1%...

I've reached out to some people who will hopefully hook me up with some local friends. Honestly, I haven't been out with anyone local in about a month. Not for lack of trying. Everyone has just been busy. I've kept in touch with a lot of folks from home by phone - which is great, but it's not quite the same. It wasn't until I got a facial yesterday that I realized how long it's been since I've had any physical contact with another person. The self-hug position we did in yoga felt so good. In a lot of ways, that's a HUGE step for me. See, I've never been too keen on just randomly being touched by people. If I physically let someone in, it's sort of a big thing for me. I used to have to challenge myself to look people in the eyes and shake someone's hand. Being in theater was part of that personal challenge. I didn't even get a professional massage until last year - and I couldn't completely relax, but I DID enjoy it. So to realize I miss some sort of physical contact (even a friendly hug) is sort of big for me. At the end of the day, I can pat myself on the back for that. (And yes, I'm pretty good at keeping eye contact now and shaking hands and the regular everyday stuff.) Just blogging it out ended my pity party. I love it.

With that said, I'm looking forward to a warm soak in some bubble bath, slipping under warm flannel covers, and ending the day catching up with Jamie and Claire.

10 Things that make me smile right now

2011-11-05T16:43:00.000-07:00

10 Things That Are Making Me Happy Right Now

1.My dog's thick winter coat is coming in - and it's GORGEOUS.

2. I'm doing well on MyFitnessPal today, despite a lazy day.

3.I get to send a package to My Sailor. It's fun coming up with goodies to send that are Sub-friendly.

4. Pumpkin Pancakes this morning. DELICIOUS.

5. That I'm about ready to GET OUT OF THE HOUSE and find a nice, warm, quiet place to sit down and right.

6.Having great coupons for new shoes, and actually NEEDING some.

7. 2 words PAY DAY!

8. Day dreaming about what that first kiss will be like after SO LONG.

9. My Ipod with Christmas music on it.

10. One of my fellow Disney Wedding Mentor's came through with some AMAZING photos I can use for my next article, which I'm finishing today!

Tomorrow's Excursion and Being a Tourist

2011-11-02T23:01:00.000-07:00

Today I found out that a co-worker who LOVES to travel is coming up to visit in 2 weeks for a weekend. I'm pretty excited about that! It'll give me someone to be a local tourist with for a couple days. I don't have an itinerary planned yet, but I'm working on it. If the weather holds, the Space Needle, Pike's Market... and maybe another tour? But there might need to be a stop in Poulsbo for some delicious Norwegian pastries! Gotta do the walking to walk them off though! I'm sure we will.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with Alfred Angelo's local store. I use the word "local" loosely as it's about 45 minutes away - one way. But I'm looking forward to it. The plan of attack - try on my dress. Well, not "my dress", but the same style in the size I ordered it. It's really just to check my progress since I've been losing weight. I'm also going to look at accessories and to check out some new bridesmaids dresses. No one has ordered their dress yet since it's so far out, so if I can find a cheaper option that I like, I'd like to offer the girls some options.
Photos to come later!
But for now, it's time for bed!

The Value of a Friendly Voice

2011-11-02T00:16:00.000-07:00

I feel really lucky the last few days. Yesterday My Sailor's dad called just to check in on me. Today a co-worker-turned-friend called to chat and My Sailor's brother called too.

It's amazing how a quick friendly voice can make your day. Okay - so the shortest of those phone calls was 20 minutes, so it may not feel "short" for some. But it's great hearing a friendly voice when I get off work (even more so after a weekend of leaving voice mails and feeling frustratingly lonesome).

Since I'm keeping it short tonight, I figured I'd inject some humor in here. Click here to discover some of the fun and creative things a blogging Missile Tech Wife came up with to explain where her husband is.

Even if you're not Navy, it's worth a look - and a smirk.

Taking Notes...

2011-10-29T22:19:00.000-07:00

So this holiday season is pretty full. I'll be home with my family over Thanksgiving and over Christmas, but I'd really love to take a day to do this at some point too...

Okay, so it's probably a little corny, but for me, there is a little magic in small town Christmases. And this year, I may not be in Port Orchard for Christmas, but I look forward to the pre-holiday festivities... and to experiencing my first snow.

An Unexpected Delight - Trillium Winery

2011-10-29T21:01:00.000-07:00

Today didn't turn out at all like I expected. I woke up, and my legs were feeling the spinning class I took last night. Had me a little concerned, but when you have a dog, you have to get out of bed. so out we went!

I like to make my weekend breakfasts "special". So today was Pumpkin Pancakes (I'd picked the mix up at World Market the week before - and it's delicious and only 90 calories) and scrambled egg beaters. Then I headed off to the Holly Daze craft fair I'd been looking forward to all week.

Overall, I found the craft fair (held in an nearly empty and somewhat run down mall) expensive and rather disappointing.It was held in a local older mall, where over 1/2 of the stores were empty. In fact, they were offering to rent them out as "event space" (for weddings, etc) at dirt cheap prices. Having my wedding reception in a run down mall doesn't ring 'romantic' to me - so they must really be struggling. I came with a $40 budget, and left empty handed. It's sad when a franchise like PartyLite has the best stuff there...

I headed over to another mall to use a Macy's gift card that's been burning a hole in my pocket. Nothing there knocked my socks off, so I held on to my gift card for another day. To console myself, I headed to Barnes and Noble. After a cup of my favorite hot tea (Holiday blend - YUM!), and a stroll through World Market again (curtains were on sale and I have my eye on some) I headed home. It's a bit of a drive, and I was feeling lonely, so I called a few friends. I gave up after 2 voice mails and 2 curtailed family conversations (all of my family was working), I gave up on company and focused on enjoying the brisky, sunny day it was turning into.

Once home, I promised Clydas a hike. We headed out check out a state park I'd seen signs for, but have yet to visit - Penrose park. After a longer drive than I anticipated, we arrived at the park 10 minutes before the park closed. It would cost us $10 to get out and walk for 10 minutes. Yes, I had money left over from my craft fair budget, but - Forget that! Though the drive was pretty, weekends are proving the toughest right now.
Today hadn't been fabulous. I called a couple friends to catch up, and left voice mails. I called my family, and they were busy, keeping the conversations brief. I was feeling a bit lonely.
Now, I've always found wineries to have a calming, creative feel too them (even before I could drink at them).

When I saw the sign for Trillium Winery, I figured, what the heck, and went for it.
I figured, worst thing that could happen is that they'd be closed. It was a chance I was willing to take. I drove up to the tasting room.

Trillium Winery Tasting Room

Beautifully quaint, isn't it? I found the tasting house of a tiny one lane low mountain road lined with evergreens and small farm house properties. It was nearly sunset and a brisk 50 degrees outside.

Ducking inside the small cottage-like tasting room, I was greeted by 4 guests and Claude, the wine maker himself. He approached me immediately, shaking my hand, glassy eyed, as I would have expected from any french winemaker.

Proud Winemaker Claude

Claude took pride in introducing me to his unique wines. I'd seen the winery online, but never saw the bottles around town. Turns out, there is a reason for that. Claude's wines are rather exclusive. Made with a more natural process, he manages to retain a the flavor of the fruit in a manner that is beautifully full bodied without having the usual syrupy texture and flavor I've found in a number of larger produced California wines.

I have to say, the wines of the Pacific Northwest have been a pleasant surprise overall. And this was by far the best experience I've had. It's rare to meet a wine maker face to face without paying for an expensive paired meal, and even then, you don't get to really share one on one time. When the other group left, Claude was quick to engage me in conversation and show off some of his unique and amazing wines. I got a taste of his remarkable reserve Cabernet. I came home with 2 bottles and I can't wait to pick up one of the reserves to share with My Sailor when he comes home

Claude makes wine he likes to drink.

Apparently Claude and I think the same way.

Turned out to be a delicious night.

Thank you, Claude, for saving my day.
Click here for a link to Trillium's website - and let me know if you're in the area! I'd love an excuse to introduce you to the world of Trillium's wine maker.

Friday at the Y

2011-10-28T23:26:00.000-07:00

Tonight, after work, I decided to get out of the house, away from screens for a while, and try out a class at the Y. I figured that Friday night would be a good time to go, especially for a newbie like me. I haven't taken a group fitness class since my mom was teaching jazzersize and I was knee high to a grass hopper.

I figured that Spinning wouldn't require too much coordination and it just happened to be in the right time slot. (Which, since it was the ONLY class that I could make it too, was even more of a deciding factor.)

Let me say, that Spinning work out was AMAZING. I mean, seriously - look at that picture. It's JUST an innocent little stationary bike, right? Right...until it's under the direction of a ~~sadistic~~ very fit instructor. We did intervals. We stood. We crouched. We climbed hills. We sprinted. The instructor was awesome and made sure to praise me since it was my first time. It's funny how pushing yourself (and someone recognizing it) makes such a big difference in your day. Now, I want to go back. Even after an hour plus in the hot tub, my legs are getting that tingle of working out. Which means the next 2 days will SUCK, but I've got a plans for that.

I have lots of walking in mind this weekend. There is a local craft fair I'm going to check out, and I'm thinking of hitting up a local mall or going to Seattle (on foot) to poke around. Worst case, I can walk down to the movie theater.We'll see how adventurous I get. And if the weather keeps me more indoors than outdoors, I'm also discovering the addictive qualities of Dance Dance Revolution (even though I still suck at it).

Reality check: Every once in a while, I lose sight of how my mind is different now than when I was truly obese. Obesity is a prison. Not just in your body - but even more so in your mind. At least it was for me. One I didn't understand I had the key to all along. I would really stress out about how I looked, if I was the heaviest girl around, etc. In the spinning class, there were 5 women, the instructor, and 1 man that ducked out 1/2 way through. But here's the thing - I DIDN'T CARE. It's true, what they say. Say something to yourself often enough, and you'll come to believe it. It's how you learn anything in life - repetition. I believed I was fat, ugly, and unlovable for DECADES because that's what some cruel kids in grade school treated me as. Now, I'm in my 30s and I feel free from that. Sure, I still have the natural "compare yourself to others" every once in a while (when I do this, I ALWAYS fall short). But it didn't even enter my head when I stepped on the bike. Sure I was the heaviest. I was also the tallest, the one with the longest hair, the only first timer, etc. It's refreshing and encouraging to recognize how my mindset has changed.
I guess you can say, I finally got out of my own way.

The early shift, a little remodeling, and weekend planning

2011-10-27T18:15:00.000-07:00

I've started working "the early shift" at work, and I'm remembering why I like it.

I'm not a big morning person. It's not that I hate them - it's just that it's so warm and comfy under my covers - who wants to get up and start moving around a 40 degree house? Not to mention, as soon as I get up, no matter what the hour, Clydas will HAVE to go out. I prefer to hold out until the sun has been up for a while, but getting up early certainly has its rewards.

So, since I'm tired of waking up to an apartment that feels drafty, even though all the windows are closed, I've decided to take a friend's advise and spruce the place up with some CURTAINS. Not the flap-in-the-breeze kind, but the heavier seal-out-the-unwanted-breeze-and-light type. Nothing too permanent, but if this is what the house feels like first thing in the morning in the fall - then I am going to be a dying of frostbite by the time winter kicks into high gear. So I figure heavy curtains are the least expensive solution to the problem. Just have to figure out a simple way to hang them, and I'll be good! I'm sure they have a Renter's-Guide-for-Hanging-Curtains-For-Dummies out there somewhere. Besides, it'll be a good weekend project for me that will make the next 6 months here FAR more livable.

Well, it's time to pop my lasagna in the oven! Gotta go!

Early to bed and early to rise?

2011-10-26T00:10:00.000-07:00

So I have to be sitting at my desk, clocked into work in 6 hours and 30 minutes.. and I'm still awake, blogging. I know why. Too much looking at a screen today. Keeps me up. But it's amazing what you find when you google "Submarine Homecoming". I'm learning more and more about what I can expect as I stumble through this new adventure. My Ombudsman (basically the family morale officer here on land) is doing a great job of answering all my questions, and I'm trying not to sound like a crazy woman in my emails to her. I'd be lost without her.

That said, I did stumble across something I thought was share worthy. As you know, I'm one of those people that uses research and knowledge to calm my over active imagination. And it didn't help when I read about the 1968 "disappearance" of a US submarine (damn google!)... I read about how the sub was expected in on May 22, but then the families were told it was going to be delayed until May 24th... and then there was a huge storm so they assumed that was hindering the sub when the families showed up at the peir in the pouring rain to see the ship come in and meet their loved ones, and ended up going home empty handed and disappointed. Then on May 27th, the media broke the news that the sub was "missing". By October, they found the sub, or what was left of it. Every sailor aboard died when it sank due to an "explosion of unknown nature." Now isn't that a great bedtime story? One wife even shared her story, that she was waiting for her husband to get off the sub and pick her and his newborn son up directly from the hospital. When he never came, she went home... Ouch...

So that's to that little snippet (I know, I shouldn't have read it, but that page also had a lot of helpful information on it too), I needed to continue researching until I found enough information to help me live in the "now". The fact that it was over 40 years ago, AND a different kind of Submarine was a good start. A REALLY good start.

Anyway, I found a check list of things to expect during deployment on the psych/emotional side. It's always comforting to know I'm not going crazy in the way I'm handling all this. Here's the little check list for deployment time:
Emotional Confusion (1-6 weeks after departure).
___Some feelings: sense of abandonment, loss, emptiness, pain, disorganization, intense business - Emptiness, sure. Loss, yup. Disorganization, a bit. Intense business, sure. But a sense of abandonment? Nope. I've dodged a bullet on this one. I realized long ago that how much time I spend alone is up to me and no one else. I know I'll branch out more in a little while, after I'm done licking my wounds and once I have more of a schedule down for myself. This is only week 1. I will say it's been an odd week though. A mixture between a blur and a complete drag.
___Activities: being more busy than usual
Nope. Actually about the same here. I get more physical at night lately though. I think it's working out some restlessness. Thank God for Dance Dance Revolution ( and the fact that I suck at it makes me work harder) and Just Dance 2. Thinking about splurging for Just Dance 3 next month...
___Reactions: crying, loss of sleep, loss of appetite
Complete honesty here... Loss of sleep - check. My bedtime is AWEFUL without him here. 9pm one night, 1am the next. He's the time keeper when it comes to sleeping and waking up. Loss of Appetite - semi-check. I'm not having trouble staying between 1200 and 1500 calories -especially since I haven't been drinking alcohol with dinner. Crying - check. Not a lot, but it happens. Every once in a while something will hit me just right and I'll need a moment, but it doesn't last more than 30 seconds before I have my head screwed back on straight. I'm focusing on his homecoming, getting my weight down in the mean time as well as finishing some scrap booking and writing I've been meaning to get to, as well as visits by friends and to family. It'll all work out.
- Adjustment (most of deployment)

___Some Feelings: hope, confidence, calm, less anger, loneliness
Hope? Yup. Confidence? Getting there. Less anger? I wasn't angry at him for leaving. I'm just a slow to anger person and choose not to get angry over things we have zero control over. Lonliness? Sure. But isn't that par for the course? If I didn't miss him, something would be terribly wrong here.
___Activities: establishing routine, establishing communications, self growth, independence
Establishing a routine - I'm working on it. Establishing communications - I've been using email to keep both of our families in the loop. Self growth - see goals, weight loss, writing, scrap booking, wedding planning... Independence - Got this one in the bag. My relationship prior to this one failed partly due to my natural inclination towards independence.
- Expectation of Reunion (6-8 weeks prior to homecoming).

___Some feelings: apprehension, excitement, high expectations, worry
Apprehension - nope, not that yet. Excitement - got a little flicker of it, High Expectations - Yeah, of myself to hit my goals! Not of him. I know he's doing fine. Worry - when this starts to creep in, I remember that he'll be happy to see me no matter WHAT I look like or have accomplished since he's been underway.
___Activities: planning homecoming, cleaning, dieting
Already thinking about all of that - and been cleaning more and watching what I eat better.

I know enough about psychology to know that none of this is cut and dry, but it's nice to know I'm not going crazy. When I carried by own case of firewood out of Walmart today, I knew I had a good guy. Why? Because I can't remember the last time I carried by own case of firewood. ;)

And now I have to be sitting at my desk working in 6 hours and 15 minutes. I better call it a night.

A great way to start the week!

2011-10-24T22:54:00.000-07:00

Overall, today was a GOOD day. But it didn't start out that way.

See, I'd went to bed early on Sunday in order to be awake early enough to go to the gym before work. But my alarm didn't go off (my smart phone isn't smart enough to turn on when the alarm is set...) so I overslept. I got my work done today, but never made it to the gym - but more on that later.

By mid-day, I'd received an e-mail from My Sailor! He's alive and well. It was great to "hear" from him, but it's still odd to go back to only electronic media. That is, after all, how we met. I guess it felt like we somehow graduated from that. But now we're back to it. Well - beats nothing! I might not get another until he's on his way home, so I'm not "expecting" a reply. See, I'd rather be pleasantly surprised than brutally disappointed.

Also, I took Clydas on a big walk today. We attempted his daily mile. I was ready to slow down or pull back, but he's been doing SO GREAT lately. The incision seems to have FINALLY healed (no more oozing or scabbing). The fur is growing back so it looks just slightly less freakish, and best of all, he's opting to WALK on it. In fact, he opts to run and jump on it too! He's back to his old self and then some! He's actually more energetic and playful than before, which is heartening. I hope to have many more years with the pup.

I've been doing well sticking to MyFitnessPal plan. In fact, tonight, instead of working out, I made it a DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) night! I'm still not good at it, even after over an hour on about 3 songs. But every little movement helps! I burned more calories (and arguably had more fun as well) than I would have sitting on my butt. I'm hoping to lose around 14 more pounds before visiting my family in Thanksgiving. I KNOW I can do it. Just have to make a few minor adjustments (like no more wine w/ dinner, just water throughout the day, MORE VEGGIES AND FRUITS which I've been bad about, etc).

Source

I also took a couple steps toward saving some money. See, My Sailor and I had 2 different Netflix accounts and 2 different Hulu accounts. Talk about a waste of money! I talked about canceling one of them at first, but My Sailor was reluctant. He had a lot of questions that I got answers to, and it became apparent that we were paying for something we didn't need to be paying for. Yes, we have 2 ps3's and 2 monitors (in different rooms - one in the living room and one in the office that I only use to have background noise while working), but one account works on both, so we're good. So I canceled my Netflix and my Hulu account so we only pay for 1 of each now. Yes!

So after that productive day, I'm curled up to one of my favorite movies that I don't own - but just happens to be on TV.

Hope everyone had a great start to the week as well!

Harvest Time and a Furkid Update!

2011-10-11T15:09:00.000-07:00

First - the fur-kid update!
The surgeon who amputated Clydas' toes saw him again on Saturday and LIKED the way he's healing. YEAH! Just 2 days before I was told he'd need DAILY bandage changes! So that was great news. Clydas is going in again on Wednesday, assuming I can figure out some transportation hiccups. Not a big deal though. We'll work something out, I'm sure.
Next, the weekend update!
Saturday was sports, sports, video games, cleaning, and more sports. Many of My Sailor's teams were playing. Since he wasn't going to be able to see them while he's under water, I did my best to let him watch sports and play video games until his eyes fell out. Sure, I was a little grumbly during this process. All I could see were the mountains of chores that wouldn't let me relax until they were done - AND since his deployment is rapidly approaching it's hard to see time not spent together as "wasted", but in the end, we managed to work it out our way - no yell, screaming, slamming doors. Just giving each other time space to be ourselves, meeting in the middle, and moving onward.
Sunday was pumpkin day! We went to the pumpkin patch in Kingston and picked out some pumpkins, and did a few more harvest season activities, so I'll end this blog with a little onetruemedia fun for ya'll.

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

And the Furkid throws a Curve Ball...

2011-10-07T09:31:00.000-07:00

So, like I've said, we've been pretty preoccupied with the life and health of Clydas the Furkid lately.

Here's the latest:

Clydas and Complications

So Clydas went in yesterday for a bandage change (1 day early) because I noticed the bandage seemed saturated. It's been 6 days since his surgery by that point. He was due for another bandage change on Friday, but due to transportation issues and the look of the bandage, Thursday seemed better.

In we go and the vet has not so great news. She praised me for bringing him in early (I love that they work me in whenever I need it) and said that his wound looks angry. The stitches are holding, but it's still oozing more than they'd like, and it's red and angry looking (which explains why Clydas has been trying to lick at it more). So they gave us a new antibiotic to be ADDED to his current regimen, and requested I come back on Saturday so the surgeon could have a peek. They cleaned it up REALLY well and wrapped him up.

I dropped Clydas off at him with his inflatable Kong E collar and crated him so that I could run some errands, though I had a funny feeling he wouldn't leave his foot alone...

I should have listened to my instincts... he managed to practically fold himself in half to get around the collar and pull out bloody gauze from his bandage, WITHOUT DISTURBING THE EXTERIOR WRAPPING! Oy. We saw this as soon as we got him and rushed him back to the vet. They worked us in (again).

A new vet saw him and wrapped his foot up, and told us she wanted daily bandage changes. While I'd love to comply, I do not have an unlimited supply of money. Each bandage change runs about $55 (materials only charge). That's $385 for next week - this week already ran about $200. While we do have care credit, I'm trying to be wise about the whole thing.

Today we can't go in (no car, My sailor needed it today), so we're going in tomorrow, as planned. I'm going to ask if they'll let me observe at the next bandage change. While I completely trust their judgement, I think I'd have a better understanding of what we're dealing with if I could see it for myself.

Oh yeah - and because of Clydas' little inflatable collar stunt, he's earned himself a Cone of Shame. Thankfully, I'm home all day, so he only wears it at night and when I'm out of the house and unable to supervise. He seems to like his booty bandage MUCH better.

Thriving in the Muck

2011-10-04T17:19:00.000-07:00

Clydas is recovering much the same as yesterday. So there isn't much to report on the pup front.

But as My Sailor's inevitable deployment creeps up on me, I'm learning about a whole range of emotions that are all muddled together. I'm sorting and wading through it all one step at a time. It's the only way I know how to do things. That - and lots and lots of research. I'm a research hound...

Anyway, I found a few great articles that I thought I'd share here. The tips are for living under a stressful situation such as a considerably long distance relationship, but I also think they are good tips for any relationship in general. (Click on the link above to see the complete article.)

1) Don't be too hard on yourself. "The transition from nightly dinner dates to dinner on the couch for one can be a shock to the system...."
It's no lie that everyone is their own worst enemy. I am no exception to this rule. It's been a true gift to learn how to accept my feelings, live with them for a little while, and trust that I won't drown in their intensity. Everything happens for a purpose, even sadness.
By the same token, I'm a firm believer that every woman should live ON HER OWN for at least one year of her life. I'm so grateful for my time flying solo. It gave me the confidence to know that, no matter who or what comes and goes from my life, I'll be okay. I can care for myself - and with a good support system, overcome anything.

2) Focus on Creative Communication. "The cornerstone to any successful long distance relationship is communication."
This could be rephrased to say, "The cornerstone to any successful relationship is communication." And creative ways of communication are enjoyed by both parties. Whether it's phone call, a photo, a text, or a love letter, expressions of love over any distance is valuable. I've heard of some military men who set up flowers to be delivered on special occasions prior to leaving, so that something arrives on Christmas - or they leave letters or cards behind for the family to open. While I HIGHLY DOUBT My Sailor has gone to such lengths, it just goes to show that it is possible - and sometimes, even fun!

So these were just a few tips and tricks the author had. None of it is brain surgery, but I'm so grateful that there ARE articles out there that give me an idea of what I might expect during the upcoming changes. Much of the advice is the same:
Expect to be depressed and despondant for a while. (duh) Expect days to drag for a while, but making plans to stay as busy as possible really helps. (We all know I'm ridiculously good at that!)
Make plans with friends and family. Good support is great. (I'm seeing my family over Christmas and maybe some friends or family over Thanksgiving. Clydas and I are overdue for another weekend road trip, and I plan on making myself useful at the local community theater as much as I possibly can. Did I mention Wedding planning is in there too? As well as possibly training for a marathon?)
While it's not easy - it's not the "Me and My Sailor" part that's hard. I think we're pretty well prepared for this adventure. (As prepared as we can be anyway.) ...I already can't wait until he comes home.

Starting off the week right!

2011-10-03T14:16:00.000-07:00

Check it out. That's MY DOG - standing on all fours! Well, pretty much. He had a wound check this morning and a new bandage put on. It's less constricting and he's moving around a bit more. Or at least he was at the vet's office. It pretty much tuckered him out for the day. But he's jumping up on and off the couch now on his own. Everyday he's making such big improvements. It really eases my heart. It was a tough decision to put him through surgery, but he's proving it was the right thing. Friday he has another wound check and dressing change.

I started off this morning by hitting up the YMCA after dropping My Sailor off at work this AM. It worked out well! It was HARD to get up that early (5:15 am) and get a good work out in, but I'm feeling great that I did it! Tried a new machine called an AirTrek. It gave me a great work out in 20 minutes. Looking forward to seeing how it continues to reshape my body. It's also set me up well for eating right. So far so good today, but I'll be blogging more about that on the health blog.

It's time for me to head back to work. Got the usual post-month-end junk to catch up on, housework, and some stuff to work on for My Sailor's seabag. I have a housefull of junk food right now, ready for the fall baking binge coming up any day now.

LOVING the fall cool, drizzly weather! Back to work!

When everything goes right...

2011-10-01T14:07:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, even when the sky is cloudy, there seems to be a beam of sun light shining right on you.

Today, I realized that everything really has fallen into place. Even when things seem like they SHOULD be at their worst, they aren't.

My Sailor got off work surprisingly early yesterday, just in time to help me lift Clydas from the vet's office to the car and into the apartment. We were able to work out the finances of it. True, Clydas was up and down all night. In fact, he whined so much last night that I doubted his pain meds (strong stuff, morphine and Tramadol) were working. Remember, this animal NEVER complains EVER. So for him to be consistently whining is a HUGE thing. Yes, he kept me up all night, but really, can ya blame him? He just had 1/2 his foot amputated.

Even though this has been tough, it's been heartening as well. Clydas is growing stronger every day and I'm reminded what it's like caring for a child. In so many ways, Clydas is just that right now (only a diaper would be more easier than near constant potty walks outside, but they are probably good for his rehab).
It's day 2 and he's figured out how to move around on 3 legs pretty well. He's not ready to put weight on his foot, but I certainly don't blame him for that. He still falls over and a short walk is exhausting for him, but he's a real champ and is proving that my faith in his quick recovery is not misplaced. Though I can tell he's bruised and uncomfortable, he's already adapting so well. We just slow down and go at his pace. Another reason why he's the perfect dog for me - patience is one of my strong suits (most of the time).

We'll still need A LOT of support for the next couple weeks. Monday he goes in for a wound check, and I know it'll all become more "real" to me when I actually see the new shape of his foot. He should be getting a smaller bandage at that point. In about 9-13 days, he'll be getting his stitches out.

In the middle of this whole mess is My Sailor's deployment sneaking up on us faster and faster every day. I'm faced with a mixture of emotions, but I'm also reminded that all I have to do is what is right in front of me this moment.

And right now, that's eat lunch.

Clydas the Cancer patient - Sugery on Friday!

2011-09-27T08:49:00.000-07:00

Clydas' surgery is booked for Friday. He'll be going in at 8am and coming home later that night. I'm looking forward to having him better.
Keeping my fingers crossed that rehab goes smoothly and quickly - and that he won't be left with too much of a limp.

"I'd like a sexpresso with a side of boobage please."

2011-09-27T08:34:00.000-07:00

I was warned that Seattlites LOVE their coffee. Which is generally true even here on the penninsula. There are coffee stands all over the place. Nearly each one has a gimick. For example, one is shaped like a tug boat and is across the street from the marina.

When I saw one advertise "Family Friendly", I started to wonder. I mean, what makes a tiny drive up coffee house "family friendly"? Really good hot chocolate? Free hot cider to kids?
Then we figured it out, though I must admit, I was a bit naive.
Across the street is Fantasy Espresso and a stand called the Natte Latte.
At first, I chuckled, thinking, "Wow, they are desperate to sell their coffee. Using sex appeal? Really? How sexy is coffee?"

Apparently - very sexy -
When it's served by women in pasties and thongs.

Yup, that's right. Drive up to the tinted windows (which are cut especially low so the girls have to bend over to take your order and give your coffee if you're not in a jacked-up truck) and you too can get flirted with and an $8 coffee.

While I enjoy Pastries rather than Pasties with my coffee-style beverages, I must admit, the whole idea made me chuckle. I mean - seriously?! I guess it speaks to the...er... stiff coffee competition out here that you have to resort to that in order to sell your product. It causes quite a stir in newspapers and the like, but I get a chuckle out of it. If there wasn't a market for it, it wouldn't be open every day.

Anyway, I thought it was funny, so there ya go!
Anyone for some sexpresso?

My four-legged Life - A Clydas Update

2011-09-25T16:35:00.000-07:00

So this adorable 4-legged, 54 pound ball of brindle fur pretty much ran my life for the last week. Understanding that our pets are mortal reminds me to let go of the little things in life and just roll with the punches a bit better.

Since his diagnosis, Clydas has been allowed to cuddle with the "parents" (me and My Sailor) more often at night. He gets a couple more treats a day (his weight is under control), and he gets a new toy more often (usually My Sailor's doing). He gets a few more random scratches throughout the day and a little less scolding (from both of us).

Yes, he's "just a dog". But if you've ever owned a dog, then you "get it".

"In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn't merely try to train him to be semi human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog. ~Edward Hoagland"

Clydas has taught me a lot about life over his 7 years so far. When I got him, I expected to be the teacher, but sometimes I think he's taught me more valuable things than I've taught him. He's seen me collapse into a sobbing mess when I thought my world was crumbling, and taught me what a good friend is - someone who loves you even when you're a mess. He's seen me rise to the occasion - and reminds me that each day is "the occasion" worth rising to. He's been my traveling companion - and in doing so, he's taught me the value of a good walk in a small town. Through his occasional slobber and (more than occasional) gas, he's taught me that life will continue, even if there is fur on your clothes. In fact, sometimes life is more fun when you get down and dirty.

Of course, in his world, there is little that a new squeaky toy can't fix. In the human world, it isn't THAT simple - there is little that a pair of perked up ears and a wagging nub can't soothe.

It's pretty obvious that I take my responsibility as a good pet owner very seriously. It's a title I want to earn every day. I know Clydas won't live forever, but I think it's part of my duty to give him the best, most comfortable life I can while he is around. After all, he's been my stead fast buddy (and some would joke one of the most stable males in my life over the past near-decade), so it's the least I can do.

With some good news bolstering my spirits (the knowledge that his cancer does not appear to be spreading), I know Clydas will be in good hands as he undergoes surgery this week.

People That Don't Cook

2011-09-20T12:20:00.000-07:00

Disney World 2004

Maybe it's me trying to take my mind off the dog, but I've noticed a scary phenomenon going on around here.

My Sailor and I have 7 people living in the 3 apartments surrounding us. Of those 7 people, 2 of the households don't cook.
At all.

Ever.

No salad.

No fruit.

No veggies.

No cooking. Ever.

One household has 2 young children and 1 adult in it and they have Schwann's frozen meals delivered. The other household has 2 adults, one of which travels for work, and they exist on take-out.

This is pretty frightening to me. If my neighbors represent a subsection of the United States, than it's a safe assumption that just about 1/2 of the population has no idea what is really in their food. And those 2 kids that grow up might not have any idea what is in their food, much less know how to prepare a meal. Do they know that meat comes from butchered animals? Do they know which veggies are hybrids and which are natural?

Around our house, we cook at least one meal a day. Even when I lived alone, I cooked every day, at least one meal. Delivery almost never happened at my condo. I can count the times it happened in a year on my hands and still have fingers left over. Take-out was rare as well. I ate out once a week. It was more cost effective and healthy to make food myself. While we do have our "quick" meals (for example, today's lunch was a Lean Cuisine, left over salad from last night, butternut squash soup and an apple), we cook everyday. All meals, even the quick ones, are based on Protein, veggie and/or fiber, and fruit.

It's just scary to me to think of where things are going...

Look out - I'm starting to sound old....

Announcement - Fur-kid Medical Journey Begins

2011-09-16T10:25:00.000-07:00

Me and Clydas in Monterey, CA, December of 2006

Yesterday, I went to Portland and had a great time with friends. It was a much needed break.

On my way home, I got a phone call from Clydas' vet. See, Clydas had been into the vet on Tuesday. You can see a little bit about that visit here. Part of that I didn't blog about was that Clydas had a lump on his foot aspirated. They took a small biopsy to check on it. See, it's been there for a while, but I was just watching it to see if it got bigger, bothered him, etc. It never seems to cause him any problems. Boxers have a ridiculously high pain tolerance - I mean ridiculously high. Example: Clydas tapped one of the cats I used to have under the bed (when he still fit under there) and got a cat scratch ON HIS EYEBALL under the lower lid. He NEVER complained about it. Didn't rub at his face. Didn't whine. Nothing. So I didn't even know about it until I noticed green pus coming from his eye. Thankfully, he was fine. Another time, he stepped on a piece of broken glass while outside and CUT HIS PAD. He never cried out, never limped at all, never licked at it - nothing. If it weren't for the fact that we happened to be walking on WHITE concrete on our way home, I would never have noticed that he was tracking blood everywhere.

I check him on a fairly routine basis for injuries, bumps, etc, since I know what a trooper he is when it comes to pain.

Well, a while ago My Sailor noticed a lump on his foot. Thinking he just stepped on something that got between his toes and is working its way out, we kept an eye on it. Clydas never showed any sign of pain or discomfort. He didn't chew at it, bite at it, limp, nothing. So I assumed it was just a tag or something minor.

Since he was going to the vet, I had them take a look at it and that's where the biopsy came in.

3 days later, I get a voice mail asking me to call the vet's office.

When they didn't leave the results on my voice mail, I began to worry.

I called back, but I missed their operating hours. I was about to call this morning when the vet herself (not the staff) called me. During that conversation, my cell phone died... so I called her back and I finally got the news.

It's what they call a "Mast Cell Tumor". When I read more about it, I noticed that they seem to change "on a whim" daily. And they are right. Today, it's small.

See the lump between the small toe and the big toe?

But to sum up, it's a cancerous growth that has often malignant in nature. They are fatty tumors that have little tendrils that ooze out into the surrounding tissue. Problem is, they release chemicals (like histamine, etc) which can cause problems when released in chronic excess.

Since they tend to spread out their tiny little microscopic malignant tendrils, they are easy to remove when they are in the fatty parts. Surgeons just remove a little more the tumor they see to make sure it's not spreading.

That's where Clydas is "special". His tumor is between two of his toes and is about the size of my thumb above the top-most joint. There is NO fat between his toes. So here are the options:

1) Lumpectomy - Remove the lump. It'll most likely come back based on it's location. There isn't enough tissue to remove all the tumor.

2) Amputate those 2 toes - This will most obviously hurt his mobility level.

3) See a Specialist - Most likely a doggie Oncologist would do the Lumpectomy and follow-up Radiation. High level of cure rate, but an expensive undertaking.

The Vet is great and I do trust her. She OWNS a boxer, as does the woman who owns the animal hospital, so they understand this unique breed very well. I highly respect that she didn't strongly recommend the option that would make her the most money (Lumpectomy - as it would mean return visits). She actually seemed to lean towards the Specialist option.

There is some silver-lining here. Boxers are more prone to grade 1 and 2 mast cell tumors than they are to grade 3 and 4. The higher the grade, the more dangerous the tumor. Since this isn't near any of his vital organs, it's not immediately life threatening.

And Clydas isn't in any visible pain. I keep reminding myself about this. He's had this for a while and hasn't been really showing any signs of illness, which puts me at peace a bit. The Vet is also encouraged by Clydas' age (he could be at "mid life"ish right about now) and overall fitness. He's in great shape, weighing in at a perfect 54 lbs at his last visit, and overall wellness is a good thing. I'm trying to focus on that right now more than anything and remind myself that, whatever we choose, this will be a long journey, but well worth it I think for this member of my family.

I decided a long time ago that the ONLY way I'd throw down over $2k for an animal is if the treatment is likely to be a CURE, rather than a "treatment". This may be the case where the Specialist answer comes in...

As luck would have it, this is laid in my lap while My Sailor is on duty, so we won't be able to discuss the options until tomorrow.

Don't worry - Clydas is going to get lots of love, especially today. I may be starting a special blog for Clydas' treatment, depending on what we decide. For now, he's curled up in his Tummy Warmer on the couch. Stay tuned...

Pregnant people and Volleyball don't mix

2011-09-14T15:58:00.000-07:00

It's been a good news/bad news kind of day.

Good News:
Clydas had his vet trip and got his long overdue heartworm test. Yeah!
Bad News:
They have NO idea what the lump on his foot is, but are concerned about it so they took an aspirate biopsy and sent it off to the lab. Oh yeah, and he has FLEAS for the first time in his life! I guess we just lucked out for 7 years.

Good News:
Clydas now has flea, tick, and heartworm protection.
Bad News:
Total dog-related bill: approx $300.00. Ouch.

Good News:
I'm going to have a lot of time coming up soon in order to help me focus on my fitness.
Bad News:
My plans for the fall has changed. I was building a chunk of it around a Volleyball team that recently fell apart. With one person having to back out, and another gal getting pregnant the team was canceled. Apparently volleyball and pregnancy don't mix. Which is probably a good thing for the pregnant gal, because it can't be that much fun without diving and all that jazz.

Good News:
I joined the YMCA! I'm pretty excited about getting started there.
Bad News:
My Sailor is having trouble finding time and energy to go with me, so we've been signed up for a week, but haven't gone yet. So this may be more of a solo trip, unless he has time/energy on the weekends. It's a bit of a bummer to know that I can't expect to go with him on a regular basis, but who knows? Schedules change all the time 'round here, so that could change too!

I got nearly all of my ambitious To Do list done yesterday, including something I didn't plan. I started on one of My Sailor's deployment projects last night. It was tougher than I thought it would be, but it's coming along. While I doubt he'll read this, it could happen, so I'm not divulging much in here for now.

As for the Volleyball thing, it's easily remedied. Since I'm part of the YMCA, there is a good chance I'll be able to sign up for some fun classes. Oh! And I wanted to meet with a nutritionist, but was finding it expensive. I found out the Y offers a nutrition class! Hoping it won't be too full, I'm going to check it out.

The Health Plan:Starting on October 1st, I'll be starting my Galloway training program for the Princess 1/2 Marathon. With some of the deals that Shades of Green has been offering, I'm sure we can afford it. I've decided that I'm going to just go for it, whether I have a cheering squad or not. I know I'll find some Team Voicer there I can meet up with. That will cover my work outs 3 days/week. I'll be registering right after we buy all of the things My Sailor will need before deployment. It's a long list, so I want to make sure that gets covered first.

I'm going to sign up for 1 class at the YMCA to start. I figure one structured class/sport a week would mix it up a bit.

And that covers it! I'm sure, once I'm flying solo, that I'll be jumping in the pool at the Y any chance I get! Swimming has always been one of my favorite activities.

Mindset Changes and Glee invades my dreams

2011-09-13T12:43:00.000-07:00

Mindset changes
Situation
I realized today, as I clocked out for my 1st lunch break, that I'm 1/3rd of the way through the work day! (It's a 12 hr shift today.) I also have a long list of chores to do (laundry, vacuming, dusting, bathroom cleaning) today. I am leaving for Oregon to visit some friends, and, let's face it, unless it involves putting laundry in the machines and taking it out, or the occasional load of dishes in the sink, My Sailor is just too tired to deal with it. The Navy has been running him ragged lately. So, stiff upper lip, carry on, and I have my to-do list cut out for me tonight! I chipped away at the dishes and am ready to move the laundry I ran during lunch into the dryer.

What is the mindset change I noticed?
Instead of getting overwhelmed by my massively ambitious to-do list, I find myself tackling it one moment at a time, knowing I filled the moment before with as much as I could to complete the task, whether it's at my job or some cleaning chore, with all quality and attention it needed to be completed. It feels good. I may not get it all done today, but I might find some time to get up early tomorrow and finish it up.

Situation:
My Sailor and I did go to the fair on Sunday. It was a hot day, and we walked around. When I was younger, stuffing myself full of fried fair food was a treat! But on that day, we shared 1 elephant ear w/ cinnamon and sugar - and we threw 1/2 of it away. Turns out quickly fried dough isn't good on a hot day beyond a few bites. We weren't even really tempted by anything, should we did split one chocolate chip cookie from a local bakery stand on the way out. It was just "okay". We didn't spend a fortune on anything. We played a couple of games and we looked at the rides, but everything was SO expensive, we couldn't justify throwing even our full budget for the trip into the experience. We ended up giving our extra game/ride tickets to a family with a young child. Hopefully it made their day a little brighter.

What is the mindset change I noticed?
The Fair isn't what it used to be back before the internet was prolific. Now, if I really wanted battered-deep-fried-fill-in-the-blank, I can get it online. It's not as "special" as it was then. Oh - and I realized just what Mom and Dad felt when they scoffed at the price tags of things like a simple ferris wheel ride.

Dream on!
As you may or may not know, I'm somewhat notorious for having bad dreams. I don't mean your average "bad dreams". I mean full on nightmares and night terrors that would curl your toes. Lately, most of my dreams, pleasant or otherwise, include my family members, so I guess I miss them more than I think I do.

Anyway, last night's dream was actually funny. (For the record, I do not watch Glee- I just enjoy the music from time to time.)

I dreamed that my mom was the principle of a high school (think Ivy league brick building and everything) but she was attacked (shot) by a man who happened to be wearing a Jewish Prayer Shawl. So she outlawed all shawls on campus. Never one to take something lying down, I started a full on revolt - musical style! The student body was gathered there and I started a rousing speech about how we should be allowed to wear shawls and scarves! A musical number kicked in that would make High School Musical blush, and we started dancing around. I passed out TONS of shawls and scarves (purple ones, which have NOTHING to do with Jewish Prayer Shawls - purple just happens to be my favorite color). In the way of all good rebels, I got called into the principles office to face my mom and discuss the issue. During the discussion, I brought up how it was smart it was to outlaw all shawls/scarves in the dress code, rather than outlawing Jewish Prayer Shawls in specific as that was unconstitutional (even in my DREAMS I'm logical). (Now in waking life, my mom's best friend is a Jewish gal whom I consider an aunt, so we bare Jewish people NO ill will whatsoever.) I validated the fact that the attack must have been horrifying for her. Then I asked her if the man was wearing jeans. She said he was. I brought up that, if she outlawed every thing her attacker wore, I would be going to school in my underwear and NOBODY wants to see THAT! She conceeded the point and lifted the ban.

I woke up to discover the entire "episode" took about 2 hours.

Glee - eat your heart out.

My 2 cents on 9/11.

2011-09-12T15:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, yes, was 9/11.

The 10 year anniversary...

I didn't feel the need to post anything regarding my feelings on the day, as I 'm sure no one in my American reading audience (ye brave, ye few) has forgotten what happened in 2001. I watched a tasteful memorial on ESPN done during the Giants game on Sunday, took a moment and talked with My Sailor about our memories of that day, and then looked forward. I didn't sit in front of the TV and watch footage replayed over and over again. I remember too well hearing a DJ break down sobbing when I turned on the radio on my way to the gym that morning. At first I thought it was a prank the morning show was doing - then they announced a 2nd plane had just hit the World Trade Center...

And then I called my mom to ask if my dad, who was traveling on the East Coast, was okay... She said she didn't know. No one was able to get ahold of him... for six... long hours. Meanwhile, I tried to work. At the time, I was planning on getting married in a few months. In the back of my mind, I was fighting the practical mindset which was trying to prepare me to walk down the aisle without my father.

That morning, for the first time I've ever heard of, Dad missed his flight out.

When news finally trickled back that he was okay, and that he would be continuing on his business trip the next day, renting a car to drive to Canada and fly out of there - part of me was furious he wasn't staying put, part of me was furious he wasn't heading home to the West Coast, but the rest of me 'got it'. "We can't let this stop us. If we do, 'they' win."

Today, I'm proud of his decision to carry on.

But the fear and paralyzing terror from that day isn't ten years away on any level. After all, my father is safe when so many mothers and fathers won't be there to be annoyed with their kids, hug them, laugh with them, cry with them, see them get married and have families of their own. Because of that, the day seems sacred to me.

This year, a large part of me is annoyed at the TV stations capitalizing on the deaths of so many. Part of me knows that in 50 years, this will be as obscure to the new generation as the Vietnam war is to mine... whatever mixed feelings I have about the day, it's a piece of our history that we who lived during that time will carry into the future, just as our grandparents and great grandparents carried tragedies from their lifetimes...

It's Fair day! It's Fair day!

2011-09-11T11:09:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited. My Sailor and I will be checking out the Puyallup Fair today! I'm sure it won't be as huge as the San Diego County Fair (aka The Del Mar Fair), but I'm sure it'll be fun. The weather is perfect for it too. We're both pretty exhausted though. I'm not sure who needs to recover from his duty days more- him or me! But getting out is healthy so we're bound to do it! I'm really hoping the fair has cinnamon rolls. I saved my calories for some sweet treats, and I'm sure we'll do a LOT of walking. I wonder how many crazy rides he'll be able to talk me into. (Good luck, My sailor! If it only takes 1 screw to put it up, it only takes 1 screw to fall apart, so I'll pass, thanks!)

As for the toe - I can wear tennis shoes without screaming (thanks to gauze and lots of cloth tape - a MUST HAVE combo for any of my first aid kits). That's good news. It also looks MUCH better today than it did yesterday. Clean, not as red, so I might be able to dodge stitches and a doctor's visit after all. Yeah!

The Great Coupon Experiment

2011-09-10T08:34:00.000-07:00

So I made a list and started coupon hunting just to see how much I could save this week. I actually went shopping on Wednesday. I've been looking forward to blogging about it for a
while now!

Now, this wasn't a "typical" grocery runs. We needed some cleaning supplies (paper towels) and I chose to stock up on a few of our favorites as they were on a great sale and will encourage us to eat at home, rather than go out when we're tired. I did end up running a little short on fruit - who would have thought we could go through 1 cantalope in 2 days? So it wasn't just "buy with a discount". It was "Buy healthy with a discount."

Stores visited: 2 (Albertsons and Sarrs)
Items Obtained:
15 rolls of paper towels - $6.99 (Regularly $9.99)
1 head romaine lettuce - $.69
5 extra large loose carrots - $.69/lb
5 Roma tomatoes - $.45/lb
44 loads worth of Arm and Hammer Laundry detergent - $3.99 (Regularly $6.99)
8 Yoplait greek yogurts - $1/each (Regularly $1.54)
8 Lean Cuisine Frozen Entrees - $1.88/each (Regularly $2.49)
1 medium cantalope - $.99 (regularly $1.50)
Approximate total w/ tax: $30

We won't need paper towels for MONTHS, and the detergent should last into the winter. The Lean Cuisines will keep us from going out when we just want something simple and don't really want to cook. Veggies and fruit are necessities for healthy living, and greek yogurt is a great form of protein (more protein than 2 eggs in each serving, with none of the saturated fat).

So far, I'd consider it a success.

Too bad I recently added about $10 to the budget, when I cut open a toe. Not only did I track blood all over the house (I didn't immediately realize I'd cut my foot, I thought I just stubbed it...) but I could probably do with a few stitches. Armed with some new gauze pads and medical tape, my plan is to get through the weekend. And if I STILL feel I need stitches, I go in on Monday. There's a good chance of infection/contamination, since I cut it on Clydas's sharp bone - but don't blame the dog, it's my own darn fault. Thinking it was just his rope toy, I kicked it, hard, to send it flying across the room... I didn't realize the bone was right under it. Leave it to me!

Nap time for me, and then back to work!

A Linkful Blog of Goodness

2011-09-07T10:13:00.000-07:00

First, the Sunshine!

I have almost 30 hrs of PTO saved up! That gives me some peace of mind regarding some upcoming plans I have to get away for the holidays.

Volleyball might start up next week! I'm excited to get back out and into a sport!

Payday! Hey, it's something I look forward to twice a month!

One Step Closer to Being Debt Free! There are 2 credit cards that have been major sources of stress for me for the last few years. However, I've managed to chip away at them slowly. Last night, I made a phone call, told them I was trying to pay them off, and asking what they could do for me. Well, 'ask and ye shall receive' is very true. They lowered my interest rate almost 10% on each card! I also called the hospital, as I'm still paying off last years laparoscopic salpingo-oopherectomy (that's a scope assisted ovary removal for all of you non-medical folks out there). Yes insurance covered most of it, but there was still a balance and a few odd things that weren't covered. Anyway, I called them now that I am finally within $200 of paying it off entirely, and THEY knocked some money off as well! Not a ton, but some and every little bit helps! My foreclosure from 2005/2006 will be off my credit report next year for sure (yeah!) and my car will be paid off at the end of the month! That's a big fat ray of sunshine right there.

As for the other stuff:
I'm very thrifty shopper. It's not uncommon for me to go without something or repress some shopping impulse because I can get it cheaper somewhere else, later, or because I don't really need whatever it is to survive. (Example: for YEARS I went without cable TV, and if it weren't for my job, I wouldn't have cable now.) But I thought I'd take a cue from my blogger pal ThatDisneyGirl and see if I am missing saving/earning oppurtunities.
Here's the video that reminded me how just a little extra work can add up to a very good thing:

If you like what you see, vote for her by clicking the here.

So I signed up for a legitimate survey site. I'm still not convinced, as many of the things you are asked your opinion on require signing up for something. It's kind of like the mystery shopper - for example, applying for car insurance quotes and being contacted regarding those quotes. Eh, I don't have all day to answer the phone, so I skipped that one. I've yet to see if it really paid off, but I've found that Ebates is awesome. In less than a year, I've received over $50 I wouldn't have otherwise gotten on internet purchases. My Sailor has started using the Ebates account when he orders computer parts online. If your curious, click here to sign up and see if you could be getting money back on your purchases. Ebates also offers discounts as well, so it's been really handy. I've been using the money for things usually toward the wedding. For example, my hair piece would have cost me over $30. Because of the money in my paypal account from Ebates, it cost me $15. Not bad, right?

I'm also learning how to coupon smart. See, I'm a savvy shopper, but I don't really use coupons that often. At least, not on everyday items. So I started taking ThatDisneyGirl's tips to heart. She shares them here on her blog Great Big Joy...on a little tiny budget. Normally, I find that shopping at certain stores gives me a better discount on some things. For example, I get my produce from a farmstand. Not all of their deals are fabulous, and they don't always have what I want in stock, but usually I can get a fridge full of healthy fresh produce for under $25. So I don't really "shop around" for produce. This week, I'm going to take advantage of the fact that I am situated between FOUR grocery stores, and see how much I can save by using coupons and checking mailers. So far I've clipped a few good one. I'm just making sure that I'm not clipping a coupon for something we don't need. Overbuying with a coupon doesn't save anything. Today's first coupon will probably be for the oil change at Jiffy Lube. I signed up for a rebate that came in the mail just in time for my car to need an oil change. Since it's our one (almost paid off) car, we're really working on keeping it in running condition as long as we can. So I try to walk anywhere within a 3 mile radius. (You're also less tempted to overshop when you realize you have to CARRY IT HOME!) Not only does this help me stay in shape, but it's better for the planet, my car, and my wallet!

I'll keep ya posted on how the experiment goes!
Any money saving tips you want to pass on?

Oh yeah - I also walk EVERYWHERE I can!

Some Fun and Mixed Emotions

2011-09-06T15:04:00.000-07:00

I've been such a mixed bag of emotions lately, I have a hard time making sense of it enough to blog it out. So let's catch up, shall we?

Sunday was bitter sweet. It was the closing day for Into the Woods. (Click here in case you missed the opening night blog.) The show went great, the goodbyes were unexpectedly emotional for me, and left me feeling a bit on the blue side. I had a lot of fun with the show, and I'm now completely exhausted, but I wouldn't have traded a moment of it. Funny how life does that, huh? While I didn't make any life-long friendships out of it, it's great to see people around town and actually recognize a few. Makes it feel a little more like home.

And now it's officially September. I'm reminded with each passing day that My Sailor will be deploying soon. I've been asking him to take a weekend off before he leaves, but he tells me won't be possible. He's actually schedule for duty at least 1 day/night at least 1 weekend day for every remaining weekends he has here. I was really hoping we could have one solid weekend together, with no rehearsals, no duty days, no work, etc, but now it's clear that that isn't going to happen. And that doesn't make me happy. Sure, I'm putting on a good face daily, doing my best not to dwell on it - but I'd be lying to you (my readers - ye brave, ye few) if I didn't say the situation can be extremely frustrating. Him leaving hangs over us like a little cloud that we choose to ignore most of the time. Don't get me wrong - I'm not frustrated with My Sailor, I'm just generally frustrated with the situation. I hate waiting around, and planning (or, in this case, not planning) my life around anyone's schedule leaves me feeling just that - like I'm waiting around for him to have time to spend with me, doing my best to remain available.

So, I'm still learning as I muddle my way through all of this.

But I'll tell you what - I couldn't be more grateful for my family and the skills I've learned from them over the years. (Not to mention the skills I learned from an amazing therapist during my recovery from a nasty divorce.)

So what's my solution to all this?

Embrace the new adventure! So my journey through WWCA's Into the Woods is complete and the timing isn't right for a new show just yet. Shows are a large time commitment that I'm not ready to make for the above mentioned reasons - there will always be a show going on that I can audition for. Time with My Sailor is hard to come by. It wouldn't be fair to anyone to get into one right now, especially since I'm planning on traveling home for the holidays to visit my family.

But, what is the new adventure?

In order to end this listless feeling, I need define a direction here. So here are my plans:

Join the YMCA - They have some fun looking classes and this is a great way to focus on my health and to make sure I get out of the house. When you work from home and live in a new place, ya' need something else to go out for other than the eat.

Register for the Princess 1/2 marathon, 2012 - Having a small vacation to look forward to will help BIG TIME! Registration is $140 if I register before October 2nd and the race is on February 26th, 2012. There is a free training program that looks completely do-able. It would have be running (or run/walking) 3 days/week. So while I have no fear of being unprepared physically, I know there is the chance that My Sailor won't be there to cheer me on. It would mean the world to me for him to be able to attend, but I know I'll have to be prepared to fly solo on this one. Well, maybe not completely solo! I am part of a running team (TeamVoice) so, instead of dreading going it alone, maybe I should look at this as a chance to make some new friends?

Join the Navy Women's Volleyball team - It's not yet clear how much of a time commitment this may be, but I'm in! I'm looking forward to finding out if I still have that ace of a serve I discovered in my youth. I'm betting I can figure it out again. ;)

Set build - To help stay plugged into the local theater community, I've voulenteered to keep on helping out with set building when I can.

Wedding DIY - With our wedding coming up next year, there are PLENTY of little projects to keep me busy - like building my feather fan, figuring out a new stationary design (since the Animal Kingdom was ex-nayed due to budget restraints and guest limitations). The Art Man ) will (hopefully) still be doing the artwork for them. Then it's just a matter of putting them together, coming up with a schedule of events, booking things, and then the final step of paying them off! Of course, the pay off won't come until closer to the event, but it's nice to get a start on everything and have actual dates and vendors set up. I already have Save The Dates ready for a new date to be put in (most likely, October 18th, 2012). I'm also thinking of customizing some Keds for my wedding shoes... we'll see how creative I get, but I have some ideas.

Writing my first books - Since I write for a Disney World Fan magazine, and my family is already behind me being a writer since I was first published as a teenager, I've decided to go ahead and start work on some young children's books. Now, I don't do art, but I'm thinking doing Disneyland based, personalized, choose your own adventure books might be a fun way to indulge my Disney passion - and hopefully make some extra money! Though the thing about writing is that most authors don't get out much!

Offer Dog Walking Services - Since My Sailor and I have decided to extend our current lease, and the holidays are coming up, I think I could make some extra cash and get to know my neighbors by offering a dog walking/house sitting service. Of course, I'd have to work this around my schedule, so we'll see where this goes. It'll largely depend on where Thanksgiving finds me, and how long I'll be gone for Christmas. One good thing about My Sailor not taking any time off - I'm wracking up the vacation time!

So that's the map for the fall/winter... It's just the waiting to get into all of that that is killing me. But no matter what happens, it's fair to say that I'm gonna miss this guy... badly.

A Little Christmas in September

2011-09-04T09:10:00.000-07:00

Source

As I sit here on a quiet Sunday morning, enjoying a cup of warm cider, wrapped up in a blanket with a cuddly boxer dog using my knee for a pillow, I realize that Christmas is only 3 months away. This year certainly flew - not to mention has seen a ton of changes! Today, the weather is crystal clear and a beautiful 70 degrees, but I'm sure soon enough it feel more and more like fall - and then winter will seep in.

I can't wait for cool weather, warm fires, bundling up under a blanket. I'm also looking forward to the fall care packages that will be going out as soon as I get to baking as well.

Yeah - it seems a bit early to start thinking about the holidays, but I guess I just love the way they feel so much that it's hard not to get nostalgic and excited at the same time. With the snow still capping the mountains, I have to wonder what the winter vibe will be like here (even though I'll be in Southern California over Christmas).

In the mean time, I'm trying to get My Sailor to take a weekend off with me. According to my calendar, he'll have duty just about every weekend this month. Duty usually leaves him pretty well exhausted, so I feel like we could both us a little down time together without writing or a play, or work catching up with us. We'll see how it all pans out, but I'm hopeful.

Anyway - I'm think I'm going to settle in to watch a Christmas movie before I head off for the final performance of Into The Woods! While I'm considering doing one more play this year, I'm thinking that I'm probably going to have my hands full between training for the Princess 1/2 in Feb 2012 and Volleyball. We'll see how ambitious I get. ;)

Hope everyone is enjoying the last vestiages of summer! Tomorrow is a TRUE day off for me (no work, no shows, no writing) - so tell me how are ya'll planning on welcoming the fall?

When the Stress isn't worth it.

2011-09-01T23:45:00.000-07:00

I'm starting this blog off with a photo of a fantastic memory because tonight, I found a smile that I struggled to find a bit today.

I'll admit it. Few things scare the crap out of me like BIG PURCHASES. Lately, we've been discussing a LOT of them, so I've been feeling ~~kinda~~ overwhelmed. From buying/building/renovating a house, to the wedding, I've been trying to keep my cool, while secretly there is a whirlwind of "OMG, How are we going to pay for this??!" buzzing through my brain. Today, though, it feels like a weight has been lifted as we got some news from Disney.

Basically it boils down to this: If we want our ceremony in the Animal kingdom, we'll have to kick in about $4k more and cut the guest list down to 35 people.

While disappointing, this is a very clear reality check for me. It boiled down to a simple question: Which would I rather have? A chance to celebrate with my family and friends and have it paid off before we do it? Or a chance to celebrate with a handful of people in a unique venue and pay it off for a few years afterwards?

Even for a Disney Freak like me, this wasn't a choice. I'd rather be able to invite more people. When I proposed it to My Sailor, he agreed. No Animal Kingdom for us. So while we're a bit disappointed (again), it's actually freeing in a lot of ways! The decision on the dresses for the ladies has been made, and we still have the quote (which includes 65 people in a wedding AND Reception AND Illuminations Dessert Party for a little more than Disney would have charged us for the Wedding alone) from Shades of Green, so it's looking like we'll be heading back to our original plans for a morning Shades of Green wedding w/ a Brunch reception.

Also, by going with Shades of Green, I can take my bridesmaids up on their offers to help out with flowers, center pieces, and things before hand! It'll save money, time, but most of all help us all get closer to each other as we all pitch in for this event.

And ya know what? That sounds awesome. I do believe I'm starting to get a healthier perspective on this whole thing.

I used to feel bad about taking family and friends up on their offers to help. After all, they are all having to travel for our big day. But I don't anymore. I realize that helping gives us a chance to bond and gives everyone a chance to be a tangible part of a remarkable occasion. We're still getting our invitations done by a local artist, and we're probably going to have the cake topper made for us as well. Talk about a customized event!

I also realized something I lose sight of. Wedding planning should be FUN! If it stops being fun, take a step back and double check that your priorities are in the right place - rather than focused completely on one day. Yes, it's an important day, but it really is just one day.

Sure, we want to show everyone a good time, but the truth is, WE ARE IN DISNEY WORLD WITH OUR CLOSEST LOVED ONES! OF COURSE WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A GOOD TIME! I'm going to Disney World with my family, My Sailor's family, and our closest friends. And taking a smart start to our future seems so much better than a debt filled one.

Moral of the Story: Sometimes stress is an indicator that a change of plan is called for.

I actually can't wait for our Shades of Green day. After all - we're already getting the best part of this deal.

Confessions and Fresh Starts

2011-09-01T07:36:00.000-07:00

One of the best things about life is true forgiveness. It's a gift we give ourselves sometimes. It's picking ourselves up when we stumble. It gives us the freedom to start again, change course, or just cut ourselves a little slack.

Lately, I've been cutting myself some slack in the food and work out department. Don't get me wrong, I'm still doing my daily mile with the dog, but sometimes that's all I get to. And yes, I've been eating my calories - and lately a bit more.

With My Sailor leaving soon, I decided that now isn't the time to stress out about any of this. So I'm cutting myself some slack and deciding to move forward. I work long days a when My Sailor has overnight duty so that I can duck out early and spend time with him when he's free.

I realized the other night that our spending is getting surprisingly under control, despite all the craziness lately. I signed up for Mint.com. It's an amazing service that breaks down your spending habits into weekly or monthly updates. It links all your credit cards and bank accounts to really give you a complete picture of how you're doing. For example, I noticed that we spent almost $70 last month at COFFEE SHOPS! We don't even really drink coffee! That's WAY too much! So I'll be sticking to my tea and Tassimo at home. (My Sailor immediately trembled in fear as I can now see how much he spends at vending machines on base.)

In October, I'll be starting the Galloway training plan to get myself through (drum roll please) the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon in Feb! I figure My Sailor and I can use a short trip to Disney World to get our Wedding planning visit under our belts and to use our free day we have from the passes we bought for my birthday last year or head over to Universal and check out the Harry Potter attractions. My goal is to have all my weight lost by the time he returns! It's about 30lbs, so I think it's nearly doable.

So there we have it - forgiveness is giving ourselves the freedom to make mistakes, learn from them, and move on.

And Fantasy Football takes the Lead!

2011-08-29T23:50:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow is My Sailor's birthday and I was working hard to make plans, until he reminded me... That's the night of his Fantasy Football draft. Well, since it's his birthday - he calls the shots! So Fantasy Football Night it is! Normally, I'd try to plan a nice dress-up-and-paint-the-town kind of birthday, but I guess that takes the pressure off of that. In fact, I offered to bake him a cake, but he said he likes pie for birthdays instead. So I think I'm going to grab an awesome pie at some point tomorrow so that's set up at least.

And his birthday present is here, ready and waiting for him. Just have to wrap it and sign the card!

I guess I should be grateful that he's content with such a simple celebration, but I get the feeling that he just doesn't "feel" like a celebration right now. We don't have many friends out here just yet, so it's awkward to invite people you're just getting to know to a small birthday party, but I'm sure we'll find a bigger way to celebrate this weekend. Hopefully he'll get Labor day off so we can get away and have some fun.

The impending deployment lingers in the shadows, but most days it doesn't bother us at all. Some days it's easy to forget about it. Some days, it's not. One night in particular, he was tired and I was frustrated, and Clydas needed a walk. So I took Clydas for a walk, quietly fumed while at the same time trying to talk sense into myself. When I returned, I opened the door to find the lights dimmed, a candle burning, the dishes done, and soft instrumental Disney music playing and a little wine on the table. It's pretty hard to still be annoyed after coming home to that! After getting in my pj's we enjoyed the wine and just snuggled for a while when it hit me a little. It was as if all of a sudden I didn't want him to leave, even though it's months away still...But this is how I expected it to happen, a few tears at a time until he actually leaves. I'm not complaining - don't get me wrong. I know it will probably be equally as hard on him. Yes, we've been friends long distance forever, but intimacy doesn't come easily for me, so it'll be difficult to be apart (with the possibility of zero contact) for so long. But being sad that he's leaving is different than being "anxious" or "afraid". I have zero fear for us as a couple in being able to get through the many adjustments that are ahead. Focusing on staying patient with ourselves and going easy on each other is terribly helpful - so far, it's something we're pretty good at.

Most days, we are just fine, but I find I miss him more when he has duty and the weekends seem shorter and shorter. As much as I love performing, I only have so much time, so I'm taking a short break from theater to get the most out of the next months with My Sailor - but on the other side of the coin, I've joined a Women's Volleyball Team! We start up in late September, so I'm hoping My Sailor will get to come to game or two (and I hope I get my old overhand ace serve back!)

Anyway - We're trying to figure out what we're going to do with the lease here. If our upstairs neighbors move out, we could live here for another 6-9months. It would give us an inexpensive place to lay our heads while we save up to buy a house. OR we could rent a larger, more comfortable place - but it would mean moving while he's gone, or paying rent at 2 places for an extra month. OR we could try to get a larger unit here (but for the same price, we could rent a house, so renting a house sounds so much better...) which would mean either paying an extra $200 to transfer to a different unit... So there are lots of options, and I know we'd LOVE to buy - we'd just have to prioritize next year. I have a feeling we'd spend a lot less on going out if we loved where we live. Not to mention I'm sure I'd sleep and work better without all the constant banging around upstairs.

It's off to bed for me. It's almost midnight and I will need to get up early to get all my work done and to get things ready for tomorrow!

Stonger+Faster=Lighter? And a Few words on my Forced Perspective

2011-08-24T11:40:00.000-07:00

So I'm feeling like a stronger runner, which is awesome. Running a mile no longer exhausts me, which is AWESOME. But does Stonger + Faster = Lighter?

Not necessarily. Actually, I'm up 4lbs from my lowest last week.

I do understand a little bit of this. It's probably a combo between 'that time of the month', fighting off an illness (My Sailor has had a NASTY cold for about a week), and a little bit of unhealthy fuel I've been putting in lately (a trip to the brewery and some movie theater candy). I've also upped my calorie intake since I was making almost ZERO head way, so part if this might be an adjustment to that too. I'm not going to freak out, but I will admit to a little frustration. I've been drinking TONS of water lately, so I'm hoping that flushes everything out.

Okay, so the fitness stuff is what it is - a constant work in progress that I feel good about. It's something I do for me. So let's move on to the other topic today.

I'm a reader and frequent commenter on a diverse group of blogs. I guess I like learning what I can from other people's stories, and share what I've learned during mine. But I'm aware that sometimes a different perspective can come off as "holier-than-thou" which really isn't my intention. When this occasionally hits a nerve w/ a blogger, it reminds me to take a look back at my shared perspective, and see where it came from. After all, we are products of our varied life experiences. So here's something that got me thinking:

Why don't I care more about fashion/beauty?
I spent most of my youth trying to get into things other girls my age were interested in. Honestly, I gave up. Sure, I'll window shop every once in a while, but since I've also lived with a very set budget (or something to save for - like an annual vacation), I have a very clear list of what is a necessity in my book and what is an "extra". Things that are "extras" come last. Fashion that doesn't stand the test of time is an "extra" on that list. If I'm out of fashion for one season, I really don't care. I go for comfort first. When I have something to look forward to (currently, a wedding, visiting family over the holidays, possibly a move...) the "extras" that include "stuff" go on the back burner entirely. I'd rather spend my "extra" money on going out and sharing an experience w/ My Sailor or friends, than on myself. Though maybe I should go a little easier on this one and give myself a little MORE permission to splurge one ME, though splurging on someone else FEELS like splurging on me when I get to share it with them. Complicated topic, isn't it?

I guess I have a little different view of the world. (Please don't read "better", just different - I ment what I typed there.) I spent a LOT of time in my pre-30 days ~~wondering~~ obsessing about what other people were thinking. I finally realized that the biggest gift we can give ourselves is being comfortable in our own skin. Once that is achieved (and I'd say I'm there 98% of the time now, I reserve 1% for wedding stuff, but that's faded over time), thoughts of what others are thinking really start to fade away. Take a moment and take a deep breath and imagine what it would feel like if you weren't worried about what someone else thought? Just for a second. What if you really didn't care what you co-workers were thinking? Or what the person the treadmill next to you thinks of your pace? Pretty liberating feeling, isn't it?

Now, I know fashion isn't all about what we think society will think of us, but it seems so focused on that sometimes that I have a hard time separating it out, so I just lean towards "if it makes me feel good in my own skin, and it's healthy, it's all good."

Afterall, the only person we have to be comfortable at the end of the day, once all the shoes are put away, the make up is washed off, is the person staring back at us from the mirror.
(okay - and MAYBE your spouse and kids... but you know what I mean!)

A little Great news while I work on more fun posts...

2011-08-18T11:02:00.000-07:00

This past week or so, I've been waiting on the results of a submission I did to The Disney Wedding Blog. I've been following Carly's wedding blog since I stumbled upon it a couple years ago. Never thinking a Disney Wedding was within my grasp, I daydreamed and left comments, and just enjoyed the romantic snippets of special in-park parties.

Now, here I am, planning a wedding in Disney's most exotic location - Disney's Animal Kingdom! I still have to pinch myself when I think of our families gathered at one of my FAVORITE Disney parks, watching us tie the knot with the Tree of Life lit up in the background... (sigh) Does anyone else have goosebumps? I sure do!

ANYWAY....
Carly needed help, so when she put out the call, I was all about diving in! Out of over 150 applicants, Carly chose me to be a Disney Wedding Mentor! I'll be able to answer questions about some of the more removed Disney World Wedding locations for other brides - and I can't wait!

Why is it that my most rewarding jobs don't pay? (Don't worry Carly, or Celebrations Press - I'm not complaining!)

Oh yeah - and this weekend, I'm ALL ABOUT writing a new article for Celebrations Press! Hm...Maybe I need a Little Mermaid fix.... ;)

Workout Update - Some Froggy Inspiration and Stress Management

2011-08-17T14:42:00.000-07:00

This week is supposed to be beautiful here. Mid 70's, sunny, and BEAUTIFUL. So beautiful, that I decided to get back on the 5k/day band wagon that fell apart when work and Hell Week collided (though, for the record, I walked A TON while the family was out here - between the beach, the zoo, stairs at the theater, Pioneer Square, the Seattle Underground Tour, etc - I actually LOST 1 pound). Now that my schedule has quieted down just a little, I've started to really kick it into gear in the work out front and get back on my 5K/Day challenge.

I'm very happy to announce that I'm pretty much running 2 solid miles w/o walking anymore. YEAH! It's exciting to see myself grow as an athlete (did I just call myself an ATHLETE?!) . I may never be winning races, but I seem to reach a new Personal record every month! Today I shaved 3 seconds off my mile time from August 3rd! I'll take it!

Anyway, as I've said before, I find that DAILY work outs are essential for my stress management. Especially in the next few months. While I'm excited to announce I'll be visiting my home town (and no doubt stopping at Disneyland) for the holidays, I will be spending most of my spare time up here focusing on my fitness until my next birthday.

While I can feel the Fat Girl in me saying, "That's a LOT of work. Really?!" The person I am now overpowers with an immediate, "The benefits are going to be awesome. You're gonna look and feel SO good! 32 will be THE BEST YEAR YET for your health and fitness! You can do anything."

Yet, I haven't seen a lot of changes on the scale. I guess that's a GOOD thing. It means I didn't really gain weight during Hell Week. In fact, there were many times that My Sailor had to make sure I stopped to eat something other than a Nugo Protein bar (delicious and inexpensive by the case at CostCo) and an apple. I was concerned a bit because I was operating off very little sleep, but it turns out that it all worked out and I was down 1 pound on Sunday. I will admit that i did feel a bit like a blob though since I didn't get in anything like a "structured" work out, though we coupled eating out and walking around very well.

I'm also under the impression that acting burns a lot of calories. It's exhausting to emote on such a big scale!

Anyway, as I rounded the last 1/4 mile of my 3rd and final mile today, this song popped into my head. Enjoy!

Next update will probably be later today or tomorrow and should include some Underground Tour photos!

Into The Woods! Our Opening AND Review!

2011-08-16T09:07:00.000-07:00

I have a lot more things I'm still processing, so there will probably be a LOT of blogging going on this week, but I just wanted to throw up a quick post now to get the ball rolling. Why not start this week's blogging on a high note?

Last weekend was opening weekend for Into the Woods! I'm very glad to report that the show is getting rave reviews!

For those of you who haven't been following the blog and don't already know, Into The Woods is considered one of the most difficult musicals to perform - and it's been my favorite since my teen years. To be in it as a strong member of the cast is a dream come true for me. True, Jack's Mother wasn't my first choice, but every time I pinch Jack's cheek or inform him (in the most annoyed and annoying tone of voice I can muster) that his cow is a "she", not a he, my heart jumps a little. I have a very clear, "Wow, I'm living the dream," moment. The talent in the cast and the talent in the directing has really pushed me to a new level here, and I can't wait to keep on growing as a singer, actress, and performer. While I loved doing community theater in California, and I learned from every production, the talent AND high skill level of this group puts me in a whole new league. I may never get a leading role, but I'm starting to remember why comic relief is so much more fun!

You can check out some photos from the local Newspaper (the Kitsap Sun) here.

Another local theater troupe is doing Into the Woods, and you'd think they'd have a leg up on us since their production takes place IN THE WOODS. They perform OUTDOORS!
We're confine our BIG characters to the SMALL space, but... I'll let the reviewer speak for himself.
Here's the "before" interview with the director.

And "after" - The Reviewer came OPENING NIGHT! Which gave use ZERO time to work out the bugs, but it went really well anyway. :)

Click Here to read the review: "WWCA Succeeds at telling a Big Story in a Small Venue."
Here's a little slide show of some show photos. Enjoy!

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Scheduling, Blood, and Showbiz!

2011-08-10T09:55:00.000-07:00

As anyone who's worked 2+ jobs knows, sometimes prioritizing can be difficult. That's pretty much been what it's like for me this week. I expected it, but I recently found out that I'll be picking up My Sailor's dad tomorrow. While I have no problems with this really - I thought I'd share what the next 24 hours has in store for me, just in case I don't end up being able to post here until next week.

So here's tomorrow's schedule:

Wake up: 5:15 am
Walk the dog, make breakfast
Drive to base and back: 6 am
Work: 6:30 am - 5pm
Lunch break: 30 minutes, walk the dog
Rehearsal: 6 pm -9:30pm
Work out, shower, dinner, prepare for company
Leave for Seattle: 11 pm
Return from Seattle: 1am-ish, Friday
See company is settled in, bed time around 1:30ish probably.
Wake up: 6:15am
Walk the dog, make breakfast.
Drive to Base and back: 7am

THANK GOD I'M TAKING THE REST OF FRIDAY OFF! All things said this week, I'm giving myself a break from the 30 day 5k. If I get to it, GREAT, but I'm going to do SOMETHING every day this week. Saturday, we're planning on going to the park and the zoo! I can't wait!

My Sailor will have some good father and son time while I recover from Thursday in time to meet everyone for dinner Friday night before my show opens!

Which brings me to a much more fun update - THE SHOW OPENS IN 3 DAYS!

We're working hard to iron out the kinks. I almost forgot how fun it is to do this kind of stuff. Exhausting? Sure! But so much fun as well! I can't wait to get my cast sweatshirt and wear it proudly long after the show is closed. It turns out this theater has a unique opening night tradition - Wine and cheese night! At about 6pm, the doors open and the patrons get to enjoy a mix and mingle with the cast and get up close and personal with our set/stage. It seems like a really cool way to get the audience into the spirit. I'm not sure if my gang will be attending this, but I can't wait for the show to kick into high gear. Every time I do a show, I come away exhausted, but reminded on why I love this so much...

And that leads me to one more update. I'm doing a few "special effects" for our show! Namely, I'm in charge of blood and guts! In one scene, a prince falls into a bunch of thorns face first and is blinded. What do you think folks? Convincing?

And it's DELICIOUS! Based on vanilla pudding and almond paste, I sure hope it doesn't become a backstage snack for the cast.

Triumphs and Pit Falls

2011-08-08T23:38:00.000-07:00

I'm FINALLY about to crawl into bed. I've been awake since 5:30am and it's nearly 11:30pm as I write this. I have a million things on my brain, but for the moment, let's focus on the Triumphs of the day -

First off, I got all of my scenes right. I'd been stumbling over a couple spots for a while, but tonight it all sank right in the pocket. It felt great! My costumes feel great and look good as well. I never get tired of watching my fellow cast members on stage either. This show is awesome and arguably the best I've been in yet (barring the 4 person version of American Standard). I'll post pictures when I can.

More triumphs, Sista' Girl has started new journey to better health and I'm super proud of her. And I'm always thrilled when my friends and family get on the health bandwagon. The healthier they are, the better the chance that they'll be around longer! Besides, I'm REALLY looking forward to our next RBT! Wahoo!

So those are the triumphs.

What are the pitfalls?

Well, I'm choosing to go to bed before midnight, rather than do another 20-30 minutes on the treadmill/elliptical. Working 10 hour days at my day job plus rehearsal makes trying to get ANYTHING else done a challenge! And when My Sailor has overnight duties, it's especially no fun (though the time DOES fly). So I'll be up and working by 6:30 every morning until Friday - when I'm finally taking a day off. Did I mention I need a vacation? I did get 1 mile in while walking Clydas today, but not the other 2.

Anyway, another pit fall is that it seems that I miss my friends a LOT today. I know many of them have busy lives as well. Even when we were local, we'd often go a month or so without seeing each other. But it just sees like lately I miss them a BUNCH. Probably because my parents are visiting this weekend. I guess it was bound to happen. I'm bound to get a little homesick, even as I carve out a new space here in the BEAUTIFUL Pacific Northwest.

Well, tomorrow is a new day and a new 5k!
I would say "wish me luck", but "luck" has never had anything to do with health. Wish me good choices!

Memories/Strategies to Stay Sane during Hell Week

2011-08-08T11:29:00.000-07:00

It's officially "hell week" for Into The Woods- the musical I'm in. Just what is 'hell week'? In case you haven't been following the blog, that's dress rehearsal every night the week before opening. It's the week the Tech crew dives in and learns when and how the sets need to be changed, the lighting and sound folks learn their cues, we actors figure out what make up works and doesn't work under stage lights, and the customer gets the final threads and props together. It requires a lot of patience, but it's also a really exciting time. For the first time, we really get to see how things come together!

That said, this week, my schedule is bordering on complete insanity. See, My Sailor's dad is coming over from Michigan to spend the weekend with us and my parents are coming up from California to spend the weekend in Seattle. Oh, did I mention it's My Sailor's Dad's birthday and my parents 40th wedding anniversary, and opening night for my show all in 1 weekend?

To get some time off to spend with my loved ones, I'm working 10 hour days Monday - Thursday this week. I'll get off work in time to throw some food down my throat and head off to the theater. And let's not forget my 5k challenge! Looks like that will happen via late nights at the gym. Why am I not skipping those work outs "just for this week"? Because I have a funny feeling they will be the ONLY thing keeping me sane!

Well, that and some good memories.

See, whenever I need a vacation (and boy, do I ever!), I recall vacations/trips of old and let myself marinade in the memories sometimes. Lately, I've been thinking of the very first RBT (Roasted Bear Tour) in 2009, where Sista' Girl and I went to Disney World together. It was such an amazing week! Disney World is truly at it's most magical during the holidays. I even remember our sore feet and joints with a nostalgic fondness now. So I thought I'd include a few pictures from that trip in this post.

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Can't wait for the 2012 trip! It's TOO far away!

My view on Good Health practices

2011-08-05T13:45:00.000-07:00

I used to hate my scale. I used to either feel disgusting or elated on Weigh In Day, depending on what that number on the scale said.

Well, I can't quite put into words what changed, over the past few months, my mind has changed completely. I've gone from being frustrated with the scale to seeing it as a tool to help me measure my overall fitness. But it's just one tool of many. The most important tool is how I feel.

When I something healthy for my body, I generally find I have sense of well being. When I go for a work out, even though I really didn't feel like it, I know I'm doing something good for myself and I feel stronger - not just physically, but on every level - emotionally, spiritually, etc.

Every time I have a crisp delicious homemade green salad, I feel a small sense of peace and satisfaction.

Every time I get on the scale (which is still nearly daily), and it goes up or down a pound, my mood doesn't change. The result no longer rules my day. It takes 3500 calories beyond my 1200/day to gain a pound of fat in 1 day. I don't eat nearly that much on a REALLY off day, so I know I'm heading the right direction, even if it says it's up a few pounds. Water and muscles are heavy, after all. In fact, I only "count" my LOWEST weight during any given month as my weight for that month. And ya know what? It works! Even if I only lose 1 pound/month, it's a pound in the right direction!(For the record, since June I'm down from 211 to 206.) Weekly weigh-ins just don't seem to work well for me, so I found something that did.

When I break out the tape measure once a month - then I'm looking forward to the results! I see them every day in the way my clothes fit, so the tape measure has been my best tool to remind me that I'm going the right direction. Since I only do this once a month, I stay motivated to make good decisions.

Life is a journey - an adventure. The longer I make healthier decisions, the healthier I'll be and the longer I'll be around for My Sailor, my loved ones, and all the adventures to come.

To sum up, I've learned that:
1) I can't control everything that happens in my body. But I can choose to control the fuels I put in, the rest I give it, and the amount of work I make it do. Everything else, from my ability or inability to get pregnant to the high cholesterol I can't seem to find a cause for,is beyond my control - so Hakuna Matata to that. (DISCLAIMER: I also come from the school of thought of "medicine only when absolutely necessary". Working in the medical field has taught me that doctors are just people "practicing" medicine. We really don't know enough to say we're "doing" medicine yet. We probably never will.)
2) 'Perfection' isn't a number on a scale. Happiness isn't a waist size. And being lovable has nothing to do with the amount of junk in the trunk. It's all to do with what you believe. I may never be "perfect". I'll always be a work in progress, but I'm okay with that. Am I happy with myself? When I make good and healthy decisions - YES. Am I worthy of love? Completely. I believe you can't give what you don't have. Giving what you don't have is God's realm. But giving yourself the gift of care, just as you'd take care of someone you love, is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself - 'cause truly, it keeps on giving!
3) If I do the work, the results will follow. I find if I focus on the results I want, it's easy to get discouraged. If I focus on just the simple task ahead (like picking out a healthy lunch, or going for a walk one step at a time), I find myself capable of more than my mind thought I could do!

I know as long as I do the work the weight will come off - eventually.

All We Are We Are

2011-08-04T12:39:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been listening to my Matt Nathanson station on Pandora when I've gone running and I've discovered more than a few great songs that I love. But this one rang true for me in SO many ways, so I thought I'd share it here. Turn up your speakers, turn down the lights, and enjoy.

A Workout update! The 5k/30 day challenge!

2011-08-03T16:00:00.000-07:00

I had a great talk with Warrior Woman (one of My Sailor's awesome sisters) and in the end, it inspired me. See, she works full time, has a young child, and a husband with a conflicting schedule and she STILL manages to run a 5k every morning! Pretty impressive, eh?

So, instead of running the occasional 5k and "hoping" somehow I'll magically be ready for many of the events I want to do, I've decided I seriously need to invest in finishing these events if I'm going to attempt them. And that means I need to put the proper preparation in. After all, refusing to prepare is the same as preparing to fail.

My new challenge? DO 5K EVERY DAY FOR THE NEXT 30 DAYS.

Now, I'm giving myself the following guidelines:
This can be run, jogged, walked, or done on the elliptical.

Monthly Measurement days will remain the same (the 17th of each month).
Weight will be recorded once a month, and the lowest weight during the month will be recorded.

So I started TODAY! Clydas and I walked for about a quarter mile (so he could pee and we could warm up). We ran the rest of the way at about 6mph, which was pretty awesome! So I have 2 more laps around my complex to complete the 5k. My Sailor might be around this evening, so I might rope him into doing it with me, but if not, it shouldn't take me more than 20 minutes.

Making my health a priority has taken a big shift in my mindset over the past few years, so this feels like the natural next step.

I'm not too worried about the number on the scale at this point. I'm counting my calories (you can find my daily food and work out diaries at MyFitnessPal.com, look for JDRBT) and doing the work, so the pounds should eventually fall off. It's just a matter of time and consistency. Do the work, and the rewards will follow.

I checked my years worth of weight records on MyFitnessPal and it showed that I'm UNDER where I was in April. Not by much, but I'm getting there. So if I keep on keepin' on, I should be right on target to reach my goals next year.